TEAM AWAY: Thief in the night, "Perchance to Dream"
Title: Perchance to Dream
Author: blueraccoon
Team: Away
Prompt: Thief in the night
Pairing(s): McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Summary: We’re stuck here until we fall asleep, and then…
Note: With many thanks to wickedwords and fairestcat for helping me get through this.
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**
"What do you want me to do, Sheppard? Construct a Stargate out of power bar wrappers and ammunition from your P-90?" Rodney's hands shot up into the air, gesturing emphatically. "I realize it may seem as though I'm capable of pulling miracles out of my hat with little more than chewing gum and duct tape, but even I have to have a hat to pull things out of, and in case you haven't noticed, we're on a deserted planet with nothing around but Pegasus' version of cicadas and a dead tree or two. I don't have MapQuest for Pegasus on my laptop. I can't tell you where we are or how to get to the nearest Stargate. I can't even tell you if there is a gate on this planet!"
John slipped his sunglasses back on and tried not to clench his jaw. This wasn't Rodney's fault. It wasn't anybody's fault.
It had been a routine mission. Just the two of them, Teyla, and Ronon on their way to investigate what had looked in the database like it might be an Ancient laboratory. Get in, check out the place, go home. It should have been a walk in the park and it had been, until they'd encountered the acid rain that had forced them to take shelter in a small cave. Teyla and Ronon had taken first watch, John and Rodney had lain down to sleep.
That had been three planets ago.
Rodney was still ranting. John knew better than to interrupt; he just waited patiently--well, patiently being a relative term--for Rodney to wind down and then tipped his sunglasses down his nose. "North?" he suggested.
"Why not?" Rodney asked grumpily. John hid his surprise; he'd thought Rodney would say South just to be contrary.
Not that it mattered. Two people walking aimlessly to try and find a Stargate on something as big as a planet were probably not going to get anything except footsore, tired, hot, and lost. That had been John's experience on the first two planets they'd wound up on, and on none of them had they found anything other than a few bugs and here and there a stream. No civilization, no life, no Gate.
No Wraith, either, but John could live with that.
"Virtual reality?" he suggested as they walked along. It was daytime on this planet, the sun bright overhead. The last one had been night, and he'd seen a truly gorgeous double moon, but hadn't been able to recognize any of the stars.
"We thought of that on the first planet," Rodney said. "If it is, does it really matter? We're stuck here until we fall asleep, and then God only knows where we'll end up."
"So let's not fall asleep," John said.
"We tried that last planet," Rodney countered. "It worked oh so well."
"So we'll try it again, Rodney," John said with exaggerated patience. "Sooner or later we'll find the Gate. There's got to be one."
Except he wasn't so sure there was.
Rodney subsided into cranky silence, leaving John to look around. There really wasn't much to see; a dead tree here or there, patchy grass, and--"Hey," John said. "McKay. I think I see a stream over there." He changed direction to find it, not surprised when Rodney fell into step next to him. They had water bottles, but they'd been empty since the second planet.
The stream turned out to be cold and clear, running over tumbled stones. John stuck his hands in and drank thirstily, splashing water on his face and the back of his neck before filling his water bottle. Next to him, he saw Rodney doing the same. "All right," John said, sitting down on the grass. "Look. We've been on three planets now since we went to MB3-896. We haven't found a damn thing, and I'm getting tired of all this walking. How about we just sit here for a bit and figure out our options?"
Rodney gave him a skeptical look, but folded himself down on the ground. "What options, Sheppard? We can't find a Gate or even some primitive people to tell us where the nearest Gate is. We're getting bounced around from planet to planet--or aspect of VR to other aspect, God only knows--and--" He blew out a breath. "It's like we're trapped in some universe where some being wants to see what we'll do given enough time together."
John leaned back on his elbows. "We could always have sex," he said blandly. "See if that gets us anywhere."
"You'll barely have sex with me in Atlantis and now you're offering on some God-forsaken planet?" Rodney scowled at him. "Nice try."
"What--McKay, that's not true," John said, sitting up. "Not at all."
"Isn't it?" Rodney's chin stuck out. "You barely look at me afterwards. You don't touch me, and as soon as humanly possible you're cleaned up and back to your room. I'd think you were ashamed of me, but honestly I'd expect more avoidance from you if that were the case, so tell me, John, which one of us do you secretly despise? Me, for submitting to your lustful whims, or you, for having them in the first place?"
Only Rodney could use a phrase like 'lustful whims' and get away with it, John thought. "Rodney--this isn't the--"
"We're stranded on a planet with no Gate, no way out, and nothing to do except walk the entire globe looking for one, so I'd say this is as good a time as any," Rodney retorted.
John pushed himself to his feet. "I'm going north," he said abruptly.
"Of course you are." Rodney sighed and scrambled up. "So much for sitting and exploring our options."
"You made it pretty clear we didn't have any, McKay," John said, not looking at him.
"So you'd rather walk the entire circumference of a planet than admit you've got a case of internalized homophobia," Rodney said. "Typical John Sheppard."
"I--wait one minute, Rodney," John said, stopping and turning to look at him. "Regardless of how you think of it, we are having sex. I don't see that as really being homophobic."
"No, I suppose you wouldn't," Rodney said, continuing to walk. "If we follow the stream, we might find something. Civilizations, even primitive ones, need water."
John couldn't argue with that logic. He shrugged and kept walking.
They hadn't found anything by the time the sun was starting to set, and John was tired and hungry, not to mention a little annoyed over Rodney's sulky silence. "Look, McKa--Rodney," he corrected himself. "We're not getting anywhere. Let's just stop for the night. There's a tree over there we can use for a bit of shelter and we're near enough to the stream for water."
Rodney didn't say anything, just nodded wearily.
Fortunately--or unfortunately, depending on how John's back felt--they'd been transported with their packs, and Rodney's had enough MREs and power bars to last them a week. So while the food wasn't fantastic, they weren't starving. And the night looked like it would be cool, but not cold; a good thing, given the lack of anything with which to make fire. John set down his pack against the tree and leaned against it, stretching out his legs with a sigh. He wanted badly to take off his boots, but knew better--Rodney had taken off his sunglasses on the first planet and when they'd appeared on the second, he hadn't had them. Since then, they'd kept everything on them at all times, whether that meant he had a hand wrapped around his pack or his sunglasses on his head or whatever.
The sun sank below the empty horizon and Rodney stretched out on the ground with a sigh, one hand wrapped around the strap of his pack. "No sleeping," he said, words stumbling with fatigue. "Can't sleep or God knows where we'll end up."
John was starting to wonder if ending up somewhere else might not be better than where they were now. "You sleep," he said. "I'll stay awake. I'm not tired."
"I have caffeine pills--" Rodney fumbled in his pack.
"We took them on the last planet," John reminded him. "We're out of stimulants and it didn't help then, either."
"Right. God, I'm tired." Rodney yawned hugely and flopped down on his back again. "Zelenka's probably looking for us by now."
"Think he'll find us?" John asked.
"No," Rodney admitted. "Sheppard, I don't know if I could find us."
"Yeah." John had kind of figured as much. He tossed a pebble at the small fire they'd created and sighed. "Maybe wherever we end up next will have people," he said.
"May..." Rodney's voice trailed off and he made the snuffling snort John recognized as sleep.
This was madness. Jumping from empty planet to empty planet with no visible means of transportation, no Gate, no people--hell, not even animals, and that was just weird. No mountains, no forests, just flat patchy grass and a dead tree here or there. He'd think they were on the same planet, except the stars were different on each one, the second had had a double moon, and the grass was yellow-green on this planet, not blue-green like the first planet.
Three barren planets. What was the point?
John stared up at the stars, wondering which was Atlantis and which was MB3-896. He wasn't going to sleep. He was going to sit here and talk to himself if that's what it took. Rodney would sleep for a few hours, then John would wake him up, and they'd start again, start trying to find a damn Gate, a civilization, anything to let them know they weren't completely and utterly alone.
He stretched out his legs, nudging Rodney's hip with the toe of his boot. Rodney didn't stir, and John couldn't feel the contact through his boot and Rodney's pants, but it made him feel a little better anyway.
The stars burned brightly overhead, and John closed his eyes against them. Just for a moment.
When he opened them, the sun was rising and they were sprawled out on top of each other in tall blue weeds, the scent of salt water on the breeze.
"Oh, hell," Rodney said with a groan, sitting up and pulling away from John. "Did you see anything? Do you remember anything?"
John rubbed a hand over his face, sitting up. "No," he said. "I closed my eyes for a moment--"
"You were supposed to stay awake!"
"A moment, McKay!" John snapped back.
"That's all it takes." Rodney hmphed and looked around. "I smell the ocean," he said. "That way, I think."
"Let's go find it." John got to his feet and picked up his pack, ignoring the way every muscle ached and he hadn't slept in weeks. Next to him, Rodney got up with a loud groan and some half-hearted complaints John tuned out.
Walking for about ten minutes got them to some steep, rocky cliffs, a vast ocean stretched out to the horizon, waves breaking against the rocks far below. "No sense in climbing down that," John said after a moment of looking at the waves. It felt like ages since he'd seen anything but grass or Rodney.
"Thank you, Colonel Obvious," Rodney said acerbically. "Let's just keep walking along the edge, maybe we'll find something."
It wasn't his best effort. Rodney looked about as tired as John felt and he moved stiffly, awkwardly as they walked along. John kept an eye on him as unobtrusively as he could, suggesting they stop for a powerbar break and then, a little later, taking a few minutes to get a drink at the tiny stream crossing their path. The water was sluggish and a little brackish, but they'd both drunk worse.
Rodney was uncharacteristically silent as they hiked through the weeds, although when John glanced over he saw Rodney's lips moving. Talking to himself, John guessed, oddly hurt that Rodney wasn't talking to him.
A couple hours later, they stopped to eat powerbars and get a drink from another tiny stream. The sun wasn't so bad, and they even had shade from a nearby tree--the only one John could remember seeing all morning.
"I need a break," Rodney said shortly, pulling off his pack and sitting down against the tree. "I didn't sign up for a three-day forced march."
"Neither did I, McKay," John said, easing himself down next to Rodney. He sighed and mopped the back of his neck with his bandana. "Look--this isn't getting us anywhere. Why don't we just...stay here? See what happens?"
"Instead of looking for the Gate or the people that may or may not be on this planet?" Rodney asked with a snort.
"Instead of," John said patiently. "When you're lost, instead of wandering in circles you're supposed to stay put and let someone find you. We might as well stay put and let Teyla and Ronon and the rest find us."
"If we keep jumping like this--"
"We can't do anything about it but try to stay awake, and we'll have an easier time of it if we're sitting and conserving energy than walking all day," John interrupted. He leaned back against the dry bark of the tree. "Here, we've got shade, a little water, we'll be all right."
"In a relative sense," Rodney muttered. "Until we run out of food or the stream dries up or we're caught up in--" He cut off when John put a hand on his wrist.
"It's either stay here or move on," John said, wondering--well, no, never mind, not important. "Which would you rather we did?"
Rodney sighed. "Let's just sit here, then."
The silence lasted all of two minutes and fourteen seconds. "Thirty-seven thousand, three hundred thirty one," John said, breaking it.
"Not prime." Rodney yawned and stretched. "Five thousand eleven."
"Not prime." John slumped down. "I'm not homophobic, you know," he said abruptly, not sure what possessed him. "I'm--"
"So uncomfortable about having sex with me I'm amazed you can do it at all," Rodney cut in. "I don't even know--"
"If it's so bad for you, Rodney, then why are we still having sex?" John asked in frustration.
Rodney's mouth quirked in what might have been a smile. "The sex isn't bad. Just the rest of it."
"So all I am to you is a good fuck?" John asked, feeling a little angry about it. He pushed his sunglasses up his nose so he didn't have to look at Rodney.
"Is that all I am to you?" Rodney challenged him.
"No! Just it's--well--"
"It's what, Sheppard? You can have sex with me, but only in the dark, and only when you can run away after or kick me out. You've never offered to spend the night with me. You don't acknowledge any part of our--arrangement's probably the best word, since we certainly don't have a relationship. Tell me what it is," Rodney said, his voice rising. "Tell me that, Sheppard. Tell me what I am to you."
"You're--you're--" John almost squirmed, except guys didn't do things like that. "You know what you are," he said helplessly.
"Do I?" Rodney turned to look at him. "I'm a genius who has single-handedly been responsible for saving your life more times than I can count, not that it matters when you seem so determined to throw it away. I'm the chief scientist on Atlantis, responsible for running herd over a bunch of barely competent idiots who like the idea of blowing themselves up and taking the galaxy with it. I'm many things, John, but what I do not know is what the hell you want from me."
At that moment, John almost wished a Wraith Dart would show up.
"But you don't know either, do you?" Rodney pressed on. "You have no idea what the hell you want from this, from me. You think you should want one thing and you really want another and you have no fucking clue, do you?"
"And you do?" John argued. "Tell me, then, since you're the genius, what exactly do you want?"
Rodney stopped, and his mouth twisted--except that wasn't a grimace, John thought. That--and then Rodney looked up at him ruefully. "I've got no fucking clue," he admitted.
John stared at him, and Rodney stared back, and he wasn't sure who started laughing first. He just knew that they sprawled in the weeds, laughing semi-hysterically and Rodney's hand was on his ankle and John couldn't breathe, and it was the best he'd felt since the four of them had stopped for the night on MB3-896.
"Oh, God," Rodney said finally, wheezing. "Oh, Christ, I feel stoned, and I don't do stoned very well."
"Sleep deprivation," John said, looking up at the pale sky. "Just as bad, only you don't spend money on it."
That was enough to set Rodney off again. "I just...I just wish we could play by our rules," he said once he'd finally calmed down. "Not that I have any idea what they'd be, of course, but they've got to be better than the United States Air Force or the IOA." He turned his head to look at John. "Or are we playing by yours, John?"
It would be easy to blame it on the military, on the IOA, on anyone else. John sighed. "I don't know," he said. "Who's to say there's a difference?"
"If you could have anything, what would it be?" Rodney asked. "Anything at all."
He was too tired, and the words slipped out without him thinking about it. "To find out if you hog the covers," he said, closing his eyes against the sky.
"I don't." The words came as if he was underwater, and John felt Rodney's body brush against his, and then...
He opened his eyes, realizing he was indoors somewhere, on a cool, smooth floor. When he blinked his sight into focus, it was to see a room he'd never thought--"Atlantis?" John scrambled to his feet. "We're back on Atlantis?"
Next to him, Rodney pushed up. "Except...it's wrong," he said, looking around. "We had to replace that window, and...where's all the people? Where's all the lights? This isn't our Atlantis."
The lights were dim, almost nonexistent. John walked over to a window, looking out, and blinked. "We're underwater," he said. "What is this, time travel? Are we back before--"
"I'm not dying in Atlantis again," Rodney said curtly.
"No." John looked around. "There's got to be some reason we're here. Some clue, something--"
"You're assuming that the reason we've been jumping from planet to planet is because there's some force or being out there moving us along," Rodney says. "What if we're just caught up in a wave of quantum bad luck?"
"Is that even scientific?" John asked.
"Does it really matter all that much?" Rodney asked. "I'm just saying, this might not be an Ancient thing. This might be--" He gestured, snapping his fingers, and as he did a hologram shimmered to life in front of the Gate.
"And then again..." John looked at the hologram. It was a young man, dressed in Ancient fashion, his hands clasped in front of him as though he were pleading.
"We tried," the man said simply. "We tried, and we failed, and our failure will live to remind those who were left. Those who will see this will know of our failure, and I beg of them to forgive us, for we only acted as we did in hopes of defeating the Wraith, a hope that I think may never be fulfilled." The man's hands opened and clasped again. "But I ask, let our failure stand as a testament to what it was. Do not attempt to remake it, to salvage victory. Let it stand, on the planet we ruined, with the ashes of the people..." He broke off, clearly struggling to regain his composure, and spread his hands again. "Leave this planet as it is."
As the man's form faded, a Gate address appeared. "McKay--" John said in a low voice, recognizing it.
"I see it," Rodney said. "That's MB3-896." He looked at John. "Teyla and Ronon might still be there."
John blew out a breath. "What the hell do we do now?"
"Dial the Gate?" Rodney suggested. "It's about the only lead we've got, unless we want to risk falling asleep again."
"Not really, no," John said. "But if we're in an alternate universe--"
"You don't have to spell it out for me," Rodney said testily. "Paradox, end up somewhere else, blow up, the list goes on and on. I just think it may be our only choice."
John blew out a breath. "Go dial," he said.
The Gate whooshed into life. Rodney ran back down the stairs and looked at John, who took a deep breath and adjusted his pack. They walked through the Gate together.
"John? Rodney?"
"McKay. Wake up."
That was Teyla, and Ronon, and--the hell? John scrubbed his eyes open and pushed up to sit. He was in the cave where they'd taken shelter, and the rain...the rain was still falling, and the fire burned low, and Teyla and Ronon--
"The hell?" he managed. "What--how long have we been here?"
Teyla and Ronon exchanged puzzled looks. "I do not understand," Teyla said. "We retreated to the cave when the rain began falling. Dr. McKay called it acid rain, from the way it burned our skin and clothes. I told you to rest, as Ronon and I would take first watch. That was perhaps some four hours ago."
"No. No way. Not a--there is no way that was all a dream," John said, scrubbing his eyes. "Not a--where are McKay's sunglasses?"
"They were right there," Ronon said.
"McKay! Wake up!" John said, fighting back panic. "Wake up. Now."
"Where the hell are we now?" Rodney rubbed his eyes and sat up. "Oh. Great. Alternate universe after all."
"Rodney, where are your sunglasses?" John demanded.
"I don't have them! Remember, I lost them on the planet with the yellow grass?" Rodney snapped back. "See, not here, and what alternate universe are we in this time?"
"Our own," John said. "It's been about four hours since we went to sleep."
"Okay, this is gonna take some explanation," Ronon said, sitting down.
"I would be interested to hear what has transpired since the two of you lay down to sleep," Teyla said, folding herself down on the ground.
"Shared dream?" John hazarded. "Some kind of--"
"My sunglasses are missing," Rodney said pointedly. "And I'm still sunburned from the second planet."
Teyla cleared her throat. "Right. Well." John sighed. "Anyone have any water?"
The story came out, piece by piece, with multiple interjections from Rodney. The first planet, where they'd walked all day until lying down that night, exhausted. The second planet, where it had been night and so they'd found a place to stay for the night and try to stay awake. The third, where John had attempted to stay awake. The fourth, with its ocean and blue weeds, and the Atlantis that hadn't been theirs.
"It was a warning," John said. "About this planet."
"What kind of warning?" Teyla asked, leaning forward. The fire had died down to embers at this point, and Ronon got up to feed it and rebuild it.
"Something about a failure," John said. "They were trying to defeat the Wraith and this planet was a failure somehow. The guy in the hologram was pretty adamant about not trying again."
"What happened on this planet?" Teyla asked.
Rodney shook his head. "I don't know. There wasn't much in the database. A few cryptic notes about a weapon--"
"That's probably what didn't work," John said around a yawn. "The message--it sounded like it killed all the people on the planet."
"No yawning," Rodney said around a giant yawn. "See, now you've made me do it."
"Rain's stopped," Ronon said, looking outside.
"I think perhaps our best course of action would be to return to Atlantis and research some more, to determine if we can what happened on this planet and what we should not attempt to try," Teyla said, folding her hands in her lap. "Neither of you are in any shape to continue."
"I don't understand how it worked," Rodney said, almost plaintively. "We didn't disappear or anything? Nothing at all?"
Teyla shook her head. "You lay down to sleep. I admit that perhaps you were quieter than usual, but Ronon and I thought you were simply tired."
"Quieter than usual? What's that supposed to mean? It's not like we have sex on away mis--I mean--it's not---oh, Christ," Rodney said with a groan.
That earned him a snort from Ronon and an amused smile from Teyla. "She meant you didn't snore, McKay," Ronon said. "You trying to tell us something?"
"No," Rodney said, rubbing his eyes. "Forget you heard anything."
John knew he was exhausted, knew he had to watch his tongue, and still found himself shaking his head. "We're sleeping together," he said, looking up at Ronon. "That a problem?"
"Do I look like I care where you put your dick?" Ronon asked.
Teyla glared at him. "Of course it is not a problem," she said. "Is there a reason you've kept it quiet? Why have you not told us?"
"Rules," John said wearily, wanting to lie back down and sleep without being afraid of where he'd end up. "The Air Force doesn't take kindly to gays."
"Ah. Then of course we will refrain from saying anything," Teyla said with a pointed look at Ronon, who just shrugged.
"C'mon," Ronon said. "Let's get back to Atlantis. Don't know what happened but if you're going to figure it out, it'll be there."
"Yeah." John got up slowly. "C'mon, McKay. Let's go home."
"Assuming we're in the right universe and not dreaming again," Rodney said. "Or whatever the hell we were doing." He groaned and got up. "How far is it back to the Gate?"
"Half a mile," John said. "Compared to all the walking we've been doing, it's nothing."
"That doesn't make me feel better." But Rodney headed out with the rest of them, keeping up as they walked back to the Gate.
Atlantis was just as they'd left it, which made John sigh in relief. Everything was the same as it had been a few hours prior, and it was quiet enough that they could sneak off to bed without questions or debriefings. They'd deal with the fallout from this--and find out exactly what had been going on with the planet--later.
John said goodnight to his team and headed to his quarters, but he found himself unable to change for bed, even to the point of taking off his boots. He sprawled out on his bed fully dressed, staring at the ceiling, and sighed.
Maybe if they'd known what had happened it would be different, he'd be able to trust that he was home and safe--well, relatively--and that he wasn't going to wake up someplace different as soon as he closed his eyes. Maybe if they had any kind of clue--but they didn't.
This wasn't going to work. John got up with a sigh and stumbled out into the hall, operating on half-awake thought and instinct. A transporter ride and a short walk later, he found himself outside Rodney's quarters, and a moment after he waved at the door chime the door opened and John saw a fully-dressed Rodney, looking as tired as John felt.
"What?" Rodney asked.
"Can't sleep," John said.
"What do you want me to do about it?" Rodney asked. "See Keller, she'll give you drugs."
"Let me in, Rodney," John said, too tired to argue with him. "Just let me in."
Rodney's mouth twisted, but he stepped aside and let John enter.
"Do you hog the covers?" John asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"No. Do you?" Rodney sat down next to him.
"I think I'm too tired to move," John said. He didn't ask for permission, he just stretched out on the bed, his boots hanging off the side.
"Shove over." Rodney lay down next to him, his back against John's chest. "If you freak out in the morning we're never doing this again."
"Let's just wake up here first and go from there, all right?" John asked, draping an arm over Rodney's waist.
"Good--" Rodney yawned hugely.
John closed his eyes, too tired to care that the light was still on. Rodney was warm against him, breathing slow and even, and John sighed and let himself sleep.
**
Poll Vote for this story
Author: blueraccoon
Team: Away
Prompt: Thief in the night
Pairing(s): McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Summary: We’re stuck here until we fall asleep, and then…
Note: With many thanks to wickedwords and fairestcat for helping me get through this.
Once you've read the story, please take a moment to vote in the poll below. Ratings go from 1 (low) to 9 (high), so all you need to do is enter a single number in that range into each text entry box. You'll be able to see the Prompt and Team (Genre) information in the header above.
More details about the voting procedure can be found here.
**
"What do you want me to do, Sheppard? Construct a Stargate out of power bar wrappers and ammunition from your P-90?" Rodney's hands shot up into the air, gesturing emphatically. "I realize it may seem as though I'm capable of pulling miracles out of my hat with little more than chewing gum and duct tape, but even I have to have a hat to pull things out of, and in case you haven't noticed, we're on a deserted planet with nothing around but Pegasus' version of cicadas and a dead tree or two. I don't have MapQuest for Pegasus on my laptop. I can't tell you where we are or how to get to the nearest Stargate. I can't even tell you if there is a gate on this planet!"
John slipped his sunglasses back on and tried not to clench his jaw. This wasn't Rodney's fault. It wasn't anybody's fault.
It had been a routine mission. Just the two of them, Teyla, and Ronon on their way to investigate what had looked in the database like it might be an Ancient laboratory. Get in, check out the place, go home. It should have been a walk in the park and it had been, until they'd encountered the acid rain that had forced them to take shelter in a small cave. Teyla and Ronon had taken first watch, John and Rodney had lain down to sleep.
That had been three planets ago.
Rodney was still ranting. John knew better than to interrupt; he just waited patiently--well, patiently being a relative term--for Rodney to wind down and then tipped his sunglasses down his nose. "North?" he suggested.
"Why not?" Rodney asked grumpily. John hid his surprise; he'd thought Rodney would say South just to be contrary.
Not that it mattered. Two people walking aimlessly to try and find a Stargate on something as big as a planet were probably not going to get anything except footsore, tired, hot, and lost. That had been John's experience on the first two planets they'd wound up on, and on none of them had they found anything other than a few bugs and here and there a stream. No civilization, no life, no Gate.
No Wraith, either, but John could live with that.
"Virtual reality?" he suggested as they walked along. It was daytime on this planet, the sun bright overhead. The last one had been night, and he'd seen a truly gorgeous double moon, but hadn't been able to recognize any of the stars.
"We thought of that on the first planet," Rodney said. "If it is, does it really matter? We're stuck here until we fall asleep, and then God only knows where we'll end up."
"So let's not fall asleep," John said.
"We tried that last planet," Rodney countered. "It worked oh so well."
"So we'll try it again, Rodney," John said with exaggerated patience. "Sooner or later we'll find the Gate. There's got to be one."
Except he wasn't so sure there was.
Rodney subsided into cranky silence, leaving John to look around. There really wasn't much to see; a dead tree here or there, patchy grass, and--"Hey," John said. "McKay. I think I see a stream over there." He changed direction to find it, not surprised when Rodney fell into step next to him. They had water bottles, but they'd been empty since the second planet.
The stream turned out to be cold and clear, running over tumbled stones. John stuck his hands in and drank thirstily, splashing water on his face and the back of his neck before filling his water bottle. Next to him, he saw Rodney doing the same. "All right," John said, sitting down on the grass. "Look. We've been on three planets now since we went to MB3-896. We haven't found a damn thing, and I'm getting tired of all this walking. How about we just sit here for a bit and figure out our options?"
Rodney gave him a skeptical look, but folded himself down on the ground. "What options, Sheppard? We can't find a Gate or even some primitive people to tell us where the nearest Gate is. We're getting bounced around from planet to planet--or aspect of VR to other aspect, God only knows--and--" He blew out a breath. "It's like we're trapped in some universe where some being wants to see what we'll do given enough time together."
John leaned back on his elbows. "We could always have sex," he said blandly. "See if that gets us anywhere."
"You'll barely have sex with me in Atlantis and now you're offering on some God-forsaken planet?" Rodney scowled at him. "Nice try."
"What--McKay, that's not true," John said, sitting up. "Not at all."
"Isn't it?" Rodney's chin stuck out. "You barely look at me afterwards. You don't touch me, and as soon as humanly possible you're cleaned up and back to your room. I'd think you were ashamed of me, but honestly I'd expect more avoidance from you if that were the case, so tell me, John, which one of us do you secretly despise? Me, for submitting to your lustful whims, or you, for having them in the first place?"
Only Rodney could use a phrase like 'lustful whims' and get away with it, John thought. "Rodney--this isn't the--"
"We're stranded on a planet with no Gate, no way out, and nothing to do except walk the entire globe looking for one, so I'd say this is as good a time as any," Rodney retorted.
John pushed himself to his feet. "I'm going north," he said abruptly.
"Of course you are." Rodney sighed and scrambled up. "So much for sitting and exploring our options."
"You made it pretty clear we didn't have any, McKay," John said, not looking at him.
"So you'd rather walk the entire circumference of a planet than admit you've got a case of internalized homophobia," Rodney said. "Typical John Sheppard."
"I--wait one minute, Rodney," John said, stopping and turning to look at him. "Regardless of how you think of it, we are having sex. I don't see that as really being homophobic."
"No, I suppose you wouldn't," Rodney said, continuing to walk. "If we follow the stream, we might find something. Civilizations, even primitive ones, need water."
John couldn't argue with that logic. He shrugged and kept walking.
They hadn't found anything by the time the sun was starting to set, and John was tired and hungry, not to mention a little annoyed over Rodney's sulky silence. "Look, McKa--Rodney," he corrected himself. "We're not getting anywhere. Let's just stop for the night. There's a tree over there we can use for a bit of shelter and we're near enough to the stream for water."
Rodney didn't say anything, just nodded wearily.
Fortunately--or unfortunately, depending on how John's back felt--they'd been transported with their packs, and Rodney's had enough MREs and power bars to last them a week. So while the food wasn't fantastic, they weren't starving. And the night looked like it would be cool, but not cold; a good thing, given the lack of anything with which to make fire. John set down his pack against the tree and leaned against it, stretching out his legs with a sigh. He wanted badly to take off his boots, but knew better--Rodney had taken off his sunglasses on the first planet and when they'd appeared on the second, he hadn't had them. Since then, they'd kept everything on them at all times, whether that meant he had a hand wrapped around his pack or his sunglasses on his head or whatever.
The sun sank below the empty horizon and Rodney stretched out on the ground with a sigh, one hand wrapped around the strap of his pack. "No sleeping," he said, words stumbling with fatigue. "Can't sleep or God knows where we'll end up."
John was starting to wonder if ending up somewhere else might not be better than where they were now. "You sleep," he said. "I'll stay awake. I'm not tired."
"I have caffeine pills--" Rodney fumbled in his pack.
"We took them on the last planet," John reminded him. "We're out of stimulants and it didn't help then, either."
"Right. God, I'm tired." Rodney yawned hugely and flopped down on his back again. "Zelenka's probably looking for us by now."
"Think he'll find us?" John asked.
"No," Rodney admitted. "Sheppard, I don't know if I could find us."
"Yeah." John had kind of figured as much. He tossed a pebble at the small fire they'd created and sighed. "Maybe wherever we end up next will have people," he said.
"May..." Rodney's voice trailed off and he made the snuffling snort John recognized as sleep.
This was madness. Jumping from empty planet to empty planet with no visible means of transportation, no Gate, no people--hell, not even animals, and that was just weird. No mountains, no forests, just flat patchy grass and a dead tree here or there. He'd think they were on the same planet, except the stars were different on each one, the second had had a double moon, and the grass was yellow-green on this planet, not blue-green like the first planet.
Three barren planets. What was the point?
John stared up at the stars, wondering which was Atlantis and which was MB3-896. He wasn't going to sleep. He was going to sit here and talk to himself if that's what it took. Rodney would sleep for a few hours, then John would wake him up, and they'd start again, start trying to find a damn Gate, a civilization, anything to let them know they weren't completely and utterly alone.
He stretched out his legs, nudging Rodney's hip with the toe of his boot. Rodney didn't stir, and John couldn't feel the contact through his boot and Rodney's pants, but it made him feel a little better anyway.
The stars burned brightly overhead, and John closed his eyes against them. Just for a moment.
When he opened them, the sun was rising and they were sprawled out on top of each other in tall blue weeds, the scent of salt water on the breeze.
"Oh, hell," Rodney said with a groan, sitting up and pulling away from John. "Did you see anything? Do you remember anything?"
John rubbed a hand over his face, sitting up. "No," he said. "I closed my eyes for a moment--"
"You were supposed to stay awake!"
"A moment, McKay!" John snapped back.
"That's all it takes." Rodney hmphed and looked around. "I smell the ocean," he said. "That way, I think."
"Let's go find it." John got to his feet and picked up his pack, ignoring the way every muscle ached and he hadn't slept in weeks. Next to him, Rodney got up with a loud groan and some half-hearted complaints John tuned out.
Walking for about ten minutes got them to some steep, rocky cliffs, a vast ocean stretched out to the horizon, waves breaking against the rocks far below. "No sense in climbing down that," John said after a moment of looking at the waves. It felt like ages since he'd seen anything but grass or Rodney.
"Thank you, Colonel Obvious," Rodney said acerbically. "Let's just keep walking along the edge, maybe we'll find something."
It wasn't his best effort. Rodney looked about as tired as John felt and he moved stiffly, awkwardly as they walked along. John kept an eye on him as unobtrusively as he could, suggesting they stop for a powerbar break and then, a little later, taking a few minutes to get a drink at the tiny stream crossing their path. The water was sluggish and a little brackish, but they'd both drunk worse.
Rodney was uncharacteristically silent as they hiked through the weeds, although when John glanced over he saw Rodney's lips moving. Talking to himself, John guessed, oddly hurt that Rodney wasn't talking to him.
A couple hours later, they stopped to eat powerbars and get a drink from another tiny stream. The sun wasn't so bad, and they even had shade from a nearby tree--the only one John could remember seeing all morning.
"I need a break," Rodney said shortly, pulling off his pack and sitting down against the tree. "I didn't sign up for a three-day forced march."
"Neither did I, McKay," John said, easing himself down next to Rodney. He sighed and mopped the back of his neck with his bandana. "Look--this isn't getting us anywhere. Why don't we just...stay here? See what happens?"
"Instead of looking for the Gate or the people that may or may not be on this planet?" Rodney asked with a snort.
"Instead of," John said patiently. "When you're lost, instead of wandering in circles you're supposed to stay put and let someone find you. We might as well stay put and let Teyla and Ronon and the rest find us."
"If we keep jumping like this--"
"We can't do anything about it but try to stay awake, and we'll have an easier time of it if we're sitting and conserving energy than walking all day," John interrupted. He leaned back against the dry bark of the tree. "Here, we've got shade, a little water, we'll be all right."
"In a relative sense," Rodney muttered. "Until we run out of food or the stream dries up or we're caught up in--" He cut off when John put a hand on his wrist.
"It's either stay here or move on," John said, wondering--well, no, never mind, not important. "Which would you rather we did?"
Rodney sighed. "Let's just sit here, then."
The silence lasted all of two minutes and fourteen seconds. "Thirty-seven thousand, three hundred thirty one," John said, breaking it.
"Not prime." Rodney yawned and stretched. "Five thousand eleven."
"Not prime." John slumped down. "I'm not homophobic, you know," he said abruptly, not sure what possessed him. "I'm--"
"So uncomfortable about having sex with me I'm amazed you can do it at all," Rodney cut in. "I don't even know--"
"If it's so bad for you, Rodney, then why are we still having sex?" John asked in frustration.
Rodney's mouth quirked in what might have been a smile. "The sex isn't bad. Just the rest of it."
"So all I am to you is a good fuck?" John asked, feeling a little angry about it. He pushed his sunglasses up his nose so he didn't have to look at Rodney.
"Is that all I am to you?" Rodney challenged him.
"No! Just it's--well--"
"It's what, Sheppard? You can have sex with me, but only in the dark, and only when you can run away after or kick me out. You've never offered to spend the night with me. You don't acknowledge any part of our--arrangement's probably the best word, since we certainly don't have a relationship. Tell me what it is," Rodney said, his voice rising. "Tell me that, Sheppard. Tell me what I am to you."
"You're--you're--" John almost squirmed, except guys didn't do things like that. "You know what you are," he said helplessly.
"Do I?" Rodney turned to look at him. "I'm a genius who has single-handedly been responsible for saving your life more times than I can count, not that it matters when you seem so determined to throw it away. I'm the chief scientist on Atlantis, responsible for running herd over a bunch of barely competent idiots who like the idea of blowing themselves up and taking the galaxy with it. I'm many things, John, but what I do not know is what the hell you want from me."
At that moment, John almost wished a Wraith Dart would show up.
"But you don't know either, do you?" Rodney pressed on. "You have no idea what the hell you want from this, from me. You think you should want one thing and you really want another and you have no fucking clue, do you?"
"And you do?" John argued. "Tell me, then, since you're the genius, what exactly do you want?"
Rodney stopped, and his mouth twisted--except that wasn't a grimace, John thought. That--and then Rodney looked up at him ruefully. "I've got no fucking clue," he admitted.
John stared at him, and Rodney stared back, and he wasn't sure who started laughing first. He just knew that they sprawled in the weeds, laughing semi-hysterically and Rodney's hand was on his ankle and John couldn't breathe, and it was the best he'd felt since the four of them had stopped for the night on MB3-896.
"Oh, God," Rodney said finally, wheezing. "Oh, Christ, I feel stoned, and I don't do stoned very well."
"Sleep deprivation," John said, looking up at the pale sky. "Just as bad, only you don't spend money on it."
That was enough to set Rodney off again. "I just...I just wish we could play by our rules," he said once he'd finally calmed down. "Not that I have any idea what they'd be, of course, but they've got to be better than the United States Air Force or the IOA." He turned his head to look at John. "Or are we playing by yours, John?"
It would be easy to blame it on the military, on the IOA, on anyone else. John sighed. "I don't know," he said. "Who's to say there's a difference?"
"If you could have anything, what would it be?" Rodney asked. "Anything at all."
He was too tired, and the words slipped out without him thinking about it. "To find out if you hog the covers," he said, closing his eyes against the sky.
"I don't." The words came as if he was underwater, and John felt Rodney's body brush against his, and then...
He opened his eyes, realizing he was indoors somewhere, on a cool, smooth floor. When he blinked his sight into focus, it was to see a room he'd never thought--"Atlantis?" John scrambled to his feet. "We're back on Atlantis?"
Next to him, Rodney pushed up. "Except...it's wrong," he said, looking around. "We had to replace that window, and...where's all the people? Where's all the lights? This isn't our Atlantis."
The lights were dim, almost nonexistent. John walked over to a window, looking out, and blinked. "We're underwater," he said. "What is this, time travel? Are we back before--"
"I'm not dying in Atlantis again," Rodney said curtly.
"No." John looked around. "There's got to be some reason we're here. Some clue, something--"
"You're assuming that the reason we've been jumping from planet to planet is because there's some force or being out there moving us along," Rodney says. "What if we're just caught up in a wave of quantum bad luck?"
"Is that even scientific?" John asked.
"Does it really matter all that much?" Rodney asked. "I'm just saying, this might not be an Ancient thing. This might be--" He gestured, snapping his fingers, and as he did a hologram shimmered to life in front of the Gate.
"And then again..." John looked at the hologram. It was a young man, dressed in Ancient fashion, his hands clasped in front of him as though he were pleading.
"We tried," the man said simply. "We tried, and we failed, and our failure will live to remind those who were left. Those who will see this will know of our failure, and I beg of them to forgive us, for we only acted as we did in hopes of defeating the Wraith, a hope that I think may never be fulfilled." The man's hands opened and clasped again. "But I ask, let our failure stand as a testament to what it was. Do not attempt to remake it, to salvage victory. Let it stand, on the planet we ruined, with the ashes of the people..." He broke off, clearly struggling to regain his composure, and spread his hands again. "Leave this planet as it is."
As the man's form faded, a Gate address appeared. "McKay--" John said in a low voice, recognizing it.
"I see it," Rodney said. "That's MB3-896." He looked at John. "Teyla and Ronon might still be there."
John blew out a breath. "What the hell do we do now?"
"Dial the Gate?" Rodney suggested. "It's about the only lead we've got, unless we want to risk falling asleep again."
"Not really, no," John said. "But if we're in an alternate universe--"
"You don't have to spell it out for me," Rodney said testily. "Paradox, end up somewhere else, blow up, the list goes on and on. I just think it may be our only choice."
John blew out a breath. "Go dial," he said.
The Gate whooshed into life. Rodney ran back down the stairs and looked at John, who took a deep breath and adjusted his pack. They walked through the Gate together.
"John? Rodney?"
"McKay. Wake up."
That was Teyla, and Ronon, and--the hell? John scrubbed his eyes open and pushed up to sit. He was in the cave where they'd taken shelter, and the rain...the rain was still falling, and the fire burned low, and Teyla and Ronon--
"The hell?" he managed. "What--how long have we been here?"
Teyla and Ronon exchanged puzzled looks. "I do not understand," Teyla said. "We retreated to the cave when the rain began falling. Dr. McKay called it acid rain, from the way it burned our skin and clothes. I told you to rest, as Ronon and I would take first watch. That was perhaps some four hours ago."
"No. No way. Not a--there is no way that was all a dream," John said, scrubbing his eyes. "Not a--where are McKay's sunglasses?"
"They were right there," Ronon said.
"McKay! Wake up!" John said, fighting back panic. "Wake up. Now."
"Where the hell are we now?" Rodney rubbed his eyes and sat up. "Oh. Great. Alternate universe after all."
"Rodney, where are your sunglasses?" John demanded.
"I don't have them! Remember, I lost them on the planet with the yellow grass?" Rodney snapped back. "See, not here, and what alternate universe are we in this time?"
"Our own," John said. "It's been about four hours since we went to sleep."
"Okay, this is gonna take some explanation," Ronon said, sitting down.
"I would be interested to hear what has transpired since the two of you lay down to sleep," Teyla said, folding herself down on the ground.
"Shared dream?" John hazarded. "Some kind of--"
"My sunglasses are missing," Rodney said pointedly. "And I'm still sunburned from the second planet."
Teyla cleared her throat. "Right. Well." John sighed. "Anyone have any water?"
The story came out, piece by piece, with multiple interjections from Rodney. The first planet, where they'd walked all day until lying down that night, exhausted. The second planet, where it had been night and so they'd found a place to stay for the night and try to stay awake. The third, where John had attempted to stay awake. The fourth, with its ocean and blue weeds, and the Atlantis that hadn't been theirs.
"It was a warning," John said. "About this planet."
"What kind of warning?" Teyla asked, leaning forward. The fire had died down to embers at this point, and Ronon got up to feed it and rebuild it.
"Something about a failure," John said. "They were trying to defeat the Wraith and this planet was a failure somehow. The guy in the hologram was pretty adamant about not trying again."
"What happened on this planet?" Teyla asked.
Rodney shook his head. "I don't know. There wasn't much in the database. A few cryptic notes about a weapon--"
"That's probably what didn't work," John said around a yawn. "The message--it sounded like it killed all the people on the planet."
"No yawning," Rodney said around a giant yawn. "See, now you've made me do it."
"Rain's stopped," Ronon said, looking outside.
"I think perhaps our best course of action would be to return to Atlantis and research some more, to determine if we can what happened on this planet and what we should not attempt to try," Teyla said, folding her hands in her lap. "Neither of you are in any shape to continue."
"I don't understand how it worked," Rodney said, almost plaintively. "We didn't disappear or anything? Nothing at all?"
Teyla shook her head. "You lay down to sleep. I admit that perhaps you were quieter than usual, but Ronon and I thought you were simply tired."
"Quieter than usual? What's that supposed to mean? It's not like we have sex on away mis--I mean--it's not---oh, Christ," Rodney said with a groan.
That earned him a snort from Ronon and an amused smile from Teyla. "She meant you didn't snore, McKay," Ronon said. "You trying to tell us something?"
"No," Rodney said, rubbing his eyes. "Forget you heard anything."
John knew he was exhausted, knew he had to watch his tongue, and still found himself shaking his head. "We're sleeping together," he said, looking up at Ronon. "That a problem?"
"Do I look like I care where you put your dick?" Ronon asked.
Teyla glared at him. "Of course it is not a problem," she said. "Is there a reason you've kept it quiet? Why have you not told us?"
"Rules," John said wearily, wanting to lie back down and sleep without being afraid of where he'd end up. "The Air Force doesn't take kindly to gays."
"Ah. Then of course we will refrain from saying anything," Teyla said with a pointed look at Ronon, who just shrugged.
"C'mon," Ronon said. "Let's get back to Atlantis. Don't know what happened but if you're going to figure it out, it'll be there."
"Yeah." John got up slowly. "C'mon, McKay. Let's go home."
"Assuming we're in the right universe and not dreaming again," Rodney said. "Or whatever the hell we were doing." He groaned and got up. "How far is it back to the Gate?"
"Half a mile," John said. "Compared to all the walking we've been doing, it's nothing."
"That doesn't make me feel better." But Rodney headed out with the rest of them, keeping up as they walked back to the Gate.
Atlantis was just as they'd left it, which made John sigh in relief. Everything was the same as it had been a few hours prior, and it was quiet enough that they could sneak off to bed without questions or debriefings. They'd deal with the fallout from this--and find out exactly what had been going on with the planet--later.
John said goodnight to his team and headed to his quarters, but he found himself unable to change for bed, even to the point of taking off his boots. He sprawled out on his bed fully dressed, staring at the ceiling, and sighed.
Maybe if they'd known what had happened it would be different, he'd be able to trust that he was home and safe--well, relatively--and that he wasn't going to wake up someplace different as soon as he closed his eyes. Maybe if they had any kind of clue--but they didn't.
This wasn't going to work. John got up with a sigh and stumbled out into the hall, operating on half-awake thought and instinct. A transporter ride and a short walk later, he found himself outside Rodney's quarters, and a moment after he waved at the door chime the door opened and John saw a fully-dressed Rodney, looking as tired as John felt.
"What?" Rodney asked.
"Can't sleep," John said.
"What do you want me to do about it?" Rodney asked. "See Keller, she'll give you drugs."
"Let me in, Rodney," John said, too tired to argue with him. "Just let me in."
Rodney's mouth twisted, but he stepped aside and let John enter.
"Do you hog the covers?" John asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"No. Do you?" Rodney sat down next to him.
"I think I'm too tired to move," John said. He didn't ask for permission, he just stretched out on the bed, his boots hanging off the side.
"Shove over." Rodney lay down next to him, his back against John's chest. "If you freak out in the morning we're never doing this again."
"Let's just wake up here first and go from there, all right?" John asked, draping an arm over Rodney's waist.
"Good--" Rodney yawned hugely.
John closed his eyes, too tired to care that the light was still on. Rodney was warm against him, breathing slow and even, and John sighed and let himself sleep.
**
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