Jan's Journal (Part 3) Revised...

[michaeljanlover]

Okay so it is fricken 6:19 in the morning...I haven't even been to bed yet, because I was so determined to get this fic posted ASAP!  So this is Chapter 3, revised of Jan's Journal...I hope ya like it! And Chapter 4 is yet to come....This is, however, the last chapter that I already had written, though..so yeah. I hope I'm making sense right now,

Comments

[supertvjunkie]

WOw this part is amazing! and the flashback is great too :D

Can't wait for chapter 4 :)

[michaeljanlover]

I'm really glad you liked this. It was a lot of fun to write! That flashback was actually added in, too! It wasn't in the original, so I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the comment!

[michaeljanlover]

Glad you liked it! Thanks! I'm hoping to be motivated to write chapter 4 now!

[laurendee]

Great job, girl! You described how Jan is feeling very well. I liked the flashback scene particularly!

[michaeljanlover]

That's awesome that you liked that scene. It was just something that sorta popped in my beautiful little mind...lol, and I just went with it! Thanks for the kind words! :D

[ironedpolyester]

I really love your characterization of Michael, Jan and Richard (what an ass, my favourite version) and the situations you created. And the realness that Jan can't say I love you yet to Michael.

The only thing I could suggest improvement on is some of the descriptors, mainly for dialogue or things. I guess sometimes the style is a little jarring and almost seems a little stage directionary if you know what I mean? (example: Begins getting more and more upset to where she starts yelling at him). But that doesn't detract from the quality of it.

I do really love this a lot.

[michaeljanlover]

I value your suggestion SO much...you have no idea. I LOVE getting 'constructive critism', and I really DO take everything, every suggestion I get, and try and make my fics better. Erin may not have realized just how much she has helped me with this whole 'New Improved' fic series. I don't know if you read the other version, but you can just see what a complete difference in improvemnet my writing has already become. Although, I HAVE realized I still have a little problem with the 'stage directionary' aspect of my writing and don't really know how to fix that part, you know? Please let me know what I can to do to help this, I'm opened up to anything...

Thanks again for that, and I'm glad you liked it! Hope to hear from you soon Stephanie!

[ironedpolyester]

Well I'm glad you're ok with constructive criticism. I'm always wary to post it b/c a lot of ppl will say they want it but they don't really, you know what I mean? And I've never really had any criticism of my fics, constructive or not, so I don't know how I'd react personally. I'd like to think I'd be cool about it, but who knows? So yeah... anyways.

Our writing styles are so completely differently I don't know if I could suggest anything really specific to help you. I guess the biggest thing would be try to show, not tell, the characters motivations. I think that's what might be causing the awkardness/abruptness of it, especially since it's coupled with the present tense.

Hmm. At lot of the times you could probably just leave out some of the "stage-y direction stuff" althogether (especially the shorter things) and let the dialogue try and convey what you mean on it's own.

For example,

“I can’t. I’m sorry. You’ve just hurt me too much that I don’t really feel like getting hurt again. Michael has nev…”

Interrupts her, “

[michaeljanlover]

I completely understand what you mean about receiving criticism. But I genuinly, LOVE it...To be honest, it DID catch me a little off guard, but NOT in a bad way, I never get suggestions unless i really pry it out of someone...lol. I want people's honest opinion...THAT is a great friend! Thanks again

[boredatwork1]

Sorry I'm responding so late! Well, I guess it's only been a couple of days :).

I really love what you've done with this fic. I vaguely remember the previous version (I remembered it more as I was reading it), but I definitely enjoyed this one. I think the dialogue is great and spot-on for the characters. I love how Richard is just a basket-case emotionally and he deals with his emotions with anger, which you showed very well.

In terms of the writing style (I read all the comments), I think it just might be a matter of trimming up a few sections. Also, it might be the present tense. Even though there are a lot of fics in present tense, it seemed like this one would work just as well in past tense, and that might fix some of the stage-directionyness (not a word, I know) of the lines. Also, some lines switched to Richard's perspective, which, in present tense, might also seem stage directiony. But please, ignore my thoughts if you don't find them to be at all helpful.

I really enjoyed and thought you did a great job!

[michaeljanlover]

Don't, for one second, think that I didn't find your thoughts helpful. Because I take everything people tell me to heart, and will gather all of these suggestions and put them into a suggestion box. Whatever suggestion I pull out of there first will be the suggestion I work on that day. Lol. Seriously though, I value everybody's suggestions. And I really am understanding all of it too...which should make chapter 4 easier to write. So thank-you so much...

I'm really glad you liked this too! Writing Richard was fun...believe it or not. Lol. sorry about all the swearing, but I thought it really worked. I sorta see him being someone who really hides his feeling (kinda ironic since Jan does that too) And thought that he'd probably just handle his emotions with anger. So that comment made me happy that you thought I showed it well :D It really means a lot!

Thanks for the help again...and yeah! Where have you been? TWO DAYS...gosh! I expect a comment right away! Lol..jk, I know you are probably carazy busy writing your musical!

[boredatwork1]

That's what I was doing! :). I managed to be really good and not watch TV for like, over a week, and I haven't updated my LJ in about a week either. Then, all of a sudden, a bunch of fic was posted. I'm slowly working through them.

Yay for suggestion boxes. I hope you keep yours up to date, unlike some offices... :) And definitely take my thoughts or leave them. They're totally just me rambling.

And yeah, I think you have a really interesting take on Richard's character.

Can't wait for the next chapter!