Comments | metamorfic_moon: Past and Present

devonwood in metamorfic_moon

Past and Present

Oct 23, 2006 17:53

Title: Past and Present
Author: Dev (Devonwood)
Rating & Warnings: T/PG-13. Just mild swearing.
Prompts: Astronomy Tower, Orchideous, A Day of Acquisition, Drama
Word Count: 1,724
Summary: Bandaids may fix a broken heart, but some wounds take longer to heal.

Author’s Notes: This was beta'ed by my loverly friend Trace, so any grammar/spelling mistakes are ( Read more... )

half moon rising fic jumble, drama, devonwood

Comments 20

sea_thoughts October 24 2006, 00:38:01 UTC

I like this. The past and present sections balance each other out: Tonks happy in Remus's company despite the danger and Tonks alone and safe, but miserable. Her thoughts were very vivid as was her shock and anger at the change in her Patronus, which was very well described. You did mispell 'Nymphadora' but I assume that's a typo.

devonwood October 24 2006, 02:25:20 UTC

You did mispell 'Nymphadora' but I assume that's a typo.

Yeah, that was. -.-; *goes back to fix it*

Thanks for the lovely review! :D

jncar October 24 2006, 15:38:35 UTC

The dichotomy you set up between the two scenes is fascinating. Little Tonks tries to heal his broken heart, but when he breaks hers there is nothing that will heal it. Very melancholy.

And her reaction to her discovery of her new patronus is really lovely--I've never seen done that way before. I especially like the last line: "He bounded out the window, characteristically, leaving just as soon as he came."

Nice.

devonwood October 25 2006, 18:10:33 UTC

Thank you for the wonderful review! :D

I was hoping that people would catch the parallels between the heartbreak in the past and in the "present". There were a couple of other parallels between the two scenes that I was hoping someone would notice, but I believe they are too subtle. ;)

The last line was one of my favorites. I believe I wrote the past section first, and then that line. So it pretty much shaped the outcome. :D

lady_bracknell October 24 2006, 17:12:08 UTC

I'm not, generally speaking, a fan of fics where Remus knows Tonks as a child, but the opening of this was very well done. I thought you capatured her childlike voice and way of thinking very well, which is not easy to do ( ... )

devonwood October 25 2006, 18:07:05 UTC

I would love you forever if you would help me with the Americanisms. :)

Thank you for your lovely review. Tonks is refusing to cry now, because all she did the first week or so after they broke up was sulk and have herself a good cry. So she's trying to be strong and move on, but is still frustrated that she can't let Remus go. Hope that helped

lady_bracknell October 25 2006, 19:28:38 UTC

Oh I see. Possibly a slight jiggle with that section would make that clearer - maybe having her remember crying over him for days first, and then refusing to give in to the urge now ( ... )

devonwood October 26 2006, 19:41:44 UTC

<3 <3 Lady Bracknell is love. :D

I'll go back and change those...eventually. When I get the chance. XD Thank you so much.

mrstater October 25 2006, 12:34:17 UTC

Oh, I really love what you did with Tonks seeing her Patronus for the first time. It never really occurred to me that she might not immediately identify it; and a Grim is a very chilling first thought. I love the sort of superstition that comes out in that; really works for someone steeped in Wizarding culture her whole life, and in a bad frame of mind. And I love the personality of the Patronus, with the spilled chocolate, and being concerned for Tonks.

All around, excellent use of prompts. My concrit would be the same as ladybracknell's. Just a few tweaks here and there to clear up the confusion about her crying, and I think it'll be perfect!

devonwood October 25 2006, 18:08:38 UTC

Thank you so much! :)

The reason Tonks is refusing tocry now is because all she did was mope and cry for the first week or so after they broke up (it explains that briefly somewhere up in the fic). So she's trying to get over Remus and move on, but she just can't seem to let him go (thus, the reason for the one or two shed tears).

Hope that helped. :D

molly_coddles October 25 2006, 18:20:00 UTC

Ah, kids with Band-Aids. Their simple faith at being able to fix anything is so sweet.

I like your take on Tonks' reaction to her Patronus change. I don't think I'd really given any thought to the first time she saw it, but you have shed a light on that. Very well done!

devonwood October 25 2006, 18:53:16 UTC

That poor kid in your icon! XD

Thank you for the lovely review. You know, I thought the whole "first-time-seeing-the Patronus" thing would have been done a bunch of times before. It seems like it should be. :)