[podfic] “The Case of the Stolen Sapphires” (Sherlock/My Little Pony: FiM; PG; Sherlock, Rarity)
Title: “The Case of the Stolen Sapphires”
Author: xenoamorist
Reader: xenoamorist
Fandoms: BBC Sherlock/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (yes. no regrets.)
Characters/Pairings: Sherlock, Rarity, John, Applejack; gen
Genres: Play, humor, mystery, ficlet, crossover, crack
Length: 5:01 (712 words)
Rating: PG
Summary: Rarity needs help locating her stolen sapphires, but Sherlock has a more pressing case at hand.
Notes: I stumbled across “Time and Relative Perspectives in Space” that cantarina1, weimar27, nickelmountain, and moragmacpherson produced for pod_together, and I was fascinated. I loved hearing a fanfic play, and I wanted to make one of my own. This one is actually my third one; the other two are tiny drabbles (just under a minute long each) that I haven’t yet made cover art or recorded the header for, but I’ll be posting those shortly.
I didn’t collaborate, so all the character voices are my own. Additionally, as you can hear in the header, my natural speaking voice is a Californian accent, so producing (1) Applejack’s Southern twang, (2) Sherlock and John’s Received Pronunciation, and (3) Rarity’s North Atlantic/posh accent was... a challenge. I very much welcome constructive criticism, so do pick apart my accents. I have a background in linguistics, so if you can use IPA, all the better.
Thanks to oddacity, metavolition, and prosopopeya for betaing.
Mirrors: AO3
DOWNLOAD:
Please right-click and save as.
Use the player above if you would like to stream.
High Quality (7.0 MB, 155-195kbps VBR MP3)
Low Quality (3.1 MB, 45-85kbps VBR MP3)
TEXT
(sound of small dog barking)
(sound of hooves)
APPLEJACK
(kindly)
Whoa there, Winona. I’ll buy you some treats in a sec. Gotta get all the rest of the supplies first.
(sound of bag opening and Applejack rummaging around)
I wonder who Rarity has over. Those visitors look mighty strange...
❧
(footsteps)
JOHN
Erm, Sherlock, is this-is this really what we’re supposed to be-
SHERLOCK
Yes, John. This is of utmost importance.
JOHN
But-
(small intake of breath)
They’re ponies, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK
And we’re human.
JOHN
Yes, but-
SHERLOCK
(footsteps pause)
I hear Sugarcube Corner makes an excellent breakfast tea and the best muffins on this side of Equestria. Why don’t you busy yourself there, John. I’m working.
(footsteps start again)
JOHN
(huffs)
Fine.
(footsteps)
❧
(sound of door creaking open)
RARITY
Oh, Mr. Holmes! I’m so glad to see you. It’s been dreadful, this entire affair, and-
(beat)
Oh, it’s so good to see that you’ve abandoned that hat, it looked absolutely awful on you; I wondered why a man of your-
(breathy laugh)
-intellect would mix that horrible hunting gear with the rest of your wardrobe, which, I must say, is always very posh. Very in right now, overcoats-
SHERLOCK
Are you going to stand there and ramble all day about fashion, or will we discuss something that is actually of substance?
RARITY
(offended)
Fashion is of substance! It is a legacy, a tradition, an imprint of our cultural and historical past! The only reason why-
(sniff, haughty, disdainful tone)
-the general public finds it to be shallow and vapid is because it has long since been associated with mares. I say, for someone who lives under a queen-although I dare say she is nowhere near as fabulous as Princess Celestia-I would have expected you of all people, intelligent as you clearly are, to be a little more sensitive to the accomplishments of mares in society.
SHERLOCK
Hmph.
(begin deduction)
(flash)
Five hands tall. Small, smaller than a typical horse, and yet all the horses here appear to be that size. Not a filly, then-a full-grown horse. Pony.
(flash)
Hooves are clean, polished-recent pony-pedi. Frequent pony-pedis.
(flash)
Glossy mane; impeccably-applied make-up. Keeps up appearances.
(flash)
Small indents on the sides of her muzzle. Far-sighted.
(flash)
Birthday cards on the dresser. Faded. Indicates age. And yet still perfectly arranged. Important. Not from her family-from her friends, then.
(flash)
Vogue, Canterlot Edition. Mares’ Quarterly.
(flash)
Luggage tag to Canterlot pinned to the wall. Clearly had the opportunity to live there once and yearns for a high-class life, to mingle with top fashion designers. And yet-
(flash)
Ponyville.
(flash)
Conclusion: Ambitious young fashion designer from humble roots. Puts on airs; opportunistic; and yet is fiercely loyal. Values friendship above anything else. And-
(yowl; scratch)
-owns a cat.
(end deduction)
(satisfied)
Hmm.
Common misunderstanding. The Queen in British society is nothing more than a figurehead-
RARITY
(sniff)
That is beyond the point, Mr. Holmes. The point is, someone has stolen my precious sapphires, and I absolutely must have them back. I have a very important show with Hoity Toity coming up, and nothing other than my sapphires will do.
SHERLOCK
(rustle of fabric)
I am not interested in the jewels.
RARITY
What?! But Mr. Holmes, this is a matter of utmost importance; I-
SHERLOCK
(huffy)
I did not travel all the way from London to listen to some silly case about jewels. What is it like inside your tiny little head? Where is your sister?
RARITY
My sister-I-how did you know about Sweetie Belle?
SHERLOCK
A waste of my time to explain. It’s obvious, isn’t it? She’s taken them. Trying to get your attention, I imagine. Probably using them for some arts and crafts project.
RARITY
(huffy)
If that filly goes through my things one more time-
SHERLOCK
(emphatically)
Rarity.
RARITY
(irritated)
What?
SHERLOCK
Focus. The reason why I’m here-
(sigh)
There’s something out there, something that may threaten the lives of your friends and everyone around you. I need you to tell me everything you know.
RARITY
(fearfully)
Know? About-About what?
SHERLOCK
About the hound.
(beat; clothes rustling as Sherlock leans in closer)
The hound of Ponyville.
(Sherlock’s theme)
Credits and other notes: Photo used in the cover art from the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic wiki; text typeset in LMMono8 and Old Newspaper Types; cover art put together in GIMP; podfic recorded in Audacity using a Zoom Handy Recorder H2 microphone.
Sound effects used, in order of appearance: dog bark by CGEffex, duffel bag by Foley, hiking by Corsica_S, white noise by klankbeeld, door creaking open by Anton, whoosh by Robinhood76, angry cat by secondbody, and swoosh by man. All fabric sounds produced by me. Clip of Sherlock’s theme used for non-profit, transformative purposes.
Author: xenoamorist
Reader: xenoamorist
Fandoms: BBC Sherlock/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (yes. no regrets.)
Characters/Pairings: Sherlock, Rarity, John, Applejack; gen
Genres: Play, humor, mystery, ficlet, crossover, crack
Length: 5:01 (712 words)
Rating: PG
Summary: Rarity needs help locating her stolen sapphires, but Sherlock has a more pressing case at hand.
Notes: I stumbled across “Time and Relative Perspectives in Space” that cantarina1, weimar27, nickelmountain, and moragmacpherson produced for pod_together, and I was fascinated. I loved hearing a fanfic play, and I wanted to make one of my own. This one is actually my third one; the other two are tiny drabbles (just under a minute long each) that I haven’t yet made cover art or recorded the header for, but I’ll be posting those shortly.
I didn’t collaborate, so all the character voices are my own. Additionally, as you can hear in the header, my natural speaking voice is a Californian accent, so producing (1) Applejack’s Southern twang, (2) Sherlock and John’s Received Pronunciation, and (3) Rarity’s North Atlantic/posh accent was... a challenge. I very much welcome constructive criticism, so do pick apart my accents. I have a background in linguistics, so if you can use IPA, all the better.
Thanks to oddacity, metavolition, and prosopopeya for betaing.
Mirrors: AO3
DOWNLOAD:
Please right-click and save as.
Use the player above if you would like to stream.
High Quality (7.0 MB, 155-195kbps VBR MP3)
Low Quality (3.1 MB, 45-85kbps VBR MP3)
TEXT
(sound of small dog barking)
(sound of hooves)
APPLEJACK
(kindly)
Whoa there, Winona. I’ll buy you some treats in a sec. Gotta get all the rest of the supplies first.
(sound of bag opening and Applejack rummaging around)
I wonder who Rarity has over. Those visitors look mighty strange...
❧
(footsteps)
JOHN
Erm, Sherlock, is this-is this really what we’re supposed to be-
SHERLOCK
Yes, John. This is of utmost importance.
JOHN
But-
(small intake of breath)
They’re ponies, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK
And we’re human.
JOHN
Yes, but-
SHERLOCK
(footsteps pause)
I hear Sugarcube Corner makes an excellent breakfast tea and the best muffins on this side of Equestria. Why don’t you busy yourself there, John. I’m working.
(footsteps start again)
JOHN
(huffs)
Fine.
(footsteps)
❧
(sound of door creaking open)
RARITY
Oh, Mr. Holmes! I’m so glad to see you. It’s been dreadful, this entire affair, and-
(beat)
Oh, it’s so good to see that you’ve abandoned that hat, it looked absolutely awful on you; I wondered why a man of your-
(breathy laugh)
-intellect would mix that horrible hunting gear with the rest of your wardrobe, which, I must say, is always very posh. Very in right now, overcoats-
SHERLOCK
Are you going to stand there and ramble all day about fashion, or will we discuss something that is actually of substance?
RARITY
(offended)
Fashion is of substance! It is a legacy, a tradition, an imprint of our cultural and historical past! The only reason why-
(sniff, haughty, disdainful tone)
-the general public finds it to be shallow and vapid is because it has long since been associated with mares. I say, for someone who lives under a queen-although I dare say she is nowhere near as fabulous as Princess Celestia-I would have expected you of all people, intelligent as you clearly are, to be a little more sensitive to the accomplishments of mares in society.
SHERLOCK
Hmph.
(begin deduction)
(flash)
Five hands tall. Small, smaller than a typical horse, and yet all the horses here appear to be that size. Not a filly, then-a full-grown horse. Pony.
(flash)
Hooves are clean, polished-recent pony-pedi. Frequent pony-pedis.
(flash)
Glossy mane; impeccably-applied make-up. Keeps up appearances.
(flash)
Small indents on the sides of her muzzle. Far-sighted.
(flash)
Birthday cards on the dresser. Faded. Indicates age. And yet still perfectly arranged. Important. Not from her family-from her friends, then.
(flash)
Vogue, Canterlot Edition. Mares’ Quarterly.
(flash)
Luggage tag to Canterlot pinned to the wall. Clearly had the opportunity to live there once and yearns for a high-class life, to mingle with top fashion designers. And yet-
(flash)
Ponyville.
(flash)
Conclusion: Ambitious young fashion designer from humble roots. Puts on airs; opportunistic; and yet is fiercely loyal. Values friendship above anything else. And-
(yowl; scratch)
-owns a cat.
(end deduction)
(satisfied)
Hmm.
Common misunderstanding. The Queen in British society is nothing more than a figurehead-
RARITY
(sniff)
That is beyond the point, Mr. Holmes. The point is, someone has stolen my precious sapphires, and I absolutely must have them back. I have a very important show with Hoity Toity coming up, and nothing other than my sapphires will do.
SHERLOCK
(rustle of fabric)
I am not interested in the jewels.
RARITY
What?! But Mr. Holmes, this is a matter of utmost importance; I-
SHERLOCK
(huffy)
I did not travel all the way from London to listen to some silly case about jewels. What is it like inside your tiny little head? Where is your sister?
RARITY
My sister-I-how did you know about Sweetie Belle?
SHERLOCK
A waste of my time to explain. It’s obvious, isn’t it? She’s taken them. Trying to get your attention, I imagine. Probably using them for some arts and crafts project.
RARITY
(huffy)
If that filly goes through my things one more time-
SHERLOCK
(emphatically)
Rarity.
RARITY
(irritated)
What?
SHERLOCK
Focus. The reason why I’m here-
(sigh)
There’s something out there, something that may threaten the lives of your friends and everyone around you. I need you to tell me everything you know.
RARITY
(fearfully)
Know? About-About what?
SHERLOCK
About the hound.
(beat; clothes rustling as Sherlock leans in closer)
The hound of Ponyville.
(Sherlock’s theme)
Credits and other notes: Photo used in the cover art from the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic wiki; text typeset in LMMono8 and Old Newspaper Types; cover art put together in GIMP; podfic recorded in Audacity using a Zoom Handy Recorder H2 microphone.
Sound effects used, in order of appearance: dog bark by CGEffex, duffel bag by Foley, hiking by Corsica_S, white noise by klankbeeld, door creaking open by Anton, whoosh by Robinhood76, angry cat by secondbody, and swoosh by man. All fabric sounds produced by me. Clip of Sherlock’s theme used for non-profit, transformative purposes.