It is not getting easier. I'm not loving him less, I'm just getting sadder and feeling more alone and scared,

I just want him back.

Midterm today. Stupid format. Don't even have a class for it. Had to translate 37 pages of straight Japanese and then memorize the over 200 new kanji that's in it for the exam in less than 2 weeks. More later.

Emotional situation has changed a bit. But not for the better. I'm losing more and more just for caring. That's all I'll say about that.

Japan is okay. I'm having a really hard time adjusting, and my emotional state isn't helping at all. A big part of me just wants to come back home where I have friends who care about what happens to me. This would be so much easier if Ross would take me back. Then I could at least feel like I could share things with him about the trip, and I'd be ( Read more... )

It's never going to be good enough. Nothing I say will make what I need happen.

I don't know. I just don't know.

Sitting here alone with memories of your smile
awakened by the sound of your touch in a dream
laughing out loud through the tears on my cheeks
waiting for nothing is all that it seems

I don't want to go. It's so far away, and so long before I get back. I'll be all alone. And now there's no one here that loves me. What does it matter that he won't talk to me if I don't go? He hates me already. I just wanted to make it better, and make up, before I had to get on the plane. Why can't we just do that?

I'm sorry. I want to make it better. I want to promise you the world again. I know I "made you miserable" on the phone just now, but a few short hours before that we were fine. Now that I know that you being frustrated with talking and playing WoW makes you miserable, I know not to make you do both. I won't if you come back.

I love you.

You are not alone. We all love you. I love you. You wouldn't be alone if you came back. We both know you don't hate me. We both know it wasn't terrible. Someone told you this is the right thing to do, and now you're suffering ( Read more... )

I don't know what to do. I've spent the last good while free-writing. before that i called the counselor on call for Caps. she couldn't talk as long as i needed her to. no one has been able to talk yet, really. i'm alone. i hate it. he won't talk to me either. he just gets madder when i say anything at all about the situation. i'm not allowed to ( Read more... )