On Gender

[mezdeathhead]

A friend's recent post got me thinking about something

Comments

[gremlingirl]

I've always identified you as "awesome". I never really put much thought into it after that.

[screwdelicacy]

I'm pretty sure you're already a superhero. <3
Especially now that you've written this out. I've always felt that yes, I am physically a female, but it's nothing more than that. My being (or others being) either female or male means so, so little to me. We are who we are. I am who I want to be, and mentally, that just happens to be something in-between the two genders. A nice, comfy mix of both. A mix that is slowly getting more and more comfortable to me. Hurrah!

[mezdeathhead]

I like it :) Now to work on the comfortable part for me... I think it would honestly be easier if I didn't constantly feel like I had to explain it. Do you find yourself in that situation often?

[screwdelicacy]

Well, I think the fact that I have some considerable self-esteem issues that require me to wear gobs of makeup tends to be helpful in other people's assumptions of me (whether they are true or not, whatevs). So nobody seems to care or never at least they don't care enough to bring it up. Plus, I never see anyone outside of work, home or Katalist.

Why do you feel like you have to explain anything? Are these people that are asking straight up, or do you just feel like you have to lay it out there so they know BEFORE they ask anything?

[mezdeathhead]

They are typically people that ask me straight up. A lot of the time, it's folks from within the GLBT community who say things like "you know what it's like," and I have to be like, well, not really. It's bizarre, honestly.

Strangely enough, I don't really have self-esteem issues about my appearance. Frankly, if I didn't like it, I'd change it. I just hate that it makes me feel like I'm breaking some kind of societal rule, where I'm displaying that I'm something that I'm not, if that makes any sense. I don't really know how to word it.

[askesis]

I think we need a couple of new genders: "superhero" and "supervillain."

[mezdeathhead]

Great, now you've given me another conundrum. Which would I be? Yikes.

[mmcirvin]

Now I can't remember who it was who argued that Lex Luthor's sexual orientation is "KILL SUPERMAN".

[mmcirvin]

With me it's that, for reasons that were partly political and partly just born of social anxiety, I never became comfortable with the kind of performative heterosexuality that straight guys use as a means of bonding, the whole "WHOA LOOK AT THAT BABE DID YOU NOTICE I AM TOTALLY NOT GAY" act. And it really bothered some people in my young single days because they couldn't figure out what my sexuality was. Some people assumed I was either an extremely closeted gay dude or asexual, which I wasn't, but I'm not sure why it would have mattered if I were.

[mezdeathhead]

I completely relate to that as well. You'd think with all the John Hughes movies out there, people would be more forgiving of all our differences. Ha. But seriously, when we were supposed to discuss which boys were dreamy, I'd do a lot of nodding and smiling.

[artisticskin]

Heh, glad I got you thinking, well maybe not :P I agree though, it's hard dealing with other people defining you by something that in the end is very trivial and honestly not a remotely good indicator of who you are. Some day you and I should have a discussion about this, compare notes and all. I'm sure it would be really interesting. But I think it would be way to long of a conversation to do in comments.

I've always defined you as Mez, which in my book equals tons of things Great friend, awesome person, talented artist to name a few.

[mezdeathhead]

Chase, I'd love to have that conversation :) I find this stuff fascinating, even if I find aspects of it more than annoying. The strangest part of it to me, is that I'm sure many people are in this boat, but chose to "play along" in order to play it safe. I wonder what we'd all look and act like if no one gave a flying fuck what others thought?