the response has become rehearsed and routine and undeniably deceitful and im cheating (only myself?)
....reassurance versus recognition.

i am convinced everyone can see it and diagnose it and I’ve never been this see-through and obvious and it’s unnerving and i’m uncomfortable ( Read more... )

and i woke up with that song in my head.
i guess it really is your goodbye song.

and the shots of jack daniels and the last lines of blow i did last night in the empty living room of my basement apartment didn’t make me feel any more ‘alive’ or connected or comforted or consoled and i’m not naive enough to have believed they would, but i was desperate enough to hope they may ( Read more... )

and he wouldn't believe me ( Read more... )

still haven't slept ( Read more... )

i'll project and write songs about you, your lack of presence, your pseudo ego, the way you'll end up with her, without me ( Read more... )

lifted. cut and pasted. ripped off myself ( Read more... )

i'm feeling particularly agressive/confrontational/argumentative today, finding myself defending musicians that i myself have no respect for, throwing lip glosses across the room because they were in the way, upset with the prospect of working an extra hour today, even though its only 60 extra minutes on a 14 hour day. and all the angry cuntrock ( Read more... )

its days like this that i wish domminax lived in our living room. i adore the sentiment of trying to be quiet in the mornings for fear of waking up couch-sleeping guests. i like the early morning conversations that are a result of my clumsiness. i like having someone to call and confirm that the coroner's have not begun to carry out the bodies ( Read more... )