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The ballad of a dietary analysis gone awfully awry
To all the beloved penis enlargement pill merchants and confusing Russian criminal spy-like creatures of the LiVEJOURNAL community, look--I'm not dead, after all! And yes, I would love some penis enlargement pills; thank you for repeatedly asking ( Read more... ) -
My annual death-bed chat
First of all, I'd like to make clear that the main theme I hope to drive home in this year's deathbed chat, is that I've fallen out of my deathbed. Somebody, please hoist me back into my deathbed! Oh, God, and be gentle with my deathbedsores ( Read more... ) -
Today's excuse for marching about and yelling
So, I had assumed I'd be too lazy to go join the local mass complaining cerermony about Proposition 8. Fortunately, about half an hour after it started, I realized I couldn't miss the chance to mill around with a bunch of random Minnesotans going "Wooo!" every so often. That is, after all, the only reasonable substitute for a social life that I ( Read more... ) -
Happy Obamaween!
The whole Halloween-Federal Election combo always runs me ragged, but what a doozy this one was, in the nicest way, generally ( Read more... ) -
Zsa Zsa's Famous Dairy Tales, Volume III: The 100-Year Douchebag
Oh, God, I'm such a vast and billowing douchebag. I'm like a huge marshy wetland of douchebags stretchin' out as far as the eye can tell. Only instead of being full of delightful storks and what-not, this douchebag-based wetland has nothing living in it, except for giant hornets. And stunted, pigeon-sized vultures that eat the giant hornets when ( Read more... ) -
Good Lord Almighty
Now, I'm used to a certain amount of flaming insanity permeating every moment of daily life, but today, or rather, this evening, has been so unusually chock-full of batshit craziness that it totally gives me pause ( Read more... ) -
Chivalry may be dead, but action and adventure abound!
Dear readers and/or lovers, allow me to cut right to the chase. The other night, Sarah and I were stepping out to smoke snickerettes, as we are wont to do whenever we are not strapped down on a metal table inside a cage festooned with electrified barbed wire. We opened and passed through the door that randomly separates one half of the hallway ( Read more... ) -
Estelle Getty was the first of the gang to die
Can you believe how much I suck? I blog less often than an illiterate, fingerless child in the 1980's. This is all the douchebaggier, as it has been the most sizzling summer on record since the invention of the fajita-flavored bikini. So, in an abridged and shame-soaked format, here is a handy guide to highlights of the last few months ( Read more... ) -
As I look back upon my life...
I haven't entered the blogosphere, but Carrie has!
This week I got to thinking. Men. Women. Are we really that different? If you can't stand the heat, get out of my bedroom! Women, today, living in Modern Day Manhattan. Are we really in love? Or is love just a dream we dreamed up one day? Can you love women if you're really a men? -
This Memorial Day, I struggle to remember the past month
So, in the last few weeks, I had two blockbuster cultural events. One was going with Eric to see a performance of Jesus Christ Superstar featuring Ted Neeley, the crazy screaming Christ from the film, which was, in my opinion, the pinnacle of 1970's cinema. Of course, the big draw being the hope that he would scream a whole lot as in the film. ( Read more... )