outfoxed (g) fairy tale au by cesare almostnever

[almostnever]

Title: Outfoxed
Author: Cesare (almostnever)
Pairing: John/Rodney
Ratings/Warnings: Work-safe, nothing here but a little fairy-tale gruesomeness.
Word count: 10,000+
Notes: Thanks to anatsuno for betaing!
Summary: Fairy tale AU, based on The Golden Bird.
"I guess it makes sense you'd be magical," John said, enjoying the Fox's exasperated growl and annoyed muttering about oversimplification. "Talking fox and all."
"Yes, I'm just bursting with pixie dust," said the Fox. "Shut up now."

*

Once there was a king who had a beautiful garden, where stood a tree that bore golden apples. The King treasured the apples and had them counted each day.

One day, the daily count came up one apple short. At once, the King ordered that a watch should be kept beneath the tree.

"Oh, hey, can I do it?" asked his youngest son, Prince John. "I wanted to camp out tonight anyway."

"Don't be ridiculous," said the King. "Your older brother will stand guard."

And so the King's eldest son, Prince Acastus, went to keep watch in the garden the first night. But when midnight came, Acastus could not keep himself from sleeping, and next morning another apple was gone.

"Seriously, Dad, just give me a crack at it," said Prince John. "I'm all over this."

"Certainly not," the King replied, "you'll have to wait your turn; if you don't even have enough patience for that, how can you have the patience to stand watch for the entire night? And for heaven's sake, comb your hair!"

That night the King's second son, Prince Lucius, kept watch. It fared no better with him; as soon as twelve o'clock struck, he fell asleep, and in the morning yet another apple was gone.

So it fell to the King's third and youngest son to watch. The King hadn't much confidence in him, as John tended to be headstrong and insolent, but as the other two had failed, he had no choice but to give John the chance as well.

John lay down beneath the apple tree, gazing up through its laden branches to the stars. He kept awake, for the flask at his side was full of stout tea, while his brothers' had been full of wine. When the clock struck twelve, something rustled through the air, and in the moonlight John saw a bird whose feathers bent the light, shining gold.

The bird alighted on the tree, and had just plucked off an apple when John whistled up to it. "Here birdie! Nice birdie," he tried. The bird cocked her head at him and hopped from branch to branch, higher and higher.

Realizing no one would believe him without proof, John reluctantly lifted his bow and slowly, quietly drew it back. He loosed an arrow, aiming to wound the leg of the magnificent bird.

The bird, though, was too quick; she bustled and flew away at once.

Still, the swift and well-aimed arrow struck the bird's plumage, and one of her lustrous golden tail feathers fell to the ground. John picked it up, and the next morning he took it to the King and told him what he had seen in the night.

The King called his council together, and all wondered at the feather, so large, so fine, and of purest gold.

Declared the King: "This feather is so precious, one alone will not do for me; I must have the whole bird!"

And so the eldest, Acastus, set out on horseback in search. He trusted to his strength, and thought that he would easily bully his way to the Golden Bird. As he passed the edge of a wood, he saw a Fox, and being a generally violent sort of fellow, he cocked his gun and took aim.

The Fox cried, "Whoa whoa whoa, hey, look-- don't shoot me, okay? I know you're looking for the Golden Bird. I'm a lot smarter than you, I can give you good advice. This evening you'll come to a village with two inns. One will be bright and loud. Don't go into that one! Go into the dark, quiet inn instead."

"Smarter than me? Outsmart this," said Acastus, and he pulled the trigger. But he missed the Fox, who had already stretched out his tail and vanished into the wood.

Acastus continued on his way, and deep in the night, he came to the village with the two inns. In one they were singing and dancing; the other had a dark, deserted look.

"I'd be foolish," he thought, "to go into the dark tavern, and pass by the bright one." So he went into the cheerful inn and lived there in riot and revel, and forgot the Bird and his family.

A little time passed with no word from Acastus, so next, Lucius set out to find the Golden Bird. He trusted to his cunning, and thought he would easily trick his way to the Bird.

The Fox met Lucius as he had met the eldest, and gave him the same advice, only to be mocked and pelted with rocks for his trouble. Lucius came to the two inns, and saw his brother at the loud and bright one. Unable to resist, Lucius went inside, and lived only for pleasure.

Again time passed without word from the elder brothers, and John, ever restless, wanted to set off and try his luck.

His father hesitated, having little faith that such a willful young man would keep to a quest at all, let alone succeed where his brothers had failed.

"I can't spare you a horse," said the King.

"I'll walk."

"Nor a purse either."

"I'll sell off a couple of those ornamental daggers to pay my own way."

"Not even a sword."

"Then I'll have to make sure I don't need one," said Prince John cheerfully.

At last, as he had no peace, the King let Prince John go.

*

John whistled his way along the path, and passed the edge of the wood. There stood a Fox, half hiding behind a fallen log.

"You there, Prince," called the Fox, and then withdrew still further behind the log.

"You can talk?" John asked, astonished. "Hey, little guy, you don't have to hide back there. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"Well, good. You shouldn't hurt me, because I'm extremely intelligent and I have all kinds of good advice. That is, if you're sure about the whole not-hurting-me thing," said the Fox, peering at him doubtfully. "I really don't need any more rocks or bullets coming at me, if you don't mind."

"Fair enough," said John. "I'm on a kind of a quest. You wanna come along? I could use the company."

"It depends. Do you have a snare or some other close-range melee weapon out there?" asked the Fox, his voice full of suspicion.

"No! Look," John displayed his hands. "I have a bow and a quiver of arrows, and they're both slung on my back, see? You've got nothing to worry about." He didn't mention the knife in his boot for fear it would scare the curious talking creature away.

Slowly the Fox emerged from hiding and approached him. The Fox stood to John's shin; the main body of his coat was a fluffy orange-red, and he had brown legs and brown on the ends of his ears, and a very splendid white ruff and tail-tip.

His muzzle was pointed, but not long, and his ears, the same. Strangely, his eyes were a very vivid blue, startling against his red fur.

"Hi there," said John. "You have a name?"

The Fox blinked as if surprised by the question, and sat back on his hind legs, looking up at John quizzically. "Well," he said. "Yes."

"...Mind telling me your name?"

"Let's see how far you get first," said the Fox. "Follow me. We're going to arrive at a village soon, there're two inns, blah blah blah, just do what I say and go to the dark inn."

"Okay," John agreed amiably, and they walked along the path. Although the fox had, of course, much shorter legs, he never seemed to hurry to keep up with John; and as they walked, the countryside slid past them in a blur.

The miles melted away so rapidly that John was astonished. "Hey," he said, "are you using magic to make us faster?"

"What?! No, no, no! It's much more complicated than that," said the Fox, his tail waving wildly in agitation. "But... it takes a certain amount of concentration on my part, and I'd have to give you so much remedial background information, I can't explain it to you right now. So sure, whatever you need to tell yourself to keep from getting speed-sick, call it what you want. Minkowski space, witchcraft, voodoo, whatever."

"I guess it makes sense you'd be magical," John said, enjoying the Fox's exasperated growl and annoyed muttering about oversimplification. "Talking fox and all."

"Yes, I'm just bursting with pixie dust," said the Fox. "Shut up now."

John kept his peace and enjoyed the ride, watching the scenery slide by them. The constant breeze on his face made him feel almost as though he were flying.

They arrived at the town just after sunset. "I'll leave you here, I don't want any of these idiots trying to kill me because they think I'm after their chickens," said the Fox. "If you make it to the other side of town, I'll meet you there."

"What do you mean, if I make it?" John asked.

"Just do what I told you. The dark inn, not the bright one."

John shrugged and followed the Fox's advice, sparing not even a glance at the loud and merry inn across the way. The dark inn had seen better days, but it was clean and well-kept, and John had a good supper and passed a restful night there.

*

The following morning John left town, and there sat the Fox already, waiting on the path. "Oh, good," said he, "finally, someone who can follow basic instructions. You wouldn't believe the morons I've been dealing with."

"Yeah... thanks for the advice, that was a pretty good inn. Look, they packed me a lunch."

"Is that ham?" the Fox asked with sudden longing. "Look, I'll make you a deal. Share your lunch with me, and I'll tell you where to find the Golden Bird."

"You know I'm looking for the Golden Bird? How?" John asked.

"Of course I know! I'm much smarter than anyone you've ever met, or likely will meet. I think I can deduce that if you come from the direction of the castle, and your cloak is fastened with a broach in the shape of the royal crest, then you must be one of the sons of that greedy King who wants the Golden Bird. You should probably take that crest off and put it away, incidentally, before someone clouts you and steals it."

John hastily obeyed. "Okay, let's find a good spot to stop for lunch, and you can give me directions. I have a compass, but I really do better with a map. I don't guess you have one of those."

"Sure," said the Fox sarcastically, "it's right here in my invisible knapsack, between my invisible harpsichord and my invisible siege engine."

"Do you want half this food or not?"

They settled in a clearing near the path, and John shared out his meal as he'd promised. The Fox bolted the food with haste, smacking his jaws loudly; it was the only thing so far that made the Fox seem anything like an animal to John at all.

Soon enough the Fox finished and said, "You won't need a map or even your compass. Just follow this path to a tower. A regiment of soldiers is snoozing right in front of the gate. Ignore them and go to the door; it'll open for you."

His tail beat the air as he further explained, "At the top of the tower, you'll find the Golden Bird in a wooden cage. Close by there's an empty golden cage. Don't put the bird into the golden cage. Leave her in the wood cage and bring her down. If you do it right, I'll meet you there."

"You're not coming?" John asked.

"I can't," said the Fox. "Just do exactly as I say and everything will be fine."

*

As he was bade, John followed the path. When he came to the tower he found everything as the Fox had said, with sleeping guards slumped about. The door glowed at his touch and opened at once.

John found the chamber where the Golden Bird was shut up in a wooden cage, a golden one standing hard by; and the three golden apples lay about the room.

"Okay, the Fox obviously knows what he's talking about. But," John said to the Bird, "Dad would really love that golden cage. The Fox was probably just worried I'd lose my grip on you and you'd fly away, but I'm sure I can hold you. Besides, you wouldn't fly off on me, would you? I could've gone for a body shot back in the orchard, but I aimed for the feet because I didn't want to hurt you. We're pals, you and me."

So John opened the wooden cage door and laid hold of the Bird, and placed her in the golden cage. At once the Bird began to sing, with a beautiful, piercing trill. The soldiers awoke, rushed to seize John, and kept him in a cell for the night. In the morning they took him before their ruler, the Král.

Král Radek looked sternly down at John. "Were you trying to steal the Golden Bird?"

"Not... exactly? The Bird stole three golden apples from my father's orchard," John said. "I came to take the Bird in exchange."

"But the apples were in the room with the Bird," said Král Radek. "You could have reclaimed them. So I ask again, were you trying to steal the Bird?"

John hesitated and squirmed, but he couldn't see any other way to describe it, so he admitted, "When you put it that way... yes."

Gravely Král Radek said, "In this land, the punishment for such a theft is death."

Swallowing hard, John put back his shoulders and said, "Okay, then."

One of the courtiers, an attractive woman with strawberry blonde hair, stepped to the Král's side to whisper to him. Her eyes roamed up and down John as she did, for John was quite fine of form, and if his dark coloring and narrow face could not quite be called fair by the square-jawed standard of the land, nevertheless he was quite pleasing to look upon.

"The Duchess of Cadman has suggested that it would be a waste to execute a man who has already proven some skill at questing. Few have managed to track the Bird here," said Král Radek.

John straightened and attempted to look like an expert quester and tracker, rather than merely a prince who had the good fortune to run into a talking fox.

"I will spare you, then, on one condition," Král Radek continued. "Bring me the Golden Horse that runs faster than the wind, and your life is your own. And if you also bring the Horse's gilded saddle, the Golden Bird as well as your freedom will be your reward."

"Good deal," said John, and the guards escorted him back to the path.

"If you come back empty-handed," said Bates, the captain of the guard, "we'll have your head, with pleasure."

"Won't be a problem," John assured him, and set off with all haste.

Once he was out of their sight, however, John's steps faltered, for he had no idea how to find the Golden Horse.

"Well, look who screwed up," said a familiar voice. "I wish I could say I'm surprised."

"Hey," John said, waving at the Fox. "So... yeah, I may not have followed all your instructions exactly to the letter. Now they're going to kill me if I don't get them a Golden Horse. On the plus side, if I get them the Horse and his gold saddle, I get to live and keep the Golden Bird."

"You think too small," the Fox said. "No, fine, look, leave the thinking to me. You just stand around and look good. And by stand, I mean walk. Left, right, left, right, come on. We're going this way."

*

The Fox guided Prince John and sped their way, and the miles slid by like water flowing under their feet; the breeze broke cool on John's face and ruffled his dark hair.

They stopped once to eat, John splitting his provisions generously with the Fox, who gobbled them swiftly and happily before urging them onward.

At length the Fox stopped and said, "Go along the path a little further til you get to a castle. The stables are just down the hill, and inside is the Golden Horse. The grooms will all be sleeping, and the door will open to you."

His red tail whipped about as he continued, "Then you can get the Horse, and the gold saddle, but listen, don't put the gold saddle on the Horse. Put the leather saddle on him and lead him out. I'll meet you here."

"I wish you could come," said John. "For a fox, you seem like a pretty good guy to have around when things get weird."

The Fox seemed taken aback by the sentiment, hesitating before he replied, "Yes, well. I can't. But just do as I say and it'll be fine."

John walked til he saw the castle, and the stables with the sleeping grooms; the stable door glowed briefly under his hand and opened to him right away.

The Golden Horse stood stabled just inside. John did his best to do just as the Fox had instructed, but he found he could not carry out the gilded saddle. It was so weighted down with precious metal, and such a large and awkward shape, that he could not bear it more than a few steps.

"Well, you're faster than the wind, right?" John asked the Horse, petting his nose. "And I'm a good rider. Maybe we could get out in time." But he was loathe to disobey the Fox a second time, so he put the leather saddle on the Golden Horse, and tried to sling the gilded saddle atop the leather one.

At first this seemed to work, as John led the Horse from his stall and to the stable door; but then the gilded saddle slipped to one side, and its stirrup brushed the Horse's flank, whereupon the Horse neighed so loudly that all the grooms awoke and sprang to seize John. At once, they took him before the queen.

Queen Elizabeth gazed sadly down on John. "Were you trying to steal the Golden Horse?"

"It's complicated," John tried.

"No doubt," said the Queen. "I'd very much like to hear about it."

"I'm actually after the Golden Bird," John said. "Král Radek said if I could get him the Horse and the gilded saddle, I could have the Bird in trade."

"That's not really very complicated at all," Queen Elizabeth said, disappointed. "You tried to steal from us to barter with Radek, correct?"

"I'm afraid so," John confessed.

"You didn't even try to negotiate with me first. If you had approached me about it, I might have made a treaty with Radek to trade the Horse to him myself, honoring the terms of your initial agreement. Surely Král Radek knows," the Queen here blushed a little, quite charmingly, "that I don't begrudge him anything."

"He didn't seem to be clued in on that, actually," John said.

"I'm afraid the punishment for such a serious attempt at theft is life imprisonment," said Queen Elizabeth. "But we believe in rehabilitation here in my queendom. You may eventually earn your freedom, if you work hard and show good behavior."

"Peachy," said John. "Beats execution."

Near the throne, however, a man surveyed John critically and then leaned to speak into the Queen's ear. She nodded regally.

"The Earl of Beckett has some valuable constructive criticism," said Queen Elizabeth. "He points out that if you've found the Golden Bird and the Golden Horse, you must have a talent for quests. We need help with a quest."

"Okay...?" said John dubiously.

"A dear friend of the crown has been abducted by Czar Michael, and the Czar has been extremely hostile to our diplomatic overtures. He's holding her in his fortress. If you can rescue Princess Jeannie safely, we'll forget this unfortunate business, and you can take the Horse and saddle to Král Radek with my compliments."

"Sounds good. Thanks," John said.

A phalanx of guards escorted him out. Their captain, Caldwell, said, "The Queen is kind to a fault. If you come back empty handed, life in our stockade will make you long for death. And if you do manage to get to Princess Jeannie and harm her in any way, we'll see you killed by inches."

"I get it, guys," said John. "You want your princess back, good as new. I'm on it."

*

Released by Queen Elizabeth's forces the next morning, John followed the path toward the realm of Czar Michael. Soon enough he found the Fox waiting for him, shaking his fuzzy head and clucking his long tongue.

"Hey, I tried," John began, "I put the leather saddle on like you said--"

"Spare me the excuses, the upshot is, you got caught," said the Fox. "Now I guess you're supposed to get the princess."

"How'd you know that?"

"I told you I'm the smartest person you'll ever meet," said the Fox. "Follow me, I'll take you to Michael's fortress."

The miles flowed past them with quicksilver swiftness again, but even the Fox's magical speed could not bridge the distance so easily this time. "We'll have to camp for the night," said the Fox, leading John to a forest glade.

John gathered wood for a fire and they shared out their provisions for dinner. Then John unrolled his pallet, pulling his cloak over himself for a blanket. He shivered still, though, and the Fox huddled in on himself tighter and tighter next to the glowing coals and embers.

"I'm cold," John said at length.

"No kidding. It's freezing," shivered the Fox.

"So get over here," said John impatiently.

"Oh. Right," said the Fox, and scurried over to curl up against John's chest. "Guess someone might as well get some use out of all this fur."

John draped his cloak over them both and petted the soft, fine hair atop the Fox's head.

"Rodney," said the Fox.

"Sorry?"

"My name. You asked what it was. It's Rodney."

"Shouldn't that be Reynard?"

Rodney growled and set his claws against John's forearm warningly, but it was such a clearly idle threat that John only snorted a laugh.

"You're one to talk," said the Fox. "Acastus, Lucius, and John. Did they run out of Latin?"

"Something like that, I guess," said John. Not much was expected of him, as the third and youngest son, so they hadn't bothered to give him a stately name.

After a minute, the Fox said a bit grudgingly, "Well. As names go, John's much better than the other two. Acastus was the name of an obscure jerk who betrayed his friends in the story of the Argonauts, and Lucius derives from the same root as Lucifer-- not very auspicious names, either of them."

"Thanks, I guess."

The Fox said nothing, but his tail tried to wave a little. The movement let a draft in under the cloak, and John reached to still it without thinking. The Fox twitched, and curled his tail up tight against him. The silence took on a peculiar embarrassed quality.

"So, uh. Talking fox," John ventured at length. "That's a little unusual."

"Maybe where you come from," said Rodney, his tone a trifle haughty.

"Do you come from someplace where it's common?" John asked with great interest.

"Perhaps," said Rodney enigmatically, but just as quickly he admitted, "Well, no. If there are others I don't know about them. I hope there aren't, I wouldn't wish this on anybody. People are such morons! Give them a talking fox and do they react with the appropriate awe and wonder? No, they throw rocks and sticks. And any second I could pick up fleas or get eaten by a bear or catch rabies... it's awful!"

John suppressed a yawn. "It's too bad you don't come from someplace with talking animals. I'd like to see that."

"Why?" asked Rodney. "They're not likely to have anything interesting to say. Humans certainly don't."

Unsure whether that was directed at him and his whimsy, Prince John quieted.

Eventually the Fox gave a little growl and added hesitantly, "Most humans, I mean. Present company occasionally excepted, et cetera."

"You know, Rodney," said John, "even for a talking fox, you're a pretty strange guy."

"I know," Rodney sighed.

John gave Rodney's peaked ears a little scratch, and Rodney yawned and seemed to lay easier against him, his furry form radiating heat. The fire crackled away, lulling John warmly to sleep.

In the morning, Rodney rushed them along on their way again, and by midday, the fortress of Czar Michael loomed into sight.

"I can't come any closer. Keep going down this road," said Rodney briskly. "You'll arrive at sundown. When everything's quiet, the princess will come out onto the balcony to look at the stars. The guards will be sleeping. Climb up to her and," the Fox hesitated. "And... just give her a kiss and she'll follow you anywhere."

"Really?" John asked. "That'll work? Is she under an enchantment, or something?"

"Something like that," said Rodney vaguely. "Look, she's a beautiful princess, you're a 'handsome prince'" --at that he went up on his hind legs and curled his forepaws like quotation marks, which John thought was rather unnecessary. "That's how these things usually go, right?" Of all things, the Fox sounded a trifle despondent. "So, yeah. True love's kiss or what have you, just... go save her. And don't, do not, let her go back into the fortress no matter what she tells you. Just get her out of there."

"You got it," said John, and made his way to the fortress.

It seemed a terribly long walk without the Fox by his side.

*

John reached the fortress at twilight, and just as Rodney had said, the guards were fast asleep. The fortress wall was very craggy, and John had no trouble scaling it to reach the balcony.

As promised, the Princess stood on the balcony, head tipped back to gaze up at the emerging stars, her blonde curls cascading down her back.

She was every bit as lovely as a storybook princess ought to be, though unlike most storybook princesses, she was clothed in a practical riding dress and wore no other ornament than one plain ring.

John slung himself over the balustrade, and at the sound of his boots the Princess swung round to face him, exclaiming, "What the heck?"

He gained his feet and gave her a gallant bow. "Princess Jeannie, I'm Prince John. Queen Elizabeth sent me to rescue you."

Princess Jeannie said, "Oh. All right. Thanks, I guess."

Stepping close, Prince John kissed the Princess, a quick, polite press of lips, and took her hand. "Okay! Let's get out of here."

"What?" demanded the Princess. "I'm not just leaving! I need to get a few things."

"Well, sorry, but no," said John, trying to escort her along.

"Well, sorry, but then I'm not going anywhere," the Princess retorted, stomping to a halt.

"Seriously, do you want this Michael guy to keep you captive? We have to go." Prince John frowned. "Maybe the kiss didn't take," he muttered, and kissed her again.

"Hey! Knock it off!" said Jeannie. "I won't leave until I collect my things, it doesn't matter how much you kiss me. What gave you the stupid idea that'd convince me to follow you, anyway?"

Prince John blushed a little. "I, uh, I got some advice on how to free you."

"Oh, let me guess, from a talking fox," said Jeannie.

John gaped. "Yeah, actually. How'd you--"

"And he thought I'd follow you wherever if you just kissed me? Ha. Totally projecting. Meredith, you dope." Jeannie crossed her arms. "Sorry, he was wrong. If you want to rescue me, you have to help me first."

"I can't do that," said John. "Every time I've gone against the Fox's instructions, it was a disaster, and he told me not to let you go back into the fortress, no matter what. I mean, originally I wasn't even supposed to be here-- it's only because I screwed up getting the Golden Bird that I ended up coming all this way for you."

"Oh, that would've happened anyway," said Princess Jeannie. "Even if you'd succeeded in stealing the Bird, she would have broken out of her wooden cage. Then you would've had to get the Golden Horse to track the Bird, and they would've led you here."

"What?" exclaimed John.

"They need my help," said Jeannie. "They need your help too, that's why you're here! You don't think the Bird was seriously shoplifting your family's apples-- what does a Golden Bird need with a bunch of gold fruit? They need someone with the gift of the Ancestors, and the gift's been passed down through your royal line for generations."

"They need me-- for what?" John demanded.

"To lift their enchantments, obviously," Jeannie answered impatiently. "But we'll need just one more thing first. Follow me."

John dug in his heels. "No."

"Oh, come on-- now what?"

"I just don't appreciate being jerked around!" said John, understating the matter considerably. He felt ill-used, and disappointment and betrayal weighed heavy upon him.

"Well, I can't help that," Jeannie said sensibly. "Don't you want to help me get out of here?"

"You're not even asking me to get you out of here-- you want me to help you get further into here." John rubbed his brow. "This was all supposed to be a nice simple quest to get a magic bird for my dad! I don't understand how I ended up in the middle of this whole convoluted mess."

He did, though, understand it rather too well; it was all down to the Fox, and for the first time, Prince John wondered if his brothers had been wiser than he, for it seemed he had been a fool to listen to the talking beast.

"There's only one way to get out of this now," said Jeannie, "and that's to help me escape this fortress after we find what we need to lift all the enchantments. Then you'll be rewarded and you can go back to your own nation in triumph. Deal?"

"That's it?" John asked. "Aren't we going to have to get married, or something?"

"No! I'm already betrothed," Jeannie said.

"Oh, good."

"Thanks a lot!"

"I just mean-- I barely know you," John explained awkwardly, "and the whole thing with the kiss was kind of weird."

Jeannie rolled her eyes and patted Prince John's cheek. "Of course it was. Can we go, now?"

Seeing no other way to budge the princess, and frankly rather exhausted by all her revelations, John agreed and followed her into the fortress.

Of course, then the sleeping guards promptly awoke and sprang to their feet and captured them both.

"Great," said John, and trudged along as the guards pushed them at spearpoint into the Czar's throne room.

*

The Czar's court were a pale and sickly-looking lot. Henna markings about the face were apparently very much in fashion among them, as were tight and shiny leather clothes.

The throne room itself had an unwholesome air, the walls carved with sinuous shapes like flesh and veins, as if the entire court stood within an enormous stilled heart.

"Ah, Prince John. Excellent," said Czar Michael. "Just as I planned, the Bird sought your aid and led you here to free the princess. Now I can slaughter the Horse, capture the Bird, and use her hypnotic song to expand my rule over all the land."

"The Bird's not here," John said.

"He lies," said Czar Michael, "correct him."

Several guards held Prince John in place while another dealt him a few savage blows, decorating his brow and cheek with a pair of small bloody gashes that looked rather comely on his sharply handsome face.

"That's an oddly flattering look for you," said the Czar, "but no matter. The guards will be happy to pretty you up with more cuts and bruises if you continue to resist. Now tell me where to find the Bird."

"I've been through so many royal courts by now, I don't even remember where I left the Bird," said John honestly. "I think Král Radek still has her."

"If the Bird didn't lead you here, then who brought you to my lair?"

"Lair?" John mouthed at Jeannie in disbelief.

"I know. He's always like this," sighed Jeannie.

"Well?" asked Michael.

"Found my own way," said John. "I have a phenomenal sense of direction. Never steers me wrong."

Michael beckoned his guards to twist John's arm painfully behind him. "Answer! The truth this time."

Jeannie shook her head frantically, so Prince John refused, and was pummeled still further and more attractively for his trouble. Unfortunately, the Czar then changed tactics.

"If Princess Jeannie failed to lure the Bird, then I have no further need of her," he said. "Tell me who led you here, or I'll kill her."

"A talking fox," said John at once. He could hardly stand by and watch Jeannie come to harm.

Czar Michael's face grew dark with rage. "More lies! That coward wouldn't dare defy me."

"Maybe it was a different fox than the one you're thinking of," suggested John helpfully. "This one's name was Rodney."

"So it was him," growled Czar Michael, and clapped twice. A hennaed, beleathered, and white-haired guard brought forth a slender volume, its cover webbed and fleshy as the graven walls of the court.

"Get that book!" Jeannie cried, and John attempted to obey, but in vain. The guards wrestled him back, and Czar Michael cast the book into the fireplace.

Princess Jeannie wept as the pages blackened. At a gesture from the Czar, the guards harried her and Prince John through twisting corridors, consigning them to a dank cell deep underground.

*

Drying her bitter tears, Jeannie tended John's injuries in their dreary cell. "I'm so sorry," she said. "That book was what I needed to come back for, and now it's gone."

John groaned. "Well, that's just great. You could have mentioned that. So even if we get out of here, it's all been for nothing?"

"Not exactly. With your help, we can lift the spells on the Bird and the Horse," Jeannie told him. "If we can escape, they'll still repay you. Everything will work out all right for you."

"What did you need the book for if you already-- you know what, never mind," said John. "Even if you told me I'd probably lose track of the answer before you got to the end of it."

"Probably," Jeannie agreed. "Let's just focus on getting free."

"Well, everyone keeps taking my bow and arrows and putting me in prison, but nobody's ever once checked me for any other weapons," John said. "Seems like a pretty huge oversight to me, but I'm not complaining. Here," he said, and produced the knife from his boot. "That ought to be good for something."

"Oh, that's excellent!" Jeannie took it and began working on the door. "I usually use a piece of boning as a lockpick, but it takes forever to work it out of my corset. This will save us lots of time."

"Usually? You've escaped before? Then what are you still doing here?"

"I told you, I needed that book. I've been breaking out of my room in secret and searching for it every chance I get..." Jeannie wiped at her fresh tears impatiently and set to the door again.

She sprung the lock directly, and John repossessed himself of the knife and put himself ahead of her, preparing to fight their way out through the dungeons.

"No, no, no," said Jeannie, "this way. I've been exploring for the longest time, I know all the patrols."

In the end, John was only forced to fight twice against a handful of men, both times involving laggard guards who had strayed from their posts to play at drinks and dice. A few more becoming scrapes and scratches later, and John and Jeannie stood just within the portcullis.

"Quickly, touch it," said Princess Jeannie, and John had only to lay a hand upon it to make the mighty barrier glow and open to him at once.

"Now touch there to shut it behind us," Jeannie ordered, and John obeyed. The Czar's men rushed after them, pressing up against the iron grate, but none could open what John had closed to them.

Jeannie led them on, and they had only rushed a short way down the road when dust on the horizon and a pounding of hooves heralded the Golden Horse.

"Oh, my friend! You were foolish to come. The Czar will kill you if he sees you," Jeannie scolded, but she stroked the beast's golden nose fondly and mounted at once when John boosted her up.

Swinging onto the horse's back after her, John asked, "What about the Fox?"

"He'll be waiting for us at Queen Elizabeth's castle," Jeannie said, and then they could speak no more as the Horse bore them forth, faster than the wind.

*

Prince John and Princess Jeannie arrived at the castle not a moment too soon, for two armies were massed on either side of the castle walls. Anxious diplomats chivvied them through the halls and into the Queen's court.

"Thank goodness you're here," said Queen Elizabeth over the frightened din of her courtiers. "Král Radek has brought his forces within our borders. I've sent messengers to open negotiations, but none have returned, and the people are terrified that he's waging war on us to take the Golden Horse. I can hardly believe he would do such a thing, but in the absence of any other communication, I can only presume..."

"Don't be stupid," said a familiar voice, and the agitated crowd parted to reveal the talking Fox. "Of course he's not attacking you, or he would've done it already while your soldiers were in disarray. He's here to form an alliance."

"Then why hasn't he returned my messages?" asked the Queen.

"Because this way, the rumors are spreading that he has you under siege. Czar Michael will believe that your armies are fighting each other, and he won't be ready when you team up and attack him."

"What good is it to attack him," said the Earl of Beckett, "when he has that bloody book from the Ancestors that tells him how to turn people into animals?"

"Huh. Is that the same book he threw in the fire?" John asked.

The room went utterly silent.

Princess Jeannie went to her knees to embrace the Fox. "I'm sorry, Meredith!"

"Yeah, well," said the Fox. "It sucks for me, but I suppose it's lucky for everyone else that he was dumb enough to destroy a valuable artifact from the Ancestors to make sure I'd stay stuck like this. Just tell me you can get Teyla and Ronon back to normal."

Just then, Král Radek entered, the Golden Bird perched on his shoulder, a panoply of soldiers and nobles flanking him. The Duchess of Cadman gave Prince John a saucy little wave from her place in the line.

"My dear Queen Elizabeth," said Král Radek with a slight hint of nervous hesitation. "I have believed for some time that our peoples are natural allies. Will you join me in waging this battle on Czar Michael, who has revealed such foul intent by kidnapping Princess Jeannie and attempting to enslave our dear friends from Sateda and Athos?"

"Of course we must," the Queen agreed readily, with a pretty blush, "and when the day is won, I hope you will retire with me to discuss a more lasting and formal alliance."

"I would be honored," said Král Radek, taking her hand.

"Oh thank goodness, finally," said the Duchess of Cadman, and left the Král's courtiers to stand by the Earl of Beckett. "If this works out in time, we might even be able to have a June wedding," she said to him, and murmured jubilation broke out at these signs of comity between the two kingdoms.

"If we could take twenty seconds to pay attention to something a little more important than your social calendars," said the Fox, "Jeannie?"

"Oh, right," said Princess Jeannie hastily, and she removed her ring and placed it on Prince John's smallest finger.

"Um. Thanks?" said John.

The Earl of Beckett led the Golden Horse to John, and Jeannie said, "Now touch the Horse, please."

Bewildered, John did as she asked. The ring flashed, and at once, the Golden Horse transformed into a tall, fiercely handsome man wearing a golden crown made of gold threads as fine as a mane of horse-hair.

"Ronon!" exclaimed Princess Jeannie, and fell upon his neck.

The man cast off the golden crown and embraced Jeannie gladly. "Thank you," he said gruffly.

"Now the Bird," said Rodney.

"Ooookay," said John, as the Golden Bird lit on the ground before him. He bent and stroked her wing, the ring flashed, and in the next moment, found himself standing with his hand on the shoulder of a strong and beautiful woman, her brilliant coppery hair caught back by a feathery golden crown.

"Teyla!" Both Jeannie and Ronon moved to sweep up the new arrival, and she too cast aside her crown before returning their affections with obvious joy.

Then Teyla and Ronon, formerly the Bird and the Horse, turned toward John with an expectant air.

"What?" he asked.

"Can you help Rodney?" asked Teyla.

"I don't know how to reverse the effect for him," said Princess Jeannie. "It was the spells on the crowns that changed you, but when Meredith infiltrated the fortress and tried to learn how to restore you, the experiment, um... backfired a little."

"You backfired the experiment a little," sniped the Fox.

"I told you we weren't ready! You were the one who wouldn't listen!" Jeannie argued. "We needed access to the book to understand how the transformation worked. And now the book is ashes."

"The ring worked for us. Can't hurt to try," said Ronon.

John knelt and put out his hand. The Fox stepped forward, but his blue eyes were resigned, and of all of them, he alone seemed unsurprised when the ring failed to flash, and John's touch made no change in him.

The Queen and the Král bowed to the Fox, both looking very grave.

"We will defeat Czar Michael in your honor, Prince Meredith," said Král Radek.

"Yeah, that'll do me a lot of good," muttered the Fox. "You could at least call me Rodney! I tell you people and tell you..."

"Thank you for all you have done to liberate our allies, Prince Rodney," said Queen Elizabeth.

"That's more like it," said Rodney, a little stiffly. "You're welcome."

"And now, to battle," said the Král.

"Anyone have a sword I can borrow?" asked John, and a dozen squires scrambled to arm him.

Though Princess Jeannie and the Fox tried to dissuade them, Prince John, Empress Teyla, and Sovereign Ronon took up arms and fought alongside the soldiers of the Král and the Queen.

Jeannie and Rodney need not have worried. The Czar's forces were startled by the attack, and demoralized by the reappearance of the Empress and the Sovereign in their natural forms. They parted like water before the onslaught and fell to defeat with scarcely any resistance.

Soon only Czar Michael stood against the doughty heroes, and though defiantly he said, "There will be no end to my vengeance--"

--with only a few sharp blows, Empress Teyla dispatched him forever.

*

There followed many days of celebration and feasting, occasioned not only by the defeat of the wicked Czar, but by the marriage of Král Radek and Queen Elizabeth and the union of their two lands.

The Duchess and Earl wed soon after; Empress Teyla was reunited with her consort and their son; Sovereign Ronon with his royal physician; and Princess Jeannie with her betrothed, the royal tutor.

As for Prince John, throughout the festivities he was beseiged by admirers, and he received the Ancestors' crowns, now no longer enchanted, as rewards from the Empress and Sovereign, as well as oaths of alliance from each monarch in turn.

But for all the wealth and camaraderie bestowed upon him, he could find no contentment while he knew that Prince Rodney remained unhappily trapped in the form of a Fox.

John took to absenting himself from the feasts altogether, bringing ale to the waterfront to share with the disconsolate Fox.

As they sat at the end of a pier, John poured a measure of ale into a broad shallow goblet. "So how'd this whole thing start, anyway?"

Rodney lapped at the ale from the goblet and sighed. "Czar Michael intended to use relics of the Ancestors to take over the continent," he said with a harrumphing little growl. "Our lands border his to the north, Teyla's to the east, and Ronon's to the west, so he turned his sights to us first. He had those enchanted crowns sent to Teyla and Ronon disguised as gifts from me and Jeannie.

"Of course when the crowns turned Teyla into a songbird and Ronon into a horse, their armies wanted to go to war against us. We had to prove our innocence by tracking the real culprit. Not that it was too difficult to figure out-- it was either the Czar, or the People's Republic of Genii."

"And the Genii mostly keep to themselves," said John.

"Right. So I convinced Michael I was a scholar of the Ancestors, and got into his fortress. I learned about the ring that would reverse the effect of the crowns. Jeannie and I found the ring and tried to use it, but neither of us have the gift of the Ancestors, and I suspect Michael may have put a trap on the ring, too. Instead of undoing the enchantments--"

"The ring enchanted you."

The Fox nodded, staring down miserably at his white fuzzy paws. "Once we knew we'd need someone with the Ancestors' gift to reverse the crowns' enchantments, Jeannie and I came up with the idea of trying to get someone from your family to help, on the pretext of a quest. That's why Teyla pilfered those stupid golden apples."

"You couldn't just ask?" said John, still a little sore about that.

"Your father's a notoriously greedy miser; your family doesn't exactly have a reputation for generous aid to their neighbors."

"Fair enough," sighed John. "Why doesn't the ring turn you back? I mean, you were more or less human to start with, right?"

"Yes, I was human to-- oh, ha ha," Rodney sulked. "I don't know why the ring doesn't turn me back. We needed the book to figure it out. It's such a waste it was destroyed-- Michael could barely understand it, so I'm sure it didn't seem like such a loss to him to burn it, but we could have learned so much from it."

"Well, have you tried other things? There must be other books with answers. Or maybe a seer or a wizard might know-- have you asked around?"

Rodney snorted. "Dozens. They're all frauds. One said Jeannie has to take a vow of silence and sew me a shirt for an entire year to turn me back. Jeannie's no seamstress but even she could finish a shirt faster than that. Another one said I'd have to journey east of the sun and west of the moon. Of course, that one couldn't tell me what I'd have to do once I got there. Then there was the one who wanted to bury me alive."

"Still, there must be an answer," John said. "In the legends, there's always something you can do to break an enchantment."

"Enchantment's really a gross misnomer for what's happened to me, which actually has nothing to do with magic; it comes from the Ancestors, and if you study long enough, all the Ancestors' secrets make sense eventually."

"So you're not going to try the big east and west journey, or go seeking out true love's kiss?"

"Oh, yeah, a few oracles tried to pawn me off with the old 'true love's kiss' chestnut," Rodney snorted. "That one's perfect for fakers, isn't it? No matter how often it fails, they can just blame the love for not being true enough. Frauds, all of them. Even if it would work, I'm not exactly in any condition to go courting."

"Guess not."

Rodney settled his chin on his forepaws and exhaled heavily, his odd blue eyes fluttering shut. Impulsively, Prince John set his hand on the back of Rodney's neck. The ring did nothing. After another moment's hesitation, John leaned and quickly kissed Rodney's head, just between his tall ears.

"What--" Rodney began, but he registered the kiss and fell silent.

"Can't hurt to try," said John, shrugging with elaborate nonchalance.

For quite a little while, they said nothing, but at last the Fox said, "You might be able to help me."

"Name it," John said.

"Well, it's not ideal."

"Whatever it takes, Rodney."

"Okay, then." Rodney drew a deep breath. "Chop off my paws and my head and throw the body in the water."

"...What?"

"It's very simple," Rodney repeated, his tone turned patronizing, "shoot me, cut off all four paws and the head, and put the pieces in water."

"It doesn't make any more sense when you repeat it!"

"Either you trust me that it's for the best and you'll do it, or you don't. I led you right for your quest, didn't I?"

"The big lie of a quest that you orchestrated to trick me into helping you? Yeah, I guess you did. It'd be weird if you didn't, since you set it up from the start."

"Still not over that," said Rodney. "Okay then."

"It's not really... Rodney, I can't hurt you."

Rodney stood on his four legs, tail held low. "If you can't do it, then I have to leave. But before I go, let me give you some advice. Don't buy anything from a gallows-man. And don't sit on the edge of any wells."

"Where are you going?" John leapt to his feet, following the Fox as he padded away. "Rodney? Why do you have to go?" To John's dismay, the Fox began to move more quickly, nearly blurring out of sight as he put on speed.

John called after him, "Look, you can't just leave. What the hell kind of parting advice is that anyway? Who buys anything from a gallows-man? What's wrong with wells? Rodney!"

But the Fox was gone.

*

Radek and Elizabeth gave John three beautiful steeds and refreshed provisions and many saddlebags of money, and the golden cage and the golden saddle, as well as the two formerly-enchanted crowns from Teyla and Ronon, and the Ancestors' ring from Jeannie.

The monarchs would not be dissuaded no matter how much John protested, and in fact they wanted to equip him with a retinue and a company of soldiers, so John was lucky to bargain them down to merely three horses and many treasures.

To his surprise and pleasure, Empress Teyla and Sovereign Ronon offered to accompany him on his journey. The trip had seemed a dreary prospect without Rodney, but flanked by Teyla and Ronon, John felt heartened and ready to return home.

Unaided this time by Rodney's magical speed, the pace was much slower on the way back. As the days and nights wore on, John found himself growing close to the Empress and Sovereign through their travels. The three of them progressed from valued allies to true friends.

In due time, the trio crossed the border into Prince John's kingdom, and Prince John found himself looking around a familiar small town, one that boasted a dark, quiet inn and a bright, boisterous one.

And in this town, lined up at the gallows, who did he spy but his own two lost brothers. Acastus and Lucius looked up to see their younger brother astride a fine black stallion, sat high on a golden saddle, and their eyes narrowed.

"Why are these men being punished?" asked Prince John.

The gallows-man said, "They have made false claims against the crown, and the penalty is dire. These scoundrels have lived at that merry inn for months upon months, selling their horses and all they had to spare only to gamble and whore away their nights and days. When their money ran out, they swore they were members of the King's court, and borrowed against their good names. Now their debts are too great to be borne and they must be hanged for treason."

"But they are of the court," said Prince John. "They are Prince Acastus and Prince Lucius, and I am Prince John," and from his pocket he produced his broach of the royal crest as proof.

"Your Majesty," bowed the gallows-man, and all the people of the town did the same, though none showed any enthusiasm for it.

Of course not, John realized. These people had lost great wealth to his brothers, and now they believed that they would see no recompse while the princes walked free by dint of their royal blood. And that was hardly just.

"I will pay their debts," said Prince John. "Set them free, please."

It took two saddlebags of Radek and Elizabeth's gifted money, a small fortune, to pay for his brothers' borrowed revelry. Acastus and Lucius squabbled over John's two spare horses for a time--

Sovereign Ronon nudged his own steed near and said in his low and sly and dangerous voice, "Need help sorting this out?"

--but not for long.

"Well," said Lucius brightly as the five of them rode from town, "I don't suppose you had any luck finding the Golden Bird, John. I see you have nothing but an empty cage."

"It's a long story," said John, and told it to them.

Acastus and Lucius second-guessed his tale each step of the way. They boasted that they had not let the wily Fox manipulate them so, and they claimed loudly that if it hadn't been for those evil villagers, trapping them in that benighted town and extorting funds from them, they would have brought the Golden Bird home just as their father asked-- heedless, it seemed, to the cold stare of Empress Teyla riding alongside them, though Sovereign Ronon's radiating fury did seem to cow Lucius after a time.

"Don't your friends have to hurry back to where they came from, John?" asked Prince Acastus.

"It is our honor and pleasure to escort John to his home," said Empress Teyla.

"But bringing rulers of other nations to court without even a messenger to announce them first is a horrible way to kick off diplomatic relations," said Prince Lucius. "It just isn't done."

"You could find messengers at the next town to send word ahead of us," Acastus said. "Of course you'll both have to go, so that each of you can put your royal seals on the letters."

Empress Teyla and Sovereign Ronon looked upon the brothers with suspicion, but when they turned their eyes to John, he made a face and confessed, "I didn't pay as much attention to that kind of thing as I should have, but I think they're right. My father's pretty big on protocol."

"Of course we're right!" said Acastus and Lucius.

"It'll be fine," John said. "We'll make camp and wait for you. The three of us won't have any trouble protecting all this junk."

"John will be safe with us," said Lucius. "We're his brothers, we'll look out for him."

Reluctantly, after many assurances from Prince John, the Empress and Sovereign left their friend and his brothers, departing for town to send their dispatches ahead.

*

The three princes made camp; or rather, Prince John made camp, while Lucius spoke longingly of all the luxuries they ought to be afforded in their travels, and Acastus disappeared to hunt.

Acastus returned with two rabbits. Then, his dark eyes gleaming, he said, "We should draw water for dinner."

"Did you find a stream?" asked Prince John. A brook trickled near the campsite, broadening into a shallow pool under a copse of trees, but its water tasted too salty to drink.

"Better."

They led him to a clearing; a curving ridge of stone, overgrown with greenery, stood in the middle.

"You found an old well," John said uneasily. Rodney had told him not to sit on the edge of a well, and come to think of it, it struck John that by paying his brother's debts, he kind of technically bought them from the gallows-man.

Acastus said, "You made camp, John. We'll draw the water."

"Yes," said Lucius, "have a seat."

"I think I'm gonna hang back. Someone should keep an eye on our stuff," said John.

"He said sit," Acastus' voice turned merciless, and he dragged John to the stone ridge, his gun at John's back. Lucius grabbed John by the sleeves and helped as Acastus pushed John into the echoing black depths of the well.

John hit the water with a tremendous splash, snorting and coughing miserably, yet grateful all the same that the water was deep enough to break his fall. He kicked off his boots and bobbed on the surface, looking up at the circle of light high above his head.

The sides of the well were slick and his hands could find no purchase. He held his breath and dove, but John could not find the bottom, nor anything under the water to aid him.

He floated on his back as best he could to preserve his strength. The water was cold, cold; nothing could warm him. The light above waned. John closed his eyes.

"Here he is," said a voice suddenly.

Wiping at his face, John peered up wide-eyed. "Rodney?"

"Don't worry, it's not just me. I led Teyla and Ronon here to help."

"Cover your head, John," Teyla called down, and he did; whereupon a great length of strong coiled rope fell down about him.

"Now tie it around your waist," said Ronon. "We'll pull you up."

When John emerged from the well, Teyla and Ronon embraced him with dry towels and blankets.

"Knew we shouldn't leave you with them," said Ronon.

"Ronon tried to track you, but your brothers made many paths through the wood today in all directions." Teyla gave John another towel for his hair. "We were fortunate that Rodney came to help."

"How did you find me?" John asked the Fox.

"The ring," said Rodney. "It's complicated--"

"So if I want to go for the sad oversimplification, I can just call it magic. I remember how it works," smiled John.

Ronon handed John a set of dry clothes and Acastus's gun. "Suit up. We need to figure out what to do with these two." He jerked his thumb to Acastus and Lucius-- both beaten, bound, and leashed with ropes from Ronon's saddle, plainly exhausted from running to keep up with the massive Satedan steed.

"We discovered your brothers on their way to court with all your treasures, to claim them for their own," said Teyla.

John looked at his brother with weary eyes. "They could've had them for free if they'd stuck around instead of tossing me down a well. What good does any of it do me?"

His friends exchanged a speaking glance. John looked at them, chastened. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be ungrateful."

"We get it," said Ronon.

"When we were enchanted, all the riches in the world were no use to us," Teyla sympathized.

John looked to the small red-furred figure lurking near the well and nodded.

"You must visit justice upon your brothers, John," said Teyla gently. "Otherwise they will only go on using their power for evil ends."

"We'll take them to court, the King can deal with them," said John. "Let's just pack up the camp and get to the castle."

"Are you all right, John?" Teyla asked as they walked back to the campsite.

Prince John looked to his traitorous brothers and shook his head. For attempting to kill their own blood, they would surely be put to death, and John would no longer be the unimportant third son.

Prince John would become sole heir of the kingdom, with no choice but to remain and rule all alone. Nothing would come of his half-dreamed plans to travel and fortify the new alliances by visiting the friends he'd made on his quest.

Teyla and Ronon insisted on packing, urging him to rest after his long and harrowing night in the well. Catching sight of Rodney, John didn't argue, but moved to follow the flashes of red fur glimpsed through the undergrowth.

He caught up with Rodney at the shallow pool under the trees. "You saved my life," John said.

"I wish I could have warned you better, but the Ancestor's devices are annoyingly vague sometimes."

"No harm done."

"No, you only fell twenty feet down a well and floated there for hours, after being assaulted by your own brothers. No harm done!"

John sat on the sun-warmed rock by the pool's edge. "Okay, some harm done. But I'm glad to be alive, and dry, and I'm glad to see you." Fidgeting with strands of long wild grass, he asked, "Have you found anything that might help turn you back?"

"Nothing. There's only, you know. What I mentioned to you before."

"The paws and head in the water thing?"

"Yeah."

"Rodney..."

"It's not just that I'm a fox," Rodney said. "As if that's not enough! I can't pass the borders into my own homeland. I can't stay in one place. I can't enter any building the Ancestors created. I can see portents of your future, but I can't seem to warn you well enough to change anything."

His voice dwindled to a hush. "Your family's castle was built by the Ancestors. I won't be able to come past the threshold. I can't even be near you."

"I could come see you in the orchards," said John.

"You could set me free now."

John drew his brother's gun from his belt and gazed at it. It seemed almost a sign in itself, that Ronon had taken it from Acastus and given it to John; that John had it now. His knife was at hand and sharp as anything. It could all be over in moments.

"If I do this, what happens, really?"

"One way or another, things change." Rodney said, "Please, John."

They sat quietly for a time. Then John leaned over and took the small body in his arms, squeezing him. He let go, lifted the gun and fired.

It was exactly as awful as he'd feared it would be, and the only mercy he could show to his friend and himself was to be quick, drawing forth his knife; one stroke at the neck, another across both forelegs, the last across the back legs, and then he swept all the pieces into the shallow pool and shut his eyes.

The brook went on trickling relentlessly. The world smelled of blood and wet fur.

Suddenly there was a furious splashing and a splutter of, "I can't believe you have your eyes closed! Aren't you the least bit curious how this works on a practical level?"

John opened them at once, and stared.

Standing in the pool was a man-- obviously it could only be Rodney, but he was nothing like John had imagined. Somehow John had assumed that he would have red hair, like the fox's fur. Instead it was brown, like the very tips of the fox's ears. Rodney's looks were just the fashion: fair-skinned, square-jawed with a jutting chin, and with the same striking blue eyes he'd had as a fox.

He looked human, which was enough for John.

Quite a bit of his fair complexion was on display, water streaming down over his broad and sturdy shoulders. John hurried out of his jacket and pressed it on Rodney, guiding him back toward camp.

"Ow, ow," Rodney winced, "I forgot how much more tender feet are, compared to paws."

Teyla and Ronon looked up from their makework-- John wasn't sure, but it looked like Ronon was polishing the cooking spoon-- and jumped to their feet joyfully.

"Rodney!" Teyla hastened to him, snatching at the towels and blankets still damp from John's misadventure and swaddling Rodney up in them.

"Way to investigate the gunshot," Rodney told them.

"Figured you knew what you were doing," said Ronon.

"Well," said Rodney, mollified. "Granted, that's generally a safe assumption."

"I don't remember you being this full of yourself as a fox," John teased.

Rodney lifted his chin defiantly, while somehow still looking uncertain. "Yes. Well. I'm myself again."

"You are," John grinned. "Rodney, you are," and overcome, he flung his arms around Rodney. "You're yourself." His voice dropped and quieted. "Stay with me."

Rodney murmured into his ear like a secret, "I'm yours."

With their dear friends at their side, John and Rodney made their way to the castle to complete the journey home.

Together they faced grim duties, overseeing the trial and punishment of John's murderous brothers.

And together they shared great joys: receiving visits from their friends and traveling to see them in turn; learning from the legacy of the Ancestors; exploring the borders of their own lands and beyond with Teyla and Ronon.

Beloved of their people and blessed with health and friendship, together John and Rodney ruled wisely and well, and they lived happily ever after.