FIC: Broken Vessel Part 10
Title: Broken Vessel Part 10
Author: Toggledog
Rating: FRAO
Pairing: Morgan/Reid, Reid/OMC
Warnings: Rape recovery, angst
Summary: Morgan talks to his ma before he and Gideon give Reid an ‘intervention’ of sorts.
Author’s Notes: Other parts: http://community.livejournal.com/morganreid_cm/184773.html#cutid1
Finally the healing starts. J
Derek placed his keys into the front door slot and turned the handle, stepping into his foyer in time to hear the ringing of his home phone. Not many people called on his landline before trying his mobile. For a moment he debated picking up.
Could be important, he told himself.
The handsome man kicked the door shut, strode into his lounge and picked up the handless.
"Morgan."
"Hello honey," the sweet voice purred.
"Oh hey ma."
"What’s wrong?"
"Nothing."
A slight pause.
"Ok, what did you say to him?"
"What are you talking about?" He walked into his kitchen.
"Derek Morgan! Don’t lie to your old ma."
Derek picked up an apple from the fruit bowl on the bench before him, tossing it up and down in one hand.
"Look I’m busy-"
"Derek, that poor boy’s been through enough-"
"Look ma just let it go!" He threw the apple back into the fruit bowl. It smacked the other fruit with such force that an orange and banana jumped a few inches into the air.
"I’m sorry hon. I just, I worry about him. And you. I just want to know you’re treating each other right."
Treating each other right.
He bit his lip to stop from laughing out loud.
Well, let’s see. Apart from the constant fights, his irrationality, the smashing of items of mine and the fact that today I practically sexually molested him…sure, we’re treating each other fine.
"Well we’re taking a bit of a break from each other."
As soon as he’d left the house, he called Hotch and told him to contact Gideon and tell him to visit Reid. He was needed instantly.
Maybe Gideon will be able to get through to him more than I can.
"Oh, that’s a shame." She sounded genuinely distressed. "I really liked that one."
Well, now that was a surprise. Morgan’s mother never seemed to like any of his lovers, often picking on the tiniest of flaws. Not athletic enough, not good looking enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not financially stable enough.
Simply never anything enough for her son.
"So how long is this ‘break’ going to be for?"
Derek sighed, rubbing his temples. "Why do you care?"
"Was it you who instigated this ‘break’?"
"I told you, I really don’t want to-"
"That young man is going to need someone to take care of him-"
"And I have been taking care of him. It’s too much! I can’t do it any more. He needs to start to take care of himself. I’ve got my own problems to deal with."
"Hon, you’re the best person to help him. Just hang in there."
"Why are you saying this?"
She paused. "I saw you both at the wedding. It was like you had a light around you that no one else could penetrate. The way you both looked at each other… I just knew. And then this terrible thing happened. And you took him in, as I knew you would. And you stuck by him, even when it got tough."
"Ma…"
"Because you’re a good man. You’ve got more courage than anyone I’ve ever met…. more than me."
Derek pulled out one of his dining room chairs and sat down.
"What are you talking about? You’re-"
"Hush, hon." She said, not ungently. "This has brought up all kinds of painful memories from the past. I never asked and that’s mine to carry. All I can say is I was too scared to know the answer."
Derek felt a knot start to twist in his stomach.
"A few years ago, when your ex-coach Carl Buford was sent away for…Derek, honey… did he…?" Her voice broke on the last word.
Morgan found he couldn’t answer a moment, his own throat clogged with emotion.
"I wanted to spare you, ma."
The sound of her quiet weeping on the other end of the line caused silent tears to run down his own face.
"I knew something was wrong." She said, between sobs. "You just… changed. You were no longer my little boy. It was like you became a stranger to me. And then a few years ago with you being arrested for that murder of that poor kid here and it all coming out about Carl Buford being a paedophile. I kept telling myself ‘not my boy. Please Lord not my Derek.’" She broke down once more.
"I’m ok, ma."
Was he really? Would he ever be?
"Please don’t cry."
"I’m so sorry, Derek. So sorry I didn’t…"
"You couldn’t have known. He made sure I didn’t tell anyone. But I’m ok now. I’ve worked through it."
"I love you Derek." She said softly.
"I love you too."
He felt an absurd relief wash over him. To have the monster be brought out into the light decreased it’s power.
"I just wanted to be there for my boy."
"You were. You are. It’s because of you that I am the way I am. You brought me up to be strong, to care for others."
"I wanna kill him for what he did to you!"
Derek found he couldn’t reply. He was beyond wanting vengeance. That passed a long time ago. Now, he just wanted to move forward.
***
"I guess I’d better…" He stepped into the foyer and turned the handle.
Derek stood outside, indeterminate expression on his face. Spencer felt his heart rate jolt with anxiety.
"Can I come in?"
"Ah… sure…"
Spencer’s curiosity as to how Derek would react to Gideon was quickly vanquished as the two men exchanged nods. The genius was aware of his lack of social skills but he didn’t consider himself too socially unaware to not notice a set up.
He closed the door behind himself and stepped into the lounge room, stepping right up before his ex-lover. "You… knew that Jason would be here?"
"Hotch told me yesterday that Gideon had arrived that morning. After I left you, I called Hotch to ask Gideon to come here. I thought maybe he’d have better luck getting through to you."
Spencer was a little surprised as to how fresh the hurt felt after all these months of anguish.
"So what am I…a-a doll to be tossed from person to person when they feel it doesn’t suit them?"
"Spencer…" Jason began in his quiet way. "Derek was concerned. That was why he wanted me to try and help you."
"Oh, so you go away for over a year and then you hear that Spencer Reid gets fucked like some whore and you decide to come back? What the hell is wrong with you both? You figure now I’ve been broken in you can have a turn if you come on all sweet to me?"
"Damn it! No one is going to hurt you! Do you really think that low of us?"
"Derek-" Jason began.
"This is what I get, Gideon. All day long. He constantly thinks that I’m going to attack him."
"Well-"
"That’s because you did! You pushed me up against the wall and ground yourself into me!" Reid cut off Gideon.
"I was trying to prove a point! You were practically all over me-"
"That’s because I figured if you were going to take me at least it would be on my terms."
"Ok both of you shut up!" Jason shouted.
The room instantly went silent.
"Good ok. Spencer- sit there." He pointed to the armchair.
"And Derek, sit there." He pointed to the lounge opposite.
Both did as asked.
"Ok. We are going to have a calm rational discussion. Which means no voice above my level." As he talked, Jason pulled the third armchair forward until it was perpendicular to the other two and sat down. "And I’m going to go first. Spencer I came here because I was concerned about you. Yes, I feel terrible that I wasn’t there when your suffering was at its greatest. I came as soon as I heard you were back in Virginia. But I didn’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, so I waited until the best time to see you. Hotch told me that Morgan was looking after you and that he would call me when he felt you were ready. Do you understand this?"
Spencer nodded. He suddenly felt very tired.
"Is there anything you want to say to me?"
The young man shook his head.
"Ok, who wants to talk?"
Both were silent. Jason patiently waited.
"I really don’t know what to do." Morgan finally spoke. "I feel like everything I say or do is seen as some kind of attack, like I’m going out of my way to be an asshole. This morning, I… I regret what happened, I really do. I shouldn’t have touched you, Spencer. I just…" He ran a hand over his scalp. "I don’t know how often I will have to tell you this until you believe it. All I want is for you to get better."
"Spencer…" Jason’s voice was very light. "Do you honestly believe that me or Derek are going to attack you?"
"No." Spencer refused to look them in the eye. "I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I’m just, I’m tired of feeling this way…"
"What happened to you was hurtful and degrading and terrifying. You have a right to feel scared and angry."
"But that’s it. I keep taking it out on Derek." He flicked his eyes to Morgan. "I think you were right to leave this morning. I pushed you too far."
"I really don’t know if I’m helping." The other admitted.
"What do you think, Spencer? Is he helping." Gideon asked.
The young man considered this. "Yes, he is. He really is. It’s me I…I just can’t get it together."
"Do you think that perhaps you’re putting some pressure on yourself to ‘get it together’?" Gideon asked.
"I don’t… understand."
"Think about this, Spencer. Are you really allowing yourself to work through all the emotions associated with what happened to you, or are you trying to push it away, saying that a ‘together’ person shouldn’t feel this way?"
"I don’t want to be crazy." He said softly.
"What you’re feeling is perfectly normal-"
"That’s what they say to mum." He said, adding shaky laughter.
The room was silent a moment before Spencer broke it.
"Why did this happen to me?"
"I used to think the same thing." Derek said. "With Carl Buford, I thought I was doing something to cause it. It took me years to realise it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. It isn’t about why it happened to you. It’s about why they chose to do it."
"But they still chose to do it to me. There were hundreds of people there-"
"And if it wasn’t you it would have been someone else." Gideon said. "It wasn’t about you, Spencer Reid the genius who works for the FBI with the brilliant mother. They didn’t know anything about you. They just saw you; you roughly fitted their type. That’s it."
Spencer recalled their script, talking dirty to him, acting as if he was liking what they were doing. It hadn’t mattered how much he’d struggled and begged them to stop. They’d done more than ignore him. They’d treated him as though he was an inanimate object that they could bend to their will.
He thought about all of his arguments with Morgan. Did part of his frission with the other man come from a need to have someone react to him? He pushed and Derek pushed back equally as hard.
"It’s important for you to set boundaries." Gideon continued, as though reading his mind, then turned to the other man. "Derek, that’s why he keeps pushing you. He wants to be reassured that no matter what he does or says that you’ll keep caring for him."
"Damn it! Well, I’ve done a bang up job so far." He said sarcastically.
"You’d have to be a robot to not react to the way I’ve treated you in the past month." Spencer finally looked him in the eye. "It’s not fair, I know it, I-"
"No it isn’t. But what am I going to do?" Derek’s dark eyes flicked to Gideon’s, alight with momentary thought, then his entire face slowly unhinged, as though a series of screws had been unturned one at a time. "Screw it, I’m just going to say it." He faced Spencer with his openly anguished expression. "I’m crazy about you. Beyond anything I’ve felt for anyone. My biggest regret is that I waited until after your attack to tell you. Forget about what I said this morning. This time, I’m staying. If you’ll have me that is." He added, almost as an afterthought.
"Even though I’m a borderline autistic possibly schizophrenic socially awkward rape victim?"
"That just adds a bit of colour to your already interesting palette." Derek teased, a smile breaking through his morose expression. Reid felt butterflies hurtle against the walls of his stomach.
Spencer looked to Gideon, who was studying him with his fathomless stare.
If I asked him, he wouldn’t say no.
Only he didn’t want Gideon, he realised.
Not anymore.
"I-I want you to stay." He looked to Derek, who suddenly smiled as though Easter, Christmas, his birthday and Thanksgiving were all happening on the same day; that day.
He flicked his eyes to Gideon once more. The older man was smiling broadly.
***
"So this professor is an authority on prehistoric monsters." Spencer leant back into his lover.
After Gideon had left, the exhausted couple had decided to continue their B movie night. Spencer had surprised him by instantly crawling into his lap, wrapping his arm around his waist.
"Mm…" The other man nuzzled his face against the side of his head, breathing in the sweet scent of his hair.
"Note they said ‘an’ authority, as opposed to ‘the’ authority, which of course suggests that there are more than one authority on prehistoric monsters, which begs the question-"
Derek sprinkled kisses in his hair, more intoxicated by the man in his lap than the film on the plasma television before them.
"-actually begs more than one question. How many other ‘prehistoric monster authorities are there? Do they compete against each other? Do they make a distinction between say a dinosaur and a sea serpent? Are there any recent monster authorities? How many fields of monster study are there?"
Derek kissed his neck.
"Are you even watching the film? Hey, man it was your idea to watch ‘Bride of the Monster.’"
"I admit I’m ah rather distracted." Derek admitted. "By this monster of pure gorgeousness sitting in my lap."
Spencer turned around to face him.
"You’re one sexy mother." He grinned, leaning forward. Derek met his mouth halfway, moving his hand around to stroke his hair as their tongues clashed. The older man found himself moaning. The younger man pulled back, face momentarily alight with anxiety. He shifted a bit, frowning.
"Are you ok?" Derek asked.
"I just need to…It’s just an erection. I need to get used to it."
"You don’t have to do anything."
"But I want to." He reached down and breached his fingers across the other man’s crotch. "I want to make you feel good."
Derek gently grabbed his hand and held it. "Only when you’re ready."
Spencer scowled. "I hate this. I’m completely dead down there."
Derek resisted the strong temptation to state that he could easily remedy that but decided against it.
Don’t pressure him, he told himself.
"Derek…" He shook his hand free, reached down and started to rub and clutch at his partner’s crotch. "I want so much to make you feel good." He leant forward and kissed him on the lips. "I want to see the look on your face when you come."
The older man groaned. Spencer scooted back and unzipped his pants.
Derek grabbed his arm. "You don’t have to-"
"I want to." He reached down and roughly started to stroke him. "Is this good?"
"Oh that’s great, babe. Oh yeah, that’s fantastic."
Spencer grinned and increased his pace. "How about this?"
Derek found he could only groan in response. He leant forward to roughly kiss the genius sloppily on the lips, trailing his tongue over his chin to suck on his neck. As he felt himself rush to orgasm, he bit down hard on the other’s neck. Spencer yelped and pulled back. Derek cried out as intense pleasure overtook him. Coming down, he opened his eyes to Spencer grinning back at him.
"That’s my first hickey." He said, almost proudly.
"Are you ok?"
Spencer brought his hand up to his face and sniffed it, wrinkling his nose.
"We’ve made quite a mess." He gestured to both their stomachs, where the result of Derek’s climax was evident then leant forward, kissing Derek once more. "You looked so hot when you came." He whispered.
"God I love you." The older man said.
Spencer laughed.
Tbc…