"Predictable" - Chapter 7
It's past my bedtime, but dammit, I wanted to get this finished. In today's installment of "Roxanne Ritchi vs. the World", Roxanne infiltrates Megamind's lair and is not as dense as the movie might lead you to believe.
The story thus far: The movie you already know, told from a perspective that you don't.
Previous chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
It was hardly the smartest plan ever. Break into an evil supergenius's lair alone on a whim and armed only with a camera? This had to rank up there with Megamind's "Trojan Chocolate Bunny" plan in terms of forethought (I mean, seriously, what did he think would happen?).
Waiting for help or arming myself had never even occurred to me, though. Against Megamind, neither seemed necessary. Yes, he'd killed Metro Man and tried to kill me by blowing up the museum, but that was just it. Simply sniping me with a ray gun for sneaking into his lair wasn't Megamind's style. He was all about the spectacle, so if he was going to lash out at me violently, he'd do it with a cauldron of molten iron, a cloned dinosaur, or at the absolute least, the good old rope and railroad tracks.
I had to pause at an inner door when I caught myself smiling at the thought. Did I... miss having my life threatened on a weekly basis? Is that why I was so recklessly seeking Megamind out now? I... no, that's crazy. My greatest wish was that the kidnappings, the games, the danger would just end so I could go on to have a normal, boring life.
And... I could have gone on to a normal life a month ago. The only reason I'd ever been a part of this in the first place was because Megamind had mistaken me as an object of Metro Man's affection and proceeded to use me as a pawn to get to him. With Metro Man now gone, I was... purposeless. My existence no longer held any meaning in the grand scheme of things.
And I hated that feeling.
Sucking up my chest, I stared firmly at the door before me. I could just put this whole thing behind me, leave the city, and start a new life somewhere else. But, no. There was something I could do here, and dammit, I was going to do it. My purpose in life didn't have to revolve around a role someone else decided for me anymore. I was free to decide my own purpose now. And with a slow shove of the door, I made my decision.
A gigantic room opened up before me, lined on all sides with machinery and assortments of robotic contraptions. Bombs and other weaponry hung from the ceiling, and at the far end of the room hung a conspicuous red curtain. I stepped cautiously into the open area and surveyed my surroundings. There was no sign of activity here, either, though it definitely evoked a much more "lively" sensation than City Hall. Megamind was still definitely actively using this facility, but was he here lurking in the shadows or--
"Roxanne?"
--right behind me, holy crap! I whirled around and poised to throw my camera at his giant blue head, but upon inspection, the only blue I saw was a sweater. Oh, whoa, phew, it was just Bernard. He'd sure sounded a lot like Megamind without looking at him.
I let out a sigh of relief and breathed, "I'm glad you're here," before my brows furrowed in confusion. I'd only called him, what, five minutes ago? "Wait, how did you get here so fast?"
He clasped his hands anxiously and hurriedly moved around me, replying, "Well, I, uh... I happened to be speedwalking nearby when you called."
"In a suit?" Come to think of it, that was the same suit he was wearing yesterday, too. Maybe the shock of having his workplace blown up had left him unable to sleep and he'd never had the chance to change between now and then.
"Uh-huh. It's called... 'Formal Speedwalking'," he explained. ... Okay, if you really don't want to tell me what you were doing out here, you can just say so instead of making up something that blatantly ridiculous. I held my camera at the ready and kept my eye out for anything that looked like incriminating evidence as we made our way towards the conspicuous red curtain. Bernard hastened ahead of me and gestured to a side door, commenting, "This way looks exciting!"
I took one glance at the door. "No, it says 'Exit'." Again, if he was uncomfortable being here, he could just say so outright instead of stringing me along with feigned bravado. I honestly didn't care if he was a wimp as long as he was honest about it.
He continued to suggest the door in futility ("'Exit', is short for 'exciting', right?"), but I had my sights on the conspicuous red curtain. Curtains are for hiding things, and it was just like Megamind to have his most incriminating secrets hidden in plain sight. I was sure that even Bernard, incredibly average curator genius and master of all inquiry, would grow a backbone upon getting an opportunity at some exclusive insider info on his favorite research subject.
I pulled back the curtain and was greeted with even more than I could have hoped for: An array of colored notes, each suspended from the ceiling by string and containing written steps and diagrams of what had to be his next plan. Oh man... "This is the Mother Lode!" I exclaimed in excitement. I had to stand back and gaze at it in awe. This was... my first real look into Megamind's thought process. That mind that... boggled me yet fascinated me, drew me in wanting me to desperately know more about what was going on inside. That face that was so easy to read, eyes that let me stare right into him, but only down to the next surface level. This... this was such a more intimate look into his psyche and I couldn't believe how giddy I was to have it in my grasp.
I moved in, gasping to myself in awe, half-aware of Bernard coming in behind me. A cursory look at the notes gave the impression of something jumbled, disorganized, and senseless, but from Megamind I wouldn't expect anything less. Besides, it wouldn't be any fun to beat him at his own game if I didn't have to work for it. Bernard made an uncertain noise behind me, and I prompted, "You know, I could really use your help in deciphering all this."
"Really?" he wondered, as if the thought had never occurred to him.
"You're an expert in all things Megamind, right?" I reasoned. "Together we can figure out his plan for the city and stop it! Are you in?"
Bernard gave me a goofy grin and pumped his fist. "Oh, what fun!" Yes, that's what I want to hear! I knew that finding something like this would embolden him! I certainly wasn't going to beg for his help, but I'd definitely appreciate it, especially if time was of the essence.
I held up my camera and began snapping pictures, knowing that Megamind would definitely suspect something was amiss if he returned to his lair only to find his plans in disarray or missing. Oh, where to start, though? Everything and anything could be important in decoding this message. The coloring of the paper, the medium it was written in (one even appeared to have been scrawled in jelly), the height off the floor... I had to make sure I captured a full catalogue of everything exactly as it appeared.
I was making my way over to a collection of cork boards laden with more notes when a loud clatter caused me to jump back. A small swarm of brain-bots burst forth from the piping, blaring a warning that sounded something like "intruder" (strange, I'd only ever heard them say "bowg-bowg" up until now).
The bots hovered over us momentarily to take stock of the nature of the threat before descending upon us. I quickly jumped out of the way, but Bernard had apparently opted for the "maybe they're motion-sensitive" strategy and stayed frozen in place. He was promptly apprehended and carted away. I jumped to my feet to pursue, but really didn't know what I'd be able to do against a swarm of metal-mouthed clap-traps, especially if they were bringing Bernard before their master.
As luck would have it, a storage container that had been overturned in the skirmish had presented me with a large and powerful-looking firearm of some sort. I had no idea what to make of it, other than it was probably intended to shoot something, so having the ability to shoot something when faced with an angry pack of guard-bots was definitely preferable to the alternative.
I grabbed the gun and rushed to the narrow passage the brain-bots had dragged Bernard into. As I veered around the corner, I spotted him instantly.
"Him" in this case, though, was Megamind. I had to pause in shock at seeing him for the first time in a month. It felt strange, going that long without seeing those green eyes leering down at me over that cocky, self-satisfied smirk. It felt even stranger to be encountering him in a situation that did not involve being kidnapped. And it felt strangest that I had come upon him while he was flat on the floor, peeking out at me from under his cape like he'd been hiding in the shadows this entire time.
This was no time for musing over how different things had become, though. I sternly approached him and demanded, "What have you done with Bernard?"
Megamind scrambled to his feet and brushed himself off nonchalantly, eyes flicking about as if he was up to something morally questionable even for him (and I would not put it past him). "Bernard? Oh... oh yes, I'm doing... horrible things to that man." He gestured broadly and continued, "I don't want to get into it, but lasers... spikes..." He edged over to a storm shelter and pulled open the doors, shouting into it, "Oh please no! Not the lasers and the spikes!" He glanced up at me to see if I was buying it, quipping, "You know the drill," before returning his face to the doorway and shouting, "Oh no, not the drill!" for good measure.
I stared at him flatly. He couldn't possibly be stupid enough to think I'd fall for that. No... he wasn't that stupid. So he might have anticipated that I wouldn't fall for something so obvious and therefore perhaps really did have Bernard detained down there and was counting on me calling his bluff and not investigating. He'd tricked me with the seemingly obvious observatory stunt before, and I was still furious at myself to this day for being so dead wrong about that.
Swallowing my pride at being forced to play along with this until I could better read his thought process, I weakly demanded, "Let him go! Or..." I glanced at the gun in my hand with uncertainty, but slowly brought it up and trained it on him.
Megamind rolled his head back cockily and wondered, "Or wha-" His breath caught as he suddenly realized he was staring down the barrel of a rather sinister-looking weapon. He obviously hadn't expected me to threaten him.
And I wasn't particularly comfortable with threatening him, either, but if it's what had to be done to get both myself and Bernard out of this alive, so be it. I held the gun up more decisively and threatened, "Or I'm gonna find out what this weird-looking gun does." I pursed my lips anxiously. I didn't call your bluff... so please, please don't call mine.
"Nono, don't shoot!" Megamind warned, holding his hands out defensively and backing away from the cellar. Believe me, if I can at all help it, I am not going to. With a sideways glance at the cellar, he offered, "I'll... I'll just go get him."
He dove into the cellar and I cautiously lowered the gun and watched after him. So... it had been a feigned bluff like back at the observatory? Huh... using the same trick on me twice. How very... like Megamind. At least I knew he was still predictable in some ways.
Bernard's head shot out of the cellar as he attempted to wrestle Megamind's arm away from his face. Was he actually... intending to engage the city's supervillainous dictator in a wrestling match? And here I was thinking Bernard had no guts.
What he made up for in courage, though, was lacking in strength, as Megamind pushed him back into the cellar. I raised the gun again, ready to jump in and assist if it became necessary, but something about the struggle was beginning to look... off. I couldn't quite place my finger on it other than their movements looked somehow... unnatural... awkward. This being Megamind, it could very well all be some sort of ruse, but I was hard-pressed to come up with what. A Bernard robot puppet, maybe? But how did he fabricate something like that so fast?
I curiously approached the cellar door and reached for it, the sounds of struggle still emanating from beneath. Just as I was about to pull it open and get a good look at what was going on down there, the real Bernard came flying out and smacked against the opposite wall. I let out a sigh of relief and rushed to him. Well, whatever weird thing Megamind was up to, at least Bernard was safe. "Are you okay?" I wondered breathlessly.
Bernard fixed his glasses and helplessly moaned, "I did my best... but he's too fantastic!" Well, true, if we're going by the word's original definition. He pulled himself up and offered, "Let me carry that heavy gun for you."
Ohh no, I am not, and never was, a weak little damsel who needed a big, strong man to save her. I came here to be the hero, and me being a woman was hardly reason to preemptively pass the torch. "I got us covered," I assured him, keeping the gun at the ready in case Megamind or his brain-bots decided to jump us again. A quick glance into the cellar revealed that Megamind had disappeared at some point during the skirmish, so there was no telling where he might pop out next. He was obviously afraid of this weapon, so as long as I had it...
A flash of black, blue, and spikes whizzed in front of me and latched onto the gun's barrel, attempting to wrench it from my hands. I yanked back and yelled over my shoulder for Bernard to run. With Megamind onto us, there was really no more information-gathering to be done, so our best course of action was to escape with what we had. Megamind flung me around, but I held firm and jerked him back around. As the tug-of-war over the weapon of unknown function ensued, I noted that it appeared that I was an equal physical match for him, but I didn't know whether that said more about him or me.
Well, if this thing's power was enough to spook Megamind, let's let it distract him a while. On his next pull, I grabbed the gun's trigger and fired it into the ceiling. Unfortunately, whatever it shot began to ricochet around the room. I dove for cover while Megamind watched after the bouncing bullet in a panic. Ha, chew on that a while, Mister Evil Overlord.
With the brain-bots still snooping around, I had to get out of here fast while the coast was clear. Luckily, I'd snuck behind a console that was not ten feet from the "Exit" door Bernard had so helpfully pointed out earlier. This was my chance, just get through this door and I'm--
--alligator bait?! I can definitely say I was not thinking about alligators on the way over this time around, but that was indeed what was behind the deceptively-labeled "Exit" door. I flailed frantically, but I'd already had too much momentum going through. Ugh, that little blue sneak finally got me good this time...
Or, something got me good. A hand grabbed my wrist and forcefully pulled me back through the door and out of the jaws of the awaiting reptiles. I spun around and discovered my rescuer to be...
"Bernard!" I gasped. I'd told him to run, but he'd... come back for me, even when I'd shirked his help before. What a swell guy. "You were right about that door being exciting," I said breathlessly. I really needed to stop being so hard on men who maybe were just trying to be nice to me.
Brain-bots quickly descended on us in pursuit, and the two of us took off running towards the door we'd originally come in. We'd be no match for their speed, though, so we'd need something to slow them down.
As fortune would have it, a stockpile of dynamite was displayed off to the side, and I snatched up a bundle as we ran past. A brain-bot trying to block our path made for a convenient fuse as I grabbed it by one of its mechanical feelers and used the dynamite's wick to short its electrical leads, igniting the dynamite in the process. "This'll stop 'em!" I announced, tossing the bomb to Bernard.
He fumbled with it momentarily and whimpered, "Seems a bit extreme, doesn't it?!" Well, if he had any better ideas, now was the time.
"Just throw it!" I shouted. Extreme or not, it wasn't going to do us any good if he just held onto it.
Bernard finally did as he was told and the two of us dove out through the holographic wall as the dynamite exploded behind us. The shockwave from the blast threw us to the ground, and we were both left on our hands and knees coughing through the smoke and dust. A few moments of silence passed, and when no brain-bots appeared to apprehend us, it looked like we'd made it out home free!
Ha! The ball had been passed several times, admittedly, but I'd ended up coming out on top. I'd bested Megamind completely on my own (well, with Bernard's help, admittedly). I couldn't believe how giddy this all was making me feeling. I could... we could do this! We could confront Megamind and take back this city on our own, Metro Man or no.
"Wow... that was really exciting," I panted, turning to Bernard. "You were very strong in there. I've never seen anyone but Metro Man stand up to him like that." And I wasn't just saying that to be nice, he really did impress me back there. He'd been afraid, definitely, and hadn't put up much of a fight, but he'd still stood his ground when it mattered, and that's what really counted. When facing Megamind, the battles fought psychologically were even more important than physical strength. And what was more, I now had an ally who was just as motivated and knowledgeable as me, making us a formidable team against--
"What's going on?" came a nasal groan from the ground behind us.
What the... oh, it's Hal. I'd... completely forgotten about him. He was lying on the ground holding his face, so had someone attacked him while I was inside? "Hal, what happened?"
"I think a bee flew up my nose," he whined. "I was just about to make my frontal assault to rescue you but, like, fifty ninjas tried to attack me, so I had to go beat 'em all up..." I stopped paying attention at that point and settled on the bee flying up his nose.
"Wow, brave one, isn't he?" Bernard commended, obviously not familiar with Hal's habit of spouting self-aggrandizing BS. Either that or it was sarcasm, it was hard to tell.
Hal must have chosen option two, as he looked Bernard over and stuffily wondered, "Who are you?"
That was a good question. Who was Bernard to me now? He'd come to join me without any prompting and had risked his life to stand up to Megamind. "Oh, this is Bernard," I explained. I still didn't even know his last name. "He's my... partner," was the best explanation I could come up with at the moment.
"Partner?!" Hal repeated, sounding offended. When Bernard confirmed, Hal glared at him and insisted, "Look, partner, I'm her partner. She doesn't know what she's saying, she's been through a traumatic experience--"
"I'd better take him home," I cut him off before this turned into another machismo ramble. "Thanks again, Bernard," I said, turning back to him. "Partner", then... I hadn't been certain he'd accept such a designation, but he'd confirmed it without restraint or question. He was really with me in this. If he was my partner, then that also made me his. I wasn't a damsel or a pawn or a tool or an object of lust, I was...
Hugging him, actually. I'd done it without even thinking, I was so overcome. Presumptuously calling him my partner was already a bit questionable, but suddenly reaching out and hugging him might have been crossing the line a bit. He didn't immediately return the embrace, and I began to fear that by letting my emotions get the better of me, I'd just ruined whatever tentative relationship we might have been building.
My shoulders relaxed in relief when I felt tentative hands clasp my back. So timid, like this was the first time he'd ever been hugged in his life. I smiled into his shoulder and pulled away, not wanting to overstay my welcome. I gave him a friendly punch to the chest and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, partner."
It took him a moment to find his voice, but he finally responded with a flustered, "Yeah, okay. I'd like that..."
Hal began mumbling something pessimistic again and I prodded him towards the news van to get him out of here. I spared a long gaze back at Bernard as we departed, unable to suppress my smile. I'd liberated City Hall, discovered and infiltrated Megamind's lair, collected a mountain of evidence, solidified a new friendship, and it wasn't even yet noon.
Today was shaping up to be an amazing day. Metro City was in for some spectacular changes, and those changes would start today.
The story thus far: The movie you already know, told from a perspective that you don't.
Previous chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
It was hardly the smartest plan ever. Break into an evil supergenius's lair alone on a whim and armed only with a camera? This had to rank up there with Megamind's "Trojan Chocolate Bunny" plan in terms of forethought (I mean, seriously, what did he think would happen?).
Waiting for help or arming myself had never even occurred to me, though. Against Megamind, neither seemed necessary. Yes, he'd killed Metro Man and tried to kill me by blowing up the museum, but that was just it. Simply sniping me with a ray gun for sneaking into his lair wasn't Megamind's style. He was all about the spectacle, so if he was going to lash out at me violently, he'd do it with a cauldron of molten iron, a cloned dinosaur, or at the absolute least, the good old rope and railroad tracks.
I had to pause at an inner door when I caught myself smiling at the thought. Did I... miss having my life threatened on a weekly basis? Is that why I was so recklessly seeking Megamind out now? I... no, that's crazy. My greatest wish was that the kidnappings, the games, the danger would just end so I could go on to have a normal, boring life.
And... I could have gone on to a normal life a month ago. The only reason I'd ever been a part of this in the first place was because Megamind had mistaken me as an object of Metro Man's affection and proceeded to use me as a pawn to get to him. With Metro Man now gone, I was... purposeless. My existence no longer held any meaning in the grand scheme of things.
And I hated that feeling.
Sucking up my chest, I stared firmly at the door before me. I could just put this whole thing behind me, leave the city, and start a new life somewhere else. But, no. There was something I could do here, and dammit, I was going to do it. My purpose in life didn't have to revolve around a role someone else decided for me anymore. I was free to decide my own purpose now. And with a slow shove of the door, I made my decision.
A gigantic room opened up before me, lined on all sides with machinery and assortments of robotic contraptions. Bombs and other weaponry hung from the ceiling, and at the far end of the room hung a conspicuous red curtain. I stepped cautiously into the open area and surveyed my surroundings. There was no sign of activity here, either, though it definitely evoked a much more "lively" sensation than City Hall. Megamind was still definitely actively using this facility, but was he here lurking in the shadows or--
"Roxanne?"
--right behind me, holy crap! I whirled around and poised to throw my camera at his giant blue head, but upon inspection, the only blue I saw was a sweater. Oh, whoa, phew, it was just Bernard. He'd sure sounded a lot like Megamind without looking at him.
I let out a sigh of relief and breathed, "I'm glad you're here," before my brows furrowed in confusion. I'd only called him, what, five minutes ago? "Wait, how did you get here so fast?"
He clasped his hands anxiously and hurriedly moved around me, replying, "Well, I, uh... I happened to be speedwalking nearby when you called."
"In a suit?" Come to think of it, that was the same suit he was wearing yesterday, too. Maybe the shock of having his workplace blown up had left him unable to sleep and he'd never had the chance to change between now and then.
"Uh-huh. It's called... 'Formal Speedwalking'," he explained. ... Okay, if you really don't want to tell me what you were doing out here, you can just say so instead of making up something that blatantly ridiculous. I held my camera at the ready and kept my eye out for anything that looked like incriminating evidence as we made our way towards the conspicuous red curtain. Bernard hastened ahead of me and gestured to a side door, commenting, "This way looks exciting!"
I took one glance at the door. "No, it says 'Exit'." Again, if he was uncomfortable being here, he could just say so outright instead of stringing me along with feigned bravado. I honestly didn't care if he was a wimp as long as he was honest about it.
He continued to suggest the door in futility ("'Exit', is short for 'exciting', right?"), but I had my sights on the conspicuous red curtain. Curtains are for hiding things, and it was just like Megamind to have his most incriminating secrets hidden in plain sight. I was sure that even Bernard, incredibly average curator genius and master of all inquiry, would grow a backbone upon getting an opportunity at some exclusive insider info on his favorite research subject.
I pulled back the curtain and was greeted with even more than I could have hoped for: An array of colored notes, each suspended from the ceiling by string and containing written steps and diagrams of what had to be his next plan. Oh man... "This is the Mother Lode!" I exclaimed in excitement. I had to stand back and gaze at it in awe. This was... my first real look into Megamind's thought process. That mind that... boggled me yet fascinated me, drew me in wanting me to desperately know more about what was going on inside. That face that was so easy to read, eyes that let me stare right into him, but only down to the next surface level. This... this was such a more intimate look into his psyche and I couldn't believe how giddy I was to have it in my grasp.
I moved in, gasping to myself in awe, half-aware of Bernard coming in behind me. A cursory look at the notes gave the impression of something jumbled, disorganized, and senseless, but from Megamind I wouldn't expect anything less. Besides, it wouldn't be any fun to beat him at his own game if I didn't have to work for it. Bernard made an uncertain noise behind me, and I prompted, "You know, I could really use your help in deciphering all this."
"Really?" he wondered, as if the thought had never occurred to him.
"You're an expert in all things Megamind, right?" I reasoned. "Together we can figure out his plan for the city and stop it! Are you in?"
Bernard gave me a goofy grin and pumped his fist. "Oh, what fun!" Yes, that's what I want to hear! I knew that finding something like this would embolden him! I certainly wasn't going to beg for his help, but I'd definitely appreciate it, especially if time was of the essence.
I held up my camera and began snapping pictures, knowing that Megamind would definitely suspect something was amiss if he returned to his lair only to find his plans in disarray or missing. Oh, where to start, though? Everything and anything could be important in decoding this message. The coloring of the paper, the medium it was written in (one even appeared to have been scrawled in jelly), the height off the floor... I had to make sure I captured a full catalogue of everything exactly as it appeared.
I was making my way over to a collection of cork boards laden with more notes when a loud clatter caused me to jump back. A small swarm of brain-bots burst forth from the piping, blaring a warning that sounded something like "intruder" (strange, I'd only ever heard them say "bowg-bowg" up until now).
The bots hovered over us momentarily to take stock of the nature of the threat before descending upon us. I quickly jumped out of the way, but Bernard had apparently opted for the "maybe they're motion-sensitive" strategy and stayed frozen in place. He was promptly apprehended and carted away. I jumped to my feet to pursue, but really didn't know what I'd be able to do against a swarm of metal-mouthed clap-traps, especially if they were bringing Bernard before their master.
As luck would have it, a storage container that had been overturned in the skirmish had presented me with a large and powerful-looking firearm of some sort. I had no idea what to make of it, other than it was probably intended to shoot something, so having the ability to shoot something when faced with an angry pack of guard-bots was definitely preferable to the alternative.
I grabbed the gun and rushed to the narrow passage the brain-bots had dragged Bernard into. As I veered around the corner, I spotted him instantly.
"Him" in this case, though, was Megamind. I had to pause in shock at seeing him for the first time in a month. It felt strange, going that long without seeing those green eyes leering down at me over that cocky, self-satisfied smirk. It felt even stranger to be encountering him in a situation that did not involve being kidnapped. And it felt strangest that I had come upon him while he was flat on the floor, peeking out at me from under his cape like he'd been hiding in the shadows this entire time.
This was no time for musing over how different things had become, though. I sternly approached him and demanded, "What have you done with Bernard?"
Megamind scrambled to his feet and brushed himself off nonchalantly, eyes flicking about as if he was up to something morally questionable even for him (and I would not put it past him). "Bernard? Oh... oh yes, I'm doing... horrible things to that man." He gestured broadly and continued, "I don't want to get into it, but lasers... spikes..." He edged over to a storm shelter and pulled open the doors, shouting into it, "Oh please no! Not the lasers and the spikes!" He glanced up at me to see if I was buying it, quipping, "You know the drill," before returning his face to the doorway and shouting, "Oh no, not the drill!" for good measure.
I stared at him flatly. He couldn't possibly be stupid enough to think I'd fall for that. No... he wasn't that stupid. So he might have anticipated that I wouldn't fall for something so obvious and therefore perhaps really did have Bernard detained down there and was counting on me calling his bluff and not investigating. He'd tricked me with the seemingly obvious observatory stunt before, and I was still furious at myself to this day for being so dead wrong about that.
Swallowing my pride at being forced to play along with this until I could better read his thought process, I weakly demanded, "Let him go! Or..." I glanced at the gun in my hand with uncertainty, but slowly brought it up and trained it on him.
Megamind rolled his head back cockily and wondered, "Or wha-" His breath caught as he suddenly realized he was staring down the barrel of a rather sinister-looking weapon. He obviously hadn't expected me to threaten him.
And I wasn't particularly comfortable with threatening him, either, but if it's what had to be done to get both myself and Bernard out of this alive, so be it. I held the gun up more decisively and threatened, "Or I'm gonna find out what this weird-looking gun does." I pursed my lips anxiously. I didn't call your bluff... so please, please don't call mine.
"Nono, don't shoot!" Megamind warned, holding his hands out defensively and backing away from the cellar. Believe me, if I can at all help it, I am not going to. With a sideways glance at the cellar, he offered, "I'll... I'll just go get him."
He dove into the cellar and I cautiously lowered the gun and watched after him. So... it had been a feigned bluff like back at the observatory? Huh... using the same trick on me twice. How very... like Megamind. At least I knew he was still predictable in some ways.
Bernard's head shot out of the cellar as he attempted to wrestle Megamind's arm away from his face. Was he actually... intending to engage the city's supervillainous dictator in a wrestling match? And here I was thinking Bernard had no guts.
What he made up for in courage, though, was lacking in strength, as Megamind pushed him back into the cellar. I raised the gun again, ready to jump in and assist if it became necessary, but something about the struggle was beginning to look... off. I couldn't quite place my finger on it other than their movements looked somehow... unnatural... awkward. This being Megamind, it could very well all be some sort of ruse, but I was hard-pressed to come up with what. A Bernard robot puppet, maybe? But how did he fabricate something like that so fast?
I curiously approached the cellar door and reached for it, the sounds of struggle still emanating from beneath. Just as I was about to pull it open and get a good look at what was going on down there, the real Bernard came flying out and smacked against the opposite wall. I let out a sigh of relief and rushed to him. Well, whatever weird thing Megamind was up to, at least Bernard was safe. "Are you okay?" I wondered breathlessly.
Bernard fixed his glasses and helplessly moaned, "I did my best... but he's too fantastic!" Well, true, if we're going by the word's original definition. He pulled himself up and offered, "Let me carry that heavy gun for you."
Ohh no, I am not, and never was, a weak little damsel who needed a big, strong man to save her. I came here to be the hero, and me being a woman was hardly reason to preemptively pass the torch. "I got us covered," I assured him, keeping the gun at the ready in case Megamind or his brain-bots decided to jump us again. A quick glance into the cellar revealed that Megamind had disappeared at some point during the skirmish, so there was no telling where he might pop out next. He was obviously afraid of this weapon, so as long as I had it...
A flash of black, blue, and spikes whizzed in front of me and latched onto the gun's barrel, attempting to wrench it from my hands. I yanked back and yelled over my shoulder for Bernard to run. With Megamind onto us, there was really no more information-gathering to be done, so our best course of action was to escape with what we had. Megamind flung me around, but I held firm and jerked him back around. As the tug-of-war over the weapon of unknown function ensued, I noted that it appeared that I was an equal physical match for him, but I didn't know whether that said more about him or me.
Well, if this thing's power was enough to spook Megamind, let's let it distract him a while. On his next pull, I grabbed the gun's trigger and fired it into the ceiling. Unfortunately, whatever it shot began to ricochet around the room. I dove for cover while Megamind watched after the bouncing bullet in a panic. Ha, chew on that a while, Mister Evil Overlord.
With the brain-bots still snooping around, I had to get out of here fast while the coast was clear. Luckily, I'd snuck behind a console that was not ten feet from the "Exit" door Bernard had so helpfully pointed out earlier. This was my chance, just get through this door and I'm--
--alligator bait?! I can definitely say I was not thinking about alligators on the way over this time around, but that was indeed what was behind the deceptively-labeled "Exit" door. I flailed frantically, but I'd already had too much momentum going through. Ugh, that little blue sneak finally got me good this time...
Or, something got me good. A hand grabbed my wrist and forcefully pulled me back through the door and out of the jaws of the awaiting reptiles. I spun around and discovered my rescuer to be...
"Bernard!" I gasped. I'd told him to run, but he'd... come back for me, even when I'd shirked his help before. What a swell guy. "You were right about that door being exciting," I said breathlessly. I really needed to stop being so hard on men who maybe were just trying to be nice to me.
Brain-bots quickly descended on us in pursuit, and the two of us took off running towards the door we'd originally come in. We'd be no match for their speed, though, so we'd need something to slow them down.
As fortune would have it, a stockpile of dynamite was displayed off to the side, and I snatched up a bundle as we ran past. A brain-bot trying to block our path made for a convenient fuse as I grabbed it by one of its mechanical feelers and used the dynamite's wick to short its electrical leads, igniting the dynamite in the process. "This'll stop 'em!" I announced, tossing the bomb to Bernard.
He fumbled with it momentarily and whimpered, "Seems a bit extreme, doesn't it?!" Well, if he had any better ideas, now was the time.
"Just throw it!" I shouted. Extreme or not, it wasn't going to do us any good if he just held onto it.
Bernard finally did as he was told and the two of us dove out through the holographic wall as the dynamite exploded behind us. The shockwave from the blast threw us to the ground, and we were both left on our hands and knees coughing through the smoke and dust. A few moments of silence passed, and when no brain-bots appeared to apprehend us, it looked like we'd made it out home free!
Ha! The ball had been passed several times, admittedly, but I'd ended up coming out on top. I'd bested Megamind completely on my own (well, with Bernard's help, admittedly). I couldn't believe how giddy this all was making me feeling. I could... we could do this! We could confront Megamind and take back this city on our own, Metro Man or no.
"Wow... that was really exciting," I panted, turning to Bernard. "You were very strong in there. I've never seen anyone but Metro Man stand up to him like that." And I wasn't just saying that to be nice, he really did impress me back there. He'd been afraid, definitely, and hadn't put up much of a fight, but he'd still stood his ground when it mattered, and that's what really counted. When facing Megamind, the battles fought psychologically were even more important than physical strength. And what was more, I now had an ally who was just as motivated and knowledgeable as me, making us a formidable team against--
"What's going on?" came a nasal groan from the ground behind us.
What the... oh, it's Hal. I'd... completely forgotten about him. He was lying on the ground holding his face, so had someone attacked him while I was inside? "Hal, what happened?"
"I think a bee flew up my nose," he whined. "I was just about to make my frontal assault to rescue you but, like, fifty ninjas tried to attack me, so I had to go beat 'em all up..." I stopped paying attention at that point and settled on the bee flying up his nose.
"Wow, brave one, isn't he?" Bernard commended, obviously not familiar with Hal's habit of spouting self-aggrandizing BS. Either that or it was sarcasm, it was hard to tell.
Hal must have chosen option two, as he looked Bernard over and stuffily wondered, "Who are you?"
That was a good question. Who was Bernard to me now? He'd come to join me without any prompting and had risked his life to stand up to Megamind. "Oh, this is Bernard," I explained. I still didn't even know his last name. "He's my... partner," was the best explanation I could come up with at the moment.
"Partner?!" Hal repeated, sounding offended. When Bernard confirmed, Hal glared at him and insisted, "Look, partner, I'm her partner. She doesn't know what she's saying, she's been through a traumatic experience--"
"I'd better take him home," I cut him off before this turned into another machismo ramble. "Thanks again, Bernard," I said, turning back to him. "Partner", then... I hadn't been certain he'd accept such a designation, but he'd confirmed it without restraint or question. He was really with me in this. If he was my partner, then that also made me his. I wasn't a damsel or a pawn or a tool or an object of lust, I was...
Hugging him, actually. I'd done it without even thinking, I was so overcome. Presumptuously calling him my partner was already a bit questionable, but suddenly reaching out and hugging him might have been crossing the line a bit. He didn't immediately return the embrace, and I began to fear that by letting my emotions get the better of me, I'd just ruined whatever tentative relationship we might have been building.
My shoulders relaxed in relief when I felt tentative hands clasp my back. So timid, like this was the first time he'd ever been hugged in his life. I smiled into his shoulder and pulled away, not wanting to overstay my welcome. I gave him a friendly punch to the chest and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, partner."
It took him a moment to find his voice, but he finally responded with a flustered, "Yeah, okay. I'd like that..."
Hal began mumbling something pessimistic again and I prodded him towards the news van to get him out of here. I spared a long gaze back at Bernard as we departed, unable to suppress my smile. I'd liberated City Hall, discovered and infiltrated Megamind's lair, collected a mountain of evidence, solidified a new friendship, and it wasn't even yet noon.
Today was shaping up to be an amazing day. Metro City was in for some spectacular changes, and those changes would start today.