The want for a cure - 4 related drabbles 'Before'
NOTE - I KNOW I PUBLISHED THIS ALREADY TODAY, BUT I WAS ADDING THE PLOT BUNNIES BIT WHEN I DELETED IT BY MISTAKE. SORRY.
Summary - 4 drabbles related to the drabble 'The want for a cure' ( http://community.livejournal.com/merlinxarthur/1703136.html#cutid1), all of which show what happens before. I will post another 4 in a few days showing what happens after.
Spoilers/Warnings - Some for season 2 'The once and Future Queen' and Season 1 'The Gates of Avalon'
Rating - PG to PG-13
Notes - Go to my LJ (http://bonevalo.livejournal.com/) for a poll asking which wizard is better looking... Merlin or Potter?
Another note - There is a plot bunny at the bottom here, could someone pelase write it?
Secrets
Summary - Some secrets have to be guarded with your life
Rating - PG
Spoilers/Warnings - None
Word Count - 197
**
Some secrets are the sort of secrets to be guarded by your life. Merlin has two. Week in and week out, Gaius tells his young ward that his magic is a secret to be guarded with his life. Merlin off course, being so young, doesn’t listen. Merlin feels like he cannot be caught, and not even the threat of execution can stop him.
Merlin’s second secret, is a secret he guards with his life completely. It is more than just a secret, its exposure is more than the threat of execution... it is a secret that will bring about the slowest and most painful of life’s imaginable.
For rejection from the one you love most, is the most horrible of rejections there is. It fills you so completely, with a torment that is never ending. It is suicide without death, it is life without living, and it is a body with no soul.
So Merlin guards his secret with his life, for as wonderful as a love with Arthur would be, it is something that will never come to pass.
Two side’s of a coin they may be, but that’s as far as their relationship can go.
**
Entries
Summary - A passage about Arthur from Merlin’s dairy (Set after ‘The once and Future Queen’)
Rating - PG-13
Spoilers/Warnings - Some for season 2 and 1
Notes - This one, I just wrote from my heart, because I am in love with someone who does not love me back, and this mirrors how I feel.
Word Count - 301
**
I saw them together today, and my worst fears were confirmed. Arthur likes Gwen. I was unlucky enough to be in the doorway of Gwen’s home when they kissed. The pain at seeing that, it was so strong, so horrible. I have never felt anything like it. Not even when Arthur was close to death did I feel so dreadful. And do you know what? I can’t take it, I just can’t! Not anymore. It hurts too much, the pain. The feeling of knowing that the person I love will never return that love, that he will love and marry another, and be happy, while I sit in my chambers and allow my heart to rot until I can love no more.
Things were okay, when Gwen used to like me! Simpler... I could just think it was cute! I didn’t have to act on my feelings, I didn’t have to do anything but steer her affections elsewhere. And with Sophia... yes that hurt too, but not like this. Not this bad. With Sophia, I could see, before I knew magic was involved, that it was not love. Merely lust. And I could deal with that. But with Gwen, what they have. It is love, and they both feel the same way. And I have to sit back and watch it, and I can do nothing. Because I refuse to use my powers to influence Arthur, to make him love me, or even to fall out of love with Gwen, not even for Gwen to fall out of love with him. I can’t, for he will not truly love me and he never will. And so I have to deal with my pain, and I have to sit back and watch as the man I love falls in love with another.
**
Decide
Summary - Merlin decides that now is the time to act
Rating - PG
Spoilers/Warnings - None
Word Count - 167
**
Merlin will never know what made him decide to tell Arthur that fine autumn day. It could have been the happy young couple with their newborn baby stood by the gates of Camelot. It could have been hearing Gwen, whisper for the 5 time in a week, to Morgana about Lancelot. It could have been the knowledge that today, the 3rd of November was the anniversary of the day his parents meet.
It didn’t really matter however, what the reason was. All that mattered was that, in a moment, Merlin stopped everything he was doing to rush to Arthur’s room. In that second, he abandoned his duties to risk it all for the prospect of love. That in the blink of an eye, he had thrown Arthur’s armour to the floor, he had fled the armoury, he had run up uncountable numbers of stairs, and he had thrown open his Prince’s door with confessions of undying, unrequited, eternal love.
But what did matter, was what happened next.
**
Words
Summary - Words hurt
Rating - PG
Spoilers/Warnings - None
Word Count - 226
**
Merlin stood in the doorway, nervous as hell, and let the words pour from his mouth. Word’s of admitted feelings, of love and of hope. Hope that the words would be returned. Hope that if not, he would not be rejected.
Arthur sat on his bed, and heard the words that were spoken. Words that slowly filtered through his brain, until they finally registered. Words that filled him with revulsion, disgust and sheer horror. Words that informed him that his manservant was in love. With him. His master. His prince.
Merlin fled the doorway, as words came back. Words of rejection, or hate, of pure loathing. Rejection from the prince who did not love him back. Hate from the prince caught off guard by his servants admission. Pure loathing from the prince who was disgusted with the idea of a man, a friend, being in love with him.
Arthur lay back on his bed, and remembered the words he had spoken. He remembered seeing the pain, the anguish and torment that flickered on Merlin’s face in the second before he fled the room. Yet Arthur felt he couldn’t care less. Merlin should have expected rejection. His pain, his anguish, his torment was his own, and only his to bear. Arthur played no fault in this, and so felt no guilt. Arthur never saw his manservant again.
Okay it has to be a short, to the point one shot, but in those words it has to break our hearts. The plot line is -
Arthur tells Merlin how he feels, and Merlin returns’ those feelings. There is a brief, intimate kiss that’s really loving (and detailed) but then Merlin tells Arthur that nothing can happen, because he refuses to jeopardise the future of the kingdom. He walks away, leaving Arthur heartbroken.
Anyone up to the challenge?
.
Summary - 4 drabbles related to the drabble 'The want for a cure' ( http://community.livejournal.com/merlinxarthur/1703136.html#cutid1), all of which show what happens before. I will post another 4 in a few days showing what happens after.
Spoilers/Warnings - Some for season 2 'The once and Future Queen' and Season 1 'The Gates of Avalon'
Rating - PG to PG-13
Notes - Go to my LJ (http://bonevalo.livejournal.com/) for a poll asking which wizard is better looking... Merlin or Potter?
Another note - There is a plot bunny at the bottom here, could someone pelase write it?
Secrets
Summary - Some secrets have to be guarded with your life
Rating - PG
Spoilers/Warnings - None
Word Count - 197
**
Some secrets are the sort of secrets to be guarded by your life. Merlin has two. Week in and week out, Gaius tells his young ward that his magic is a secret to be guarded with his life. Merlin off course, being so young, doesn’t listen. Merlin feels like he cannot be caught, and not even the threat of execution can stop him.
Merlin’s second secret, is a secret he guards with his life completely. It is more than just a secret, its exposure is more than the threat of execution... it is a secret that will bring about the slowest and most painful of life’s imaginable.
For rejection from the one you love most, is the most horrible of rejections there is. It fills you so completely, with a torment that is never ending. It is suicide without death, it is life without living, and it is a body with no soul.
So Merlin guards his secret with his life, for as wonderful as a love with Arthur would be, it is something that will never come to pass.
Two side’s of a coin they may be, but that’s as far as their relationship can go.
**
Entries
Summary - A passage about Arthur from Merlin’s dairy (Set after ‘The once and Future Queen’)
Rating - PG-13
Spoilers/Warnings - Some for season 2 and 1
Notes - This one, I just wrote from my heart, because I am in love with someone who does not love me back, and this mirrors how I feel.
Word Count - 301
**
I saw them together today, and my worst fears were confirmed. Arthur likes Gwen. I was unlucky enough to be in the doorway of Gwen’s home when they kissed. The pain at seeing that, it was so strong, so horrible. I have never felt anything like it. Not even when Arthur was close to death did I feel so dreadful. And do you know what? I can’t take it, I just can’t! Not anymore. It hurts too much, the pain. The feeling of knowing that the person I love will never return that love, that he will love and marry another, and be happy, while I sit in my chambers and allow my heart to rot until I can love no more.
Things were okay, when Gwen used to like me! Simpler... I could just think it was cute! I didn’t have to act on my feelings, I didn’t have to do anything but steer her affections elsewhere. And with Sophia... yes that hurt too, but not like this. Not this bad. With Sophia, I could see, before I knew magic was involved, that it was not love. Merely lust. And I could deal with that. But with Gwen, what they have. It is love, and they both feel the same way. And I have to sit back and watch it, and I can do nothing. Because I refuse to use my powers to influence Arthur, to make him love me, or even to fall out of love with Gwen, not even for Gwen to fall out of love with him. I can’t, for he will not truly love me and he never will. And so I have to deal with my pain, and I have to sit back and watch as the man I love falls in love with another.
**
Decide
Summary - Merlin decides that now is the time to act
Rating - PG
Spoilers/Warnings - None
Word Count - 167
**
Merlin will never know what made him decide to tell Arthur that fine autumn day. It could have been the happy young couple with their newborn baby stood by the gates of Camelot. It could have been hearing Gwen, whisper for the 5 time in a week, to Morgana about Lancelot. It could have been the knowledge that today, the 3rd of November was the anniversary of the day his parents meet.
It didn’t really matter however, what the reason was. All that mattered was that, in a moment, Merlin stopped everything he was doing to rush to Arthur’s room. In that second, he abandoned his duties to risk it all for the prospect of love. That in the blink of an eye, he had thrown Arthur’s armour to the floor, he had fled the armoury, he had run up uncountable numbers of stairs, and he had thrown open his Prince’s door with confessions of undying, unrequited, eternal love.
But what did matter, was what happened next.
**
Words
Summary - Words hurt
Rating - PG
Spoilers/Warnings - None
Word Count - 226
**
Merlin stood in the doorway, nervous as hell, and let the words pour from his mouth. Word’s of admitted feelings, of love and of hope. Hope that the words would be returned. Hope that if not, he would not be rejected.
Arthur sat on his bed, and heard the words that were spoken. Words that slowly filtered through his brain, until they finally registered. Words that filled him with revulsion, disgust and sheer horror. Words that informed him that his manservant was in love. With him. His master. His prince.
Merlin fled the doorway, as words came back. Words of rejection, or hate, of pure loathing. Rejection from the prince who did not love him back. Hate from the prince caught off guard by his servants admission. Pure loathing from the prince who was disgusted with the idea of a man, a friend, being in love with him.
Arthur lay back on his bed, and remembered the words he had spoken. He remembered seeing the pain, the anguish and torment that flickered on Merlin’s face in the second before he fled the room. Yet Arthur felt he couldn’t care less. Merlin should have expected rejection. His pain, his anguish, his torment was his own, and only his to bear. Arthur played no fault in this, and so felt no guilt. Arthur never saw his manservant again.
Okay it has to be a short, to the point one shot, but in those words it has to break our hearts. The plot line is -
Arthur tells Merlin how he feels, and Merlin returns’ those feelings. There is a brief, intimate kiss that’s really loving (and detailed) but then Merlin tells Arthur that nothing can happen, because he refuses to jeopardise the future of the kingdom. He walks away, leaving Arthur heartbroken.
Anyone up to the challenge?
.