2. If today was your last day

[motherofthesun]

 (TRIGGER WARNING. This meme deals heavy with death and also possibly with strong violence or with suicide/depression. If you are not comfortable reading about that, please PLEASE do not proceed further.)

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Lavi | D.Gray-Man (AU) | 3+1

[halfamemory]

[He had finally hit his limit. He just couldn't take any more of Joyd and his influences on his life. So what had Lavi done?

He went and hunted down an Allen sparring. Made a deal with him. It wasn't hard considering the one he had found hadn't yet met a level four and called his sword back on himself. But still difficult considering the fact that Lavi might injure himself doing this, still Allen had agreed so long as he wasn't the one to push the sword through his "friend" or at least a version of him.

So he was alone now in the farthest corner of the dojo, hidden by pillars and the sounds of others. Just Lavi and the huge sword that could exorcise Joyd and save his life or end them both. He could feel Joyd rattling at the cage Lavi had built around him earlier, infuriated and pissed off. The Memory didn't want this, but it was going to happen.]

1 :|b

[stainedlotus]

[Lavi was taking longer than usual, and that never happened. Kanda had a bad feeling about it, so he left their shared room to look for the redhead. Before long, he found himself at the dojo, azure eyes sweeping the room.]

Lavi?

[Even though he couldn't see him, something told him that Lavi was in here. He wasn't going to leave the room until he had thoroughly searched it.]

/apologizes~

[halfamemory]

[Lavi stilled at the sound of Kanda's voice then shook his head, deciding it was Joyd trying to distract him into having second thoughts. Instead he grit his teeth and moved to the spot against the wall where he planned to get rid of the Noah. If it really was Kanda he needed to hurry up and do this so he could go back fully himself or at least save him from seeing this... He didn't want him to see this.

The makeshift slingshot that he slid the hilt of Allen's sword in probably stuck out into view but he didn't care. It only took a few seconds after that to move into place against the wall, say a little prayer to a God he didn't believe in. Couldn't believe in. But he needed all the luck in the world to make it through this and make it back to the one person he'd ignore Bookman and his rules to be with.

Lavi closes his eye and leans his head back against the stone, hand holding onto the rope that would trigger the slingshot. One last deep breath and he tugged on it.

There was a loud TWANG! in the air as the band snapped back to a

;;

[stainedlotus]

[Those screams froze him where he stood. They sent a chill down his spine, hair rising on end. The last time he had heard those screams, they came from Allen, even though they were brief. Lavi couldn't have...

Kanda couldn't panic. Not right now. He snapped out of shock and ran towards where the cries were coming from, stopping at the scene in front of him.

Lavi. With Allen's sword running through him.

His stomach churned.

Acting as quickly as his body would allow, Kanda grabbed the hilt of Allen's sword and tried to yank it out. He couldn't lose Lavi. Especially not like this. It didn't matter if half of Joyd was inside him. He was Lavi.]

You fucking idiot!

[This couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose someone else he loved.]

/snuggles!

[halfamemory]

[He hadn't realized that he too had been screaming, had thought it to be only Joyd. But he felt himself grow short on air, his throat ragged from something that had to be screaming. Lavi had to have had dragged in several breaths by the time Kanda finally made it to his side

/cling

[stainedlotus]

Lavi!

[The sword's tossed aside before Kanda can go over to his lover. He's careful about where he puts his hands, very carefully wrapping his arms around Lavi before bringing him down to the floor with him.

It probably didn't help that his hands were shaking, now.]

You'll kill yourself like that, Lavi.

;; I keep tl;dr-ing

[halfamemory]

[Really it didn't matter where Kanda touched him, everywhere hurt but his scars from last time hurt the most, where the stigmata had carved themselves. He fought to keep from shifting over to that gray, wanting to stay exactly as he was for the person he wasn't supposed to love but did

/keeps failing at it /)_(\

[stainedlotus]

Shhh. [Kanda bent down slightly, holding Lavi against him. He didn't want to let go. He couldn't bring himself to. Even if Joyd took over again for who knows how long, Kanda couldn't let go.

He loved him too much. This wasn't fair, dammit. It wasn't fair at all.]

It's okay. [His voice shook with the effort not to cry.] It's okay, Lavi. I still love you.

SOB. I'M SORRY.

[halfamemory]

[And he wouldn't want Kanda to follow him, would prefer it if he lived what life he had left to him. Yet now that he was dying, Lavi was scared, didn't want to go alone. But at least he wasn't going to be alone when he did go, it made it difficult to breathe with Kanda holding him so tight despite the pain.

Lavi wouldn't trade it though, it reminded him that he was still alive for the moment. That he was loved. That was more than he could ask for... Correction, he couldn't ask for it. But it had been given to him and Lavi was suddenly sorry that he had let things get this far.

He knew - knew that Kanda had someone that he was looking for out there, that he couldn't die before finding. And he had taken what was supposed to be theirs and now he was stomping on it. The emotion in Kanda's voice, he knew he had hurt him by doing this and that was always the last thing that he wanted to do

/baws

[stainedlotus]

[Kanda pulled back a little when he felt the hand on his cheek, staring down at Lavi and blinking back the tears. When Lavi pulled him back down and kissed him, he didn't hesitate to kiss back. He didn't care if they were in public. He didn't care that his throat was drying out from the effort not to cry.

He didn't care for anything but Lavi right now.]

lol That last one had thoughts all over the place.

[halfamemory]

[His vision was starting to go dark, to go black so that he could hardly see things and made it hard to see Kanda. He hated it. Wanting to see him as he was kissing him for the last time. Lavi deepens the kiss, clinging to it and every bit of pain, fighting to stay alive just for a little bit longer.

While he's kissing Kanda his other hand comes up and he pulls off the eye-patch, letting it slip down so he can try and get a better last view of the world he was leaving. Of the one person he was regretting leaving behind. Lavi clung to the kiss even as he pulled out of it, staying so close to murmur:] I love you, Yu...

[A weak and fumbling kiss, catching more of his bottom lip than anything. But there's a smile on Lavi's face, both eyes open and looking up at him. Able to see him clearly one last time as the light begins to fade again and his breathing - heavily pained - comes to a stop. His hands both slipping down from where they were on top of the redhead.]

/hides

[teasethewar]

[No. Nononononono. This couldn't be happening. Kanda stared down at Lavi's lifeless body, unable to stop the tears this time.]

L-Lavi- Lavi, don't... Don't leave...

[Kanda leaned down, holding onto Lavi's limp body and burying his face into the crook of a cold neck.]

/hides with

[halfamemory]

[Sob. He's sorry, Kanda. He'll make it up to you when you finally come to see him.

There's a small flicker of gray but it's gone, leaving his forehead clear of marks though the exorcism scars will linger on the body. Crosses fading with the warmth of his body.]

2

[dreamlesslogs]

[Something felt wrong. And she didn't need Dreams in order to tell her that something might happen to Joyd.

Road quickly runs through the halls, arriving in the dojo while she looks around.]

Lavi?

lmao I'm sorry I'm throwing pretty much the same tl;dr at her but I love it.

[halfamemory]

[Lavi stilled at the sound of Road's voice then shook his head, deciding it was Joyd trying to distract him into having second thoughts. It figured that he would pick the little girl that the Memory had grown attached to, come to consider her Family even with Dreams being tucked away most of the time. That was the one thing that Lavi had thought her lucky for, that Dreams rarely came out and messed with her life. It wasn't that easy for him... And she certainly had plenty of other Tykis with the Memory embedded in them to spoil her like his own version of Joyd had done

lol no worries~

[dreamlesslogs]

[She completely freezes for a split second. Then she's quickly running over to him, grabbing the hilt of Allen's sword and yanking it out of the redhead, regardless of the fact that it was heavy and that it was burning her. It didn't matter right now.

All that did matter was that Lavi must have been insane to even consider this idea.]

What are you doing!?