meal probs

[megankaytlin]

i wish i had a healthier relationship with food. when i'm dieting and doing good i'm still constantly looking up healthy recipes and thinking about it endlessly, obsessing. and if i slip up a little after eating perfectly all day, i dwell so much about it endlessly. or when i'm doing bad i'm constantly reminded by little things, the tug and pull

Comments

[stroke_the_rat]

dood, it's like i could've written this. i always wonder why i judge myself so harshly too, and looking back at myself when i was 16/17 and thought i was so fat at the time...omg, i was perfect but yet miserable. i don't think i will every have a normal relationship with food. it's so hard for me to just eat without analyzing every bite. it's either all, or nothing...and by nothing i don't mean anorexic, just nothing '''''bad''''' i eat super clean and restrict like crazy, or all - i just out of control binge, eat fast food and junk food and generally not care about the quality or quanityt of food. i hope one day i will learn to just be ok with food. i still struggle with it everyday

[megankaytlin]

i totally am right there with you with everything you said, too. it just sucks, i don't know if it's a societal thing or what. i know your mom is fit and healthy just from stuff you've written on your lj and my mom is the total same way, like besides work and stuff it is an extremely central part of her life. like, every conversation somehow incorporates her newest diet or how she exercises every day and just bla bla bla and i feel like (don't know if you relate with me on this one, but) like, somehow i feel like i am failing or "less than" according to her standards by not being her fit beautiful daughter, you know? and that kind of shit started at a very young age so i think no wonder it is drilled into my brain to such an intense degree. i think it helps (on a positive note) a lot of my close friends are bigger girls and i think they are all so babely and rock it and wear the cutest shit at any size and look hot! but like, here i am when i'm on my bigger weight periods playing it safe with my sweaters and stuff y'know? like i also

[stroke_the_rat]

no i absolutely get it! my mom is a total fit nut. she's gotten better, like when i gain weight she just doesn't say anything, where before it was like she'd pinch my side and say "ahh you're getting chubby!! Viiiiiita!" but now she is like, overly excited when i lose weight. this last month i lost like 10lbs and hadn't seen her for a while and went shopping and she just kept complimenting me, which is nice, but like...still makes me bummed out. i know she loves me no matter what but deep down i'm sure she's always like "if only she was thinner, she'd be happier" and to me that kinda translate to "if she were thinner, i'd love her more

[megankaytlin]

gosh, we really are like the same person. i don't know if you've seen photos of my sister but she is pretty much just naturally like a size 3, 3 years old than i am, and has ABS (!) without working out a damn day of her life ever, no cellulite at all, it is insane. she's older than i am and i had to come to terms with it a loooooong time ago that she and i are completely different people, body types, personalities, tastes, priorities etc otherwise i would be killing myself with the competition, and i just can't handle carrying that kind of shit around with me. however, i know what you mean with the comparing of her and my mom's relationship and how they can kind of bond a bit more over things like getting dolled up and hair styles, laying out at the beach and make up and shit where as with me that's not really stuff that's important to me? i also could talk on and on forever about this stuff but you gotta know you are lovely exactly as you are and i think we both gotta try and keep in mind that we are our harshest critics. and WUT