Happiness: A Learned Skill

[michelle1963]

Happiness.  For some it is an elusive condition; for others, not so much.  Why?

Could it be brain chemistry?  Medical science seems to confirm the hypothesis that brain chemistry is a factor given that medications that alter it often result in an improved mood in depressed patients.  However, researchers have found that modifying thinking patterns

Comments

[ehowton]

It would seem awfully self-serving to reply to this entry, but suffice it to say I enjoyed your thoughts on recasting and would like to explore that aspect further, as it is something I have done time and time again without having a word for it.

[michelle1963]

I have done this..., this "recasting" for as long as I can remember. Like you, I had no word for it, nor did I even recognize it as a skill.

When I was thinking about this post, trying to pull together as many as the threads about happiness that I have read, and you and I have discussed lately, I realized that I had probably been taught the skill of "recasting" from my father. As an INFJ, he often looked at issues from many, many sides, and if it pertained to me, enjoyed discussing these many sides in great detail.

[ehowton]

My own father extolled the virtues of experience when I was younger. He never begrudged us a new experience and often went out of his way to ensure we could experience as many new things as possible - something I attempt to accomplish with my own children.

Raising "happy" children may not at all be about what best to teach them, rather to just live in the moment yourself with them and always open them up to new things!

Leading by example, rather that words.

[michelle1963]

Yes. Modeling. Probably the greatest gift one can give their children is experience coupled with teaching them to be unafraid of new things.

(Like your avatar. I need to make one for myself of my dad.)

[ehowton]

Live in the moment. No, that does not mean we do not consider the future or reminisce about the past.

Be mindful of the future, but not at the expense of the moment. ~ Obi-wan Kenobi

[michelle1963]

Obi wan Kenobi ~ one of the great philosophers.

[ehowton]

Sometimes Scotch makes me happy.

[michelle1963]

It is often the small things in life. It's good to make note of them or we might miss them altogether.

[anonymous]

This is an excellent essay on the roots of happiness and I'm in complete agreement. The only question that came to mind while reading had to do with the influence of outside problems on happiness. If,for example, you have money problems that are producing anxiety, does the anxiety preclude happiness? Can one be anxious and still be happy? I don't know, but am wondering.

Suzanne

[ehowton]

EXCELLENT QUESTION!

The answer, simply put, is, "No."

Allow me to explain: How does your anxiety change the money problem? Does it help? Does it fix it? To be be fair does it make it worse? No? Worry and anxiety don't impact your financial situation at all? How very interesting! I suppose you can move past that on your path for happiness and focus instead those energies on more tangible outcomes.

My $.02

[anonymous]

I have a feeling that anxiety is our mind and bodies' way of getting us to find solutions to problems. Because anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling, it pushes us to "think", resolve, ameliorate whatever is behind the anxiety. Much like an unstable state in nature strives to return to stasis. Maybe happiness is the stasis after anxiety has caused us to act.

Suzanne

[ehowton]

I wish I knew the people you know! I've rarely meet anyone who's able to use logic turn anxiety into positive change. No ma'am, I meet "worry warts," people who worry unduly - worry for the sake of worrying. We ought to hang out more so I can meet your friends.

[michelle1963]

When I worked for the hospital in Coffeyville, I attended a seminar in which we were asked, "Who feels anxiety is bad thing?" The majority of hands went up. "Who feels it is a good thing." The hands of the remaining few went up. They were the EMTs in the room. The presenter asked them why. They responded that in a crisis (like in their job), anxiety made them sharp.

I think that is the crux of the matter ~ anxiety is great in a crisis. It may be the difference between life and death ~ whether it is with the patients who are in the EMTs hands or our cavemen ancestors trying to avoid becoming some big cat's lunch ~ but in a ongoing state of events, an issue that cannot be immediately dispatched, then it becomes a hindrance.

Perhaps the complexity of modern life tweaks the alarms in our caveman brain to no positive avail.

[ehowton]

EXCELLENT lesson.