14 Valentines: Body Image

Feb 01, 2009 17:17

I posted some photos of me getting a tattoo earlier, just because I had nothing else to do while sat in the chair and posting to my LJ was far more exciting that doing college homework. And it struck me that starting that tattoo today is quite apt, given that the 1st of February is the first day of 14valentines, and the topic is body image.

I got my first tattoo when I was 19, and it was the start of a love affair. Since then - 8 years ago - I've gotten two half sleeves done, various visible tattoos on my wrists and hands, and today started a piece that will extend from the base of my big toe to the top of my thigh.

Not everyone understands why I get this work done. Why I choose to modify my body by getting tattoos, piercings, scars and implants. To me, it's not just about aesthetics - though that has to play some part in it - it's about what my modifications say to me. I don't get them done for anyone else; if I got them done for anyone else I'd have far less than I do now. But modifications allow me to express myself in ways that others do through clothes or make up. Modifying myself, while in only some cases a spiritual thing, means that I am staying true to myself.

A few years ago an ex-boyfriend and I split up, and the main reasons he gave me were my tattoos. Stupidly, order to try and save 'us' I decided I wouldn't get any more body mods done, I'd remove some of the piercings I had, and that I really loved; I'd give up something that made me happy so that we could stay together. And I really did try. But I couldn't do it.

All of my mods have a meaning for me, and I put a lot of thought into what I get. Not being able to express myself in that way anymore was like telling me I couldn't write, or I couldn't ride my motorbike. These are things intrinsic to the person I am, and in deciding that I was going to forgo part of myself, my personality, in order to save a failing relationship, I did myself a great injustice.

Since me and my boyfriend split up I've come to a lot of conclusions about myself. Some have been nice, some have been not so nice, but through it all I've realised that I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was, and that I have to remain true to myself. When I took out my piercings I felt like I was hiding some part of my identity in order to please someone else.

The first piercings I got after my boyfriend and I split up were my cheeks, something I had wanted for a long time but never did. That was followed by getting my bridge redone, another tattoo, microdermal implants and, shortly, two half sleeves. From being unable to think about mods because I was told they were unattractive, I am back to being able to express myself in the ways I want to, and I'm happier for it.

Over the last year or so, more than before, I've come to realise that my mods play a large part in making me who I am. While I can take them out or cover them up when I need to I like having them on show. They make me feel more comfortable in my own skin, and make me feel more like me. To put it simply, I like being modded. I like having piercings and tattoos and being able to show them off and get comments about them. I like being able to talk to like minded people, either on the internet or in real life, and I like thinking about what I'm going to get done next. Mods are a part of who I am and now I can't imagine being without them. I honestly can't imagine how I would look with plain skin, or how my face would be different if I had no piercings.

I've said elsewhere that piercings or tattoos define us; they make us feel whole and complete, and for that reason no one will stop getting those modifications because other elements of society disapprove. And I realise now that I should have listened to myself; that someone else, no matter who it is, disapproves of my mods does not mean I should stop getting modified.

If you're going to love me you're going to have to love my mods as well.

tattoo, body image, 14valentines, body modification

Previous post Next post
Up