I'm very glad you didn't chuck that computer out of the window. ;)
I really enjoyed this; it's got a lovely unhurried pace to it throughout - as though they are just sipping chocolate and chatting quietly - which is a great contrast to the details of the war, and the trio's departure, which is obviously at a much more urgent pace. Yet the emphasis is very much on R/T and their conversation, which leads, really naturally, into a declaration that makes me think suddenly a great deal of progress has been made.
Of course, Molly will have already sussed that out, whatever Remus thinks to the contrary, lol.
Really liked this bit: That was partly what last year had been about, he now realised, fear, and his method of coping with it. If he denied himself everything, pushed everyone away, then he had nothing to lose. He’d been selfish, he thought, though his intent had been to be selfless.
Thought your dialogue sounded very natural, too, and it's a nice use of that part of the prompt. Really well done. :)
Thank you so much for reviewing, I was sure I wasn't going to get any reveiws to this one given yesterday's glut of wonderfull posts and the fact that most people have gone into hiding! :)
I'm glad you liked the pace. I very much wanted to create a quiet, intimate, fairly relaxed atmosphere, so I'm pleased it came across something like that.
suddenly a great deal of progress has been made
My intention was for them to come out of this conversation significantly strenghened as a couple, although it happened to a much greater degree than I had originally envisioned when I came to write it. not just in their declaration at the end but in other ways too.
Really liked this bit: That was partly what last year had been about, he now realised, fear, and his method of coping with it. If he denied himself everything, pushed everyone away, then he had nothing to lose. He’d been selfish, he thought, though his intent had been to be selfless.Thank you. I think the fear was both that he could lose her because of the war and that even if they
( ... )
I really like the tone of this - the idea that they've really been tired out by the last year really comes through, as does Remus' surprise and sense of wonder that he has Tonks back.
I really liked this part:
She so clearly loved him, trusted in him, had such faith that they were meant to be. And he knew that he loved her in return, that he could never envisage life with anyone other than her. He wanted so much to give himself up to these feelings, to abandon himself to the exhilaration of being loved, but always there were the niggling doubts, the underlying feeling that everything should be easier for her than he could ever make it. Part of him knew that she didn’t mind, but all the same, he never could entirely silence the other part, the part that wondered whether it was really enough.The simplicity of the language really makes it seem heartfelt and cuts to the heart of the matter, I think, and I like that you didn't have Remus' doubts and insecurites melt away immediately, because the issues they face will linger
( ... )
This was very much worth the pains it caused you :).
Thank you. I'm pretty pleased with it. I think it's been a bit of a turning point for me, and as such, I hope I continue. We shall see.
I really think Remus' issues are never going to melt away overnight, but that through his relationship with Tonk's, he's learning what thay are and learning to overcome them.
Go ahead and tell me the mistakes; I can never bear to look at my fics after I've posted, because I always find stuff I want to change, so I haven't spotted them.
Ok, here they are (but feel free to delete this if you want once you've read it):
Several goblins from the Egyptian office of Gringotts had been and signals on the Muggle rail network had been sent haywire, causing gridlock all over England and puzzling engineers from Berwick to Plymouth, though fatalities had, mercifully, been avoided
It reads to me like there should be more after ‘ Gringotts had been’
They had spent the evening having dinner at the Weasleys house
You need an apostrophe somewhere - I'd suggest leave it at: 'at the Weasley's', unless you meant 'at the Weasley house'?
There had also been a heated argument two weeks before, between Mrs Weasley and Ron, after he announced that he wouldn’t be returning to Hogwarts the next year,whether the school opened or not, but would (along with Hermione) be accompanying Harry while he completed his mysterious task
Oh, this is lovely! It's such a nice moment, and I like how easily they drift from thing to thing, and poor Tonks! She is so young and brave even when she has her doubtful moment, and I love Remus reassuring her. Almost as much as I love him tricking Molly, lol. Such a Marauder. I'm very glad you kept at this, it's really great.
I always think Remus would be very good at lying without lying, if you see what I mean, so that when questioned later, he can just say, "I'm sorry, Professor,you must have misunderstood what I meant" completely impassive.
In fact, I'm glad you liked that bit, because I was in two minds as to whether to include it. I wasn't sure if it would be a stronger piece without that, but I was rather fond of the idea, so couldn't quite let it go.
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I loved the dialogue between them, especially when she asked him to stay with her for the night...
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It seems, however hard I try, the fluff creeps in, LOL. I must just have a fluffy personality! :)
Thankyou for your kind review.
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Remus is a pretty good lier, but then, Molly brought up Fred and George...
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I really enjoyed this; it's got a lovely unhurried pace to it throughout - as though they are just sipping chocolate and chatting quietly - which is a great contrast to the details of the war, and the trio's departure, which is obviously at a much more urgent pace. Yet the emphasis is very much on R/T and their conversation, which leads, really naturally, into a declaration that makes me think suddenly a great deal of progress has been made.
Of course, Molly will have already sussed that out, whatever Remus thinks to the contrary, lol.
Really liked this bit:
That was partly what last year had been about, he now realised, fear, and his method of coping with it. If he denied himself everything, pushed everyone away, then he had nothing to lose. He’d been selfish, he thought, though his intent had been to be selfless.
Thought your dialogue sounded very natural, too, and it's a nice use of that part of the prompt. Really well done. :)
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I'm glad you liked the pace. I very much wanted to create a quiet, intimate, fairly relaxed atmosphere, so I'm pleased it came across something like that.
suddenly a great deal of progress has been made
My intention was for them to come out of this conversation significantly strenghened as a couple, although it happened to a much greater degree than I had originally envisioned when I came to write it. not just in their declaration at the end but in other ways too.
Really liked this bit:
That was partly what last year had been about, he now realised, fear, and his method of coping with it. If he denied himself everything, pushed everyone away, then he had nothing to lose. He’d been selfish, he thought, though his intent had been to be selfless.Thank you. I think the fear was both that he could lose her because of the war and that even if they ( ... )
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I really liked this part:
She so clearly loved him, trusted in him, had such faith that they were meant to be. And he knew that he loved her in return, that he could never envisage life with anyone other than her. He wanted so much to give himself up to these feelings, to abandon himself to the exhilaration of being loved, but always there were the niggling doubts, the underlying feeling that everything should be easier for her than he could ever make it. Part of him knew that she didn’t mind, but all the same, he never could entirely silence the other part, the part that wondered whether it was really enough.The simplicity of the language really makes it seem heartfelt and cuts to the heart of the matter, I think, and I like that you didn't have Remus' doubts and insecurites melt away immediately, because the issues they face will linger ( ... )
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Thank you. I'm pretty pleased with it. I think it's been a bit of a turning point for me, and as such, I hope I continue. We shall see.
I really think Remus' issues are never going to melt away overnight, but that through his relationship with Tonk's, he's learning what thay are and learning to overcome them.
Go ahead and tell me the mistakes; I can never bear to look at my fics after I've posted, because I always find stuff I want to change, so I haven't spotted them.
Reply
Several goblins from the Egyptian office of Gringotts had been and signals on the Muggle rail network had been sent haywire, causing gridlock all over England and puzzling engineers from Berwick to Plymouth, though fatalities had, mercifully, been avoided
It reads to me like there should be more after ‘ Gringotts had been’
They had spent the evening having dinner at the Weasleys house
You need an apostrophe somewhere - I'd suggest leave it at: 'at the Weasley's', unless you meant 'at the Weasley house'?
There had also been a heated argument two weeks before, between Mrs Weasley and Ron, after he announced that he wouldn’t be returning to Hogwarts the next year,whether the school opened or not, but would (along with Hermione) be accompanying Harry while he completed his mysterious task
You’ve missed a space after 'next year'.
“In other words,” she said, “You can’t tell me.”
Stray capital y after the comma.
“Oh really? Well I’ll look forward to ( ... )
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Oh dear, I must look totally illiterate.
Right, off to fix it. :)
Ta very much for telling me about them.
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I always think Remus would be very good at lying without lying, if you see what I mean, so that when questioned later, he can just say, "I'm sorry, Professor,you must have misunderstood what I meant" completely impassive.
In fact, I'm glad you liked that bit, because I was in two minds as to whether to include it. I wasn't sure if it would be a stronger piece without that, but I was rather fond of the idea, so couldn't quite let it go.
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