1049: What Is It Good For?

[alonewillsing]

Away at War/Battle MemeWe all know war can be a hard time for everyone but those left behind? It can be torture. Hoping you get a letter or a call, staying glued to the television and cringing at those news stories. Guess what happens to you now? Your loved one has gone off to fight a war (battle, fight, in that ilk of things) and some time has

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Haven't had one of these in a while: 3... he cringes from her

[notrosesshadow]

Martha had never agreed with the States' War on Terror. She couldn't see any reason for them to be there. And she definitely hated the fact that the rest of the world had been dragged into this mess. Including Cameron. He'd been gone for some time and she was so tired of the dropped phone calls, the bad webcams, and all the other crap.

And then one day he went silent. There was nothing. Even UNIT couldn't find him, and they could find anyone...

The day she got the call that he was alive and coming home, she made arrangements with work to not come in. She hadn't heard much other than he'd been taken by insurgents. But he was coming home.

[meantnothing]

Cameron surprised himself, enlisting in the military, but he figured it was about time that he grew up, did something for his country. Of course, he wasn't expecting to be sent out so soon after graduating from training. He wasn't expecting to be apart from Martha for so long, and having to deal with not being able to speak to her when he needed her most.

He wasn't expecting being captured. He certainly wasn't expecting what happened during his capture. Every day he prayed for death - until the day he was liberated, and taken to the hospital in Germany.

He still hadn't talked to Martha, but knew he was going home. Nothing had ever felt better.

Of course, with everything he's been through, he wasn't certain that things could be as good as before left, if at all. All he knows, for the moment, is how much he needs to see her.

[notrosesshadow]

Martha stood at the airport with a number of other people waiting for that special someone to make it home from the war. They waited... and waited. Everyone was anxious, but no one looked more haunted than Martha.

"Where was yours?" someone asked her.

"Iraq," Martha responded before moving away. She had no idea what had happened to Cameron while he'd been captured. She wanted to be prepared for whatever was going to walk off that plane. And she needed to deal with her own demons that were threatening to show themselves. Now was not the time for Martha to have an episode. Cam needed her to be strong for him.

When the plane landed, she stood in the crush with everyone else, but she didn't join in singing when everyone got off the plane. In a matter of minutes, everyone was gone and she was left. She was calm. She was collected. She had pushed all her fears as far down as possible. She was waiting for the last soldier. Her soldier.

[meantnothing]

It was a long flight, and Cam had fallen asleep. He hates sleeping, these days, as the only dreams he has are of blood and sand, death and destruction. When the plane lands, and he's forced awake, he has a bit of a ... moment. But with the help of the nurse sent with him, he recovers enough of his composure to disembark the plane.

And then, when he enters the terminal, and he catches sight of Martha, maybe, for the first time in a long time, he feels like everything might be okay. Even with the crush of people gone, it's still noisy, and he's a bit skittish, but he makes his way over as quickly as he can, not entirely sure of what to say, although there's so much he could.

"Martha."

It's all he can manage, his eyes blurring with tears.

[notrosesshadow]

She sees him coming down the corridor into the terminal. Martha doesn't run. Doesn't cry. She watches him, trying to pick up what exactly his reaction is going to be. How will he handle everything. This airport is too noisy. Too crowded. Even she'd noticed it when she walked in. Not the place to bring traumatized soldiers.

She holds her ground as he walks over. Letting him come to her. It's not until he says her name and the tears come to his eyes that she wraps her arms around him. She doesn't whisper comforts in his ear or even tell him to calm down. Because that was the last thing Martha wanted when she had an episode. She just held him. In the middle of an airport. Ignoring everyone around them.

[meantnothing]

He's ... alright. The noise has him a bit on edge, eyes darting here and there just to assure himself that there was nothing to worry about. If there's one thing he's learned in the past year and a half, it's that you never really could trust that any given situation was safe.

But being here, and now, and being held in the safety and comfort of Martha's arms ... he starts to believe that he's okay. Even if he can't exactly relax, even if he's still stiff, and a bit shaky and so, so overwhelmed with everything that he doesn't know where to start.

"God, I missed you."

[notrosesshadow]

Martha stands up on tiptoe and plans a small kiss on his forehead. Nothing to scare him. No swift movements. "I know. I missed you too. Come on, I have work off for the next few days. Let's go home yeah?"

She reaches down and picks up his pack. It's heavy, but nothing more than she can handle. "The car's as close to the airport as I could get it. Off to a bit of a deserted area," she adds, keeping a strong grip on Cameron's hands.

[meantnothing]

If there's one thing that would never scare him, it's Martha. He's sure he's never been so happy in his entire life than he is right now, safe in her arms. And then she says 'home', and he knows that's exactly where he needs to be.

He squeezes her hand in return, grateful for the support, grateful that he has her, grateful that he's home. Finally. After so much time apart. "Just wanna get there. Please."

[notrosesshadow]

"Of course luv." They walk hand in hand, Martha leading him with a strong arm and countenance away from the crowds as much as possible. Which isn't very.

"There's dinner waiting at home," she adds, as they climb into the car.

The drive home is insignificant. The problem comes when they get upstairs. She'd told everyone to leave them alone for the first few days. So everything was quiet, which was good. Except when they entered their flat, the door slammed shut behind them thanks to the wind, an emergency vehicle drove by sirens blaring, and the phone rang.

[meantnothing]

The familiarity of her voice, of her hand in his serves to make him feel at least a little bit better about coming home. After all, it's all he'd thought about for months and months on end.

He just wishes that he'd have come back to her whole, not in pieces like he is. It might not be obvious, but the cracks were there.

Cameron's mistake was in allowing himself to relax. The fact that he's caught unaware by the sounds all hitting him all at once makes his reaction all the worse. He doesn't lose sight of his surroundings, or that Martha was there, he just ... shuts completely down. If she got him to respond at all, it would be a damn miracle.

[notrosesshadow]

Martha swore as she disconnected the phone. At least that would stay quiet for a little bit.

"Cam," she began, then realized just how much he had shut down, standing there in the middle of the room. What he didn't know was that Martha hadn't been whole since he'd met her. She was full of cracks. But now... right now... she had to get him to at least feel OK.

She moved up to him and took his hand, leading his shell to a chair in the kitchen and forcing him to sit.

"Cam... please look at me," She started, taking his hand and pressing it to her cheek. "You're home. With me, Martha." She wasn't going to give him any bullshit about it being safe. About how nothing would hurt him again.

Maybe she could make him feel something good. Martha turned his hand over and ran her fingers over his palm to his wrist and then up his forearm. Just across that sensitive skin... something that would feel good, if he could feel it.

"Come on Cam. Come back to me."

[meantnothing]

He doesn't notice that the phone's stopped ringing. He doesn't notice the noise outside anymore, either. Or the fact that Martha's even talking to him. He's just ... stuck inside his own thoughts - which he wouldn't wish on anybody, not even his worst enemy. There's just ... too much. All around him, just too much.

He's not unaware of how much his absence must have worn on Martha, and before this, of course he'd wondered if they'd be okay, if there was anything that would help them heal and just ... be.

It takes a long, long time for him to come around, but eventually, he heard her. And he felt her soothing him with her touch. And although his first reaction is to pull away ... he doesn't.

"S - sorry."

[notrosesshadow]

Martha does let go when he comes back, understanding how much of a violation it is. She waits for an unspoken agreement from him that it's OK for her to give him a hug. That she can hold him.

"It took me a long time to get back to feeling normal," she said quietly. "And I had to do it myself. My family didn't want to hear any of it. You have me though Cam. And when you reach the point where you can talk about it, I'm here. I'll always be here."

Of course he wouldn't know what she was talking about. And she wasn't going to get into it at that moment. But there definitely would be a time. She knew there would be. And she would do all she could to keep him from turning to things that made everything worse.

[meantnothing]

There's a quiet, hiccuping gasp, and then he slowly, hesitantly reaches for her hand. He's not sure of anything right ... except how much he needs her. And doesn't want her to let go. Not yet.

Just because he doesn't know yet doesn't mean he's clueless. Although, at the moment, he assumes it has everything to do with him being away. And then missing. And far from being completely blank, as he usually is whenever this happens, he feels guilty.

So, he squeezes her hand, and meets her eyes, even though his are brimming with tears, and offers quite possibly the tiniest, most miserable smile ever. "I don't know what I've done to deserve you."

[notrosesshadow]

Martha squeezes his hand and gives him a steadier smile.

"Well, whatever it was, it certainly worked. I'm not leaving any time soon." Provided no aliens kidnapped her. And that was always a distinct possibility.

Her other hand reached up to his face and cupped his cheek as she leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his mouth. "Are you able to eat right now? Dinner's not spectacular, but it's something. Or... I don't know... whatever you want right now."

[meantnothing]

Both actions only serve to relax him a bit more - although it will take a lot more time before he's steadier, less shaky, less afraid of what might come through that door if he stops watching it for a moment.

He's amused by the comment, although he doesn't quite know how to articulate it. Lately, every time he's laughed, it hasn't sounded quite like him. So he huffs out a quick breath, and nods.

"Doesn't have to be restaurant quality. It'll be good 'cause you made it. Let's - um ... yeah."