How do you convince yourself of something you don't actually believe?

I look at entire months, the rest of the year and think, how am I going to do this when I can barely make it through one day?

I failed again.  A year ago I told myself I was in an endless cycle.  Here is another year of proof.

I'm pretty sure I didn't do a single thing on the list of things I said I would do last time.  I'm pretty sure if I made a list today I wouldn't do a single thing on it next year when I check in again so why do I keep making the list?  To remind me ( Read more... )

1. Change the way my apartment looks and hope it makes me feel better.  One of these days I really need to get a full night sleep without waking up or crying

2. Plan a vacation: with a friend, with PCC, with REI, with anyone and actually go and enjoy it

3. Plan smaller activities or sign up for day trips, classes etc through PCC or Parks and Rec. ( Read more... )

When I moved to Portland I was in heaven. Lots of new friends, late nights, new work, random drunk acts, new boyfriend, falling in love with both him and the new city I moved to, feeling burden free.

I guess it was worth it I don't think I've ever been that happy but it makes me all the more miserable right now.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm tired of never taking my own advice and I'm tired of tourturing myself... even though I continue to do so.

Give it up. You tried. It didn't work, you did everything you could so you shouldn't feel bad anymore. Stop pretending. Wake up. Move on.

I went to bed last night distracted at best. I didn't use any alternative sleep aides and well... it was noticible. I woke up every few hours, like I always do when I don't comatose myself properly first, but this morning I decided to write a letter, an e-mail to be exact. It's like confronting a crush but worse. I felt instantly better, but as ( Read more... )

I move from California to Portland the last time I couldn't get my life back on track. I can't start over like that again, I don't think I can just pack up and run away, but he made Portland home. Without him it'll be my first Thanksgiving alone, possibly my first Christmas alone. I know I have some time to get over it, but right now I can't even ( Read more... )

You start to do things, and it seems like just about anything you do, forces you to acknowledge a big hole in your life. Hanging out at the food court and going to see a movie sounds pretty simple but not when that movie you went to go see you've been excited about watching since practically the beginning of time and I think it probably would have ( Read more... )

If my pysical well being (or lack there of) is any indicator of my mental state then it's suiting ( Read more... )