Last Chance Idol #2, Crossing All The T's

[muchtooarrogant]

I spotted the purple backpack the instant I walked through the front door. It was lying across the foyer from me, half on and half off the first step of the staircase leading upwards, as though it had been shrugged off by someone who didn't much care where it fell.

Comments

Re: I know what you mean, I would've spelled it Cardamum. LOL

[crisp_sobriety]

I identify less with Hayden and more with the girl. It's her he was being a dick to.

Assuming that the girl is Hayden's age --well, yeah, I would expect Jeff to knock politely on the door. If he needed to disturb them at all. I mean, obviously I think sophomore is too young to be having sex, but it happens. I'd personally be more concerned how informed they are about contraception and consent, rather than trying to scare them out of doing it.

That and...I don't know, sex is a very intimate thing. A vulnerable thing. The less humiliating/uncomfortable/bad sex experiences someone has, the better, is my feeling. I wouldn't want to add to someone's pile of upsetting memories.

Maybe he could have talked to Hayden later?

But then people have very different opinions about this kind of thing. Many would call Jeff completely justified. I'm not one, but many people are, and that's okay. Different strokes.

Don't take my frowning at Jeff as criticism of your writing! :) I like the story and your prose, and I'm looking forward to reading more by you.

Re: I know what you mean, I would've spelled it Cardamum. LOL

[muchtooarrogant]

Hmmm, as far as the girl's concerned, she made the choice to be there, along with Hayden, and judging from her casually discarded backpack and clothes, was at least a willing participant in their rather high-risk behavior. You may not like Jeff's methods, but the alternative to him discovering them would've been their parents, and I can pretty much guarantee that would've been MUCH more scarring. More to the point though, Jeff's intent was to scare Hayden, but he's also very envious of his success with girls. My aim was to allude to his jealousy, show his plan collapsing, and then hint at possible growth in his character. LOL I know, I have delusions of grandeur for imagining I was able to get all that in, but such was my attempt.

Thanks for the writing complement. I typically have just a few hours to seriously think about an idea and throw something together nowadays, so the wonder is that it's even readable. *grin*

Dan

Re: I know what you mean, I would've spelled it Cardamum. LOL

[crisp_sobriety]

I think you got all that across pretty well. :)