jmovie: Taitei no Ken
*ahem*
THIS WAS POSSIBLY THE MOST VASTLY ENTERTAINING THING I HAVE SEEN THIS YEAR!
*hem*
Generic plot synopsis because I could not possibly do any better myself:
Synopsis: Free-spirited wandering swordsman Yorozu Genkuro (Abe Hiroshi) easily towers over everyone with his tall, lanky stature and all-mighty "Sword of Alexander". His larger-than-life sword is one of three sacred objects carved from orichalcum, an otherworldly metal that brings its owner superhuman powers. He who possess all three objects will rule the world, and Genkuro is on a quest to find the other two items - a cross and a dagger - and a man worthy of wielding such powers. On the road, he rescues and befriends the lovely Princess Mai (Hasegawa Kyoko), who is on the run from the Tokugawa, and her scrappy ninja bodyguard (Kudo Kankuro). This turns out to be the beginning of a myriad of troubles for Genkuro as there are a plentitude of Tokugawa assassins and warriors, not to mention an alien-possessed bear hunter, out to get the princess.
Other points of import:
1) It has spaceships dueling in space, saying "prepare to die."
2) The heroine, Mai, is possesed by and alien, Ran.
3) Both Mai and Ran have a crush on Genkuro.
4) There's this awesome samurai girl who calls herself Botan who just completely randomly shows up, saves everyone's butts, then disappears again.
5) It has KRYPTONITE! They say it's something else, but I say it's kryptonite.
6) It has its own versions of Yukimura Sanada and Sasuke Sarutobe (all versions of them make me bouncy thanks to Samurai Deeper Kyo)
7) All the women stare longingly at the giant sword and want to touch it. It's amazing.
The only thing needed to make this perfect was Nakama Yukie.
Genkuro's Giant Sword:
Kryptonite:
Genkuro and his Giant Sword:
Botan:
Yukimura:
Mai:
Ran:
Sasuke:
Love triangle begins:
Ran is smitten:
She's sure this is how the seduction thing goes:
It's not exactly how it normally goes...
But, just as he's getting into it...
Well, hello Mai...
Don't worry, the alien invader was behaving while in your body.
But to make it better, he had conveniently found the pin her mother gave her:
And all is well:
Worst hunting trip ever:
Going along, doing your hunter thing:
Then you get knocked out:
Possessed by an alien:
And turn into this:
And to top it off, a big guy with a Giant Sword hacks off your arm and his friend catches it.
Best or worst bath ever?
There you are, in Yukimura's giant "bathtub"
A beautiful woman appears...
You'd think it would be a good thing...
Until she tries to kill you with her...hair...
OH YEAH! YOU BATHE WITH YOUR SWORD!
And the winnah is...
Note: redonning dirty clothes after bathing rather ruins the purpose of the bath itself:
Wet, clean hair and face, dirty clothes:
Abe Hiroshi: Human Wall:
The saving power of the Single Tear of True Love:
OH NO!
What this? Our hero DYING 25 minutes before the movie is over?
Alien Possessed Evil Priest has the lightsaber sword now:
Botan randomly appears and realizes Gankuro is The Chosen One, but oops, he's dead...
BUT WAIT! He was only MOSTLY dead...
Oops, he's dead again:
Mai is quite sad...
And cries her single tear...
That conveniently lands in the fatal wound...
HE LIVES! (again)
Botan is busy keeping Alien Possessed Evil Priest busy during this:
Revealing her true name while she's at it:
Sasuke attempts to help:
And finds that only Gankuro and Alien Possessed Evil Priests are strong enough to hold the freaking thing:
BUT IT'S OK! The Single Tear of True Love has worked its magic:
IT'S FIGHTIN' TIME!!!!
Like the bath scene, during the final battle, I was staring in captivated shock while my finger spastically hit the "S" key.
It must be seen to be believed.
It possibly involved the bermuda triangle.
calixa and I aren't quite sure.
I want a sequel.
THIS WAS POSSIBLY THE MOST VASTLY ENTERTAINING THING I HAVE SEEN THIS YEAR!
*hem*
Generic plot synopsis because I could not possibly do any better myself:
Synopsis: Free-spirited wandering swordsman Yorozu Genkuro (Abe Hiroshi) easily towers over everyone with his tall, lanky stature and all-mighty "Sword of Alexander". His larger-than-life sword is one of three sacred objects carved from orichalcum, an otherworldly metal that brings its owner superhuman powers. He who possess all three objects will rule the world, and Genkuro is on a quest to find the other two items - a cross and a dagger - and a man worthy of wielding such powers. On the road, he rescues and befriends the lovely Princess Mai (Hasegawa Kyoko), who is on the run from the Tokugawa, and her scrappy ninja bodyguard (Kudo Kankuro). This turns out to be the beginning of a myriad of troubles for Genkuro as there are a plentitude of Tokugawa assassins and warriors, not to mention an alien-possessed bear hunter, out to get the princess.
Other points of import:
1) It has spaceships dueling in space, saying "prepare to die."
2) The heroine, Mai, is possesed by and alien, Ran.
3) Both Mai and Ran have a crush on Genkuro.
4) There's this awesome samurai girl who calls herself Botan who just completely randomly shows up, saves everyone's butts, then disappears again.
5) It has KRYPTONITE! They say it's something else, but I say it's kryptonite.
6) It has its own versions of Yukimura Sanada and Sasuke Sarutobe (all versions of them make me bouncy thanks to Samurai Deeper Kyo)
7) All the women stare longingly at the giant sword and want to touch it. It's amazing.
The only thing needed to make this perfect was Nakama Yukie.
Genkuro's Giant Sword:
Kryptonite:
Genkuro and his Giant Sword:
Botan:
Yukimura:
Mai:
Ran:
Sasuke:
Love triangle begins:
Ran is smitten:
She's sure this is how the seduction thing goes:
It's not exactly how it normally goes...
But, just as he's getting into it...
Well, hello Mai...
Don't worry, the alien invader was behaving while in your body.
But to make it better, he had conveniently found the pin her mother gave her:
And all is well:
Worst hunting trip ever:
Going along, doing your hunter thing:
Then you get knocked out:
Possessed by an alien:
And turn into this:
And to top it off, a big guy with a Giant Sword hacks off your arm and his friend catches it.
Best or worst bath ever?
There you are, in Yukimura's giant "bathtub"
A beautiful woman appears...
You'd think it would be a good thing...
Until she tries to kill you with her...hair...
OH YEAH! YOU BATHE WITH YOUR SWORD!
And the winnah is...
Note: redonning dirty clothes after bathing rather ruins the purpose of the bath itself:
Wet, clean hair and face, dirty clothes:
Abe Hiroshi: Human Wall:
The saving power of the Single Tear of True Love:
OH NO!
What this? Our hero DYING 25 minutes before the movie is over?
Alien Possessed Evil Priest has the lightsaber sword now:
Botan randomly appears and realizes Gankuro is The Chosen One, but oops, he's dead...
BUT WAIT! He was only MOSTLY dead...
Oops, he's dead again:
Mai is quite sad...
And cries her single tear...
That conveniently lands in the fatal wound...
HE LIVES! (again)
Botan is busy keeping Alien Possessed Evil Priest busy during this:
Revealing her true name while she's at it:
Sasuke attempts to help:
And finds that only Gankuro and Alien Possessed Evil Priests are strong enough to hold the freaking thing:
BUT IT'S OK! The Single Tear of True Love has worked its magic:
IT'S FIGHTIN' TIME!!!!
Like the bath scene, during the final battle, I was staring in captivated shock while my finger spastically hit the "S" key.
It must be seen to be believed.
It possibly involved the bermuda triangle.
calixa and I aren't quite sure.
I want a sequel.