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Mar 01, 2020 15:26

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heraddiction March 1 2004, 13:13:50 UTC
Dear Troll,

My ex boyfriends grandmother was walking home from a 7-11 one evening to her home. She was raped my a young black man in an ally. She then had a stroke. Please tell me, that this elderly lady PROVOKED this man into raping her. It must have been her fault right? Her Ukranian ethnic clothes must have been too sexy for him to bear right? Or maybe she wispered some sexy jibberish to lure him.

It doesn't matter if a woman is wearing a low cut tshirt or if she is naked, it's still rape. rape is rape. violation is violation. nobody is asking you to be sympathetic, but saying that this girl deserved the harassment she recieved is ignorant and morally wrong, in my opinion.

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missdivakitty March 20 2004, 10:53:30 UTC
What you shared is a perfect example of one misconception of rape.
People tend to think it's about sex, and I guess to some point and in some cases, it is, but it is mostly about power and control, and dominance. The rapist is weak and needs to exert some form of control over someone, so they choose victims that are drunk, or too young to fully understand, or elderly b/c they can't fight back as well, or someone that is otherwise at a disadvantage.

I really hope that your grandmother was able to do something about it... I can't imagine not being able to put a face to that experience... it would be so much harder to channel the anger.
Thank you for sharing.

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queenmab March 1 2004, 14:13:50 UTC
I was a freshman ( ... )

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missdivakitty March 12 2004, 10:39:39 UTC
No problem girlie... I think that even in the small act of sharing things like this, we can help people by having them see that they aren't alone. Someone IMed me, (Presumably one of the anon posts) asking me to reply and why did I want to know... I don't know how to expalin that it's the sharing itself that does all the work. Some of these people told me they never told anyone before... I think the statistic is 1 in 4 now for rape, but think about how many people haven't said anything :(

Thank you for sharing... didja link to the post in your lj?

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me too! queenmab March 17 2004, 09:18:50 UTC
i invited several friends...boys & girls...to crash at my house bc everyone was ....well, it was not smart for any of us to be driving. there was limited bed space. i ended up sharing mine with a male "friend." i awoke to the same thing. his hands sliding...well, everywhere. i was frozen with fear/shock.

some "friends" say i should have never let him crash there. i say "FUCK THAT" I told him..."no funny stuff" THIS WAS A GROWN man. He knows the difference between wanted and unwanted touching. This guy was a creep!

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smutrocket March 17 2004, 14:46:57 UTC
that exact thing almost happened to me too.

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scarletkittygrl March 1 2004, 14:36:53 UTC
im in the process of actually writing a essay/ short story of it all.
ill double post it here and my actual journal once it's done..
it's not ready yet.....
....

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missdivakitty March 12 2004, 10:40:38 UTC
Take your time. ♥

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pygmalion78 March 1 2004, 18:39:47 UTC
my first real girlfriend back in high school had been date-raped by her previous boyfriend. that's how she lost her virginity. it wasn't until months later that she could tell me and, in so doing, finally exorcise the idea that it had been her fault. she thought it had been her fault because, after saying "no" several times, she finally thought that she would not be able to stop him so she asked him to put on a condom. he thought (and she shamed herself to believe) that such acquiescence was consent. only after talking about it and crying on me several times could she say that it was rape and not her fault ( ... )

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missdivakitty March 12 2004, 10:43:48 UTC
It's truly gut-wrenching to think opf all the women/girls, as well as men/boys this has happened to... I think that many more men than will admit have been taken advantage of, but they are even more hesitant to speak of it b/c of society's "Men have to be STRONG" kind of thing.
Thank you for contributing.

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anonymous March 1 2004, 21:49:43 UTC
It was December or January. I was over my best friend's house. She invited a boy over. I had unfortunely spent time alone with him before. Maybe I led him on (if it is at all possible to be provacative at thirteen years old). He brought alcohol that night- a 40oz. of peppermint shnapps. We drank. I drank. A lot. I sat down on the sofa in my friend's basement. Everything is black from that moment on ( ... )

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missdivakitty March 12 2004, 10:49:14 UTC
That's so terrible...
I think if I were you, I'd ask for the records, just to settle my mind. It's clear you were violated by this boy, but for me, I think it would be easier to handle if I knew the whole story... on the other hand, your mind has a way of blocking things you really shouldn't remember...

I'm really glad you had the chance to get it out... I hope that in some way, reading other stories helped somehow... that you aren't alone, that terible things can happen to good people who most of all, don't deserve it.

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anonymous March 18 2004, 15:23:32 UTC
I'm not anxious to find out what happened, but I will eventually, I'm sure. Thank you again. You seem like a very special person. :)

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get help! anonymous March 17 2004, 09:23:50 UTC
i am a crisis counselor....talk to someone. talk to someone you trust. only listen to people who don't blame you. put the pieces together so you can start healing. i am sorry this happened to you. SPEAK UP! SPEAK LOUD! You deserve to be heard!

--june.

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