Quick Mama Post

[moonborn]

During my pregnancy I contemplated raising a boy vs raising a girl. I came to the conclusion that in many ways I'd really rather have a girl than a boy - at least I could anticipate some of her potential hurdles and life problems. A boy would be a whole new set of problems, entirely different to the ones I faced growing up, and ones the wicked

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[bend_gules]

Then Morgan was born, and before he was even out of the ICU, the gender-stereotyping began.

"Oh, he's lazy. Boys are lazy", my mother declared, re: his refusal to comply with our attempt to turn him.
Yes, Mum. Because laziness is totally linked to the Y chromosome.

"Boys are always trouble!" My Nan exclaimed, over the same thing.
Oh, I'm sorry - I thought it was my mother, your daughter, who turned up in your Catholic neighbourhood, pregnant at sixteen? What, that wasn't "trouble"?
Ahh, but see, the boy was the *source* of the 16-yr-old-pregnant-girl trouble

[moonborn]

Ahh, but see, the boy was the *source* of the 16-yr-old-pregnant-girl trouble...:-)
Mmm.. but n the same vein, it wasn't my father that had the neighbours making complaints about his "lewd" behaviour (french kissing in public!) at thirteen! ;)

So people need to know the baby's gender so that they can then go on to offer the *traditional compliments* on the baby's beauty, charm, appearance, health, colour, etc. etc. It's part of the polite ritual of greeting a new parent. Guessing wrongly is seen as a social faux-pas.I know, I know. Which is why I currently grin and explain the neutrality is part of the reason we like the name, when people look perplexed and awkwardly ask his gender

[moonborn]

Oh, and my point is that I don't like or agree wit the *traditional* style compliments on children - I'm really not comfortable with people complimenting Morgan on being a "big strong boy" instead of a "beautiful little girl".

I don't want him to grow up subconsciously thinking "I don't have to do housework. I'm a boy, I'm just lazy" or "I'm not supposed to smoke at thirteen, but I'm trouble, because I'm a boy". And that stuff's years down the track now and there is no clear path between here and there, yes, but these gendered ideas about appropriate behaviours begin in the here and now. I don't want them cropping up later on in life, and it is utterly ridiculous that whilst all he does is eat, sleep, poop and cry, they're already being foisted into us both. And I'm not comfortable or happy with them being pushed on him and on me.
If he's lazy or "troublesome", that's because of who he is and his personality, and not because of what's in his pants.