[FIC] Eggplant + Kametan = Babies ♥
DOUMO~!
Wooyeah! First ficcie from me~ This is dedicated to turtle_aya who's too afraid to touch a mpreg fic. XD
I gave a light-hearted tone to this so it's digestible~
ONWARDS! :DD
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Pairing/Characters: Akame/KAT-TUN, Nikishido Ryo, Yamashita Tomohisa, Johnny
Warnings: Crack and lack of sleep. Oh, and mpreg. Heh.
Disclaimer: Not mine. :(
Summary: The story behind this picture:
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KAT-TUN’s dressing room was in World War III.
Or is, really, but grammar and tenses No Matta Matta much here in this crack!fic.
Movin’ On, let us take a peek at what’s going on in the room which their manager locked and told securities not to interfere until the racket subsided. (Yes, their manager likes them to Fight All Night, because he’s been missing the KAT-TUN fights for years now. Their appearance on Hey!x3 Telephone Box was Real Face.)
And the fight ensues as we speak.
On the extreme left of the backroom, you’d see...
“AKANISHI JIN, YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Ah yes, Kamenashi Kazuya. Being the youngest of the group, he’s gotten away with many things when he pouts or puppy-dog-eyes you. Well, okay it’s not really because he’s the youngest, but.
“Would you hold on to him, teme!?”
Tanaka Koki, the rapper of this boy band, is known to be the fiercest member, but is really gentle and gives in to Kamenashi indefinitely on almost every occasion.
“But I can’t touch him more than 23cm² or Akanishi will kill me. T_T”
Sometimes, no mostly, KAT-TUN has to have a stress-relief outlet. So after many experiments and observations, they felt that the best way was to take immense satisfaction of seeing a member get S-ed. It was their Way of Sadistic Love (double song title pun entry, yay me). Often than not, Taguchi Junnosuke, falls prey on these urges, but they suspect he likes to be hurt secretly.
“Yeah you got that right, Taguchi! Keep your flirty paws to yourself and stop touching Kame’s hips!”
The subject of brutal verbal insults from Kamenashi on the extreme right of the room stood Akanishi Jin. He’s been on many tabloids exposing his womanizer ways, but KAT-TUN knows he’s henpecked. No, Real7.
“Akanishi, stop- Tacchan, please do something!”
When we ask who looks the best in shades, it would definitely be Nakamaru Yuichi. To say it truthfully, shades are made to fit his perfectly shaped nose and high cheekbones. His was born to wear them. By the way, he is also henpecked. Even more so than Akanishi.
“All right. Break up! Scene’s over! Kame, you’ll stay over at my place tonight. Akanishi, go home and do some self-reflection. Come over around 9.30pm to pick Kame up.”
As soon as he finished speaking, the ruckus seemed to die down and the lunchboxes stop flying everywhere, as did the fans and mirrors. No one dared defy Ueda Tatsuya, once leader of KAT-TUN (and still is, apparently) and soon, the members filtered out of the room, Kamenashi and Akanishi metres apart just in case.
This was the power of a Dictator who boxes on a regular basis.
“You could’ve interrupted this earlier...” said Nakamaru in a small voice.
KAT-TUN left the room and the security guards who were pressing their ears on the door quickly scrambled away and feigned ignorant. Well, we’ll leave it to Junno to call up his buddies and give them a good seeing-to for eavesdropping on KAT-TUN’s private conversations. Even though said conversations are loud enough to be heard from one thousand five hundred and eighty-two doors away. Shrugs.
The cleaners were then called to clean up the room.
“Fuck this shit.”
“Ikr.”
“Check out for those accessories, yo!”
“...”
“Hey, what’s this?”
“OMFGIT’SACLEARBLUEPREGNACYTEST!!!!11!!threetwotwo”
“...”
“No way.”
------------------------insert line break~ wooyeah!------------------------
From: Cheating Bastard Who Should’ve Stayed in LA
Subject: Please forgive me
Date: XX/XX/2010 7:04PM
Message:
Kazuya, don’t do this. I swear I’ll do anything. Just don’t.
I can explain about the Pregnancy Test. It’s not what you think.
I’ve called you for the 927th time and then I couldn’t get through your cell anymore.
Did your battery die? Did you leave it in the cab again? Are you all right?
That vampire Ueda doesn’t want me to have his house number.
Please call me back.
Loves Kazuya,
Your Jinjin
From: Cheating Bastard Who Should’ve Stayed in LA
Subject: Please, please forgive me
Date: XX/XX/2010 7:05PM
Message:
Kazuya, there’s still no SIGNAL from your cell. I’m very worried.
Loves only Kazuya,
Your Jinjin
From: Cheating Bastard Who Should’ve Stayed in LA
Subject: Please, please forgive me I beg you
Date: XX/XX/2010 7:06PM
Message:
Kazuya, you’re scaring me.
There’s a huge misunderstanding, and I’m not sure how to tell you the truth...
But please believe me that I will never, ever cheat on you!
I’m still waiting for your call. Sitting here on the sofa we bought together.
Do you remember?
There’s so many things I want you to know.
You know I’ll always be by Your Side. I won’t go nowhere ‘cause I’m yours.
Please come back to me.
Don’t U ever stop believing that I love you.
Lovin’ U,
Akanishi Jin
From: Irresponsible Bastard Who Should’ve Stayed in LA
Subject: I’m sorry
Date: XX/XX/2010 7:07PM
Message:
Okay, I know. I admit it. I got someone pregnant but it’s not who you think she is!!
I won’t push any responsibilities.
I’ll take care of you, Kazuya. becausethebabyisyours
I swear.
Please call me back because I think I might faint from desperation.
I need you.
Will even stop smoking for the time being forthesakeofourchild,
Jin
From: My Queen Kazu-wazu-baby-chan XOXO
Subject: SHHHHH!
Date: XX/XX/2010 7:07PM
Message:
God, Akanishi! Could you stop messaging every minute!?!?
Kazuya’s taking a nap! I thought I could tolerate your calls but this is annoying me ttm.
If he wakes up and complains about backaches, I swear you’re a dead man.
Just wait for another 2 hours and 23 minutes and pick him up at 9.30pm! Srsly.
FYI, your messages are disgusting.
The vampire who will suck all your blood from your collarbone if you call/text one more time,
Ueda Tatsuya
==================another line break~ :DD=================
It was a Wonder how the rumour mill started.
Akanishi was yet again featured on Friday, the headlines reading “Akanishi and a 17-year-old affair forced him to L.A.” and things like “he got a high school girl pregnant” were written on the article.
“Akanishi. Explain. Yourself.”
Ueda spread the dirty tabloid on the table and folded his arms.
“You have to believe me that’s untrue! The only person I got pregnant is Kazu!”
Desperate, Akanishi knelt in front of Ueda and grabbed his jeans.
“Please!”
“...”
“Sigh. Koki, throw this thing away. No one speaks of this, clear?”
Just as Koki trashed the magazine into the bin, Kame strutted into the dressing room.
“Good morning~♪”
“Ah- Oh, ohayo, kame-chan.” Koki.
“Hn.” Ueda.
“Good morning Kazuya!” Taguchi.
“Kazuya~~~” Akanishi.
“Good morning, Yucchi-kun~”
Kamenashi promptly ignored his boyfriend and glommed poor honest man Nakamaru who got burned by Akanishi’s death glare of doom.
“Goo-good morning, Ka-kame... =_=|||”
“Kame, if you’re done using my husband to make your boyfriend jealous, could you please come over here to do your make up for the photo shoot?”
“Hai~♪”
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“Kazuya~~~ T_T”
“Taguchi, could you please tell the guy over there to stop calling my name as if I’m dying?”
“Akanishi, Kame wants you to call him erotically.”
“Go and die, Taguchi.”
“Ah~ Kazuya!”
“Taguchi, can you please tell that guy not to moan my name.”
“Akanishi, Kame says he can’t hear you. Louder.”
“You’re living on the edge, Taguchi.”
“Ah~Ah~Ah~ KAZUYA!!!”
“Akanishi, if I hear one more word from you...”
Ueda said, completely not looking at Akanishi while he powdered Kamenashi’s face.
“...” Everyone.
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“Hey, what’s this doing in the bin?”
“Uh, Kame... I don’t think you should-”
“AKANISHI JIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
23 minutes later
“Hey guys, are you all ready-” o_o <-the manager’s face
“Err. Do I want to even know why the room’s so messy?” =_=
“If you insist. But I think we’re already late.”
“Sigh. Yes, please hurry up.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>break break break<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
“Tell me again, why you’re camping at my apartment?”
Nikishido Ryo gave an irritated sigh as he shoved away Akanishi’s leg from the coffee table and set his mug on the pile of newspapers.
“It’s Kazuya. I’m still constantly thinking about him. Stop asking unless you want me to go all drama on you.”
“So he kicked you out. Can’t you go back to your own house, which, if I remember correctly, you were staying until the both of you cohabited or something?”
“Err. I kind of sold it to buy my watch and Kazuya’s LV limited edition bag? AndI’mkindasavingtobuyourbabythings.”
“...”
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“Kazuya~~ ;_;”
“OMG no don’t, stop, WTF take those tissues and wipe those... Those tears!!! Ugh.”
“T____________T”
“Shit.”
################Jin has gr8 friends ne~#################
Dear Kazuya,
I realised that since my iPhone went for servicing (Ryo spilled his coffee on it when I was telling him- uh, when I said something funny) and that you wouldn’t answer my calls, I should write to you instead.
I’m kinda smart, huh?
Well, I did think about what if you burn this or feed this to the crows, but I’m confident that you still love me because I love you and how can anyone not love me back when I’m giving my all?
So yeah.
There are some things which I have to tell you but I don’t know how.
Do you believe in Miracles, Kazuya?
I do.
I believe in them every time I look at you and feel my Heart Beat beating stronger.
Jin
Dear Kazuya,
You’re sitting at the opposite side of the room and refusing to look at me despite my best effort to catch your attention.
Are you still angry? There’s really no need to because I didn’t cheat on you. Even though somehow evidence are all pointing towards that fact.
I see that you’re quite pale. Are you eating well? You must take at least 3 meals a day! It’snotgoodforthebabyifyouskipmeals
It’s been two weeks since you kicked me out. I miss you.
Jin
Dear Kazuya
Sometimes at night I think about you and think about us. I think about the times wehadsexandhowiimpregnateyou we spent together and I think it’s Destiny.
This is my Message for you.
Jin
Dear Kazuya
Jin
Dear Kazuya
I’ve inserted all my love in my previous letter, did you receive it?
Jin
Akanishi Jin,
When my stomach seemed to be growing and never seemed to be full no matter how much I ate, it came to my attention that I needed to see a doctor.
Tacchan went with me.
I don’t want to know how you got my-how you did the pregnant test for me without me knowing.
And why does everyone knows about this except me?! Tacchan was totally calm about the situation and I thought it was because nothing can ever shock him, but apparently he knew what was coming.
I’m-I don’t even know what to feel. You’re not here and I-
I’m not speaking to you for a whole new reason now.
ButIstillloveyou
Kazuya
+++++++++++wooyeah check out this picture at the bottom!+++++++++
So the photo shoot was out and Kamenashi was feeling rather peachy about how it turned out (at least you can’t really see his tummy, he convinced himself).
He still wasn’t speaking to *that guy* but he felt himself softening and breaking under his sweet attempts at placating him.
Still.
He was waiting.
“I love you” wasn’t enough.
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Let that Akanishi figure out what he wants.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Lalalalala~////////////////////////////////
“Wait, you’re saying that...”
“I want to marry Kazuya.”
“...Maji de!? That guy is, but, he!”
“He’s pregnant with my child, yes.”
“How is that even possible man!”
“Well, there were some SMACK-ing and LOVEJUICE and-”
“-SHOT! I mean, STOP! Okay, I get it. Jin, it’s good that you’re finally taking responsibilities, but...”
“I know what you’re thinking. We’re not ready. We are! I am. Kazuya is. I’m sure...”
“What did Johnny say?”
“He said, ‘YOU good job!’ and then gave me a pat on the back.”
“...”
“What? He did.”
“Sigh. So when’s the wedding?”
“Tomorrow.”
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The wedding was just as what you’d expect, flamboyant and beautiful and amazing.
Well, it is flamboyant and beautiful and amazing as any secret wedding with only invited friends and no family members (because the Akame relationship is still kept secret even though their parents were the ones who bought condoms for them and knew they don’t use them and knew about the wedding which they were quite upset about not being invited).
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And so, Akame exchanged their vows and lived happily ever after.
Until Kamenashi gave birth.
But that’s another story to tell.
THE END
A/N: omg yes finally it’s finished! It took longer than I expected and yes I ended it hastily. >”<