Okay, I warn you right here and now, this may be triggering. This may be a big pile of whining. This is most likely going to be me complaining, and swearing, and writing about how tired I am of all this shit. If you don't wanna hear it, don't read it. I'm not forcing you to ( Read more... )

I was told to update earlier today. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't. I still don't really know what to say, but I'm going to rant on about my fucking video card order for a while ( Read more... )

So here I am, making another long rambling entry. I'm bored, and I feel like death, and I'm neglecting my duties. Go me. Last night was really rough, but I don't particularly feel like talking about it, nor am I certain I could talk about it if I tried ( Read more... )

I'm supposed to be doing something for myself. I've been doing so much stuff for everybody else over the past week that I haven't done a thing for me. Contrary to popular belief, I'm relatively ok. There are things I can't do right now, because they'll trigger a memory, or I just plain forget how to do them, but I'm relatively okay. I've been worse ( Read more... )

How do you cope with hate and betrayal? I don't mean it like "I hate you 'cause you didn't get me something while you were on your trip." I mean the black, dark hatred that you feel for someone you'd rather kill than give the time of day. Just.. how do you deal with it? It hurts, and I'm so very tired.

I got asked today what exactly I meant when I told someone I was a protector. Some of the others in the chatroom answered, and I came up with my own, and answered her. The rest of the people in the room found my answer to be rather good, so I'm going to put it up here. When I say 'protector' what exactly do I mean ( Read more... )

I did it. Now I feel like hell. I'm sick, and dizzy, and shivery, and nervous. Very nervous. I had no idea this was affecting me like this. I want to go curl up in the closet (the clothing closet, not the huge closet) and pretend nothing happened. But I don't want to be alone. I'm afraid to be alone right now. Of course, when CP gets home I'll tell ( Read more... )

There's a friends only post. Login to see it, or if you want me to email it to you just leave a comment, and I'll decide if you can see it.

It's 3:30 am, and there's a big color change on the site. Must be a bad night for matai, right? It's true. Things aren't well for me right now. What a surprise. Actually, I'll be fine, but I need to do some things in order to heal, that aren't going to make me feel good while it's happening, but a good friend helped me work out what I needed to do ( Read more... )

She looks deep into her eyes in the mirror, and all she sees is the hurt, the pain, the torment, and the misery of her past. She can't see the good things that everyone around her see. She's in pain, and she's suffering silently, and there's nothing I can do about it ( Read more... )