If I stay too long you can let me down

[montecristo]

This afternoon I was thinking about a girl I knew in high school and junior high. It was in the context of thinking about early crushes brought on by an earlier discussion of same. I had wondered what had become of her and did some gratuitous internet stalking. I was surprised to still be able to locate her, still in the town where we had grown

Comments

[relsqui]

I have a crush, at the moment, and little things about him keep reminding me of past loves. It's weird and a little disquieting, but at the same time oddly reassuring to know that some common thread of taste is connecting me to who I used to be.

Or maybe that's just the sleepy talking. (I woke up at 9:30, at which time I was still in eastern time, and it is long past my bedtime.)

Ah, jet lag, it'll get you.

[montecristo]

I hope you manage to get a good sleep.

"A common thread of taste" - I like that concept. Yes, the older I get, the easier it becomes for me to see what it is in people that attracts me. Each person is absolutely unique to themselves, but there are variations on themes and it is good to be able to identify some of these. It helps me to know myself.

Re: Ah, jet lag, it'll get you.

[relsqui]

That's a nice way of looking at it. Personally it just makes me wonder if relationships based on those traits are doomed to end the same way as the previous ones--but I've been in that kind of mood lately.

[emmabovary]

I find it is best to go on a case-by-case basis, i.e. some past lovers are best left completely in the past; some can be incorporated into current life circumstances, and some should just drop dead and die. Mostly, it's best to handle exes as one does with sleeping dogs: let them lie.

[nsingman]

Agreed. I think most of us have an aversion to loose ends, but loose ends as we perceive them. Most of the time, the process through which lovers become past lovers leaves few loose ends, for better or worse. Absent an impetus to make the break clean, there is little reason for future contact most of the time.

Hmm, perhaps it is not as strange as I thought.

[montecristo]

It seemed weird though, how the past just drops away and is gone, as if nothing lasts, but perhaps this phenomenon is more common today. Taken statistically, we are nomads, the people of our culture much more mobile now and less rooted than we used to be.

Yes, I think you're probably right.

[montecristo]

I must say though that I have been pretty lucky in my life. Although I agree with you that it's better to let the past stay where it is, I never really have had a former relationship in which I wished the other party would "drop dead and die." I guess the closest I could come to that would be my ex. Some time after she left I fantasized about dancing on her grave. Some time after that I was ashamed of thinking such a thing and felt bad about the idea of feeling vindicated or avenged by whatever misfortune could happen to her. I realized that I really didn't wish her ill.

[valkyrieblue]

I know I'm wired differently as I don't want to remember the ex-boyfriends. When I run into one or am reminded I literally cringe inside or groan out loud (when reminded only as this would be rude)! Maybe I'm being a little harsh, but it could also mean to me that I failed... As for a past crush/almost fling or two (I wanted more out of the dating) it feels good to run into those people realizing I'm in a much better place now to not dally with noncommittal folk and to thank God I didn't sleep with them!!!! - hope that made you laugh at least, but it's just how I see things in a brief response. ;)

[ysbel]

I can't count the number of times that someone I barely knew from school and probably wouldn't have gotten along with adds me on various online things. I've never really understood it. I know part of it is just upping your quantity but part of it also almost seems to be a rose tinted view of the past. It kind of startles me. And as for those we care about, sometimes it's best left in the past. People change and drift apart. It's not always something bad.

Unrelated, but...

[fearsclave]

...happy birthday!

Re: Unrelated, but...

[montecristo]

Thank you!