Text messaging has made phone calling much less emotionally uncertain. You can text a person and ask "Are you busy? Is this a good time to talk?" (or words to that effect). They'll tell you whether or not you're interrupting anything important - they may very likely even call you. Either way, it eliminates you having to make the initial phone call that triggers the feeling you're not as important as everything else in their life. Then you can work on that self-esteem problem ;-)
A text message is far less immediately intrusive than a phone call. The recipient can finish what they're doing, or at least reach a convenient break point, before they even reply to you. And you can even say "Call me when you get a chance", thereby removing any necessity for you to initiate a phone call at all.
Even though I know this intellectually, it's still hard. In part this is because even though I have a phone with a (tiny) keyboard, it's still a complex operation and I'm always screwing up, hitting send or back when I meant backspace or delete.
But part of it is something weird that I still haven't figured out.
I understand completely. I don't like talking on the phone, and I dislike texting even more, to the point of only texting when Andy really really really stresses that he would prefer I text him.
This only works with people you call regularly, but with Scott, I have a simple agreement - "If I call and you're busy or not in the mood, just don't answer. If I urgently need to talk to you, I will call a second time. If it was just for a status update or to convey info, I will leave a message. If it was just to chat, I won't leave a message or call back."
So I know that if it's a bad time, he won't pick up...unless I call back the second time, which indicates I really really need to talk to him NOW if possible.
I'm similar with phone calls - I don't get really worked up about making them, usually, but I just don't think to do it, and as such I don't see friends much unless it's something they've initiated.
And I hate answering the phone at work. Ooh, that gives me shivers. It's better if we've got someone in the office who is the usual gatekeeper and sends calls where they want to go.
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Though, even texting is a problem; I think it's not just self-esteem, though that's a large part of it.
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But part of it is something weird that I still haven't figured out.
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So I know that if it's a bad time, he won't pick up...unless I call back the second time, which indicates I really really need to talk to him NOW if possible.
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And I hate answering the phone at work. Ooh, that gives me shivers. It's better if we've got someone in the office who is the usual gatekeeper and sends calls where they want to go.
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