7 ~ back to that fateful night~ freshoffthefarmSeptember 3 2011, 23:21:20 UTC
[The morning after their big fight, when her alarm went off, she looked at the clock with deadened eyes. She'd gotten maybe an hour's worth of sleep and now she had to go and act as though nothing was wrong. But first, she had some gathering to do. It took some maneuvering to get all of the things that she wanted to return to him into the box she found, but after Annie had returned the dinner dishes from the night before to Danielle's kitchen, she went back and started packing. There wasn't much, but there was enough.
Overnight, a lot of her sadness had passed, leaving anger and a lot of disbelief in its place. That he could think those things and then say them to her face boggled her mind.
*Clay couldn't even bring himself to put Annie's things together after he got home. It was his fault their relationship was over, he couldn't get passed that thing with Ben or get out of his own way when it came to her career. He'd managed to ruin the best thing in his life. When he heard the knock, he had little doubt who it was.*
[Annie walked in and shut the door behind her. Walking straight to his desk, she put the box on it, completely uncaring of what else might have been in her way.]
These are things you've given me over the last year. [She began pulling things out one by one.] The bath salts you bought when I got hurt? [Shoes.] To replace the ones I lost when I got captured. [Jewelry.] Christmas? [More jewelry.] Just because?
[She wasn't going to cry, but she was going to get damn close. One by one, she laid memories of their relationship on his desk and then looked up at him.] It's not just stuff. All of this reminds me of how you make me feel. You're the only person I can ever see myself with. I don't need this, but I need you. You make me feel safe at night, when I'm gone and when I come back. [Nope, she was going to cry.] And you're an asshole.
*Clay was going to tell her to keep it all, not that he thought she would. He looked between her and the mementos of their relationship that had gone bad last night. They fought, it was a big fight but it was just that a fight. Clay felt betrayed, scared, and any number of other feelings none of which were more scary than seeing what he'd given her over the past year laid on his desk so he could take them back.*
I'm sorry Annie. I am an asshole. *pauses and swallows. Emotions were never easy for him to vocalize* A terrified asshole, not that it's an excuse.
I love you. [She was just going to ignore the fact that there were tears on her face.] Whatever has you so terrified isn't something that we can't work through. After all this? [An emphatic wave toward all the stuff on his desk.] Clay. You didn't even give me a chance. You just got mean.
[She walked around the side of his desk and looked at him before swiping at her cheeks.] I came to give you this or me but I want you to know that I don't want to just give up.
*The response was automatic, but no less sincere than it ever had been. When she said she didn't want to give up, he blinked once before picking up his phone and telling Trish to hold his calls. When he spoke again he was quieter than he ever was when speaking to her before.*
[Her eyes followed him as he walked and her confusion grew. Maybe, just maybe, there was a spark of anger.]
Ben means nothing to me. Less than nothing, Clay, I told you that. I am so sorry I hurt you, I am, but I thought we'd moved past it. [She took a couple steps toward him.] You don't have to lose me on any terms. If this was a preemptive strike... you suck at it.
[Hearing him sound that defeated made her heart just ache. Sinking down on the couch next to him, she slid her hand through his and threaded their fingers.]
The first time, I was young and delusional. The second time I was just stupid. I'll never be able to apologize enough for that. [She leaned over and rested her forehead on his shoulder, feeling the tears start again.] I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in my entire life. I don't want to stop thinking about you.
*Clay still couldn't entirely believe her. She slept with Ben once, told him Ben meant nothing, then did it again. But he couldn't help but feel some measure of comfort just having her lean on him like that.*
[To Annie, there was a difference between saying that you'd met a man once a long time ago that wasn't in your life anymore and then being stupid about seeing him again. The first time she may have thought he meant something, the second time she'd actually learned he'd meant nothing.]
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Overnight, a lot of her sadness had passed, leaving anger and a lot of disbelief in its place. That he could think those things and then say them to her face boggled her mind.
Outside his office, she knocked. Hard.]
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Come in.
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These are things you've given me over the last year. [She began pulling things out one by one.] The bath salts you bought when I got hurt? [Shoes.] To replace the ones I lost when I got captured. [Jewelry.] Christmas? [More jewelry.] Just because?
[She wasn't going to cry, but she was going to get damn close. One by one, she laid memories of their relationship on his desk and then looked up at him.] It's not just stuff. All of this reminds me of how you make me feel. You're the only person I can ever see myself with. I don't need this, but I need you. You make me feel safe at night, when I'm gone and when I come back. [Nope, she was going to cry.] And you're an asshole.
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*Clay was going to tell her to keep it all, not that he thought she would. He looked between her and the mementos of their relationship that had gone bad last night. They fought, it was a big fight but it was just that a fight. Clay felt betrayed, scared, and any number of other feelings none of which were more scary than seeing what he'd given her over the past year laid on his desk so he could take them back.*
I'm sorry Annie. I am an asshole. *pauses and swallows. Emotions were never easy for him to vocalize* A terrified asshole, not that it's an excuse.
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[She walked around the side of his desk and looked at him before swiping at her cheeks.] I came to give you this or me but I want you to know that I don't want to just give up.
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*The response was automatic, but no less sincere than it ever had been. When she said she didn't want to give up, he blinked once before picking up his phone and telling Trish to hold his calls. When he spoke again he was quieter than he ever was when speaking to her before.*
You scare me, Annie.
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[She inhaled deeply to get herself under control and moved back around the front of his desk before pausing again.] What does that even mean?
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*Clay was quiet again before getting up and moving to the couch against the windows of his office.*
That thing with Ben, just hurts a lot, and you're so much a part of my life that losing you on terms that aren't mine scares me.
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Ben means nothing to me. Less than nothing, Clay, I told you that. I am so sorry I hurt you, I am, but I thought we'd moved past it. [She took a couple steps toward him.] You don't have to lose me on any terms. If this was a preemptive strike... you suck at it.
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Annie, I'm so wrapped up in you. I've been a loner my whole life, and now I can't stop thinking about you.
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The first time, I was young and delusional. The second time I was just stupid. I'll never be able to apologize enough for that. [She leaned over and rested her forehead on his shoulder, feeling the tears start again.] I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in my entire life. I don't want to stop thinking about you.
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So what do we do?
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I brought you your things so you could decide.
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I was giving them back to you because I can't have you that close to me and not with me.
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