Craig comes home from work and takes a nap. When he wakes up and joins me out in the living room, I say, "Let's watch the last episode (ever) of Good Eats that I saved to watch with you ( Read more... )

He texts me to say he plans on sleeping all day. Then he cleans the house.

I like this prank.

Craig is applying for jobs again. He seems able to secure a decent number of interviews, but then he bombs the interview. He's aware that he starts rambling and repeating himself, but seems unable to stop it. This is true even for state jobs that give him the questions 15 minutes ahead of time to prepare.

He wants me to help him by pretending to be ( Read more... )

I love my new job. So why am I still dreaming about the old one every night? Re-living getting fired, dreaming of sneaking in to the building again and just starting to work again, sitting down with the founder and explaining to her how she's allowing management to betray the ideals of her company?

Am I a bitch if I institute a No Laptops In The Bedroom After 10 p.m. rule? Or at least a Don't Sit Up In Bed And Turn On Your Fucking Laptop At 4 a.m. And Then Chastise Your Wife At 6:30 When You Feel She Has Hit The Snooze Button One Too Many Times Trying To Regain A Few Minutes Of The Much Needed Sleep Of Which You Robbed Her?

Thinking of withdrawing from all social media. Is there an electronic form of the DTs I should look out for? #fb

Having difficulty applying for jobs. They all want cover letters. The point of a cover letter is to sell yourself. But right now, I believe I am worthless. I can't figure out how to make it sound like I'm worth something that I'm not. I guess we know why I'm not a mortgage securities salesman.

What kind of idiot puts the propane tank from the grill right where my car door opens? Oh, right, the one I married. Well, it's a good thing we both have jobs and can afford car repair ... oh, wait ( Read more... )

I'm going to miss this house when it's foreclosed upon because I'm unemployed and living in my car.

Craig: "I want nachos. I'm going to go buy some tortilla chips."

Me: "Okay, but please go to the grocery store that's five miles away, instead of the overpriced convenience store that's two miles away and will charge 150% of the grocery store."

Craig:

I'm such a bitch.