How To Close A Love Letter: Part II
Title: How To Close A Love Letter
Author: scarlett71177
Rating & Warnings: PG
Prompts: Goblet & ‘I am good-looking enough for the both of us, I theenk’ (they’re in there- somewhere)
Word Count: Part II: 1732 (8,934 Total in 3 parts)
Summary: A correspondence brings Remus and Tonks closer. (Set after Chapter 29 of HBP.)
Author’s Notes: This is the second R/T piece I started- nearly two years ago. I just kept putting it aside to work on other pieces. I couldn’t have finished this without massive support, suggestions, and encouragement from margaret67 and thanks to shendricks2004 for the beta.
The Owl had awoken her from a restless sleep, and now Nymphadora Tonks sat in the centre of her couch, her legs curled up underneath her, staring open-mouthed at the crisp parchment clutched in her white-knuckled hand. She sighed loudly and let her head fall back against the back of the couch as she closed her eyes, pushing a solitary tear down her cheek. Her right hand instinctively wiped the tear away, leaving her fingertips moist with saline. She brought the parchment up to her face, letting the paper caress her skin with an empty, cold touch; a touch so unlike the document’s author. A faint scent lingered on the paper: a fragrance she’d first became familiar with two years ago. Truth be told she no longer needed a trigger to recall the precise scent she always associated with him, like Muggle aftershave, something subtle and old-fashioned. She pushed herself up from the couch and crossed the room to the little desk near the kitchen.
The workspace resembled the ground zero of arbitrary Auror Department clutter: files, which should not have been removed from the Ministry of Magic premises, her Auror’s badge, and the latest Ministry approved guidelines. She removed the mess with one swipe of her arm across the desktop, letting the paraphernalia crash to the floor. She carefully set Remus’ letter atop the freshly unearthed workspace, separating all the pages, and began rummaging in the clutter on the floor for a quill. Not finding one, she began fumbling through the screeching drawers until she found a small bottle of India ink, and a quill that looked as though it had been chewed by a badger. Tonks scowled and pursed her lips at the sight of the quill, but merely shook her head and opened the ink. She thumbed through several sheets of beige parchment, complete with a gold-leaf Ministry letterhead (stationary that she’d nicked from work,) and set them on the desk. Dipping the nib of the quill into thickened ink, Tonks poised the quill over the paper and sighed, What to say? She looked at Remus’ letter spread out before her in hopes of gaining inspiration, and began to write.
Remus,
You are a daft prat if you think for one moment that I’ll tell you one more time that I love you. I won’t tell you just once more, but I will tell you fifty times, four thousand times, seven million times! I love you, I love you, I love you!
To say I’m surprised by your letter is an understatement. I don’t know what to say… I’m speechless- and that’s not an easy accomplishment, so cheers to you.
Remus, I don’t know what to say anymore; I love you, it’s not going to change. You don’t scare me; you never have. I know why you push me away, but I won’t quit fighting for you- ever. It’s not entirely true when I say that it doesn’t matter to me that you’re a werewolf. It does matter. It matters a great deal.
I care deeply that you were harmed as a child by a vicious monster, that you were shunned throughout your life, and that you endure physical pain each month. I care that there will be a part of you that I may never understand, and I care that you don’t see yourself any differently than Greyback. I care about you. However, I don’t give a damn what anyone else may say about you, me, or any relationship we might have, and I can guarantee that my feelings would be just as strong if you didn’t have lycanthropy. Don’t argue with me, Remus, believe me, I know myself.
Don’t worry about apologies, I don’t need them, I just want you. I don’t care about anything else just so long as you give ‘us’ a chance. Please don’t get involved with me simply because of the recent events that have affected our lives. The only thing I ask is that you want to because you feel about me the way I feel about you. No sympathy, guilt, or pity- just love.
I know what it’s like to be different. No one ever stops to consider that my life has not been easy either. I’m every bit a ‘freak’ that you are. I am mistrusted and misused. I wonder if I am liked for who I am, or valued for what I am.
I’ve lived one metamorphosis after another, everyone wanting something else, never considering how I felt about my ability, and then I met you. You’ve never asked me to be anyone but myself, whatever incarnation I chose to be. You never favoured one, never treated me any differently. How could I not fall for you?
You brought the depth, clarity, and focus I so needed in my life. You brought your own colour and deepened my world. You call yourself grey. But grey is a colour. Ice, Silver, Chrome, Heather, Charcoal. They’re all beautiful and were absent from my life. If I brought bright colours to your life, then please understand that you added a solid consistency to my own.
I imagine it will take some time to prove to you what I’ve known for so very long. You are an exceptionally smart, kind, handsome, gentle man who may deserve something more than what you’ll get with me. By now you’ve realised for yourself how incredibly difficult I am to live with. I’m loud, keep horrible hours, listen to my music just a little bit too loud, dress audaciously, and can’t keep my faculties around you. Nobody’s perfect, so I don’t want to hear any more nonsensical talk about me finding someone better because I won’t. He doesn’t exist. You’re everything I want, everything I need. The fact that you’re a werewolf has never repelled me- not for one moment. It’s a part of you, and I don’t define you by it. I love you for who you are. Would you love me any more if I wasn’t a metamorphmagus?
I think a part of me began to fall in love with you from our first introduction. Sirius promptly told me you were the resident Werewolf, and then described me as the shape-shifter. Though our capabilities varied, I, nevertheless, felt an instant kinship to you- we both had something in common that made us both freaks, something that brought us together. You were so comforting, and I found myself longing to be near you. Despite the unique situation that caused the Order of the Phoenix to rise from its ashes, you always remained calm and collected. I never saw anything else- not even when Sirius died. You knew exactly what you needed to do, and your strength never left you- until tonight. Still, I felt braver in your midst. We need each other now more than ever- our lives changed tonight. They changed more drastically than any of us can yet imagine, and I don’t think Dumbledore would want life to become stagnant. He would want us to live, and I don’t want to live life alone.
My feelings aren’t going to go away, Remus. Love doesn’t go away. Love doesn’t know boundaries, reason, fear, salaries, or addresses. Love isn’t easy or convenient, but I’d like to think that the two of us shared love before we even thought to give it a title- like those nights alone at Grimmauld Place. You can’t change my mind; I’m not going away, I am not ashamed of myself, of you, or of the way I feel. I’m pleading that you aren’t either.
You have affected my life more deeply than you may ever know. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and I will do anything and everything to make this work. To read the words ‘I love you’ in your letter brought tears to my eyes; I’ve forgotten what it was like to smile, to feel my heart beating with elation instead of fear. I think I may have come undone had you kissed me in the hospital wing tonight.
I need you too. It’s been hours, but I miss you terribly. I want to see you. Meet me at 7am for coffee- at that Muggle café near number twelve. I’ll be the girl with the pink hair… I love you.
All my love,
Tonks
~*~***~*~
Pausing to rethink the closing Tonks shook her head, cursing herself for being such a ninny. She hastily folded the letter and began to ransack the drawers of the desk for an envelope. She found the planner she was looking for last month, the roll of Spellotape she pilfered from the office, and a photograph of her Muggle cousin, Rodney, but no envelope. Finally she yanked the drawer from the body of the desk and upended it, spilling the contents on the workspace, and began sifting through years’ worth of junk.
“Aha!” she exclaimed, finding a crunched, crinkled, yellowing envelope, complete with a tea stain from her mug. She tucked the letter inside, sealed the envelope, and took great care to inscribe Remus’ name across the front.
“Pixie!” she called, watching her Tawny Owl swoop down from her perch near the open window of her small flat. “Take this to Remus, yeah?” she asked, holding the envelope out, watching as the little owl clasped the paper in her talons. Tonks gently carried her to the window, watching her owl take to the sky with last vestiges of night present, and the varying shades of violet and fuchsia scraping the horizon.
She stood back and closed her eyes, took a deep breath, feeling a huge sense of release, and willed her hair to change- just a simple change of hue. Life wasn’t perfect, it would never be, and she still felt the all encompassing sense of loss that Dumbledore’s absence would leave in her life, but she couldn’t make that go away. And would she even want it to? She always wanted to remember the importance the Headmaster would have in her life- the level of trust he placed on her. And wouldn’t Dumbledore be happier than anyone that she and Remus had fallen in love? She felt the familiar stinging sensation and opened her eyes again, catching her reflection in the window. Mousy brown… with pink highlights. Happy tears flooded her eyes as she stumbled toward her bedroom, eager to meet Remus for breakfast.
Author: scarlett71177
Rating & Warnings: PG
Prompts: Goblet & ‘I am good-looking enough for the both of us, I theenk’ (they’re in there- somewhere)
Word Count: Part II: 1732 (8,934 Total in 3 parts)
Summary: A correspondence brings Remus and Tonks closer. (Set after Chapter 29 of HBP.)
Author’s Notes: This is the second R/T piece I started- nearly two years ago. I just kept putting it aside to work on other pieces. I couldn’t have finished this without massive support, suggestions, and encouragement from margaret67 and thanks to shendricks2004 for the beta.
The Owl had awoken her from a restless sleep, and now Nymphadora Tonks sat in the centre of her couch, her legs curled up underneath her, staring open-mouthed at the crisp parchment clutched in her white-knuckled hand. She sighed loudly and let her head fall back against the back of the couch as she closed her eyes, pushing a solitary tear down her cheek. Her right hand instinctively wiped the tear away, leaving her fingertips moist with saline. She brought the parchment up to her face, letting the paper caress her skin with an empty, cold touch; a touch so unlike the document’s author. A faint scent lingered on the paper: a fragrance she’d first became familiar with two years ago. Truth be told she no longer needed a trigger to recall the precise scent she always associated with him, like Muggle aftershave, something subtle and old-fashioned. She pushed herself up from the couch and crossed the room to the little desk near the kitchen.
The workspace resembled the ground zero of arbitrary Auror Department clutter: files, which should not have been removed from the Ministry of Magic premises, her Auror’s badge, and the latest Ministry approved guidelines. She removed the mess with one swipe of her arm across the desktop, letting the paraphernalia crash to the floor. She carefully set Remus’ letter atop the freshly unearthed workspace, separating all the pages, and began rummaging in the clutter on the floor for a quill. Not finding one, she began fumbling through the screeching drawers until she found a small bottle of India ink, and a quill that looked as though it had been chewed by a badger. Tonks scowled and pursed her lips at the sight of the quill, but merely shook her head and opened the ink. She thumbed through several sheets of beige parchment, complete with a gold-leaf Ministry letterhead (stationary that she’d nicked from work,) and set them on the desk. Dipping the nib of the quill into thickened ink, Tonks poised the quill over the paper and sighed, What to say? She looked at Remus’ letter spread out before her in hopes of gaining inspiration, and began to write.
Remus,
You are a daft prat if you think for one moment that I’ll tell you one more time that I love you. I won’t tell you just once more, but I will tell you fifty times, four thousand times, seven million times! I love you, I love you, I love you!
To say I’m surprised by your letter is an understatement. I don’t know what to say… I’m speechless- and that’s not an easy accomplishment, so cheers to you.
Remus, I don’t know what to say anymore; I love you, it’s not going to change. You don’t scare me; you never have. I know why you push me away, but I won’t quit fighting for you- ever. It’s not entirely true when I say that it doesn’t matter to me that you’re a werewolf. It does matter. It matters a great deal.
I care deeply that you were harmed as a child by a vicious monster, that you were shunned throughout your life, and that you endure physical pain each month. I care that there will be a part of you that I may never understand, and I care that you don’t see yourself any differently than Greyback. I care about you. However, I don’t give a damn what anyone else may say about you, me, or any relationship we might have, and I can guarantee that my feelings would be just as strong if you didn’t have lycanthropy. Don’t argue with me, Remus, believe me, I know myself.
Don’t worry about apologies, I don’t need them, I just want you. I don’t care about anything else just so long as you give ‘us’ a chance. Please don’t get involved with me simply because of the recent events that have affected our lives. The only thing I ask is that you want to because you feel about me the way I feel about you. No sympathy, guilt, or pity- just love.
I know what it’s like to be different. No one ever stops to consider that my life has not been easy either. I’m every bit a ‘freak’ that you are. I am mistrusted and misused. I wonder if I am liked for who I am, or valued for what I am.
I’ve lived one metamorphosis after another, everyone wanting something else, never considering how I felt about my ability, and then I met you. You’ve never asked me to be anyone but myself, whatever incarnation I chose to be. You never favoured one, never treated me any differently. How could I not fall for you?
You brought the depth, clarity, and focus I so needed in my life. You brought your own colour and deepened my world. You call yourself grey. But grey is a colour. Ice, Silver, Chrome, Heather, Charcoal. They’re all beautiful and were absent from my life. If I brought bright colours to your life, then please understand that you added a solid consistency to my own.
I imagine it will take some time to prove to you what I’ve known for so very long. You are an exceptionally smart, kind, handsome, gentle man who may deserve something more than what you’ll get with me. By now you’ve realised for yourself how incredibly difficult I am to live with. I’m loud, keep horrible hours, listen to my music just a little bit too loud, dress audaciously, and can’t keep my faculties around you. Nobody’s perfect, so I don’t want to hear any more nonsensical talk about me finding someone better because I won’t. He doesn’t exist. You’re everything I want, everything I need. The fact that you’re a werewolf has never repelled me- not for one moment. It’s a part of you, and I don’t define you by it. I love you for who you are. Would you love me any more if I wasn’t a metamorphmagus?
I think a part of me began to fall in love with you from our first introduction. Sirius promptly told me you were the resident Werewolf, and then described me as the shape-shifter. Though our capabilities varied, I, nevertheless, felt an instant kinship to you- we both had something in common that made us both freaks, something that brought us together. You were so comforting, and I found myself longing to be near you. Despite the unique situation that caused the Order of the Phoenix to rise from its ashes, you always remained calm and collected. I never saw anything else- not even when Sirius died. You knew exactly what you needed to do, and your strength never left you- until tonight. Still, I felt braver in your midst. We need each other now more than ever- our lives changed tonight. They changed more drastically than any of us can yet imagine, and I don’t think Dumbledore would want life to become stagnant. He would want us to live, and I don’t want to live life alone.
My feelings aren’t going to go away, Remus. Love doesn’t go away. Love doesn’t know boundaries, reason, fear, salaries, or addresses. Love isn’t easy or convenient, but I’d like to think that the two of us shared love before we even thought to give it a title- like those nights alone at Grimmauld Place. You can’t change my mind; I’m not going away, I am not ashamed of myself, of you, or of the way I feel. I’m pleading that you aren’t either.
You have affected my life more deeply than you may ever know. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and I will do anything and everything to make this work. To read the words ‘I love you’ in your letter brought tears to my eyes; I’ve forgotten what it was like to smile, to feel my heart beating with elation instead of fear. I think I may have come undone had you kissed me in the hospital wing tonight.
I need you too. It’s been hours, but I miss you terribly. I want to see you. Meet me at 7am for coffee- at that Muggle café near number twelve. I’ll be the girl with the pink hair… I love you.
All my love,
Tonks
~*~***~*~
Pausing to rethink the closing Tonks shook her head, cursing herself for being such a ninny. She hastily folded the letter and began to ransack the drawers of the desk for an envelope. She found the planner she was looking for last month, the roll of Spellotape she pilfered from the office, and a photograph of her Muggle cousin, Rodney, but no envelope. Finally she yanked the drawer from the body of the desk and upended it, spilling the contents on the workspace, and began sifting through years’ worth of junk.
“Aha!” she exclaimed, finding a crunched, crinkled, yellowing envelope, complete with a tea stain from her mug. She tucked the letter inside, sealed the envelope, and took great care to inscribe Remus’ name across the front.
“Pixie!” she called, watching her Tawny Owl swoop down from her perch near the open window of her small flat. “Take this to Remus, yeah?” she asked, holding the envelope out, watching as the little owl clasped the paper in her talons. Tonks gently carried her to the window, watching her owl take to the sky with last vestiges of night present, and the varying shades of violet and fuchsia scraping the horizon.
She stood back and closed her eyes, took a deep breath, feeling a huge sense of release, and willed her hair to change- just a simple change of hue. Life wasn’t perfect, it would never be, and she still felt the all encompassing sense of loss that Dumbledore’s absence would leave in her life, but she couldn’t make that go away. And would she even want it to? She always wanted to remember the importance the Headmaster would have in her life- the level of trust he placed on her. And wouldn’t Dumbledore be happier than anyone that she and Remus had fallen in love? She felt the familiar stinging sensation and opened her eyes again, catching her reflection in the window. Mousy brown… with pink highlights. Happy tears flooded her eyes as she stumbled toward her bedroom, eager to meet Remus for breakfast.