Problem: I'm going into hardcore Saturn Return mode and have no idea what I'm doing with my life ( Read more... )

How does one proceed with life when surrounded by death? It is a face that I cannot avoid this year--a sagging sigh followed by a breath of dust and stagnation.

Despite my last entry, life still has not changed yet. If anything, it is pushing me to change further. I am beginning to realize that living is doing, and doing is all about taking your knowledge, your experience, and your innate tastes and qualities, and frankly just doing something with it. Either you can remain in silence with all of your ( Read more... )

Life is in such a strange place lately. I keep getting this persistent feeling where I know that a significant current chapter in life is about to end and another is about to begin, but I can't seem to figure out when or how. 2013, I can safely say that you constantly have me on the edge of my seat and remain shrouded in mystery. Where exactly are ( Read more... )

I feel like I'm floating through existence on an icy cloud right now. I'm aware of everything that's going on right now and the pressure that it involves, but it simply melts at my fingertips into rain drops of carelessness. Work is awful, school is intimidating but interesting. This is the new chapter and either way I will need to face up to it ( Read more... )

So, I guess at this point I don't really know what to do. On a lot of different levels. Katherine talked with me tonight over Chinese food about how I appear to be only enthusiastic about my own interests, and not those of anyone else. As a general statement, she is absolutely correct. And I explained to her that when I get excited about ( Read more... )

why is it that the "right" or "smart" decisions always leave me vapid and empty-handed? I'm tired of feeling that I have such a strong level of self control that I'm unable to take risks and let myself make large mistakes and be free. I don't know if it's a pride issue or what, but I simply cannot get drunk enough that I'm even willing to make " ( Read more... )

ten years ago I was a teenager
and twenty years ago I had become a child.
I have let twenty-five cents slip through my hands,
and it is thirty years in the desert that i will withsstand.

I had a dream last night that Katherine and I had planned on taking a vacation somewhere in the US. Colorado, I think? Anyway, we purchased really cheap tickets so that we could budget appropriately. We got on the plane and sat separately(as usual). I sprawled out a bit and got comfortable on the seats since it was a rather empty flight. The ( Read more... )

The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way ( Read more... )