Comments | much_ado: leaning into the sharp, pointy bits (or, "hoisted on the petard of my own expectations... again")

much_ado

leaning into the sharp, pointy bits (or, "hoisted on the petard of my own expectations... again")

May 03, 2006 16:10

okay, the fact that i'm now actively avoiding writing this out means it's time to write this stuff out. i hope ani will forgive me as i quote some stuff she's written recently (lacking just enough context to protect everyone but my own damned weasels).

( process work for the chronically self-awareness-impaired )

weasels, introspection, congruency, communication, expectations, relationships, process work, good friends, vulnerability

Comments 16

*crap* make_your_move May 3 2006, 20:24:33 UTC

~cries~ no words right now ...

nights_promise May 3 2006, 20:39:34 UTC

I see a lot of myself in this, yet you worded it far better then I ever could. I'm also tempted to copy or link this, but it's far too personal to do that.

I too would rather let a friendship drift away then chase the person down, and have even said "well if they can't be bothered to tell me directly, then I can't be bothered to respond".
For me it's mostly an issue of lack of self esteem, as you said. I don't want to be rejected further then I already have, and to chase them down gives them that option.

For you to put this out there is very brave, and admirable.

much_ado May 3 2006, 20:43:04 UTC

I'm also tempted to copy or link this, but it's far too personal to do that.

if you think it's something valuable enough to pass on (copy or link), feel free. i wouldn't write this stuff in the first place, let alone in a public post, if i was at all afraid of sharing the personal stuff.

i'm *all about* letting other people glean value from what i write, and if what i've learned the hard way helps prevent someone else from making the same mistakes i've made, then the world is better by a handful more self-aware and conscious human beings.

ain't no bad thing about that, not at all.

pele_incognita May 4 2006, 12:30:18 UTC

I love you matthew_g May 3 2006, 20:49:14 UTC

All of you, weasels included.

"i've got at least a partial process solution, but i've got no clue how well it will work until it's implemented, tested, tweaked. if there's one thing i've learned in two years with matthew, however: better a nascent process to start with, than no process at all."

Good start lover. Good work.

lapsedagnostic May 3 2006, 21:11:31 UTC

Y'know, no apology needed; we both failed at this entire communication thing. I made a couple of observations, drew some conclusions, and ran with them. Straight into a deep ditch, as it were. You took your observations of my behavior, decided to protect yourself, and walked the other way.

I don't think that either of us are gonna be getting gold stars on this particular round of homework.

I'm more than happy to make this into a positive learning experience, and something to grow through, than anything else. And we owe Mym something nice. Maybe a weekend away? heh.

artistatlarge May 3 2006, 21:49:21 UTC

if someone withdraws from me, it sends i perceive a message of diminished valuation.

if i let them go without seeking clarification for my own comprehension, i'm also sending a message of diminished valuation.

That's really good.
And yeah, me too.