Goodbye ... Until We Meet Again
GOODBYE MY FRIEND.
Goodbyes are inevitable. Maybe someone is moving away, maybe it's that final battle, maybe you can't stand to see this person any longer. They're leaving and this is your final chance to see them, final opportunity to say all those words you've been hiding away.
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Loki hadn't gotten a visit from any Avenger since the first month he'd been captured, and Fury had stopped trying to talk to him three hundred and sixty-two days ago.
His brother didn't count and Loki never kept track of the Thunderer's comings and goings to know whether they were at regular intervals or not.
He had never expected to see herBut the surprise never registered on his face. For all the ill the untended years had done to his physical appearance his mind was as sharp as ever. He usually didn't seem like it to any who looked in on him but the God of Deceit was still a master in control of his own nature. It just so happened that his current game typically entailed him acting as batshit insane as possible. ( ... )
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When he was Stetson close contact had never bothered either of them. Somehow it had become a thing that they had both subconsciously sought out. She still remembered each and every embrace, or the way they held hands as they walked. The way he'd taken care of her when she was sick, or put up with her taking him to dinner every once in a while.
She could feel the change in the air around him, the way that it didn't sit the same way as it had when he had been... playing agent. She could see the way his skin seemed to hang off his fingers and reached to splay hers between them. His skin was cold to touch and she shivered involuntarily ( ... )
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He counted the number of ways in which he could kill her right here and now without batting an eyelash; then imagined in detail how each scene would play out. After he'd reached number fifteen in his list he breathed out slowly and relaxed the tension in his jaw. He blinked languidly and looked away from her to stare blankly at the far wall where the door sealed them in together, alone, with no way to escape. Only when the guards opened it from the outside would she be able to leave. When she gave some signal or the guards called time on this little encounter...
The god stared forward, and did not answer the Black Widow in his reluctant embrace.
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Fingers brushed back the long strands of hair from his face and she thought about when it used to be so soft, and well-groomed. Not a hair would have been out of place. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
Now when she looked at him she saw the god that had killed Tony. The god that had tried to enslave the world. The god that snuffed out her life without any sort of regret. At least that was how it had seemed.
She missed the man, she couldn't deny that. She missed the man that had watched The Lion King with her countless times.
She stayed on her side just studying his face and trying to work out if any of it had been real to him, or if it was just one big joke she couldn't see the funny side to yet.
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What else was there in the face of this. He had no answers for her. He had nothing for her.
He was pretty sure he never had.
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She couldn't take him not looking at her. She could handle anything as long as she had some kind of inkling of how he felt. Hatred, anger, love, regret...
Whatever emotion it was, she just wanted something. "Please look at me."
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It was...somewhat of an eye-opener. He realized then that no matter the person there were simply some things that could not be avoided or blocked out no matter how hard one tried. Loki was an expert at ignoring or pushing back emotions from any situation. But that was only denial that they existed in the first place.
If he could not show them for fear of being hurt then the least he could do was admit them to himself ( ... )
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