im going in for the kill i'm doing it for a thrill

[locketry]

The Mindfuck Meme: Expanded Ed. 1This is not a very nice meme! If you have any major or typical triggers, you're being warned here that you might want to keep fully clear. That said, ever misread 'midfuck meme' with an extra 'n' in it and been sorely disappointed? This one's for you

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River Song | Doctor Who

[songofsong]

5

[morethanworthit]

[He's feeling particularly...lurk-y and broody today. Thus the not so subtle lurking.]

[songofsong]

River felt herself being watched.

She slowly turned to look over her shoulder, realising she was indeed being watched and not in a way she felt entirely comfortable with.

"Doctor?" she asked, her eyes straining through the shadows to try and recognise his features.

[morethanworthit]

He didn't bother to move from where he stood. He liked where he was. After a moment's consideration, though, he did answer her. Courtesy was a virtue, even when the person being addressed hardly deserved it. "Song."

[songofsong]

She hesitated when he spoke her name, not liking the way it sounded on his lips. It was spoken like a bad taste, eager to be rid of, not enjoyed. This wasn't a Doctor she was familiar with, not yet and she was soon beginning to wonder if she should take her leave and return to a Doctor she understood. Not this one, whoever he was.

[morethanworthit]

Oh, it wasn't so much dislike as disdain. Somewhere underneath that there was pity as well for the poor little girl who never got to make any of her own choices in her life...but it was far buried beneath the disregard he felt for a life like that. She barely qualified as sapient, really.

"You look aimless. Do you need direction?"

[songofsong]

River's eyes narrowed slightly. It was a comment she'd normally bounce back with a flirtatious quip, but she didn't feel it was appropriate.

She raised her chin slightly, a glint of defiance in her eyes. "I'm never aimless, Doctor. You know that."

[morethanworthit]

"No, you're right. You're never without direction. You've always had instructions and a path laid ahead of you, every single day of your life." There was almost sympathy in his voice when he continued. "Someone ought to give you one day of freedom."

[songofsong]

No Doctor had ever spoken to her like that before, and such words were easily riling her. She didn't want to react too harshly, but it was enough to trigger a cool tone to her voice.

"Doctor, be careful what you're saying. My life is the way it is because of you. It's a fault that you and I accepted that a long time ago. Don't make me remind you of what happened at Demon's Run."

[morethanworthit]

"Oh, I'm well aware. You poor thing, every single moment of your life has been dictated by me. From your birth to your last breath, even your very conception. A person would hate me for that, but you don't. You don't even have the freedom to make that choice. You're not a person, you're a living, breathing tool with less autonomy than the TARDIS. I would pity you, but that'd be a bit like pitying K-9, wouldn't it?" It's not said with disdain, it's said with thoughtful calculation.

[songofsong]

Any hint of a smile had long since fled River's face, leaving a simmering glare that was fixed right on him. She took a step forward, inching into his personal space as she stared at him down.

"And for everything I did, you'll be forced to follow," River reminded him. "Our lives are back to front, Doctor. We're bound by each other's paradoxical obligations. I follow your will as much as you follow mine."

[morethanworthit]

His smile is almost smug. Except it's not, because he doesn't care enough to be impressive. "No. I follow the path that I've given you to lay out for me. You deliver to me whatever I decide you do like a bottle on legs. Eventually your role will play out its course from end to start and I'll continue on as I always have. You will not. You have no control over your surroundings or your choices or your will, you don't even have any thoughts of your own. If you ever did they've long been conditioned out. I should apologize to your mother one day...but then again she didn't even realize she was carrying you until the end. You're practically a technicality."

[songofsong]

By now River's eyes were blazing. Oh, she had been insulted before, hounded, sneered at, but this was far worse. This was coming from a man she loved, who she thought loved her in turn. But there was no affection here, just obligation and superiority. He didn't just think he was better than her, he thought she was nothing.

And so came one of the hardest slaps she had ever administered, stinging and hot, pressing the pain in her heart into the burn on his face.

"Don't you dare speak to me that way," she said, her tone trembling with barely restrained fury. "What has happened to you? This hate? This bitterness? Is this what you will become, Doctor? Is this the man at the end of the wars?"

[morethanworthit]

Ouch. For a moment his immediate response to her ridiculous disrespect was a flare of rage...but it faded once more before he could act on it. You could be irritated at a dog for disobeying, but offended? No.

"Oh, Doctor Song, I don't hate you." After a moment, the smile returned. "I feel no bitterness toward you. That'd be as ridiculous as expecting I'd resent K-9 for the times he broke down. What I disapprove of is the tactics used to create you. It'd have been far more humane to Amy to simply build an android to serve your purpose."

[songofsong]

"You are not even worthy to mention my mother's name," she snapped, all rage and heat. "If she heard this, if she knew how you spoke of us!"

She clenched her teeth to resist striking him again, but the temptation was growing. "I am no longer Kovarian's weapon, Doctor. I am my own, and pushing me now is as bad an idea as it was back then."

[morethanworthit]

"Mother is a bit too generous a term, I think, she was a bit more like an unfortunate incubator for you, more than anything else. After all...she'd never even realized she was pregnant with you, and the bulk of your life she never even knew you existed. If she'd have had her way you'd never even have been conceived. Did she ever remotely 'mother' you?" He considers his own question a moment, before scoffing. "It'd be a bit like carrying your puppy around in a stroller, I suppose."

There was a moment when he almost reached out and patted her cheek when she threatened him. "And what will you do to me, Doctor Song? Declare me your enemy? Shout and seethe in all your anger? Threaten to do me harm? Slap me? Go on. Have your one day of freedom. Experience a few moments of living."