The Thick Black Line

[mister_troper]

Title: The Thick Black Line
Genre: Fiction (time travel, discussion of animal violence)
Word Count: 1622
Notes: Part 1 of 2. Discussion here. I'm waiving edits because it's too long and the editors are way overbooked this week, so pointers and thoughts are very welcome.

Comments

[ailada]

I liked this quite a lot and can't wait for the next part. The parts with the multiple Henrys were very well done and the dialogue between Bridgett and Henry at the end flowed very nicely. I think you have a couple of typos near the end. " . . . always ways" should probably be " . . . always was," and I imagine "Henry said with a smile," not "with a simile." ^_^

[mister_troper]

Thanks, and doubly thanks for catching the typos. I'm glad you thought the end dialogue worked; I worried quite a bit over that part.

[more_dragoncelt]

This was highly enjoyable, thank you for sharing it.

[mister_troper]

Your welcome! Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Temporal mechanics always gives me a headache. ;-)

[merthin]

Having future selves pop back to tell me things would be truly maddening. Interesting choice to make them both ephemeral and ethereal. It precludes the future Henrys just popping back, dropping of their own set of paper notes and popping back to their own time. - I look forward to reading part two, time permitting. :-p

Re: Temporal mechanics always gives me a headache. ;-)

[mister_troper]

Thanks for reading!

"Having future selves pop back to tell me things would be truly maddening." - That was, pretty much, the original concept, someone who was, more or less, unable to live his life because time traveling selfs kept warning him away from every possible thing, like if his milk was about to go bad. The problem is, to make that story work, it needs a much more visual medium.

[osoreranai]

Ha ha ha! This was awesome! Trippy and awesome in equal turns. I thought that the differentiations between each Henry were clever.

Seems like this could play into the second prompt pretty nicely.

[mister_troper]

I know, I know. Did lacombe do me a favor or what?

Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it. And if you think this is trippy, just wait: the real time travel weirdness has yet to begin.

[darthneko]

Hee! That was awesome. I love Henry and all his selves, and the last two lines just clinch it. ^_^ Is there, or will there be, more? Because this was a lot of fun. ^_^

[mister_troper]

Thanks! It'll be interesting to see whether you still like Henry after you know everything he will have had done but did not would have did... *evil grin*

I'm actually done with the whole thing already. The prompt, however, has prompted some changes to the next section, so it should go up as part of week two.