Fic: When I Was Young

[minnow_53]

When I Was Young
By Minnow

Disclaimer: Most of these characters belong to JK Rowling and various corporations.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Era: MWPP
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Unrequited love
Note: This has been backdated by a year: it was actually posted on 2nd March 2005. I don't think it quite deserves to be deleted, but it certainly doesn't

Comments

[paulamcg]

I’ve read this only once through, so I may have more to say later. It’s excellent that you introduced Allie: in comparison with her it was easier to grasp the viewpoint character’s traits.

Throughout the story I felt a longing to see more of Sirius and Remus (and some R/S readers will perhaps feel that they are not getting enough of the puppies) but I think that this is the feeling we’re supposed to have when identifying with your heroine. The detailed descriptions of R/S interaction were more precious just because there wasn’t an abundance of them. Besides, Sirius was portrayed wonderfully in the scene on the steps.

Why should we think that the only or the best way of writing about Remus and Sirius in order to extrapolate from the canon is to use either of their perspectives? It’s refreshing to see someone else’s view, since there is no absolute truth about a person in any case: it’s all interpretations - even the person’s own idea of himself. At least a slight problem when using an OC is that it’s hard to develop a fleshed out character in a short piece - especially when your readers expect you to concentrate on Remus and Sirius.

I think you managed to make your heroine quite realistic. And I have experience of somehow stalking two males, almost ten years older than Sirius and Remus here - and one of them was even my best friend - without realizing anything that should have stopped me from dreaming about a wedding.

Oh, now it just occurred to me to ask: Did you have magic in (m)any details?

[minnow_53]

Thanks for commenting! Start at the end: magic, not a lot. Mention fists rather than wands, took out a reference there which should go back in perhaps. I always sort of assume that magic is a constant background in any R/S reader's mind, and you're automatically seeing it as a magic universe. Oblique reference to lycothranpy.

If I do use OCs, which I don't often, I tend to use rather extreme ones to get the point across, like the red Mini, who was really a children's book character (appropriate, I thought),or else just have them in the background. I don't think the narrator is supposed to be a strong character: she's meant to embody the romantic dreams and hopes you have at fifteen. Allie seemed a bit more defined.

And I have experience of somehow stalking two males, almost ten years older than Sirius and Remus here - and one of them was even my best friend - without realizing anything that should have stopped me from dreaming about a wedding.

That has to be one of the very most intriguing sentences in any comment ever! I hope you'll elaborate, though it sounds as if it was very painful.
^_^