Comments | miryai: Fic: In the Calm

miryai

Fic: In the Calm

Nov 06, 2011 11:17

Title: In the Calm
Characters/Pairings: F!Shep, Thane, Samara, Miranda, F!Shep/Garrus.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~2000
Summary: In the hours before the Omega 4 Relay, Shepard has doubts she can't quite express. She visits her companions to get their perspective, and finds an unexpected reason to go on.

Author's Note: This 4-part story was inspired by ( Read more... )

fanfiction, mass effect

Comments 2

orchidcactus November 18 2011, 02:29:00 UTC

Okay. This time, I will make sure this posts. Good grief.

I hope you can get some use out of this. Most of the comments I feel qualified to make have to do with subjective reactions... I know what I like to read and will point it out. :)

Generally:

I really liked this. Enough that I bookmarked it for when I start a 'reading' page for ME, I'll have it close at hand to rec. :)

Your writing style is very clean and direct, which is a joy for me to read.

I liked your use of setting to build each scene, although I felt like Garrus' and Thane's were the most clear. I really felt like I was seeing Shepard walk to look at the engine core, or in her quarters coming out of the shower.

I absolutely grinned over Garrus' stumbling over Shepard being alien to him. I get annoyed when aliens automatically understand human anatomy... so, that was an awesome detail.

He came across as so sweet and charming and more than a little awkward... which is how I see him being around Shepard in the game.

Specifically:

Thane is silent. Blinks. One set ( ... )

miryai November 18 2011, 04:32:33 UTC

Thank you! :)

I'm not so sure I'm sold on the change in POV for the last section. It took me a minute to catch up.

Was there a specific reason for it?

Ha, no... this was a mistake when I was drafting it that I then stuck with because I kind of liked how it turned out, even if it didn't fit with the rest of the vignettes.

It felt as though Thane, Samara, and Garrus all had a similar underlying theme... past memories(?) and Miranda didn't. (Maybe that's the disconnect I felt?) She seemed completely in character relating to Shepard, and yet... I felt myself wanting a bit more.Thank you so much for this feedback. I wasn't entirely happy with how Miranda's section turned out, because I find her a really interesting, deep character and that wasn't quite coming through for me and I didn't know why. This really helps because I hadn't identified the theme of memories that was running through it (though omg, that is totally the feeling I was going for!). It's really funny to get some insight into your own writing through someone else ( ... )