Talk: Final part!
Title: Talk
Author: Melusine
Beta: toshimalfoy
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Wolfram/OFC, Wolfram/Yuuri, Yuuri/Wolfram
Spoilers: Through season 2.
Disclaimer: Kyou Kara Maou! and related characters, situations, etc. belong to Tomo Takabayashi and various other people/companies, none of whom are me. This is a fan work; no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Part: 3/3
Summary: Yuuri comes to Belefield.
Part Three
I.
Wolfram's plan had been to make sure he was always surrounded by people at the party-- show in public that he wasn't broken, ensure that neither Yuuri nor himself could make a scene, maybe even avoid Yuuri altogether in the crowd.
But as the king's entrance was announced, Wolfram couldn't help looking and he saw Yuuri and he saw Weller with him.
So now Wolfram was on the balcony, trying not to be sick over the railing just from thinking about it. The two of them. The way Yuuri had looked back at Weller as they entered the ballroom and Weller had touched his shoulder and Yuuri had smiled--
He'd already known-- how could it still hurt this much? How could anything hurt this much?
"Wolfram?"
Yuuri.
Wolfram gripped the balcony harder. Thought about jumping off of it-- he could probably make it-- run away--
He heard Yuuri approach.
Maybe Wolfram could throw him off the balcony.
"Wolfram. I... I wanted to talk to you."
Wolfram didn't move.
"I'm sorry, Wolfram. I made a mistake. Please--" Yuuri touched his arm.
Wolfram threw him off violently, spinning around to finally face him. "Don't touch me," he spat.
Yuuri stared at him in shock. "I'm sorry," he said again. "But-- I missed you! You were right-- about everything-- I love you--"
"I don't care!" Wolfram hissed. "What is wrong with you? How can you even speak to me-- after what you've done--" Yuuri was too close. He was much too close. And he had Wolfram trapped against the railing.
"I know I was stupid. And I treated you terribly and I'm so sorry and I've paid for it, believe me, because I can't stand being without you."
This was what Wolfram had been most afraid of. Yuuri wanted to be friends.
"So-- what-- you want me to come back and watch you with him?" It was so hard to breathe. Yuuri was too close.
Yuuri looked blank. "Who?"
Wolfram almost screamed. "How many people have you been fucking?"
"What? No-- Wolfram, I've never slept with anyone but you!"
"I heard," said Wolfram through gritted teeth. "I heard about-- about you and-- that bastard who tries to call himself my brother."
"What?" said Yuuri again. "You mean Conrad? Me and Conrad? Wolfram, that's... that's ridiculous! How can you think that? I mean... I knew there was a rumor a while ago, but I never thought anyone who knew me would believe it-- least of all you." He reached out, but Wolfram swatted his hand away before he could touch him.
"Even a rumor has to start somewhere," said Wolfram, as evenly as he could. "Maybe it was just one night, or--"
"It was one night," Yuuri interrupted him, "that Conrad spent in my room sitting next to the bed, watching over me because I was so drunk-- trying to forget you-- that I passed out. That's what the maids saw and that's where the rumor came from."
Breathe. Wolfram had to remember to breathe. "How can I believe you?" he whispered.
Yuuri looked so sad-- "Because it's me. Please, Wolfram. You said it yourself-- I could never fall in love with anyone else. And I did try-- so hard-- to even want someone else, but all I ever thought about was you."
Wolfram covered his face in his hands. Turned away.
"I love you," said Yuuri. "I came to ask you to marry me."
This wasn't real. This was-- not even his own fantasy. Something Cassandra would have told him he wanted. But he didn't he didn't he didn't--
He was over Yuuri. He had to be. Because he couldn't do any of this, no matter what she said.
Wolfram turned around to find Yuuri watching him anxiously, face flushed, lower lip trapped between his teeth. God, he was so-- But Wolfram couldn't--
"No," said Wolfram.
Yuuri's eyes widened. "Wolfram..."
"No," he repeated. "I won't marry you." His voice ran out of strength before he got to the rest-- I never want to see you again. You had your chance. I'm fine without you. I wouldn't take you back if you came crawling on your knees.
Yuuri took a step away, finally giving Wolfram room to breathe. "Why?"
Wolfram didn't want to answer. But he could see Yuuri's mind working even now, trying to think of what he could do to win Wolfram back. He would never believe that Wolfram just didn't love him anymore.
"You're too late," said Wolfram.
He had to look away from the pain on Yuuri's face.
"You mean there's someone else?"
Wolfram nodded.
Silence.
Finally, Yuuri said, "And you were mad at me for a rumor that I was with someone for one night?"
"You did it first," said Wolfram quietly.
"I didn't do it at all! You--" Yuuri stopped himself. Took a few more steps back. "Who is it?"
"No one you know."
"So? What's his name? How did you meet? And why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Her name is Cassandra."
A beat. Then, "A woman?" There was that familiar shaking in Yuuri's voice. Wolfram looked up and, yes, there were tears beginning to form in his eyes. "But... Then... What were you doing with me? You were just..." His hands were in his hair and Wolfram could hear his breathing becoming more and more uneven. "No-- I know you loved me-- You had to, to put up with everything I..."
It was too much. Seeing Yuuri like this was too painful. Wolfram forgot about everything but the need to comfort him. He even found himself taking a step forward, though he kept one hand on the railing. "Of course I loved you."
Yuuri gave an obviously stifled sob. "You... You even said you were gay! Either you were lying then or you're lying now." He met Wolfram's eyes. "Which is it?"
"Neither. Why can't I be gay and still... be with a woman if I want to?"
"Because that's not how it works!" Yuuri shouted. Then took several deep breaths, looking away once more. "Or maybe it does for some people. I don't know. But there's a different word for that." Tears welling up again as he said, "You're not gay."
"Well how am I supposed to know what your stupid Earth words mean?" He still-- Wolfram still had to make that pain go away from Yuuri's face. "I wasn't lying. I loved you. I always loved you."
Yuuri sniffed, wiping his wet face on his sleeve. Like a little child. "Do you--" He swallowed. "Do you still love me?"
Wolframs mouth was full of what he wanted to say-- He wanted so much to be able to comfort the boy crying in front of him-- But he couldn't say any of it. He bit his tongue until he tasted blood.
Yuuri backed away still further. Crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "Do you love her?"
He couldn't lie. But he couldn't tell the whole truth, either, or Yuuri would never let him go.
"Yes," said Wolfram.
The silence stretched between them. Faint music drifted in through the heavy curtains separating them from the party just a few feet away.
The party Yuuri had arranged just to force Wolfram to talk to him. And he had used their daughter to do it. Wolfram shouldn't be trying to make Yuuri feel better. He should be angry.
Yuuri was the first to speak again. "So who is she, exactly?"
And if Yuuri wanted to know, why shouldn't Wolfram tell him?
"She's a servant. That's why it's a secret. And-- Yuuri-- you can't tell anyone. Ever."
Yuuri's expression changed. "So you're keeping her a secret because you're ashamed to be seen with a-- What? A commoner? Is that what you would say? I don't believe it-- You haven't changed at all since the day we met, have you? You still think you're better than everyone else!"
Wolfram felt his face go hot. "You kept me a secret just because I was a man!"
"And I was an idiot!" Yuuri yelled.
Wolfram took a swift step forward and clamped a hand over Yuuri's mouth. "You still are an idiot," he hissed. Yuuri's mouth was warm. The breath tickling his hand-- distracting. "It's not a secret because I'm embarrassed. It's not because she's poor or she's not a noble. It's because she's a servant and that is not what we pay her for."
He slowly removed his hand from Yuuri's mouth. They were too close again.
"Oh," said Yuuri quietly.
Wolfram should step back. He should move away. He really should.
After several minutes, in which Wolfram tried to remember how to breathe while his whole body was in confusion, Yuuri licked his lips and said, tentatively, "So... You... You have to, like, sneak around all the time? I mean... How can that be... Surely you don't really... want that... for the rest of your life?"
God, telling him really was the only way. Otherwise Yuuri would never give up.
And now Wolfram did find the strength to back up. Just one step. To be a little further away from what would happen to Yuuri when he told him.
Yuuri's voice, even more desperate now-- "I mean... You're not... secretly married or anything, are you?"
Wolfram shook his head.
"So..."
"She's pregnant, Yuuri. In a few weeks we'll have a child." Even if the "we" was an exaggeration. He didn't even know if he would be allowed to see it, much less raise it. But he had to make Yuuri understand...
Yuuri stared at him. Brought his own hand to his mouth. Grabbed a railing for support, but then sank down anyways, until he was sitting on the hard stone. "I can't believe I've really lost you," he said slowly. "I've lost any chance... I... Oh, God, I've ruined my own life..." Then he laughed. "And now you have... everything I wanted... what I threw you away for..."
Wolfram watched Yuuri breaking. Couldn't move.
"I don't know why I thought you would wait," Yuuri went on, though he seemed to be talking more to himself than to Wolfram. "It never occurred to me that you would... move on..." He drew his knees up and rested his forehead there. "But it took me so long to be sure. I wanted to be sure so that I didn't hurt you anymore." A pause. "But I guess this way I'll never be able to hurt you again." A shaky breath. He turned his head to the side to look at Wolfram with large, dark eyes. Dry, now. "I should be happy for you," he said. He gave a terrible imitation of a smile. "Even though my life is over."
"Your life is not over!" Wolfram was suddenly angry. What right did Yuuri have to do any of this? "If I can live without you, you can certainly live without me. And you spent almost three years without me--"
"I was miserable!"
"--and you're still alive!" He found himself kneeling by Yuuri. Touching his knee. "You're a wimp," Wolfram said unsteadily, "but you're fine. You'll be fine."
Yuuri gazed back at him, lower lip trembling. Wolfram wanted to bite it.
No he didn't. He couldn't.
"But it hurts so much," Yuuri whispered. Then he was even closer-- that mouth-- "Wolfram... I need you..." He had grasped Wolfram's hand from his knee-- drawing him in-- "Pl--"
The word wasn't even fully out of his mouth before Wolfram broke and stopped it with his own lips, taking Yuuri's face in his hands-- feeling him, tasting him, breathing him...
Yuuri whimpered and god, that sound-- how had he survived without it-- how could he give this up--
But he had to. He couldn't do this.
But Yuuri's mouth-- Yuuri's hands--
Yuuri.
Wolfram needed more. They weren't close enough, weren't touching enough. So Wolfram pushed Yuuri until he was on his back and Wolfram was straddling him-- already so hard it hurt-- and Yuuri squirmed and made such beautiful little sounds and Wolfram kissed him until he could feel both of their lips swelling under the abuse.
So he bit Yuuri's neck instead and felt the rapid pulse beneath his tongue. Yuuri gasped and moved his hips more urgently, hands tight in Wolfram's hair. Wolfram rocked back against him-- friction-- so hot-- so good-- Yuuri panting in his ear-- writhing beneath him--
Then-- too soon-- Yuuri was biting his lip and Wolfram watched him squeeze his eyes shut as he made a few, final, jerky movements up against Wolfram and it felt so good just to see Yuuri come.
But for a moment there was a pause, and there was quiet, as Wolfram gave him time to catch his breath. And there were voices and music...
Reality came back.
Wolfram slid off of his ex-fiancé and stood, his arousal fading quickly as his mind cleared of the fog of Yuuri.
He had to forget about Yuuri. Forget about this and everything Yuuri had said. He couldn't be with Yuuri. He should probably never see Yuuri again.
"Wolfram..."
He looked down to see Yuuri on his knees in front of him.
"No," said Wolfram immediately.
"Please." He reached out to put his hands on Wolfram's hips, tugging him closer...
Wolfram gritted his teeth. "I can't. And I've just told you why."
Yuuri looked up at him quickly, eyes widening once more. "But... You love me. How can you be with someone else when you still love me?"
"Is that really what you think I should do? Abandon her and go back to you?"
Yuuri bit his lip and looked away.
Wolfram removed Yuuri's hands and said, "What happened just now should not have happened." A deep breath. "You shouldn't have come here at all. You're far too late, and after the way you treated me it wouldn't be good for me to take you back anyways. Now I'm going to go back inside and you are not going to follow me."
He left Yuuri on the floor with his head in his hands.
II.
Wolfram heard it as he was leaving the party. He heard it from some servant he didn't even know-- Cassandra had been in labor all day. With weeks still to go, she had gone into labor that morning. Not long after she'd left his room. After he'd--
It was probably his fault. He was so stupid.
He ran in the direction the servant gave him-- heard the screams even before he reached the birthing room.
His stomach clenched when he saw her-- hair wild and damp with sweat, her face blotchy and screwed up in pain, and so much blood...
His fault. Even if this morning hadn't-- He'd gotten her pregnant in the first place. It was his fault.
Cassandra seemed to agree. She threw something at him the moment she saw him. He ducked and it smashed on the wall behind him-- a glass bottle-- medicine-- probably important--
"Get out of here!" she screamed. "What do you think you're doing? You can't be here!"
"Cassie--" he said painfully. "I'm sorry-- but everyone already--"
"I know, you bastard! Is it so hard-- not to let everyone hear you-- The one thing I asked--" She was cut off by her own scream as another contraction seized her.
"I'm sorry!" Tears in his eyes. It had been so stupid of him-- careless-- to let himself be so distracted by Yuuri that he didn't think-- but anyone who tried could hear them through that curtain-- and of course everyone would want to eavesdrop on the king. "I didn't think. I'm sorry!"
"You did it on purpose!" she roared. "And you turned him down-- What is wrong with you? -- I'm still not going to marry you!"
"No, I didn't mean to..." He came as close as he dared, not bothering to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "Please-- Marry me--" He had to keep her-- If she accepted him he could keep her-- not let her slip away-- not even into death-- and, God, it was all his fault-- "We've got nothing to lose now. Please. If only for our child--"
"There isn't going to be any child, you idiot!" Her voice was getting hoarse by now. After all, she must have been screaming all day...
It took him a moment to process what she'd said. "No..." But of course she was right. It was too early, far too early.
She screamed again.
III.
Hours later, Wolfram realized she was dying. She had bled too much and it wasn't going to stop. He'd given all the magic he could to help heal her and it still wasn't enough.
So he ran to Yuuri's room-- Weller took one look at his face and let him in to shake Yuuri awake--
"Yuuri, I-- I need your help. Please. She-- Cassandra-- she's in labor and it's too early and something else went wrong, too, and you're the one with the most magic and we need you."
Yuuri had leapt out of bed even before Wolfram had finished speaking, and he followed Wolfram's hurried steps through the castle.
It had been a hard decision, whether he dared ask Yuuri to help save what was keeping them apart. Cassandra, frightened and in pain, had screamed at Wolfram that Yuuri would probably let her die since Wolfram had been stupid enough not only to turn him down but also to tell him that she was the reason, and how dare he put her in danger by setting her up as the rival of a king given to catastrophic fits of rage...
But there was no other choice. They needed Yuuri.
"How will I know what to do?" Yuuri asked him as they went. "I mean, I don't know anything about--"
"There's a midwife," Wolfram said shortly. "We just need your magic."
Then they were at the door, and there was another terrible, raw cry as Wolfram opened it-- all the worse now because each scream was growing weaker.
And Wolfram could see, already-- the baby-- feet first--
But maybe it would live. Maybe they both would live. Maybe she would marry him and they would be happy.
Wolfram ran to her side and tried to take her hand, but she fought him. Looked at Yuuri with clouded eyes. "Is that him... No... Wolf, don't let him..."
"Shh." He swept her hair from her face. Tried to make her look at him. "Cassie, he's not going to hurt you."
She grabbed his arm and gave another cry, though this time it was hardly more than a gasp. He covered her hand tightly with his own, hoping to keep it there, then glanced briefly over at Yuuri, who was pale and scared-looking but seemed to be heeding the midwife's instructions. One hand began to glow faintly on Cassandra's belly, the other hidden from Wolfram's view between her legs.
"See, it's alright," Wolfram said softly to her. Kissed her wet forehead. "You're going to be alright."
"No..." she muttered. Her eyes had drifted closed. "No..." Then she gasped again, the grip on his arm growing a little stronger before relaxing again.
But only a little. She was so weak. She had lost so much blood... Wolfram called her name, panic rising once more, and she just shook her head weakly. Her breathing was uneven... Slowing...
Suddenly there was a new sound--
The baby. It was crying-- alive.
Wolfram didn't care. Not when the color was fading from Cassandra's cheeks.
"Yuuri!" His own scream cut through the infant's wails.
But Yuuri was holding the child, grinning down at it--
"Yuuri!"
The king finally looked up, and seemed to realize at once what was happening. He handed the child over to the midwife-- carefully-- too slowly--
Yuuri was sweating with magical exhaustion, but he laid both hands on Cassandra. If he'd used up too much power on that cursed baby, Wolfram was going to burn him alive.
But, no, she was stirring again, her breath gaining strength, her eyes opening and even clearing a little as she gazed at Wolfram.
He was still holding her hand. He clutched it to his chest, wanting to hold more of her and knowing he couldn't.
The glow of magic stopped as Yuuri collapsed.
IV.
Cassandra was brought back to her own bed, Yuuri to his, and Wolfram spent what was left of the night sitting in the nursery and watching the baby sleep, the wet-nurse next door if he needed her.
It was a girl. She didn't have a name yet-- or, at least, not that Wolfram was aware of. Perhaps Cassandra had something in mind.
She was so tiny-- smaller than any infant Wolfram had ever seen. It made sense; she hadn't had time to finish growing. And Cassandra herself was petite. Still, it amazed him.
He watched his new daughter sleep and he waited. Waited to hear that Cassandra was awake and wanted to see him. But he hadn't slept in nearly forty-eight hours, and so in the middle of waiting he suddenly woke up.
The baby was crying, of course. He didn't have to do anything, however, as the wet-nurse was there within a minute to pick her up and take her away.
Wolfram rubbed his face, looking out the window next to him to see how late it was-- almost noon-- then caught sight of a piece of paper on the sill.
It was a note from Cassandra. Wolfram read it, then put it back down and left for his bed.
He was too tired for this.
V.
Wolfram was next woken by a knock at his bedroom door.
It was Yuuri.
He blushed when he saw Wolfram's clothes-- he hadn't bothered to change into pajamas, but his jacket was gone and his formal wear rumpled. "I'm sorry-- I didn't realize you were sleeping--"
"It's alright," said Wolfram, cutting him off. "Just-- What are you doing here?"
"I found this." He held out Cassandra's note. "It was in the nursery when I went to see the baby."
"I've already read it." Wolfram turned back to his bed.
"Oh," said Yuuri awkwardly, still in the doorway.
Wolfram lay down on the bed. Closed his eyes. "Did you read it?" he asked. When Yuuri hesitated, he sighed and said, "It's alright; it wasn't sealed or anything."
"I still shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry."
Wolfram heard the door close, but then realized that Yuuri hadn't left when he heard him approach the bed.
"Are you going to go after her?" Yuuri asked quietly.
"You saw what she said. She doesn't want me anymore." And it hurt.
The bed dipped as Yuuri sat down next to him. "So you're just going to give up?"
Wolfram sat up to look at him. "Are you encouraging me to be with her?"
Yuuri avoided his eyes, blushing slightly. "Well, you love each other." He cleared his throat. "I... saw it. Last night. You really love her." He stared at the floor.
"Yuuri..."
"It's okay," said Yuuri quickly. Then tried to smile. "I understand."
Wolfram was fairly certain he didn't, but neither did Wolfram himself, and he was far too tired to try to work it out now. So he just shook his head.
"I should let you sleep," said Yuuri. "I'm sorry I woke you up."
But as he moved to stand, Wolfram put a hand on his arm. "Can you... stay... just a little while..."
This time, Yuuri's smile was a little closer to genuine. He nodded.
So Wolfram lay back down. But he didn't want to close his eyes, though his whole body was aching for rest. He didn't want to stop seeing Yuuri.
"I never thanked you," he said, after a minute. "For saving her life."
Yuuri nodded again, though his face fell almost imperceptibly.
"And the baby," Wolfram added, as an afterthought.
Yuuri brightened. "I've never done anything like that before," he said. "She wasn't breathing... and then I... I'm not even sure how I did it... and then she was breathing and she was alive and it was--" He stopped, blushing.
Wolfram watched him stare at his hands. "Yuuri, how long did you spend in the nursery today?"
"A few hours." Yuuri's flush deepened. Then, after a pause, "I showed her to Greta, too. She was really happy. She said a little sister was the best birthday present she'd ever gotten."
Wolfram wished he could have been there, or told Greta himself. He'd wanted to tell her all along. But he supposed the story was everywhere now-- Greta might have heard it as early as last night.
But Wolfram still wasn't sure that she would really be Greta's sister-- that she would be his. Although Cassandra's note had been very clear, Wolfram couldn't help doubting whether that was how she really felt. But maybe he just wanted her to feel differently.
He wanted her to feel the way Yuuri clearly did.
"Don't go back there," said Wolfram.
Yuuri looked up, eyes wide. "To see the baby? Why not?" Then seemed to realize the answer, and looked down again. "Because she's yours." A deep breath. "And... Cassandra's."
Wolfram just closed his eyes.
"I'm keeping you up," said Yuuri. "I should go."
This time Wolfram didn't stop him.
VI.
But Yuuri was there when Wolfram woke the next morning.
Wolfram would have yelled at him, but then Yuuri handed him a breakfast tray and Wolfram suddenly became aware that he hadn't eaten in a very long time. So for a while neither of them spoke while Yuuri sat by the bed and watched Wolfram eat.
When he'd finished, which took an embarrassingly short time, Wolfram sat back and finally looked at Yuuri. "Why are you still here?"
Yuuri shrugged, not meeting his eyes. "Because I want to be. Do..." He paused to bite his lip. "Do you want me to go home?"
Wolfram sighed, but didn't answer because he didn't know.
"I'm sorry," said Yuuri, "for the other night-- I should have accepted your answer. I'm sorry you had to tell me... about her and then everyone heard... I should have just accepted it."
"Yes, you should have." Wolfram ran a hand through his hair. Stopped when he saw the way Yuuri's eyes followed the motion. "But I was the one who betrayed the secret." He'd betrayed her. She was right-- it was the only thing she'd really asked of him, that he help keep it hidden.
"And..." Yuuri took a deep breath. Wolfram wondered just how long he'd been sitting here watching Wolfram sleep and thinking up things to say. "... I really think you should at least try to talk to her. Cassandra."
Wolfram hated the way he said her name-- hesitantly, like he was repeating a bad word.
"Why are you doing this?" Wolfram asked.
Yuuri finally looked straight at him. "I just want you to be happy, Wolfram. And, yeah, I'd rather you be happy with me, but if you can't do that... Well, you should try to be with... whoever you want to be with. But I think..." He flushed slightly, but held Wolfram's eye. "I think you don't know right now what you want and I think you should find out. I think... that whatever you do, you should be sure. Because if you're not, you're just going to make mistakes."
Wolfram felt his mouth form a thin line. He set his empty tray on the nightstand and then settled back into the pillows, crossing his arms and glaring at Yuuri.
"So how do you suggest I talk to her? She's gone."
"She said she went home, right?" Yuuri answered swiftly. "Her village isn't far. You could be there by this afternoon."
Wolfram stared at him. "How do you know where she lives?"
"I asked around."
"Well," Wolfram snapped, "that would not be a good idea."
"Why? I'm sure she wants to see you--"
"If she wanted to see me, she would have asked for me instead of leaving. And it's her family I'm more worried about. I doubt a visit from me would be well-received."
Cassandra's family were country people, distrusting of royalty and nobility. When they first agreed to let her become a servant in the royal household, they'd needed many assurances that she'd been chosen because she and Wolfram had played well together when he and his uncle had stopped in the village, and not because the man liked the way she looked. Cassandra's parents had been promised that she would be treated with the utmost decency and that nothing improper would ever be expected of her.
And now she was returning home still weak from bearing her master's child.
"But it's not like they could stop you from seeing her, right?" said Yuuri, as if it were the most reasonable thing in the world. "Especially if I'm there, they couldn't--"
"You?" Wolfram cut him off angrily. "Yuuri, think! Can't you see how any of this looks? These people don't know you! You're their king and I'm sure they respect you but they won't want you anywhere near their daughter after I've told you she's the reason I won't..." Wolfram couldn't finish, because he'd already said those words to Yuuri once and if he had to say them again it might kill him.
"So we'll prove to them there's nothing to fear," Yuuri answered patiently. "I don't want people to be afraid of me, Wolfram, and I can't change it if I don't show them what kind of king I am. Like you said, they don't know me. But how can they if I don't meet them? And the same goes for you-- If you do nothing, they'll have no reason to change what they think of you."
"I don't want them to change what they think of me."
Yuuri was getting frustrated now. "Why? Why can't you just tell them the truth?"
Wolfram set his jaw. "Because the truth is that I didn't 'deflower' her, I didn't make the first move, and I offered to marry her." And he glared, because it was the opposite of what Yuuri had done to him-- Yuuri had proposed, taken his virginity, and then refused to marry him.
Yuuri didn't seem to catch the parallels. "Those sound like good things," he said, looking confused.
"For me. Not for her."
"Oh." Yuuri looked somewhat deflated at last. But then he said, "I still think you should go. At the very least, you're going to have to face her to get some closure. This--" He pulled a bit of paper from his pocket. "-- is not closure."
Wolfram stared at the letter-- Cassandra's note, of course. Then looked back at Yuuri. "How many times have you read it?" The paper was almost ragged from being folded and unfolded and refolded...
Yuuri's cheeks turned pink. "I... want to know if she really means it," he admitted.
So did Wolfram.
"Actually," Yuuri continued, "I've already decided that even if you don't go talk to her, I will."
"No," said Wolfram quickly. "You can't just show up there--"
"So come with me."
Wolfram should say that there was no reason for Yuuri to talk to Cassandra. Wolfram should say he would never agree to what her note had told him to do. He should tell Yuuri to go home and forget about all of this.
Instead, he just scowled and said, "Fine."
"Really?"
"I can't let you go alone." Wolfram got out of bed. "Now get out. I'm not going to change in front of you."
VII.
Cassandra might have thought there was a possibility that Wolfram would come after her, but it was clear she hadn't expected the king. She tried to stand up as they entered the cottage, but Wolfram rushed forward in time to cut off the movement. So she bowed her head towards Yuuri. "Your Majesty."
Her voice was strong, but she still looked too pale. "How did you even make it here?" Wolfram asked her, one hand still on her shoulder.
She glared at him. "I took a carriage."
She had spent a lot of money just to get away from him.
"You weren't supposed to follow me," she added. "Didn't you get my letter?"
"That's why we're here," said Yuuri, stepping forward. "When you wrote that letter, you... Well, you're still not fully recovered from having the baby and I know that I... got in the way when I came to Belefield and maybe you weren't really thinking clearly. Is it... really what you want?"
She met his eyes. "I never wanted that baby," she said. "It was an accident and I don't think I would have been sorry if you'd let it die. I wouldn't have blamed you, either." She took a breath. "So if you two don't want it then give it to someone else."
Yuuri looked at her for a moment longer. Then said quietly, "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"And what about Wolfram? Do you want him?"
"I'm right here!" said Wolfram.
But they didn't seem to notice him, eyes still locked.
"No," said Cassandra. "He should be with you."
Yuuri nodded.
"Stop it!" Wolfram's voice sounded more desperate than he would have liked. But he was scared. For some reason, he was terrified. "You can't-- You can't just hand me over." He spoke to Cassandra, because he couldn't look at Yuuri. "It's my decision."
"So make it," she said.
"I have!" He fell to his knees in front of her. "I've told you-- I keep telling you, I--"
"Don't." At least she was looking at him now. "Wolfram, listen to me. You have to stop using me as an excuse to keep yourself unhappy." She took his hand. "You have the chance to be with the person you love. You have what I would kill for. And if you don't take it-- If you don't go back to him and make yourself happy I will never fucking forgive you."
He had to look away. He'd never seen her this close to tears before. It hadn't occurred to him how much he'd hurt her when he'd turned Yuuri down.
Wolfram knelt there for a long time in silence.
He didn't want to let her go. She was safe. She would never be able to hurt him the way Yuuri had.
But maybe she was right and he was being selfish.
After several minutes, he said, "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," she said, and he looked up to see her smiling. "But don't worry about me; I'm sure I'll find someone to keep me company."
He managed a small smile in response as he got to his feet. "Goodbye," he said, and bent down to kiss her briefly on the lips.
"Goodbye," she said, as he drew away. Her voice sounded odd. And when he turned around he realized why.
He'd forgotten Yuuri was still there.
Yuuri was looking away, but it was clear from his expression that it hadn't helped.
And it hurt to see Yuuri hurt. But Wolfram could think of nothing to say.
VIII.
"I'm sorry," he tried, as they walked their horses to the roadside inn where they would spend the night. "I didn't mean to do that in front of you."
Yuuri hadn't looked at him once since the conversation with Cassandra, and he didn't now. "You mean the part where you begged her to take you back or the part where you kissed her?"
"I didn't do it to hurt you."
"I know." Yuuri's voice was thick. "If you had, it wouldn't hurt so much."
"Yuuri, I'm sorry," Wolfram said again.
"For what? Loving her?" He almost looked at Wolfram, but then his eyes slid away again. "You can't apologize for that. You-- It's not even any of my business, is it? I just... You confused me. I thought... But I should have just listened to you. I should have left you alone."
"No!"
Yuuri stopped. Looked at him. "What does that mean?"
Wolfram shook his head. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. But he didn't want Yuuri to leave.
After a few moments, when Wolfram still hadn't said anything, Yuuri sighed and started walking again.
IX.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, they ate in silence, and they walked up to their room in silence. There were two beds. Shouldn't Wolfram have been grateful for that?
Yuuri sat-- almost collapsed-- on one of the beds. Wolfram hung back by the door, knowing Yuuri was about to speak at last. Knowing Yuuri had waited because when he did he was going to cry.
Sure enough, "I shouldn't ask," Yuuri said after a moment. "Because I guess you already... I should know. But I-- I think I have to hear you say it." He paused, crossing his arms and gripping his shoulders, staring at the floor. "Wolfram-- Do you love me?"
Wolfram's first instinct was to tell the truth, his second to lie and protect himself, and his third to do whatever he could to keep Yuuri from hurting ever again.
"Of course I do," he said hoarsely.
Yuuri looked up quickly. "What?"
Wolfram cleared his throat and tried again. "I said, Of course I do."
Yuuri stared at him, licking his lips and looking scared. "You mean, like, as a friend?"
Wolfram shook his head, and almost smiled at the absurdity of the idea. "How could I ever be friends with you?"
Yuuri stared a moment more, then said, somewhat breathlessly, "Please say it, Wolfram."
And despite his best efforts, Wolfram had to look away before he could open his mouth. "I'm still in love with you." He swallowed. "Yuuri."
Yuuri stood. "Does that-- Does that mean you'll marry me?"
"Do you really still want me?" Wolfram choked, all the feeling he'd been ignoring for so long now washing over him-- guilt. If Yuuri was feeling even a fraction of what Wolfram had felt when he'd heard that rumor-- what he still felt now, even though he believed it wasn't true-- If Wolfram was doing that to Yuuri....
Yuuri's hands on his face. (When had Wolfram closed his eyes?) "I can't help it," Yuuri said. "I've learned that well enough."
"I wouldn't have done it--" Wolfram gasped for breath. He wasn't crying. "If I didn't think--"
"I know," said Yuuri softly. "Me and Conrad." A pause. "I think that's the worst part. That you believed it."
That wasn't fair. Wolfram opened his eyes. "You gave me no reason to believe otherwise."
"That's what I meant," said Yuuri, cupping Wolfram's damp cheek. "You must have thought that I... that I didn't care about you at all, or that I'd forgotten you. To think I would move on to another man..."
Wolfram wished he would stop. Stop talking about it. Stop talking!
But Yuuri went on. "The whole point of what I did to you-- that stupid decision I made-- was so that I could try to-- to be with a woman..." Tears, again. "And I know you don't understand how that could be so important to me, but I... I tried to tell you. But you must have thought... What? That I made it all up to get rid of you? If you could believe that... I must have been so awful to you..."
Wolfram couldn't speak. Because everything Yuuri said was true.
They had hurt each other so much.
"But this time," said Yuuri, with a new breath, "it's going to be different. I promise. I want to marry you."
"In public?" Wolfram said dryly.
"I did tell my family. Not about you-- I wasn't sure, since we weren't engaged anymore--" Wolfram nodded, so he went on, "but I told them I was gay."
"And were they disappointed?"
"I don't know. I was crying a lot. But they said all the things they were supposed to say about loving me anyways and--"
"Loving you anyways?" Wolfram interrupted. "Like it's something wrong with you that they're willing to overlook?"
Yuuri nodded. Wolfram was impressed that he wasn't sobbing right now. "I told you, it's different over there." A pause. "That kind of reaction was the best I could have hoped for."
Wolfram hugged him.
Yuuri had told him, and Wolfram had seen Yuuri being torn apart, but... It wasn't until now that he fully realized that it was more than just excuses. Yuuri had been taught to hate himself.
"I'm sorry," he said in Yuuri's ear, "if I made it worse..."
He felt Yuuri shake his head. "You didn't do anything wrong. It was just me. And I'm sorry."
Wolfram held him tighter. "It's alright," he said softly. "It's alright now." And at that moment, feeling Yuuri warm in his arms, breathing hotly on Wolfram's neck, so wonderfully close, he believed it. So he cleared his throat once again and said, "I mean, you can't help it if you're a wimp."
Wolfram could feel Yuuri's smile. Kissed his ear, feeling the desire for more closeness begin to build.
Yuuri pulled away enough to search Wolfram's face once more, something of that frightened expression having returned to his own. "Wolfram, give me a real answer. Will you marry me?"
"You know I will," said Wolfram seriously.
Yuuri grinned. "I love you," he said, and kissed him.
Wolfram responded eagerly-- so hungry for Yuuri-- wanting so much-- so lost in the simple pleasure of touching. He wrapped one hand around the back of Yuuri's neck, brought the other up to Yuuri's chest--
Fumbled.
He tried to go on, but Yuuri broke away, catching Wolfram's offending hand.
"What was that?" Yuuri's voice was harsh, anger showing already.
Wolfram licked his lips. "Nothing. It was just--"
"Looking for breasts?"
The hairs on the back of Wolfram's neck prickled as the air began to fill with electricity power. But Yuuri hadn't changed-- He was somewhere in between. His grip on Wolfram's wrist started to hurt.
"It was just a reflex," said Wolfram evenly. Pushed away guilt-- he didn't need to punish himself if Yuuri was going to do it for him. "It's been a long time since we--"
"You mean it's been a long time that you've been fucking someone else. That you've been touching her-- And that's what you really want, isn't it? You want a woman!" By now there were tears on Yuuri's cheeks even as he bared his teeth and the air sparked around him. He wasn't going to change, Wolfram realized. This was too close-- too personal-- Yuuri's emotions were out of his control and the Maou's.
Wolfram tried not to be scared, even though he could see that Yuuri was dangerous this way-- all that power, but no Justice. Only hurt and rage.
"I don't want a woman." Wolfram kept his voice steady and met Yuuri's narrowed eyes. "I want you. I want all of you and nothing else."
Yuuri growled and pulled him roughly forward. Wolfram took the chance to kiss him before he could do anything else, taking Yuuri by surprise. Yuuri recovered quickly, however, and crushed their lips together. Sent energy humming through Wolfram's body.
Wolfram made an involuntary noise and didn't have the brainpower to be embarrassed about it. He was already thinking about getting Yuuri back to that bed...
Yuuri suddenly broke the kiss and with a hand on Wolfram's hip forced him around. Took both wrists in one hand and pinned them against the door so that Wolfram was trapped, his accelerated breath bouncing back at him off the wood and Yuuri hot and charged against his back.
Oh.
Cassandra had tied him up once. Wolfram had hated it. Had nearly wept when he couldn't touch her and therefore couldn't keep her, had been terrified that she would leave him there. She'd seen, of course, and then she'd had to comfort him again, just as she always did.
But this wasn't Cassandra.
And Wolfram would have expected to trust Yuuri less. After all, Yuuri had actually abandoned him. But it was nothing close to fear that was making his heart skip, though he couldn't quite tell whether it was the electricity or the anticipation of what he hoped Yuuri was going to do. Both were powerful forces. Short-circuiting his brain.
Yuuri's breath in his ear as the possessive arm around his waist tightened. "You want me?"
"Yes," said Wolfram. Shuddered when Yuuri licked his neck, and then again at Yuuri's fingers moving to his belt. Undoing the buckle and the buttons of his pants so slowly that Wolfram had to stop himself from speaking-- begging--
Then Wolfram's pants and underwear were down around his ankles and his cock in Yuuri's palm. Yuuri squeezed once, eliciting a sharp gasp, then slid that hot hand over Wolfram's hip to his backside.
"You want all of me?" Yuuri's hand slipped slowly down sweat-slicked skin as he spoke.
Wolfram tried to breathe. "Yes."
He was rewarded with the tip of Yuuri's finger against him-- Yuuri's wet finger-- Yuuri was conjuring water....
Wolfram moved his hips. He wanted Yuuri inside him now. Yuuri took the hint and pushed one digit inside-- more warm water, running down Wolfram's legs and making him shiver wonderfully. Yuuri began to move his finger, coaxing him open.
It didn't take long. This-- fingers-- wasn't new to Wolfram. And he wanted this. He turned his head for a kiss and got it, though it was clumsy in their distraction, lips and teeth and tongues all crashing together, Yuuri making low, animal, noises.
And Yuuri kept kissing him while undoing his own trousers and suddenly Wolfram felt Yuuri's cock-- so hard-- so hot-- God, it had been so long--
There was no warning before Yuuri entered him. Just more pressure and-- and then it was happening but Wolfram wasn't even sure it was happening but, yes, Yuuri was holding him close and moving against him-- no-- inside him-- Yuuri was fucking him.
It felt good. Being filled with Yuuri. Yuuri's mouth on his neck. The sounds Yuuri made and the way his movements turned more and more desperate. He let go of Wolfram's wrists to hold him closer and when he came he sounded like he always did and Wolfram was so happy...
Yuuri didn't let him go. But after a moment asked, "Was that what you wanted?"
Wolfram squirmed until Yuuri loosened his hold enough so that Wolfram could turn around, managing not to trip with his feet still bound by his trousers. Yuuri's face relaxed visibly at Wolfram's grin.
"Among other things," said Wolfram, and kissed Yuuri again, pressing up against him.
Yuuri broke away. "You didn't finish," he observed nervously.
Wolfram traced Yuuri's lips with his fingers. "Wouldn't you be disappointed if I had?"
Yuuri's eyes widened slightly in comprehension and excitement before he dropped to his knees. But as he took hold of Wolfram's erection he looked up again. "You have to watch me," he said, an edge to his voice. "If you close your eyes--"
"I won't," Wolfram interrupted him. He threaded his hands in Yuuri's hair. "Don't worry. Please-- Yuuri--"
As if he could take his eyes away for one moment from the sight of Yuuri before him-- dark eyes hungry and staring back at him-- lips stretching around the head of his cock-- Yuuri--
It was too good-- It felt too good-- Yuuri was too beautiful-- and Wolfram couldn't fight it and he was coming before Yuuri had even really started.
Yuuri, unprepared, gave a little jerk but didn't choke-- kept sucking wonderfully until the end and Wolfram pushed him away because he couldn't stay on his feet any longer.
He sank to his knees, his hands still fisted in Yuuri's hair, and laughed when he realized they were both now kneeling in the pool of water Yuuri had made just moments ago. He leaned forward to lick at the wetness around Yuuri's mouth. "God, I missed you."
At last, Yuuri smiled. "Me, too."
X.
They hardly stopped touching for a moment in all the time it took to clean up the mess and get a bath readied. But Wolfram had become aware that Yuuri once again had something he wanted to talk about but was too afraid to bring it up. It wasn't until they were settled in the bath-- or as settled as they could ever be with the two of them in the small tub-- that Yuuri finally voiced his question.
"So, do you want to keep the baby?"
Wolfram paused. He was washing Yuuri's back, which was perhaps why Yuuri had chosen now to speak-- they weren't facing each other.
The truth was that Wolfram had been trying to keep himself from thinking about it since he'd first learned that Cassandra was pregnant and that she would give him no answer as to the future. For so long, he couldn't think about it because it wasn't his decision. And now suddenly it was and he had to do all that thinking at once.
Except that it didn't really take much thought, as it turned out.
"Yes," he told Yuuri. "Of course."
It wasn't that he felt a strong connection to the child-- he hadn't even held her yet, too afraid that he might not have the right after all. No, at this point Yuuri was more her father than Wolfram was. And it was this that made Wolfram so certain. Because he wanted to be with Yuuri. He wanted to have a child with Yuuri. And, yes, there was a part of him that was still afraid of losing Yuuri again if he couldn't give him what he wanted-- A real family. A baby that was both of theirs. Maybe Yuuri would even be able to forget the child's mother.
"I mean," Wolfram amended, "that's what you want, too, right?"
Yuuri nodded. Then made an appreciative sound in response to Wolfram's thumbs along either side of his spine. He let his head hand forward, giving Wolfram more access, and after a moment said, "Cassandra knew what we both wanted, didn't she?" A pause. "She really wants us to be happy."
Wolfram made a noncommittal noise and splashed more water over Yuuri's back.
"But I still hate her," said Yuuri abruptly. "I can't help it. When I saw you kiss her--"
"Hey--" Wolfram cut him off, taking hold of Yuuri's chin and forcing him to look around at him. "You don't need to think about that," he said firmly. "Because I'm never going to kiss anyone but you ever again for as long as I live. And it's alright if you hate her. I would. And you don't ever have to see her again if you don't want to. We don't even have to talk about her, if you don't want to."
Yuuri nodded. Wolfram kissed him softly. "I love you," he reminded him. It wasn't something Wolfram said often, and it brought a beautiful smile to Yuuri's face.
"I love you, too."
Wolfram kissed him again.
"Let's leave first thing tomorrow, Wolfram, as soon as there's enough light to-- Oh." Yuuri's expression had turned worried.
"What?"
"I just--" Yuuri's cheeks were going red, now. "I forgot we would be riding tomorrow-- I mean, I didn't think about it. I'm sorry!"
"Sorry for what?" Wolfram was honestly confused. "What are you talking about?"
Yuuri looked at him, chewing on his bottom lip. "It was your first time, right?"
Oh. "It doesn't hurt," said Wolfram quickly. And it was true. Though he did feel something of an awareness of what had happened, he wouldn't call it pain.
"But riding that long isn't exactly comfortable at the best of times--"
"Speak for yourself, Wimp."
Yuuri rolled his eyes, turning away once more. "Alright, you're very manly and I'm sure you are immune to any sort of discomfort. I was just saying."
Suddenly Wolfram felt horrible. What if Yuuri was trying to tell him what he'd gone through-- what Wolfram had done to him...
"I'm sorry," said Wolfram. "Did it-- Your first time-- Did it hurt?"
Yuuri shook his head. "No. I mean, not really. I told you that. Remember?"
Wolfram did remember. But he also remembered blood. The sex was a blur-- closeness and lust and being so grateful to finally be naked with Yuuri, get to touch him everywhere-- inside-- and Yuuri's hands on his shoulders, gripping like he would never let go-- mouths together-- need--
But afterwards was so clear in his mind. Afterwards, when Yuuri started to move away but Wolfram held him there, just for a moment, just because he wanted to see-- where they were still connected--
He knew his memory must have been distorted over the years, because if there had really been that much blood Wolfram would have done something about it, but there had been enough. And when Yuuri started to cry...
But Yuuri had shaken his head at Wolfram's fumbling apologies and concern. "No, it's not that-- It felt really good--" Sobbing harder. "It was so good... God, Wolfram-- I love you--"
It was the first time he'd said it, and he'd sounded miserable.
Now, Wolfram wrapped his arms around Yuuri from behind. "Yuuri, are you happy? I mean, will you be-- when you're married to a man?"
Yuuri took a long time in answering. "I really think so," he said finally. "I know I'm happy to have you back. And I know that without you I wouldn't have a chance."
"But it still bothers you."
"Sometimes. But I think you help. And I think that the more I stay here... the more I get used to this world... the better it'll get."
Wolfram hugged him tighter. Kissed his cheek.
"And now we have a baby," said Yuuri, his voice warming once more. "I thought I couldn't... But she really is ours." He paused. "Right?"
Wolfram kissed him again. He didn't seem to be able to stop. "Right," he agreed. "So what do you want to name her?"
Yuuri's blush deepened, but he seemed happy. "What do you want to name her?"
Wolfram thought for a moment. "Gerhilde."
"What?! That's worse than 'Liesel'!"
Wolfram scoffed. "So you'd rather call her 'Pochi', I suppose?"
"Of course not. How about... 'Yuki'?"
"Heilwig," Wolfram countered.
"Eri."
"Gerta."
"'Gerta'..." Yuuri repeated. "That's not too bad. It sounds a little like 'Greta'..."
"Elsa."
"Maybe. Ooh, or 'Chiyo'."
"Definitely not."
(Part 1)(Part 2)
Author: Melusine
Beta: toshimalfoy
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Wolfram/OFC, Wolfram/Yuuri, Yuuri/Wolfram
Spoilers: Through season 2.
Disclaimer: Kyou Kara Maou! and related characters, situations, etc. belong to Tomo Takabayashi and various other people/companies, none of whom are me. This is a fan work; no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Part: 3/3
Summary: Yuuri comes to Belefield.
Part Three
I.
Wolfram's plan had been to make sure he was always surrounded by people at the party-- show in public that he wasn't broken, ensure that neither Yuuri nor himself could make a scene, maybe even avoid Yuuri altogether in the crowd.
But as the king's entrance was announced, Wolfram couldn't help looking and he saw Yuuri and he saw Weller with him.
So now Wolfram was on the balcony, trying not to be sick over the railing just from thinking about it. The two of them. The way Yuuri had looked back at Weller as they entered the ballroom and Weller had touched his shoulder and Yuuri had smiled--
He'd already known-- how could it still hurt this much? How could anything hurt this much?
"Wolfram?"
Yuuri.
Wolfram gripped the balcony harder. Thought about jumping off of it-- he could probably make it-- run away--
He heard Yuuri approach.
Maybe Wolfram could throw him off the balcony.
"Wolfram. I... I wanted to talk to you."
Wolfram didn't move.
"I'm sorry, Wolfram. I made a mistake. Please--" Yuuri touched his arm.
Wolfram threw him off violently, spinning around to finally face him. "Don't touch me," he spat.
Yuuri stared at him in shock. "I'm sorry," he said again. "But-- I missed you! You were right-- about everything-- I love you--"
"I don't care!" Wolfram hissed. "What is wrong with you? How can you even speak to me-- after what you've done--" Yuuri was too close. He was much too close. And he had Wolfram trapped against the railing.
"I know I was stupid. And I treated you terribly and I'm so sorry and I've paid for it, believe me, because I can't stand being without you."
This was what Wolfram had been most afraid of. Yuuri wanted to be friends.
"So-- what-- you want me to come back and watch you with him?" It was so hard to breathe. Yuuri was too close.
Yuuri looked blank. "Who?"
Wolfram almost screamed. "How many people have you been fucking?"
"What? No-- Wolfram, I've never slept with anyone but you!"
"I heard," said Wolfram through gritted teeth. "I heard about-- about you and-- that bastard who tries to call himself my brother."
"What?" said Yuuri again. "You mean Conrad? Me and Conrad? Wolfram, that's... that's ridiculous! How can you think that? I mean... I knew there was a rumor a while ago, but I never thought anyone who knew me would believe it-- least of all you." He reached out, but Wolfram swatted his hand away before he could touch him.
"Even a rumor has to start somewhere," said Wolfram, as evenly as he could. "Maybe it was just one night, or--"
"It was one night," Yuuri interrupted him, "that Conrad spent in my room sitting next to the bed, watching over me because I was so drunk-- trying to forget you-- that I passed out. That's what the maids saw and that's where the rumor came from."
Breathe. Wolfram had to remember to breathe. "How can I believe you?" he whispered.
Yuuri looked so sad-- "Because it's me. Please, Wolfram. You said it yourself-- I could never fall in love with anyone else. And I did try-- so hard-- to even want someone else, but all I ever thought about was you."
Wolfram covered his face in his hands. Turned away.
"I love you," said Yuuri. "I came to ask you to marry me."
This wasn't real. This was-- not even his own fantasy. Something Cassandra would have told him he wanted. But he didn't he didn't he didn't--
He was over Yuuri. He had to be. Because he couldn't do any of this, no matter what she said.
Wolfram turned around to find Yuuri watching him anxiously, face flushed, lower lip trapped between his teeth. God, he was so-- But Wolfram couldn't--
"No," said Wolfram.
Yuuri's eyes widened. "Wolfram..."
"No," he repeated. "I won't marry you." His voice ran out of strength before he got to the rest-- I never want to see you again. You had your chance. I'm fine without you. I wouldn't take you back if you came crawling on your knees.
Yuuri took a step away, finally giving Wolfram room to breathe. "Why?"
Wolfram didn't want to answer. But he could see Yuuri's mind working even now, trying to think of what he could do to win Wolfram back. He would never believe that Wolfram just didn't love him anymore.
"You're too late," said Wolfram.
He had to look away from the pain on Yuuri's face.
"You mean there's someone else?"
Wolfram nodded.
Silence.
Finally, Yuuri said, "And you were mad at me for a rumor that I was with someone for one night?"
"You did it first," said Wolfram quietly.
"I didn't do it at all! You--" Yuuri stopped himself. Took a few more steps back. "Who is it?"
"No one you know."
"So? What's his name? How did you meet? And why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Her name is Cassandra."
A beat. Then, "A woman?" There was that familiar shaking in Yuuri's voice. Wolfram looked up and, yes, there were tears beginning to form in his eyes. "But... Then... What were you doing with me? You were just..." His hands were in his hair and Wolfram could hear his breathing becoming more and more uneven. "No-- I know you loved me-- You had to, to put up with everything I..."
It was too much. Seeing Yuuri like this was too painful. Wolfram forgot about everything but the need to comfort him. He even found himself taking a step forward, though he kept one hand on the railing. "Of course I loved you."
Yuuri gave an obviously stifled sob. "You... You even said you were gay! Either you were lying then or you're lying now." He met Wolfram's eyes. "Which is it?"
"Neither. Why can't I be gay and still... be with a woman if I want to?"
"Because that's not how it works!" Yuuri shouted. Then took several deep breaths, looking away once more. "Or maybe it does for some people. I don't know. But there's a different word for that." Tears welling up again as he said, "You're not gay."
"Well how am I supposed to know what your stupid Earth words mean?" He still-- Wolfram still had to make that pain go away from Yuuri's face. "I wasn't lying. I loved you. I always loved you."
Yuuri sniffed, wiping his wet face on his sleeve. Like a little child. "Do you--" He swallowed. "Do you still love me?"
Wolframs mouth was full of what he wanted to say-- He wanted so much to be able to comfort the boy crying in front of him-- But he couldn't say any of it. He bit his tongue until he tasted blood.
Yuuri backed away still further. Crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "Do you love her?"
He couldn't lie. But he couldn't tell the whole truth, either, or Yuuri would never let him go.
"Yes," said Wolfram.
The silence stretched between them. Faint music drifted in through the heavy curtains separating them from the party just a few feet away.
The party Yuuri had arranged just to force Wolfram to talk to him. And he had used their daughter to do it. Wolfram shouldn't be trying to make Yuuri feel better. He should be angry.
Yuuri was the first to speak again. "So who is she, exactly?"
And if Yuuri wanted to know, why shouldn't Wolfram tell him?
"She's a servant. That's why it's a secret. And-- Yuuri-- you can't tell anyone. Ever."
Yuuri's expression changed. "So you're keeping her a secret because you're ashamed to be seen with a-- What? A commoner? Is that what you would say? I don't believe it-- You haven't changed at all since the day we met, have you? You still think you're better than everyone else!"
Wolfram felt his face go hot. "You kept me a secret just because I was a man!"
"And I was an idiot!" Yuuri yelled.
Wolfram took a swift step forward and clamped a hand over Yuuri's mouth. "You still are an idiot," he hissed. Yuuri's mouth was warm. The breath tickling his hand-- distracting. "It's not a secret because I'm embarrassed. It's not because she's poor or she's not a noble. It's because she's a servant and that is not what we pay her for."
He slowly removed his hand from Yuuri's mouth. They were too close again.
"Oh," said Yuuri quietly.
Wolfram should step back. He should move away. He really should.
After several minutes, in which Wolfram tried to remember how to breathe while his whole body was in confusion, Yuuri licked his lips and said, tentatively, "So... You... You have to, like, sneak around all the time? I mean... How can that be... Surely you don't really... want that... for the rest of your life?"
God, telling him really was the only way. Otherwise Yuuri would never give up.
And now Wolfram did find the strength to back up. Just one step. To be a little further away from what would happen to Yuuri when he told him.
Yuuri's voice, even more desperate now-- "I mean... You're not... secretly married or anything, are you?"
Wolfram shook his head.
"So..."
"She's pregnant, Yuuri. In a few weeks we'll have a child." Even if the "we" was an exaggeration. He didn't even know if he would be allowed to see it, much less raise it. But he had to make Yuuri understand...
Yuuri stared at him. Brought his own hand to his mouth. Grabbed a railing for support, but then sank down anyways, until he was sitting on the hard stone. "I can't believe I've really lost you," he said slowly. "I've lost any chance... I... Oh, God, I've ruined my own life..." Then he laughed. "And now you have... everything I wanted... what I threw you away for..."
Wolfram watched Yuuri breaking. Couldn't move.
"I don't know why I thought you would wait," Yuuri went on, though he seemed to be talking more to himself than to Wolfram. "It never occurred to me that you would... move on..." He drew his knees up and rested his forehead there. "But it took me so long to be sure. I wanted to be sure so that I didn't hurt you anymore." A pause. "But I guess this way I'll never be able to hurt you again." A shaky breath. He turned his head to the side to look at Wolfram with large, dark eyes. Dry, now. "I should be happy for you," he said. He gave a terrible imitation of a smile. "Even though my life is over."
"Your life is not over!" Wolfram was suddenly angry. What right did Yuuri have to do any of this? "If I can live without you, you can certainly live without me. And you spent almost three years without me--"
"I was miserable!"
"--and you're still alive!" He found himself kneeling by Yuuri. Touching his knee. "You're a wimp," Wolfram said unsteadily, "but you're fine. You'll be fine."
Yuuri gazed back at him, lower lip trembling. Wolfram wanted to bite it.
No he didn't. He couldn't.
"But it hurts so much," Yuuri whispered. Then he was even closer-- that mouth-- "Wolfram... I need you..." He had grasped Wolfram's hand from his knee-- drawing him in-- "Pl--"
The word wasn't even fully out of his mouth before Wolfram broke and stopped it with his own lips, taking Yuuri's face in his hands-- feeling him, tasting him, breathing him...
Yuuri whimpered and god, that sound-- how had he survived without it-- how could he give this up--
But he had to. He couldn't do this.
But Yuuri's mouth-- Yuuri's hands--
Yuuri.
Wolfram needed more. They weren't close enough, weren't touching enough. So Wolfram pushed Yuuri until he was on his back and Wolfram was straddling him-- already so hard it hurt-- and Yuuri squirmed and made such beautiful little sounds and Wolfram kissed him until he could feel both of their lips swelling under the abuse.
So he bit Yuuri's neck instead and felt the rapid pulse beneath his tongue. Yuuri gasped and moved his hips more urgently, hands tight in Wolfram's hair. Wolfram rocked back against him-- friction-- so hot-- so good-- Yuuri panting in his ear-- writhing beneath him--
Then-- too soon-- Yuuri was biting his lip and Wolfram watched him squeeze his eyes shut as he made a few, final, jerky movements up against Wolfram and it felt so good just to see Yuuri come.
But for a moment there was a pause, and there was quiet, as Wolfram gave him time to catch his breath. And there were voices and music...
Reality came back.
Wolfram slid off of his ex-fiancé and stood, his arousal fading quickly as his mind cleared of the fog of Yuuri.
He had to forget about Yuuri. Forget about this and everything Yuuri had said. He couldn't be with Yuuri. He should probably never see Yuuri again.
"Wolfram..."
He looked down to see Yuuri on his knees in front of him.
"No," said Wolfram immediately.
"Please." He reached out to put his hands on Wolfram's hips, tugging him closer...
Wolfram gritted his teeth. "I can't. And I've just told you why."
Yuuri looked up at him quickly, eyes widening once more. "But... You love me. How can you be with someone else when you still love me?"
"Is that really what you think I should do? Abandon her and go back to you?"
Yuuri bit his lip and looked away.
Wolfram removed Yuuri's hands and said, "What happened just now should not have happened." A deep breath. "You shouldn't have come here at all. You're far too late, and after the way you treated me it wouldn't be good for me to take you back anyways. Now I'm going to go back inside and you are not going to follow me."
He left Yuuri on the floor with his head in his hands.
II.
Wolfram heard it as he was leaving the party. He heard it from some servant he didn't even know-- Cassandra had been in labor all day. With weeks still to go, she had gone into labor that morning. Not long after she'd left his room. After he'd--
It was probably his fault. He was so stupid.
He ran in the direction the servant gave him-- heard the screams even before he reached the birthing room.
His stomach clenched when he saw her-- hair wild and damp with sweat, her face blotchy and screwed up in pain, and so much blood...
His fault. Even if this morning hadn't-- He'd gotten her pregnant in the first place. It was his fault.
Cassandra seemed to agree. She threw something at him the moment she saw him. He ducked and it smashed on the wall behind him-- a glass bottle-- medicine-- probably important--
"Get out of here!" she screamed. "What do you think you're doing? You can't be here!"
"Cassie--" he said painfully. "I'm sorry-- but everyone already--"
"I know, you bastard! Is it so hard-- not to let everyone hear you-- The one thing I asked--" She was cut off by her own scream as another contraction seized her.
"I'm sorry!" Tears in his eyes. It had been so stupid of him-- careless-- to let himself be so distracted by Yuuri that he didn't think-- but anyone who tried could hear them through that curtain-- and of course everyone would want to eavesdrop on the king. "I didn't think. I'm sorry!"
"You did it on purpose!" she roared. "And you turned him down-- What is wrong with you? -- I'm still not going to marry you!"
"No, I didn't mean to..." He came as close as he dared, not bothering to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "Please-- Marry me--" He had to keep her-- If she accepted him he could keep her-- not let her slip away-- not even into death-- and, God, it was all his fault-- "We've got nothing to lose now. Please. If only for our child--"
"There isn't going to be any child, you idiot!" Her voice was getting hoarse by now. After all, she must have been screaming all day...
It took him a moment to process what she'd said. "No..." But of course she was right. It was too early, far too early.
She screamed again.
III.
Hours later, Wolfram realized she was dying. She had bled too much and it wasn't going to stop. He'd given all the magic he could to help heal her and it still wasn't enough.
So he ran to Yuuri's room-- Weller took one look at his face and let him in to shake Yuuri awake--
"Yuuri, I-- I need your help. Please. She-- Cassandra-- she's in labor and it's too early and something else went wrong, too, and you're the one with the most magic and we need you."
Yuuri had leapt out of bed even before Wolfram had finished speaking, and he followed Wolfram's hurried steps through the castle.
It had been a hard decision, whether he dared ask Yuuri to help save what was keeping them apart. Cassandra, frightened and in pain, had screamed at Wolfram that Yuuri would probably let her die since Wolfram had been stupid enough not only to turn him down but also to tell him that she was the reason, and how dare he put her in danger by setting her up as the rival of a king given to catastrophic fits of rage...
But there was no other choice. They needed Yuuri.
"How will I know what to do?" Yuuri asked him as they went. "I mean, I don't know anything about--"
"There's a midwife," Wolfram said shortly. "We just need your magic."
Then they were at the door, and there was another terrible, raw cry as Wolfram opened it-- all the worse now because each scream was growing weaker.
And Wolfram could see, already-- the baby-- feet first--
But maybe it would live. Maybe they both would live. Maybe she would marry him and they would be happy.
Wolfram ran to her side and tried to take her hand, but she fought him. Looked at Yuuri with clouded eyes. "Is that him... No... Wolf, don't let him..."
"Shh." He swept her hair from her face. Tried to make her look at him. "Cassie, he's not going to hurt you."
She grabbed his arm and gave another cry, though this time it was hardly more than a gasp. He covered her hand tightly with his own, hoping to keep it there, then glanced briefly over at Yuuri, who was pale and scared-looking but seemed to be heeding the midwife's instructions. One hand began to glow faintly on Cassandra's belly, the other hidden from Wolfram's view between her legs.
"See, it's alright," Wolfram said softly to her. Kissed her wet forehead. "You're going to be alright."
"No..." she muttered. Her eyes had drifted closed. "No..." Then she gasped again, the grip on his arm growing a little stronger before relaxing again.
But only a little. She was so weak. She had lost so much blood... Wolfram called her name, panic rising once more, and she just shook her head weakly. Her breathing was uneven... Slowing...
Suddenly there was a new sound--
The baby. It was crying-- alive.
Wolfram didn't care. Not when the color was fading from Cassandra's cheeks.
"Yuuri!" His own scream cut through the infant's wails.
But Yuuri was holding the child, grinning down at it--
"Yuuri!"
The king finally looked up, and seemed to realize at once what was happening. He handed the child over to the midwife-- carefully-- too slowly--
Yuuri was sweating with magical exhaustion, but he laid both hands on Cassandra. If he'd used up too much power on that cursed baby, Wolfram was going to burn him alive.
But, no, she was stirring again, her breath gaining strength, her eyes opening and even clearing a little as she gazed at Wolfram.
He was still holding her hand. He clutched it to his chest, wanting to hold more of her and knowing he couldn't.
The glow of magic stopped as Yuuri collapsed.
IV.
Cassandra was brought back to her own bed, Yuuri to his, and Wolfram spent what was left of the night sitting in the nursery and watching the baby sleep, the wet-nurse next door if he needed her.
It was a girl. She didn't have a name yet-- or, at least, not that Wolfram was aware of. Perhaps Cassandra had something in mind.
She was so tiny-- smaller than any infant Wolfram had ever seen. It made sense; she hadn't had time to finish growing. And Cassandra herself was petite. Still, it amazed him.
He watched his new daughter sleep and he waited. Waited to hear that Cassandra was awake and wanted to see him. But he hadn't slept in nearly forty-eight hours, and so in the middle of waiting he suddenly woke up.
The baby was crying, of course. He didn't have to do anything, however, as the wet-nurse was there within a minute to pick her up and take her away.
Wolfram rubbed his face, looking out the window next to him to see how late it was-- almost noon-- then caught sight of a piece of paper on the sill.
It was a note from Cassandra. Wolfram read it, then put it back down and left for his bed.
He was too tired for this.
V.
Wolfram was next woken by a knock at his bedroom door.
It was Yuuri.
He blushed when he saw Wolfram's clothes-- he hadn't bothered to change into pajamas, but his jacket was gone and his formal wear rumpled. "I'm sorry-- I didn't realize you were sleeping--"
"It's alright," said Wolfram, cutting him off. "Just-- What are you doing here?"
"I found this." He held out Cassandra's note. "It was in the nursery when I went to see the baby."
"I've already read it." Wolfram turned back to his bed.
"Oh," said Yuuri awkwardly, still in the doorway.
Wolfram lay down on the bed. Closed his eyes. "Did you read it?" he asked. When Yuuri hesitated, he sighed and said, "It's alright; it wasn't sealed or anything."
"I still shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry."
Wolfram heard the door close, but then realized that Yuuri hadn't left when he heard him approach the bed.
"Are you going to go after her?" Yuuri asked quietly.
"You saw what she said. She doesn't want me anymore." And it hurt.
The bed dipped as Yuuri sat down next to him. "So you're just going to give up?"
Wolfram sat up to look at him. "Are you encouraging me to be with her?"
Yuuri avoided his eyes, blushing slightly. "Well, you love each other." He cleared his throat. "I... saw it. Last night. You really love her." He stared at the floor.
"Yuuri..."
"It's okay," said Yuuri quickly. Then tried to smile. "I understand."
Wolfram was fairly certain he didn't, but neither did Wolfram himself, and he was far too tired to try to work it out now. So he just shook his head.
"I should let you sleep," said Yuuri. "I'm sorry I woke you up."
But as he moved to stand, Wolfram put a hand on his arm. "Can you... stay... just a little while..."
This time, Yuuri's smile was a little closer to genuine. He nodded.
So Wolfram lay back down. But he didn't want to close his eyes, though his whole body was aching for rest. He didn't want to stop seeing Yuuri.
"I never thanked you," he said, after a minute. "For saving her life."
Yuuri nodded again, though his face fell almost imperceptibly.
"And the baby," Wolfram added, as an afterthought.
Yuuri brightened. "I've never done anything like that before," he said. "She wasn't breathing... and then I... I'm not even sure how I did it... and then she was breathing and she was alive and it was--" He stopped, blushing.
Wolfram watched him stare at his hands. "Yuuri, how long did you spend in the nursery today?"
"A few hours." Yuuri's flush deepened. Then, after a pause, "I showed her to Greta, too. She was really happy. She said a little sister was the best birthday present she'd ever gotten."
Wolfram wished he could have been there, or told Greta himself. He'd wanted to tell her all along. But he supposed the story was everywhere now-- Greta might have heard it as early as last night.
But Wolfram still wasn't sure that she would really be Greta's sister-- that she would be his. Although Cassandra's note had been very clear, Wolfram couldn't help doubting whether that was how she really felt. But maybe he just wanted her to feel differently.
He wanted her to feel the way Yuuri clearly did.
"Don't go back there," said Wolfram.
Yuuri looked up, eyes wide. "To see the baby? Why not?" Then seemed to realize the answer, and looked down again. "Because she's yours." A deep breath. "And... Cassandra's."
Wolfram just closed his eyes.
"I'm keeping you up," said Yuuri. "I should go."
This time Wolfram didn't stop him.
VI.
But Yuuri was there when Wolfram woke the next morning.
Wolfram would have yelled at him, but then Yuuri handed him a breakfast tray and Wolfram suddenly became aware that he hadn't eaten in a very long time. So for a while neither of them spoke while Yuuri sat by the bed and watched Wolfram eat.
When he'd finished, which took an embarrassingly short time, Wolfram sat back and finally looked at Yuuri. "Why are you still here?"
Yuuri shrugged, not meeting his eyes. "Because I want to be. Do..." He paused to bite his lip. "Do you want me to go home?"
Wolfram sighed, but didn't answer because he didn't know.
"I'm sorry," said Yuuri, "for the other night-- I should have accepted your answer. I'm sorry you had to tell me... about her and then everyone heard... I should have just accepted it."
"Yes, you should have." Wolfram ran a hand through his hair. Stopped when he saw the way Yuuri's eyes followed the motion. "But I was the one who betrayed the secret." He'd betrayed her. She was right-- it was the only thing she'd really asked of him, that he help keep it hidden.
"And..." Yuuri took a deep breath. Wolfram wondered just how long he'd been sitting here watching Wolfram sleep and thinking up things to say. "... I really think you should at least try to talk to her. Cassandra."
Wolfram hated the way he said her name-- hesitantly, like he was repeating a bad word.
"Why are you doing this?" Wolfram asked.
Yuuri finally looked straight at him. "I just want you to be happy, Wolfram. And, yeah, I'd rather you be happy with me, but if you can't do that... Well, you should try to be with... whoever you want to be with. But I think..." He flushed slightly, but held Wolfram's eye. "I think you don't know right now what you want and I think you should find out. I think... that whatever you do, you should be sure. Because if you're not, you're just going to make mistakes."
Wolfram felt his mouth form a thin line. He set his empty tray on the nightstand and then settled back into the pillows, crossing his arms and glaring at Yuuri.
"So how do you suggest I talk to her? She's gone."
"She said she went home, right?" Yuuri answered swiftly. "Her village isn't far. You could be there by this afternoon."
Wolfram stared at him. "How do you know where she lives?"
"I asked around."
"Well," Wolfram snapped, "that would not be a good idea."
"Why? I'm sure she wants to see you--"
"If she wanted to see me, she would have asked for me instead of leaving. And it's her family I'm more worried about. I doubt a visit from me would be well-received."
Cassandra's family were country people, distrusting of royalty and nobility. When they first agreed to let her become a servant in the royal household, they'd needed many assurances that she'd been chosen because she and Wolfram had played well together when he and his uncle had stopped in the village, and not because the man liked the way she looked. Cassandra's parents had been promised that she would be treated with the utmost decency and that nothing improper would ever be expected of her.
And now she was returning home still weak from bearing her master's child.
"But it's not like they could stop you from seeing her, right?" said Yuuri, as if it were the most reasonable thing in the world. "Especially if I'm there, they couldn't--"
"You?" Wolfram cut him off angrily. "Yuuri, think! Can't you see how any of this looks? These people don't know you! You're their king and I'm sure they respect you but they won't want you anywhere near their daughter after I've told you she's the reason I won't..." Wolfram couldn't finish, because he'd already said those words to Yuuri once and if he had to say them again it might kill him.
"So we'll prove to them there's nothing to fear," Yuuri answered patiently. "I don't want people to be afraid of me, Wolfram, and I can't change it if I don't show them what kind of king I am. Like you said, they don't know me. But how can they if I don't meet them? And the same goes for you-- If you do nothing, they'll have no reason to change what they think of you."
"I don't want them to change what they think of me."
Yuuri was getting frustrated now. "Why? Why can't you just tell them the truth?"
Wolfram set his jaw. "Because the truth is that I didn't 'deflower' her, I didn't make the first move, and I offered to marry her." And he glared, because it was the opposite of what Yuuri had done to him-- Yuuri had proposed, taken his virginity, and then refused to marry him.
Yuuri didn't seem to catch the parallels. "Those sound like good things," he said, looking confused.
"For me. Not for her."
"Oh." Yuuri looked somewhat deflated at last. But then he said, "I still think you should go. At the very least, you're going to have to face her to get some closure. This--" He pulled a bit of paper from his pocket. "-- is not closure."
Wolfram stared at the letter-- Cassandra's note, of course. Then looked back at Yuuri. "How many times have you read it?" The paper was almost ragged from being folded and unfolded and refolded...
Yuuri's cheeks turned pink. "I... want to know if she really means it," he admitted.
So did Wolfram.
"Actually," Yuuri continued, "I've already decided that even if you don't go talk to her, I will."
"No," said Wolfram quickly. "You can't just show up there--"
"So come with me."
Wolfram should say that there was no reason for Yuuri to talk to Cassandra. Wolfram should say he would never agree to what her note had told him to do. He should tell Yuuri to go home and forget about all of this.
Instead, he just scowled and said, "Fine."
"Really?"
"I can't let you go alone." Wolfram got out of bed. "Now get out. I'm not going to change in front of you."
VII.
Cassandra might have thought there was a possibility that Wolfram would come after her, but it was clear she hadn't expected the king. She tried to stand up as they entered the cottage, but Wolfram rushed forward in time to cut off the movement. So she bowed her head towards Yuuri. "Your Majesty."
Her voice was strong, but she still looked too pale. "How did you even make it here?" Wolfram asked her, one hand still on her shoulder.
She glared at him. "I took a carriage."
She had spent a lot of money just to get away from him.
"You weren't supposed to follow me," she added. "Didn't you get my letter?"
"That's why we're here," said Yuuri, stepping forward. "When you wrote that letter, you... Well, you're still not fully recovered from having the baby and I know that I... got in the way when I came to Belefield and maybe you weren't really thinking clearly. Is it... really what you want?"
She met his eyes. "I never wanted that baby," she said. "It was an accident and I don't think I would have been sorry if you'd let it die. I wouldn't have blamed you, either." She took a breath. "So if you two don't want it then give it to someone else."
Yuuri looked at her for a moment longer. Then said quietly, "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"And what about Wolfram? Do you want him?"
"I'm right here!" said Wolfram.
But they didn't seem to notice him, eyes still locked.
"No," said Cassandra. "He should be with you."
Yuuri nodded.
"Stop it!" Wolfram's voice sounded more desperate than he would have liked. But he was scared. For some reason, he was terrified. "You can't-- You can't just hand me over." He spoke to Cassandra, because he couldn't look at Yuuri. "It's my decision."
"So make it," she said.
"I have!" He fell to his knees in front of her. "I've told you-- I keep telling you, I--"
"Don't." At least she was looking at him now. "Wolfram, listen to me. You have to stop using me as an excuse to keep yourself unhappy." She took his hand. "You have the chance to be with the person you love. You have what I would kill for. And if you don't take it-- If you don't go back to him and make yourself happy I will never fucking forgive you."
He had to look away. He'd never seen her this close to tears before. It hadn't occurred to him how much he'd hurt her when he'd turned Yuuri down.
Wolfram knelt there for a long time in silence.
He didn't want to let her go. She was safe. She would never be able to hurt him the way Yuuri had.
But maybe she was right and he was being selfish.
After several minutes, he said, "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," she said, and he looked up to see her smiling. "But don't worry about me; I'm sure I'll find someone to keep me company."
He managed a small smile in response as he got to his feet. "Goodbye," he said, and bent down to kiss her briefly on the lips.
"Goodbye," she said, as he drew away. Her voice sounded odd. And when he turned around he realized why.
He'd forgotten Yuuri was still there.
Yuuri was looking away, but it was clear from his expression that it hadn't helped.
And it hurt to see Yuuri hurt. But Wolfram could think of nothing to say.
VIII.
"I'm sorry," he tried, as they walked their horses to the roadside inn where they would spend the night. "I didn't mean to do that in front of you."
Yuuri hadn't looked at him once since the conversation with Cassandra, and he didn't now. "You mean the part where you begged her to take you back or the part where you kissed her?"
"I didn't do it to hurt you."
"I know." Yuuri's voice was thick. "If you had, it wouldn't hurt so much."
"Yuuri, I'm sorry," Wolfram said again.
"For what? Loving her?" He almost looked at Wolfram, but then his eyes slid away again. "You can't apologize for that. You-- It's not even any of my business, is it? I just... You confused me. I thought... But I should have just listened to you. I should have left you alone."
"No!"
Yuuri stopped. Looked at him. "What does that mean?"
Wolfram shook his head. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. But he didn't want Yuuri to leave.
After a few moments, when Wolfram still hadn't said anything, Yuuri sighed and started walking again.
IX.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, they ate in silence, and they walked up to their room in silence. There were two beds. Shouldn't Wolfram have been grateful for that?
Yuuri sat-- almost collapsed-- on one of the beds. Wolfram hung back by the door, knowing Yuuri was about to speak at last. Knowing Yuuri had waited because when he did he was going to cry.
Sure enough, "I shouldn't ask," Yuuri said after a moment. "Because I guess you already... I should know. But I-- I think I have to hear you say it." He paused, crossing his arms and gripping his shoulders, staring at the floor. "Wolfram-- Do you love me?"
Wolfram's first instinct was to tell the truth, his second to lie and protect himself, and his third to do whatever he could to keep Yuuri from hurting ever again.
"Of course I do," he said hoarsely.
Yuuri looked up quickly. "What?"
Wolfram cleared his throat and tried again. "I said, Of course I do."
Yuuri stared at him, licking his lips and looking scared. "You mean, like, as a friend?"
Wolfram shook his head, and almost smiled at the absurdity of the idea. "How could I ever be friends with you?"
Yuuri stared a moment more, then said, somewhat breathlessly, "Please say it, Wolfram."
And despite his best efforts, Wolfram had to look away before he could open his mouth. "I'm still in love with you." He swallowed. "Yuuri."
Yuuri stood. "Does that-- Does that mean you'll marry me?"
"Do you really still want me?" Wolfram choked, all the feeling he'd been ignoring for so long now washing over him-- guilt. If Yuuri was feeling even a fraction of what Wolfram had felt when he'd heard that rumor-- what he still felt now, even though he believed it wasn't true-- If Wolfram was doing that to Yuuri....
Yuuri's hands on his face. (When had Wolfram closed his eyes?) "I can't help it," Yuuri said. "I've learned that well enough."
"I wouldn't have done it--" Wolfram gasped for breath. He wasn't crying. "If I didn't think--"
"I know," said Yuuri softly. "Me and Conrad." A pause. "I think that's the worst part. That you believed it."
That wasn't fair. Wolfram opened his eyes. "You gave me no reason to believe otherwise."
"That's what I meant," said Yuuri, cupping Wolfram's damp cheek. "You must have thought that I... that I didn't care about you at all, or that I'd forgotten you. To think I would move on to another man..."
Wolfram wished he would stop. Stop talking about it. Stop talking!
But Yuuri went on. "The whole point of what I did to you-- that stupid decision I made-- was so that I could try to-- to be with a woman..." Tears, again. "And I know you don't understand how that could be so important to me, but I... I tried to tell you. But you must have thought... What? That I made it all up to get rid of you? If you could believe that... I must have been so awful to you..."
Wolfram couldn't speak. Because everything Yuuri said was true.
They had hurt each other so much.
"But this time," said Yuuri, with a new breath, "it's going to be different. I promise. I want to marry you."
"In public?" Wolfram said dryly.
"I did tell my family. Not about you-- I wasn't sure, since we weren't engaged anymore--" Wolfram nodded, so he went on, "but I told them I was gay."
"And were they disappointed?"
"I don't know. I was crying a lot. But they said all the things they were supposed to say about loving me anyways and--"
"Loving you anyways?" Wolfram interrupted. "Like it's something wrong with you that they're willing to overlook?"
Yuuri nodded. Wolfram was impressed that he wasn't sobbing right now. "I told you, it's different over there." A pause. "That kind of reaction was the best I could have hoped for."
Wolfram hugged him.
Yuuri had told him, and Wolfram had seen Yuuri being torn apart, but... It wasn't until now that he fully realized that it was more than just excuses. Yuuri had been taught to hate himself.
"I'm sorry," he said in Yuuri's ear, "if I made it worse..."
He felt Yuuri shake his head. "You didn't do anything wrong. It was just me. And I'm sorry."
Wolfram held him tighter. "It's alright," he said softly. "It's alright now." And at that moment, feeling Yuuri warm in his arms, breathing hotly on Wolfram's neck, so wonderfully close, he believed it. So he cleared his throat once again and said, "I mean, you can't help it if you're a wimp."
Wolfram could feel Yuuri's smile. Kissed his ear, feeling the desire for more closeness begin to build.
Yuuri pulled away enough to search Wolfram's face once more, something of that frightened expression having returned to his own. "Wolfram, give me a real answer. Will you marry me?"
"You know I will," said Wolfram seriously.
Yuuri grinned. "I love you," he said, and kissed him.
Wolfram responded eagerly-- so hungry for Yuuri-- wanting so much-- so lost in the simple pleasure of touching. He wrapped one hand around the back of Yuuri's neck, brought the other up to Yuuri's chest--
Fumbled.
He tried to go on, but Yuuri broke away, catching Wolfram's offending hand.
"What was that?" Yuuri's voice was harsh, anger showing already.
Wolfram licked his lips. "Nothing. It was just--"
"Looking for breasts?"
The hairs on the back of Wolfram's neck prickled as the air began to fill with electricity power. But Yuuri hadn't changed-- He was somewhere in between. His grip on Wolfram's wrist started to hurt.
"It was just a reflex," said Wolfram evenly. Pushed away guilt-- he didn't need to punish himself if Yuuri was going to do it for him. "It's been a long time since we--"
"You mean it's been a long time that you've been fucking someone else. That you've been touching her-- And that's what you really want, isn't it? You want a woman!" By now there were tears on Yuuri's cheeks even as he bared his teeth and the air sparked around him. He wasn't going to change, Wolfram realized. This was too close-- too personal-- Yuuri's emotions were out of his control and the Maou's.
Wolfram tried not to be scared, even though he could see that Yuuri was dangerous this way-- all that power, but no Justice. Only hurt and rage.
"I don't want a woman." Wolfram kept his voice steady and met Yuuri's narrowed eyes. "I want you. I want all of you and nothing else."
Yuuri growled and pulled him roughly forward. Wolfram took the chance to kiss him before he could do anything else, taking Yuuri by surprise. Yuuri recovered quickly, however, and crushed their lips together. Sent energy humming through Wolfram's body.
Wolfram made an involuntary noise and didn't have the brainpower to be embarrassed about it. He was already thinking about getting Yuuri back to that bed...
Yuuri suddenly broke the kiss and with a hand on Wolfram's hip forced him around. Took both wrists in one hand and pinned them against the door so that Wolfram was trapped, his accelerated breath bouncing back at him off the wood and Yuuri hot and charged against his back.
Oh.
Cassandra had tied him up once. Wolfram had hated it. Had nearly wept when he couldn't touch her and therefore couldn't keep her, had been terrified that she would leave him there. She'd seen, of course, and then she'd had to comfort him again, just as she always did.
But this wasn't Cassandra.
And Wolfram would have expected to trust Yuuri less. After all, Yuuri had actually abandoned him. But it was nothing close to fear that was making his heart skip, though he couldn't quite tell whether it was the electricity or the anticipation of what he hoped Yuuri was going to do. Both were powerful forces. Short-circuiting his brain.
Yuuri's breath in his ear as the possessive arm around his waist tightened. "You want me?"
"Yes," said Wolfram. Shuddered when Yuuri licked his neck, and then again at Yuuri's fingers moving to his belt. Undoing the buckle and the buttons of his pants so slowly that Wolfram had to stop himself from speaking-- begging--
Then Wolfram's pants and underwear were down around his ankles and his cock in Yuuri's palm. Yuuri squeezed once, eliciting a sharp gasp, then slid that hot hand over Wolfram's hip to his backside.
"You want all of me?" Yuuri's hand slipped slowly down sweat-slicked skin as he spoke.
Wolfram tried to breathe. "Yes."
He was rewarded with the tip of Yuuri's finger against him-- Yuuri's wet finger-- Yuuri was conjuring water....
Wolfram moved his hips. He wanted Yuuri inside him now. Yuuri took the hint and pushed one digit inside-- more warm water, running down Wolfram's legs and making him shiver wonderfully. Yuuri began to move his finger, coaxing him open.
It didn't take long. This-- fingers-- wasn't new to Wolfram. And he wanted this. He turned his head for a kiss and got it, though it was clumsy in their distraction, lips and teeth and tongues all crashing together, Yuuri making low, animal, noises.
And Yuuri kept kissing him while undoing his own trousers and suddenly Wolfram felt Yuuri's cock-- so hard-- so hot-- God, it had been so long--
There was no warning before Yuuri entered him. Just more pressure and-- and then it was happening but Wolfram wasn't even sure it was happening but, yes, Yuuri was holding him close and moving against him-- no-- inside him-- Yuuri was fucking him.
It felt good. Being filled with Yuuri. Yuuri's mouth on his neck. The sounds Yuuri made and the way his movements turned more and more desperate. He let go of Wolfram's wrists to hold him closer and when he came he sounded like he always did and Wolfram was so happy...
Yuuri didn't let him go. But after a moment asked, "Was that what you wanted?"
Wolfram squirmed until Yuuri loosened his hold enough so that Wolfram could turn around, managing not to trip with his feet still bound by his trousers. Yuuri's face relaxed visibly at Wolfram's grin.
"Among other things," said Wolfram, and kissed Yuuri again, pressing up against him.
Yuuri broke away. "You didn't finish," he observed nervously.
Wolfram traced Yuuri's lips with his fingers. "Wouldn't you be disappointed if I had?"
Yuuri's eyes widened slightly in comprehension and excitement before he dropped to his knees. But as he took hold of Wolfram's erection he looked up again. "You have to watch me," he said, an edge to his voice. "If you close your eyes--"
"I won't," Wolfram interrupted him. He threaded his hands in Yuuri's hair. "Don't worry. Please-- Yuuri--"
As if he could take his eyes away for one moment from the sight of Yuuri before him-- dark eyes hungry and staring back at him-- lips stretching around the head of his cock-- Yuuri--
It was too good-- It felt too good-- Yuuri was too beautiful-- and Wolfram couldn't fight it and he was coming before Yuuri had even really started.
Yuuri, unprepared, gave a little jerk but didn't choke-- kept sucking wonderfully until the end and Wolfram pushed him away because he couldn't stay on his feet any longer.
He sank to his knees, his hands still fisted in Yuuri's hair, and laughed when he realized they were both now kneeling in the pool of water Yuuri had made just moments ago. He leaned forward to lick at the wetness around Yuuri's mouth. "God, I missed you."
At last, Yuuri smiled. "Me, too."
X.
They hardly stopped touching for a moment in all the time it took to clean up the mess and get a bath readied. But Wolfram had become aware that Yuuri once again had something he wanted to talk about but was too afraid to bring it up. It wasn't until they were settled in the bath-- or as settled as they could ever be with the two of them in the small tub-- that Yuuri finally voiced his question.
"So, do you want to keep the baby?"
Wolfram paused. He was washing Yuuri's back, which was perhaps why Yuuri had chosen now to speak-- they weren't facing each other.
The truth was that Wolfram had been trying to keep himself from thinking about it since he'd first learned that Cassandra was pregnant and that she would give him no answer as to the future. For so long, he couldn't think about it because it wasn't his decision. And now suddenly it was and he had to do all that thinking at once.
Except that it didn't really take much thought, as it turned out.
"Yes," he told Yuuri. "Of course."
It wasn't that he felt a strong connection to the child-- he hadn't even held her yet, too afraid that he might not have the right after all. No, at this point Yuuri was more her father than Wolfram was. And it was this that made Wolfram so certain. Because he wanted to be with Yuuri. He wanted to have a child with Yuuri. And, yes, there was a part of him that was still afraid of losing Yuuri again if he couldn't give him what he wanted-- A real family. A baby that was both of theirs. Maybe Yuuri would even be able to forget the child's mother.
"I mean," Wolfram amended, "that's what you want, too, right?"
Yuuri nodded. Then made an appreciative sound in response to Wolfram's thumbs along either side of his spine. He let his head hand forward, giving Wolfram more access, and after a moment said, "Cassandra knew what we both wanted, didn't she?" A pause. "She really wants us to be happy."
Wolfram made a noncommittal noise and splashed more water over Yuuri's back.
"But I still hate her," said Yuuri abruptly. "I can't help it. When I saw you kiss her--"
"Hey--" Wolfram cut him off, taking hold of Yuuri's chin and forcing him to look around at him. "You don't need to think about that," he said firmly. "Because I'm never going to kiss anyone but you ever again for as long as I live. And it's alright if you hate her. I would. And you don't ever have to see her again if you don't want to. We don't even have to talk about her, if you don't want to."
Yuuri nodded. Wolfram kissed him softly. "I love you," he reminded him. It wasn't something Wolfram said often, and it brought a beautiful smile to Yuuri's face.
"I love you, too."
Wolfram kissed him again.
"Let's leave first thing tomorrow, Wolfram, as soon as there's enough light to-- Oh." Yuuri's expression had turned worried.
"What?"
"I just--" Yuuri's cheeks were going red, now. "I forgot we would be riding tomorrow-- I mean, I didn't think about it. I'm sorry!"
"Sorry for what?" Wolfram was honestly confused. "What are you talking about?"
Yuuri looked at him, chewing on his bottom lip. "It was your first time, right?"
Oh. "It doesn't hurt," said Wolfram quickly. And it was true. Though he did feel something of an awareness of what had happened, he wouldn't call it pain.
"But riding that long isn't exactly comfortable at the best of times--"
"Speak for yourself, Wimp."
Yuuri rolled his eyes, turning away once more. "Alright, you're very manly and I'm sure you are immune to any sort of discomfort. I was just saying."
Suddenly Wolfram felt horrible. What if Yuuri was trying to tell him what he'd gone through-- what Wolfram had done to him...
"I'm sorry," said Wolfram. "Did it-- Your first time-- Did it hurt?"
Yuuri shook his head. "No. I mean, not really. I told you that. Remember?"
Wolfram did remember. But he also remembered blood. The sex was a blur-- closeness and lust and being so grateful to finally be naked with Yuuri, get to touch him everywhere-- inside-- and Yuuri's hands on his shoulders, gripping like he would never let go-- mouths together-- need--
But afterwards was so clear in his mind. Afterwards, when Yuuri started to move away but Wolfram held him there, just for a moment, just because he wanted to see-- where they were still connected--
He knew his memory must have been distorted over the years, because if there had really been that much blood Wolfram would have done something about it, but there had been enough. And when Yuuri started to cry...
But Yuuri had shaken his head at Wolfram's fumbling apologies and concern. "No, it's not that-- It felt really good--" Sobbing harder. "It was so good... God, Wolfram-- I love you--"
It was the first time he'd said it, and he'd sounded miserable.
Now, Wolfram wrapped his arms around Yuuri from behind. "Yuuri, are you happy? I mean, will you be-- when you're married to a man?"
Yuuri took a long time in answering. "I really think so," he said finally. "I know I'm happy to have you back. And I know that without you I wouldn't have a chance."
"But it still bothers you."
"Sometimes. But I think you help. And I think that the more I stay here... the more I get used to this world... the better it'll get."
Wolfram hugged him tighter. Kissed his cheek.
"And now we have a baby," said Yuuri, his voice warming once more. "I thought I couldn't... But she really is ours." He paused. "Right?"
Wolfram kissed him again. He didn't seem to be able to stop. "Right," he agreed. "So what do you want to name her?"
Yuuri's blush deepened, but he seemed happy. "What do you want to name her?"
Wolfram thought for a moment. "Gerhilde."
"What?! That's worse than 'Liesel'!"
Wolfram scoffed. "So you'd rather call her 'Pochi', I suppose?"
"Of course not. How about... 'Yuki'?"
"Heilwig," Wolfram countered.
"Eri."
"Gerta."
"'Gerta'..." Yuuri repeated. "That's not too bad. It sounds a little like 'Greta'..."
"Elsa."
"Maybe. Ooh, or 'Chiyo'."
"Definitely not."
(Part 1)(Part 2)