A Mess
Title: A Mess
Author: md123
Rating: PG (angst)
Pairing: Jack/Everyone
Spoilers: "What Will Happen..."
Word Count: 466
Summary: Jack dwells on his romantic fortunes.
It was a big step for Jack to admit to Liz that his love life, and indeed his whole life, was a mess. He wouldn't reveal a chink in his armor to just anyone. Days later, after the divorce paperwork is finalized, he's lying awake in bed contemplating just how it all went wrong.
When he'd separated from Bianca, he resolved never to make the same mistake again. For years, he'd managed to protect himself from getting hurt. But then Don Geiss got into his head, and he started looking at women as wife material. Phoebe had been a major misfire, but he'd legitimately in love with the other candidates through the years. Although he'd become deeply involved with each of those women, it was Avery that stuck.
While in many ways Avery was a perfect match for him, she was so only in the sense that he was falling back into the Bianca trap. Avery was astonishingly able and beautiful, but she loved Jack the same way Bianca had, and in a way that evoked Colleen: through agression and oneupsmanship. He found it exciting on every level; he always had. But if he'd been thinking clearly in his love triangle, he would have seen that his relationship with Avery would have a similar end.
He wonders if he can break out of that cycle. Is he capable of caring for a woman like other men do? Being compassionate towards one? Truly putting her before himself? Could he feel that way about a woman that felt that way about him? And would any woman be that selfless to him? Not even his mother was, which makes him wonder if there really is something wrong with him.
And then it hits him.
For Jack, the next step is supposed to be easy. If he wants something, he simply destroys everything in his path. If he hadn't had doubts about Avery anyway, Scott Scottsman would have already met with an unfortunate accident. Criss is a nobody; he could have him in a Mexican prison next week, and he wouldn't even have to call in any favors.
He finds that he can't even seriously consider this, though. For the first time in her life, Lemon is happy. Making her happy has been his project for as long as he can remember. Moreover, as amazing as Jack knows himself to be, he's not sure he can fill the hole. Things are as likely to get worse as get better by injecting sex into it.
Jack also doesn't want to go back to womanizing. It's been almost three years since he's slept with someone other than Nancy or Avery. Thanks to a reunion tryst with Avery, the immediate pressure is gone, but sleeping around isn't going to get him where he wants to be. Problem is, nothing will.
He sighs, thinking of lost chances, and eventually gains the relief of sleep.
END
Author: md123
Rating: PG (angst)
Pairing: Jack/Everyone
Spoilers: "What Will Happen..."
Word Count: 466
Summary: Jack dwells on his romantic fortunes.
It was a big step for Jack to admit to Liz that his love life, and indeed his whole life, was a mess. He wouldn't reveal a chink in his armor to just anyone. Days later, after the divorce paperwork is finalized, he's lying awake in bed contemplating just how it all went wrong.
When he'd separated from Bianca, he resolved never to make the same mistake again. For years, he'd managed to protect himself from getting hurt. But then Don Geiss got into his head, and he started looking at women as wife material. Phoebe had been a major misfire, but he'd legitimately in love with the other candidates through the years. Although he'd become deeply involved with each of those women, it was Avery that stuck.
While in many ways Avery was a perfect match for him, she was so only in the sense that he was falling back into the Bianca trap. Avery was astonishingly able and beautiful, but she loved Jack the same way Bianca had, and in a way that evoked Colleen: through agression and oneupsmanship. He found it exciting on every level; he always had. But if he'd been thinking clearly in his love triangle, he would have seen that his relationship with Avery would have a similar end.
He wonders if he can break out of that cycle. Is he capable of caring for a woman like other men do? Being compassionate towards one? Truly putting her before himself? Could he feel that way about a woman that felt that way about him? And would any woman be that selfless to him? Not even his mother was, which makes him wonder if there really is something wrong with him.
And then it hits him.
For Jack, the next step is supposed to be easy. If he wants something, he simply destroys everything in his path. If he hadn't had doubts about Avery anyway, Scott Scottsman would have already met with an unfortunate accident. Criss is a nobody; he could have him in a Mexican prison next week, and he wouldn't even have to call in any favors.
He finds that he can't even seriously consider this, though. For the first time in her life, Lemon is happy. Making her happy has been his project for as long as he can remember. Moreover, as amazing as Jack knows himself to be, he's not sure he can fill the hole. Things are as likely to get worse as get better by injecting sex into it.
Jack also doesn't want to go back to womanizing. It's been almost three years since he's slept with someone other than Nancy or Avery. Thanks to a reunion tryst with Avery, the immediate pressure is gone, but sleeping around isn't going to get him where he wants to be. Problem is, nothing will.
He sighs, thinking of lost chances, and eventually gains the relief of sleep.
END