Bottles and wells

[mrissa]

Every once in awhile I make a post about communication with Minnesotans, because I know how frustrating we can be to well-meaning outsiders. I've been thinking about it after seeing a couple of friends from the south (the real south this time, not my usual value of south, which is Iowa, or Albert Lea, or on a really bad day Farmington) expressing

Comments

[swan_tower]

I need a metaphor that will account for me mostly being on the well side of things except when I spring a leak.

I don't bottle stuff up. But I do occasionally fall apart. Maybe that's me falling into my own well?

Metaphors. Bah. Tricksy little things.

[mrissa]

Maybe you sometimes draw up a bucket and discover that it's got a leak? or has more in it than you can comfortably carry? but it's already up here and must be dealt with? Maybe?

[swan_tower]

Actually, the more I think about it, the more the falling-into-my-own-well metaphor works for me. And then I need Kyle to come along and throw me a rope so I can climb out again.

[diatryma]

I am kind of proud of myself for realizing that going ice skating with friends next Thursday is a bad idea because I will be socialed out. It doesn't happen often-- it's only in the last two years that I've been in demand-- but when it does... goodbye tact, goodbye conversation, hellooo wishing I could stop snarking.

[mrissa]

I have started marking days on the calendar, "NOTHING AND NOBODY," so that I will respect my own need for rest time and introvert time. The theory is that I can maybe take as many days as I did for sick days, except that I won't have to be sick for them. As much. Maybe.

I don't go tactless and unconversational; I just get very sad and tired and feel obligated not to let that get on other people, so it all stays on me. So that's no good.

[miz_hatbox]

Oh man. I need to mark my calendar like that.

[mrissa]

Do. Totally worth it.

[mamculuna]

I know it feels cultural when you're there, but not everyone from the south is extroverted.

[mrissa]

That's why I specified extroverts from an extrovert culture and introverts from an introvert culture: extroverts from an introvert culture and introverts from an extrovert culture tend to react somewhat differently. But when your own tendencies and the dominant tendencies of the culture around you mesh, it can seem a lot more "natural" and "how things are" -- and can cause a lot more culture shock if you move.

[mamculuna]

I really understand that, and know it's hard. And some people from the south can be so sure that their ways is the only way.

[mrissa]

I know! Which is silly because, clearly, mine is the only way.

/silly

[mkille]

I'm insanely extroverted and usually highly talkative, but I do not "let it out." Subject-skirting babbling is easy and comforting for me; talking about my feelings is a lot of work.

The most difficult thing for me to explain to people is that the times I do get all talked out are the times I want to be around other people the most. It gets read as anti-social, when it's the exact opposite.

[zwol]

I wonder if that's anything like the desire I get sometimes, which is to sit at a sidewalk cafe and watch crowds go by and not say a word to anyone.

Being able to do this is one of the things I miss most about New York City.

[mkille]

Yes, my preferred variation on that was always trains and buses. Sit and watch the surroundings change, with company.

(Actually, one of my favorite things to do these days is that, after church on Sunday, I go with my son to a McDonalds with an indoor playground. I sit and read, he runs around and plays, and there are lots of loud children, and other adults talking and watching, and employees doing work stuff...)

[fredcritter]

Yes.