Past and Present

[devonwood]

Title: Past and Present
Author: Dev (Devonwood)
Rating & Warnings: T/PG-13. Just mild swearing.
Prompts: Astronomy Tower, Orchideous, A Day of Acquisition, Drama
Word Count: 1,724
Summary: Bandaids may fix a broken heart, but some wounds take longer to heal.

Author’s Notes: This was beta'ed by my loverly friend Trace, so any grammar/spelling mistakes are

Comments

[lady_bracknell]

I'm not, generally speaking, a fan of fics where Remus knows Tonks as a child, but the opening of this was very well done. I thought you capatured her childlike voice and way of thinking very well, which is not easy to do.

I thought tying the Astronomy Tower prompt in with Tonks being stationed at Hogwarts was a great idea - she'd have plenty of time to let her mind wander to the errant werewolf in question, and I loved what you did with her Patronus, as if the change in form actually hurt it, in some way.

Her thought processes before that sometimes seemed a bit confused, though - in particular how she's refusing to cry, but crying - if you made it that she didn't want to cry, or was trying her damndest not to, that might work better - it would be a nice parallel for the struggle of her Patronus - how she's torn between her usual colourful chameleon ways and the werewolf, and I think with a couple of tweaks, that scene could pack a real emotional punch.

All in all, I liked this, though. They weren't easy prompts at all.

And there are five or six Britpicks - if you want to know where they are, let me know and I'll point them out :).

[devonwood]

I would love you forever if you would help me with the Americanisms. :)

Thank you for your lovely review. Tonks is refusing to cry now, because all she did the first week or so after they broke up was sulk and have herself a good cry. So she's trying to be strong and move on, but is still frustrated that she can't let Remus go. Hope that helped

[lady_bracknell]

Oh I see. Possibly a slight jiggle with that section would make that clearer - maybe having her remember crying over him for days first, and then refusing to give in to the urge now?

Onto the Britpicks (I'll do the straightforward ones first):

Bandaids are plasters over here.
Braids = plaits.
Drapes = curtains.
Thermos = flask.
Zipper = zip.

There's no such thing as a 'neighbourhood' over here, really - we'd probably say 'area'.

Walls here don't tend to be whitewashed (unless, that is, we're talking sea-side or mountain cottage) - if you're going for suburban homogeny, red-brick might be a good alternative.

On the yard front, over here a yard would only apply to an area at the back of a house, and only then if it was tiny and concreted with no plants at all. You'd more likely have manicured lawns at the front of the house. 'Drive' or 'front garden' would be the term for the general area, if you wanted to talk about more than grass.

Shingles over here is a disease - we call them roof tiles, or just tiles.

Finally, generally it'd be 'ill' instead of 'sick', as we only tend to refer to being sick if we mean actually vomiting. This is the only one which I'd debate changing, since it'd interfere with your pun on sick when Remus is thinking about being a werwolf - although maybe you could come up with something similar for ill.

Hope that helps.

[devonwood]

<3 <3 Lady Bracknell is love. :D

I'll go back and change those...eventually. When I get the chance. XD Thank you so much.