FIC: Broken Vessel Part 9
Title: Broken Vessel Part 9
Author: Toggledog
Rating: FRAO
Pairing: Morgan/Reid, Reid/OMC
Warnings: rape recovery, angst
Summary: Morgan and Reid attend a wedding where both overdo it on the alcohol for the same reason, but have differing consequences. My fic for the wedding challenge.
Author’s Notes: Thanks to all who r&r’d, so far. J Apologies for delay in posting. Been off the net for a bit.
Other parts:http://community.livejournal.com/morganreid_cm/160601.html#cutid1
"Jason…hi…"
"Can I come up?"
For a genius you can be a real idiot, Spencer.
"Sure." He pressed the button to open the door downstairs, then walked back into the kitchen to the half-finished dishes, frowning down at a dirty coffee cup. A jolt of irritation burst through him.
Now when am I going to finish the dishes?
A sharp rap on the front door spooked him and he silently cursed himself, crossing through the arch separating the kitchen from the lounge room.
Gideon. Jason Gideon. A subtle excitement germinated in his stomach, intermixed with other, darker feelings. He tried to concentrate on that, allow it to grow as he turned the lock in the door and opened it.
"Spencer."
He was a little more tanned than he remembered but other than that, was the same person. Still had the same gentle aura about him.
"Hi, come in." He recalled the endless nights of chess, the deep talks about literature, art, music, the meaning of life. If Morgan was right about Gideon being attracted to him, he never pushed it, never even alluded to it.
The older man smiled warmly and walked into the foyer.
"It’s so good to see you." He said as Spencer closed the door. Both stood awkwardly a moment. Should I try and hug him? Spencer thought. Isn’t that the done thing for people who haven’t seen each other in a while?
"Would you like something to drink?"
"Sure."
Happy to have something to do, the young man crossed to the kitchen and opened the pantry.
"Coffee? Tea? I’ve only got instant…"
"Instant’s ok."
"How long have you been in the area?" He asked as he took out the coffee.
"I told Hotch to keep me updated on what’s happening with the group."
The other man looked down, nodding, smiling a little, feeling heat rush to his cheeks.
"I came in last night."
"What exactly did he tell you?" He picked up two washed mugs off the sink and switched on the kettle.
It’s no big deal. Of course he knew. It was too much of a coincidence that he turned up here a day after you arrive back after…
After your world ended.
"That you went to a wedding with Morgan and got separated from the group."
Spencer opened the coffee lid and spooned two into the mugs.
He likes one sugar. No milk.
"That two men ambushed and raped you."
Yes. Neither of us like milk. We’re rather similar in so many ways.
"They were murdered before the team got to them."
The kettle shrilled. Spencer switched it off and poured the hot water.
"What do you want? Why did you come back?" He handed Gideon the cup. The older man regarded him with his piercing stare.
"I had to see you."
"Why?"
Gideon continued to stare at him until Spencer looked down.
"Spencer, I-"
He flinched away from the hand reaching to touch his shoulder.
"I’m so sorry. I know words don’t mean much to you much now. But I have to say it."
Spencer took a sip of his coffee, suddenly feeling bone tired.
"Do you mind if we sit down?"
"Sure."
Both wandered into the lounge room and sat down opposite each other before Gideon spoke.
"How are you coping?"
The younger man smiled wryly and gestured to his bandaged feet. "Well, I broke Derek’s fine china and walked in it, so I guess not too well."
He suddenly realised he’d Morgan’s first name. Evidentially, Gideon also picked up on it.
"You were angry. Did Derek-?"
"I don’t want to talk about him."
He wished that the older man would stop staring at him as though he had x-ray vision straight into his brain.
"How long have you two been together?"
"We’re not together." He said quickly.
"Ok." The other man said noncommitally. "I wanted to tell you something." He took a sip of his coffee. "I wanted to tell you about the footpath killer."
Spencer nodded.
"When he took me into the back room, forced me up against a wall, that’s when it ran through my mind. He might rape me. I knew I wasn’t his ‘type’ but I was forcing him to break pattern. He could do it just to teach me a lesson. The fact that he hadn’t killed me straight away…I was terrified. But I remember thinking that if he wanted to do that, I would be powerless to stop him. My only concern was getting out of there alive. That was all I cared about."
The younger man felt an ugly feeling twist his stomach. "Did he…?"
"No. He wanted to know what I knew about him."
"You did escape. You managed to overpower him. I didn’t do anything. I just… I froze."
"That’s normal. You know this-"
"But I’m a profiler. I should have-"
"They would have killed you. You managed to get out of there alive. The rest can be resolved."
Spencer looked down at his hands, twisting into each other. "Sometimes I feel so down I…I wonder why I was so determined to survive. I feel like I’m breaking up. I just can’t get it together."
"There are no time lines." Gideon said gently.
"But I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be normal again."
"And you will. With time and patience."
"That’s what Derek tells me."
Gideon smiled. "I’m glad you have someone who cares."
Spencer recalled Morgan’s weight pressing against his back, the terrifying proof of his excitement pressing into the back of his thigh.
"I thought this is what you wanted, isn’t it?" Derek had said.
Spencer shuddered. "He doesn’t care. He just…"
"Just what?"
"I don’t want to talk about him."
"I missed you." Gideon said softly.
"I knew, you know. I guess I was denying it to myself. Then Morgan told me and I denied it at first but now…"
"Knew what?"
Spencer forced himself to look Jason in the eyes. "That you wanted me."
The man paled a little, eyes blazing with unnamed emotion.
"I would have let you…too little too late, I guess."
The other man sighed, his face crumbling. "I won’t deny it. Not now. "
"Why didn’t you ever tell me?"
"Because it would have been wrong. I was your superior. And it was clear that you didn’t reciprocate."
"Why do you say that I didn’t reciprocate?"
He had never seen Gideon looking so utterly befuddled. It would have almost been funny, had the situation not been so serious.
So you’ve gone from awkward geeky Reid who couldn’t get a date if he tried, to having a choice between sexy Derek Morgan and suave Jason Gideon, not that you could be in any relationship at the moment.
This time he did smile, even laugh a little at the irony.
He stood up and knelt before the older man, taking his hand. This time Jason flinched a little.
"I saw the way you looked at me, when you thought I wasn’t looking. How you cared for me, always looked out for me. I couldn’t believe that you, Jason Gideon would want-"
"Me, a burnt out old relic."
Spencer smiled, leant forward and touched lips to the older man.
"No, this isn’t right. I think you’re… confused. With everything that’s happened to you…"
"Sh."
He leant forward but was stopped by Jason’s hand on his chest.
"No." He said, firmly.
"I don’t understand. You want me, don’t you? Ah…" He leant back, hurt slicing straight through him with the strength of a samurai sword. "You think I’m soiled now. Unworthy. Well fuck you, Jason."
He stood up.
"Get out of my house."
The other man likewise stood, facing him. "Spencer, listen to me. I don’t think you’re soiled, unworthy." Spencer went to pull away but he gently grabbed his arm. "I think you’re very brave and strong. I was drawn not only to your intelligence, but also your warmth, your humour, your humanity."
Reid felt his eyes burn. Something was really wrong with him. To come onto Morgan was one thing but now Gideon was well.
"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."
"It’s ok." Gideon pulled him into his arms. Spencer placed his head against the other’s chest, inhaling his masculine musk, feeling warm, sated. "It’s ok."
"I’m so sorry."
"Sh…" He felt soft hands stroke his hair.
"Everything you feel is ok." The older man said softly.
Spencer felt the tears silently slip down his face.
The buzz of the intercom made him jump. With regret, he disentangled himself from Gideon and crossed the room to pick up the handset.
"Spencer… it’s Derek."
The younger man closed his eyes.
"Can I come up? I need to talk to you."
"Ok but I have company."
There was a slight pause. "Sure. Ok."
Spencer pressed the button for the door to open.
"Morgan." He turned to Gideon. "We…I’m sorry, Jason. I don’t know what’s going on between us. I…I guess I lied before when I said…" He trailed off, feeling his cheeks flush.
"I know." Jason smiled a little, eyes twinkling.
Damn it, he’d forgotten what a good profiler the older man was.
"We have been together. Well not together… we’re not… intimate…" His face felt like it was going to combust.
"It’s ok, Spencer. I already gathered this from when you first started talking about Morgan."
In that instant, there was a sharp rap on the front door.
"I guess I’d better…" He stepped into the foyer and turned the handle.
Tbc…