Fic: When I Was Young

[minnow_53]

When I Was Young
By Minnow

Disclaimer: Most of these characters belong to JK Rowling and various corporations.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Era: MWPP
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Unrequited love
Note: This has been backdated by a year: it was actually posted on 2nd March 2005. I don't think it quite deserves to be deleted, but it certainly doesn't

Comments

[creaturespotter]

It's interesting, viewing their relationship through a (well, non-, but that's what makes it interesting)impartial third character...

[minnow_53]

Well, that's quite neutral! So I hope it's okay. Especially as it's the first fic on my new-look journal.
^_^

[creaturespotter]

XD I can't believe I didn't specify.

LOVE!!!!11111111!11!!!one!1!juanuno et cetera

[minnow_53]

Oh,how sweet! <3<3<3

Thanks. ^_^

[paulamcg]

I’ve read this only once through, so I may have more to say later. It’s excellent that you introduced Allie: in comparison with her it was easier to grasp the viewpoint character’s traits

[minnow_53]

Thanks for commenting! Start at the end: magic, not a lot. Mention fists rather than wands, took out a reference there which should go back in perhaps. I always sort of assume that magic is a constant background in any R/S reader's mind, and you're automatically seeing it as a magic universe. Oblique reference to lycothranpy.

If I do use OCs, which I don't often, I tend to use rather extreme ones to get the point across, like the red Mini, who was really a children's book character (appropriate, I thought),or else just have them in the background. I don't think the narrator is supposed to be a strong character: she's meant to embody the romantic dreams and hopes you have at fifteen. Allie seemed a bit more defined.

And I have experience of somehow stalking two males, almost ten years older than Sirius and Remus here - and one of them was even my best friend - without realizing anything that should have stopped me from dreaming about a wedding.That has to be one of the very most intriguing sentences in any comment ever! I hope

[cecine]

Oh wow. This was a really sweet story. You had me sucked into it from beginning to end -- and especially from the middle, where they 'discovered' R&S and on. Marvellous writing, I loved it!

[minnow_53]

Thanks so much! It didn't work out with a lot of R/S action, but I thought that it would be good to leave something to the imagination...

Lovely of you to comment. :)
^_^

[kyasuriin]

I meant to comment on this, and then forgot. Here we go:

firstly, damn you! I had the almost exact same idea for a fic. ah well, you're quicker than I :D Actually mine was through the eyes of one of the pup's girlfriends at the time, so I might still write it once upon a time..

secondly, I really like how her view of Sirius changes once she catches them, and how he changes once its his relationship on the line.

But he wasn’t at all angry any more. He looked worried and strained.
and
Though he lost a bit of his cocky expression when he said that, he was a Black, and it was an order, not a request

(although the first time I read that, I read it wrongly and read 'it wasn't an order, but a request' and that warmed me, but now that i read it again it chills me, like it chilled your character and I like it because you didn't shy away from canon!Sirius who is haughty and expects that everyone will do his bidding because everyone just does. Often authors (myself included) shy away from rude, haughty Sirius in favour of 'nice underneath

[kyasuriin]

oh yeah, forgot to say that I found the part with them kissing on the bleachers really hot *giggle*

threw his arms round Sirius’s neck, pulling him closer, and then they were really kissing, very deeply; then they were half-lying on the stands, and we could actually hear their breathing in the quiet morning, ragged and shallow

yeah...right there *g*

[minnow_53]

Glad you liked that bit! I really, really enjoyed writing it. :D

Now, 'bleachers' is a wonderful word that we don't have, sadly. Much better than boring old 'stands', anyway. :(

^_^

No, read this: first two deleted as half disappeared twice!

[minnow_53]

Thank you! Having one of their girlfriends wouldn't be at all the same: I hope you'll write it, because I'd love to read it.

I'm glad you liked the view of Sirius: I sometimes feel a bit sorrier for him, but not in this one.

Sorry about the two deleted messages: they got eaten up, though everything was in the box here. I hope it won't happen again: sorry if this is rubbish too, but I won't fill your inbox with deleted posts.

Go and write your fic! And thanks a million for commenting.
^_^ x

[masterofmystery]

I had to point out, but is the name 'Remus' in your icon deliberately spelled wrong to be 'Rmeus'? o_O

[minnow_53]

I don't know: the icon was posted like this; it's one of Marta's pictures. I didn't even notice it till someone else pointed it out, and I assume it was an accident. Still totally adore hostile Sirius and Rmeus in it, though!
^_^