Someone on my f-list asked these questions in their pursuit of finding happiness in a relationship, and I felt my answers said something about me
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I really should have clarified about the monogamy question, because I have a lot of poly friends. If you are in a monogamous relationship, is monogamy too much to expect? was should have been how it was worded.
Regardless, I really liked your answers, especially #7. I got a whole lot of REALLY invaluable input from people, and it has really made me stop and think about the way I'm approaching my current relationship.
Poor guy is getting dumped, but only because either a.) i'm not ready or b.) he's not right, or possibly c.) a combination of a&b. But obviously, I'm trying way too hard.
I'm sort of glad I asked my flist, though. The answers have been so diverse and thoughtful, that it really has given me better insight into my friends.
As to #7, I think the answer is the same either way. If you say you are mono, and you are happy being mono, and don't want to have an open relationship, then the other person should a) not try to get you to love multiple people, b) not have sex with others outside the relationship unless the two of you together decide to change the boundaries of the relationship. If you can't trust the other to do that, then what can you trust them to do?
I am in a poly relationship, but I expect each of my lovers to follow the boundaries I have set with that person, and vice versa. If there is an agreement with any of them that I can't do something, then I can't do it (Unless I renegotiate that set of boundaries). Or put another way, I can only do the things in the area where all my boundaries overlap.
OK, I love explaining this kind of stuff as it makes me really examine just what it is that makes up my world. Which is why I wanted to post my answers in the first place.
No, I did get it as soon as I saw your comment. And I wear it proudly.
About 10 years ago I tried to do some guesstimate math and came up with averaging having sex with 4 new people each year since I started having sex. That doesn't sound like a lot to me. Some years it was 0 (Hell, one year I didn't even have sex with anyone at all), some it was 12. I've slowed down some in my old age, gotten a little more picky, actually gotten rid of the one nightstands (My last one was amusing. I thought she was someone I'd had sex with multiple times in the past [Yes, I was drunk], and didn't find out till 7 years later that it wasn't the person I thought it was. In my defense, multiple people thought the two of them were sisters. Hot looking redheads with long hair, and nice zaftig builds. And they had the same name). I actually get to know folks now, and relationships last longer.
1. zaftig Deliciously plump, or carrying your extra weight very well. Me - all the guys dig my big hips, my succulent boobs and my juicy Avalanche behind! They freak out every time I say I'm going on a diet...
2. zaftig buxom; a woman with a well-developed figure She was a zaftig, dewy-eyed lass.
3. zaftig (Yiddish) Plump and juicy, from German "saftig" meaning "juicy".
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Regardless, I really liked your answers, especially #7. I got a whole lot of REALLY invaluable input from people, and it has really made me stop and think about the way I'm approaching my current relationship.
Poor guy is getting dumped, but only because either a.) i'm not ready or b.) he's not right, or possibly c.) a combination of a&b. But obviously, I'm trying way too hard.
I'm sort of glad I asked my flist, though. The answers have been so diverse and thoughtful, that it really has given me better insight into my friends.
Reply
As to #7, I think the answer is the same either way. If you say you are mono, and you are happy being mono, and don't want to have an open relationship, then the other person should
a) not try to get you to love multiple people,
b) not have sex with others outside the relationship
unless the two of you together decide to change the boundaries of the relationship. If you can't trust the other to do that, then what can you trust them to do?
I am in a poly relationship, but I expect each of my lovers to follow the boundaries I have set with that person, and vice versa. If there is an agreement with any of them that I can't do something, then I can't do it (Unless I renegotiate that set of boundaries). Or put another way, I can only do the things in the area where all my boundaries overlap.
OK, I love explaining this kind of stuff as it makes me really examine just what it is that makes up my world. Which is why I wanted to post my answers in the first place.
Reply
Reply
No, I did get it as soon as I saw your comment. And I wear it proudly.
About 10 years ago I tried to do some guesstimate math and came up with averaging having sex with 4 new people each year since I started having sex. That doesn't sound like a lot to me. Some years it was 0 (Hell, one year I didn't even have sex with anyone at all), some it was 12. I've slowed down some in my old age, gotten a little more picky, actually gotten rid of the one nightstands (My last one was amusing. I thought she was someone I'd had sex with multiple times in the past [Yes, I was drunk], and didn't find out till 7 years later that it wasn't the person I thought it was. In my defense, multiple people thought the two of them were sisters. Hot looking redheads with long hair, and nice zaftig builds. And they had the same name). I actually get to know folks now, and relationships last longer.
Reply
Reply
1. zaftig
Deliciously plump, or carrying your extra weight very well.
Me - all the guys dig my big hips, my succulent boobs and my juicy Avalanche behind! They freak out every time I say I'm going on a diet...
2. zaftig
buxom; a woman with a well-developed figure
She was a zaftig, dewy-eyed lass.
3. zaftig
(Yiddish) Plump and juicy, from German "saftig" meaning "juicy".
Or in other words, 'My kinda woman!'
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There are, in fact, things in this that I didn't already know. There are also at least one or two obvious truths.
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