Free-wheelin' fear monsters

[much_ado]

The gulf is widening at home as Matthew last night requested time later this week to start the logistical discussions leading into his physical departure. It was a reasonable discussion, for all that it continued the trend of what feels to me like an ongoing stream of mixed messages; this is unsurprising, given Matthew's own admitted ambivalence on

Comments

[cortejo]

'Telling you what you want to hear' makes me psycho.
1) involves mind-reading, and not asking me my thoughts, assuming you know them is insulting
2) assumes I don't actually want or need your actual opinion
3) is lying, if its not the truth, its a lie
4) is a weak attempt at blaming the other person for a plan/idea/etc going wrong...since it was their idea...ownership problem
5) the person lying can avoid thinking about their own opinions, but why you'd want to not know your own mind is a mystery

This post may or may not have anything to do with your situation but I thought you might get what I am saying.

[much_ado]

And yet, it is sadly an extremely common self-defense mechanism when people (myself included for way too much of my life) are afraid of losing something important. Sometimes we know what the other person wants, or wants to hear, because that's what they've told us time and again (the reasons why we might not have previous bought into their statements until the moment of crisis are myriad); sometimes, yes, we're guessing. Sometimes it *seems* better to guess than to *admit* what we don't know - that too is a common fear-laced reaction.

Remember: truth and lies are both completely subjective experiences that may or may not have anything to do with situational *facts*. Telling someone what you think s/he wants to hear might involve facts, might involve perceptive interpretation (might involve interpretive dance, for all I know). And it's not always, or necessarily even commonly about, blaming someone else... but there is a definite ownership issue in play there.

As for why someone might not want to know their own mind? One word answer:

[xiphia]

The first is two wolves locked in a combative circle as a reminder of the choice involved in which wolf I feed; the other will be a seated Buddha as a companion to remind me to be mindful, and to seek peace... all of which comes back to the choice of the wolves.

Powerful symbols.