I think this is where I say that perhaps one narrative is a problem, but as one of an array of choices, this one is not (necessarily) wrong. I would build in telling teachers as another option -- at this age, it's not (necessarily) social suicide. I like multiple options and in our house we often roleplay scenarios until we find a couple that feel right. Hollering "if you kick me again I am going to kick you back!", for example, gives fair warning and also gives adults a chance to intervene without anyone having to be a tattle-tale.
With the usual "I know nothing about parenting" caveat, seems like ok advice to me, and also not like something that's going to cause him serious trouble if it's not quite the right advice unless he takes it way too much to heart which he probably won't.
I am sorry this happened to him. That sounds rough. :(
Given that my kids are older than him and I have worked in a preschool co-op (as a parent worker) and am familiar with preschool and elementary school stuff I would say that from the perspective of my experience I disagree with the following for a few reasons:
"And there is no way in hell I'm going to tell him to tell a teacher. Yeah yeah, in an ideal world that's the way it would work; if there were people in charge of enforcing the social contract in a space, you could report violations to them and they would take care of it. Back to childhood reality: it's social suicide among the kids AND the teachers. Nobody, not even the supposed social contract enforcers, likes, or listens to, a tattletale. "The first reason is that I have not experienced preschool teachers getting upset at a child for reporting that a kid was hitting them. I have not seen it viewed as tattling at all. In my experience, preschool teachers *want* the hitting/kicking, etc. to stop and if they don't
( ... )
The first reason is that I have not experienced preschool teachers getting upset at a child for reporting that a kid was hitting them.This is presumably related to your previous point, that you just don't see much of this. Here's a slightly different take, which may help
( ... )
Yes, my experience has been like yours. The kid who brings up the problem is the problem.
But I am hearing from all the local people that here, now, and at this (very young) age, tattling is acceptable. So we will push that more! I must remember to deal with where I am, not what was happening 35 years ago, in another land.
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Given that my kids are older than him and I have worked in a preschool co-op (as a parent worker) and am familiar with preschool and elementary school stuff I would say that from the perspective of my experience I disagree with the following for a few reasons:
"And there is no way in hell I'm going to tell him to tell a teacher. Yeah yeah, in an ideal world that's the way it would work; if there were people in charge of enforcing the social contract in a space, you could report violations to them and they would take care of it. Back to childhood reality: it's social suicide among the kids AND the teachers. Nobody, not even the supposed social contract enforcers, likes, or listens to, a tattletale. "The first reason is that I have not experienced preschool teachers getting upset at a child for reporting that a kid was hitting them. I have not seen it viewed as tattling at all. In my experience, preschool teachers *want* the hitting/kicking, etc. to stop and if they don't ( ... )
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But I am hearing from all the local people that here, now, and at this (very young) age, tattling is acceptable. So we will push that more! I must remember to deal with where I am, not what was happening 35 years ago, in another land.
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