Havelock, Wayne, and Kristie
Story Or Series Title: Get A Job
Fandom: Discworld
Culprit Author's Name: Twist
Full Name (plus titles if any): Lord Havelock Vetinari
Full Species(es): Human
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black
Eye Color (include adjectives): Black
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None
Special Possessions (if any): A House on Scoone Avenue and Lots of Money
Annoying Origin: No one knows who Havelock's father is.
Annoying Connections To Canon Original Characters: Saint Havelock allows his Assassins drop-out friend Wayne, and Wayne's bimbo girlfriend Kristie to sponge off him.
Annoying Special Abilities: Well, those are canon.
Other Annoying Traits: The slang's something special, but even more annoying is his boundless generousity towards his dimwit friends.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
The same could not be said for his friend and partner in crime, Wayne Broquelin. Late in their seventh year, Wayne had decided that he didn't really want to be an Assassin and had dropped out of the program two weeks before finals. Since then he had been trawling Ankh-Morpork for a job as a pianist. Havelock knew Wayne would have loved to be the pianist at one of those posh balls, but why would a rich noble looking to throw the perfect party bother to hire some unknown young man when there were more established pianists all around the city? So Wayne had been wandering the streets, hitting the clubs, looking for a steady job, and intermittently doing jobs Havelock was slightly repulsed any Guild-trained gentleman would lower himself to for mere money. While Wayne had not found a job or much money (especially since his parents, overcome with disappointment, had cut off his funds) he had found a girlfriend. She was pretty, and passably intelligent. Wayne had been living with her, but a month or so after Havelock graduated Wayne mentioned that funds were ridiculously low, and there was a definite question mark over the topic of 'housing'.
Contrary to popular belief, Havelock Vetinari does have a heart. This was why he, overcome with pity for the one who had helped him torch many an unsuspecting inanimate object, offered Wayne and his girlfriend a place to stay. Hours later Wayne had shown up on Havelock's doorstep with his girlfriend and all of their worldly possessions, contained in a steamer trunk. The servants had been delighted that there were more people living in the old Scoone Avenue house. Not that Master Havelock was unkind, oh no, but he never required much, vanished at odd times, and had a very unnerving way of showing up right next to you when you were sure you were alone. The current staff rumor was that Havelock's father was actually an Igor.
Over the months - three to be exact - Havelock got to know Wayne's girlfriend. Her name was Kristie, and though Havelock remained resolutely uninterested in her romantic advancements, he had to admit she was pretty. A tall brunette with a curving figure, she was certainly an eye-catcher. There were times Havelock was grateful she lived in the same house - most specifically when she was making her way down the hall from the bath, wrapped in a towel that always seemed to cover too much and not enough all at once. She looked good, no objections to that, but Havelock found her - to a point - irritating. She was smart enough to handle basic arithmetic and had a grasp of the Morporkian language, but the wonders of Stealth Chess would always tragically evade her. Havelock couldn't forgive her for that.
and
"Well, she's stomping on your manliness," Havelock said, on somewhat more solid footing here. Wayne was very proud of his manliness. Havelock just needed to exploit it. "She's controlling you, man. Using you like a carthorse. She sees keeping you as a means of getting money! If you tell her no more, she'll either leave you - solving the problem of having a controlling woman - or be astounded by your sheer power of Man and obey your every whim - ending the problem of shopping."
and
Weeks passed and the tension in the house was so thick Havelock could hardly breathe freely. Wayne and Kristie were not speaking, and Havelock had been elected Messenger Boy. While it wasn't like he was being inconvenienced, it was still annoying. He knocked on Kristie's door. In his hand he had an envelope with a bill in it; the total split exactly in two. He didn't know what it was for, and he didn't care. He had yet to charge them rent, though his sock drawer would occasionally turn up a conspicuous ten-dollar bill from time to time.
It's A Songfic Too
Fandom: Discworld
Culprit Author's Name: Twist
Full Name (plus titles if any): Lord Havelock Vetinari
Full Species(es): Human
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black
Eye Color (include adjectives): Black
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None
Special Possessions (if any): A House on Scoone Avenue and Lots of Money
Annoying Origin: No one knows who Havelock's father is.
Annoying Connections To Canon Original Characters: Saint Havelock allows his Assassins drop-out friend Wayne, and Wayne's bimbo girlfriend Kristie to sponge off him.
Annoying Special Abilities: Well, those are canon.
Other Annoying Traits: The slang's something special, but even more annoying is his boundless generousity towards his dimwit friends.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
The same could not be said for his friend and partner in crime, Wayne Broquelin. Late in their seventh year, Wayne had decided that he didn't really want to be an Assassin and had dropped out of the program two weeks before finals. Since then he had been trawling Ankh-Morpork for a job as a pianist. Havelock knew Wayne would have loved to be the pianist at one of those posh balls, but why would a rich noble looking to throw the perfect party bother to hire some unknown young man when there were more established pianists all around the city? So Wayne had been wandering the streets, hitting the clubs, looking for a steady job, and intermittently doing jobs Havelock was slightly repulsed any Guild-trained gentleman would lower himself to for mere money. While Wayne had not found a job or much money (especially since his parents, overcome with disappointment, had cut off his funds) he had found a girlfriend. She was pretty, and passably intelligent. Wayne had been living with her, but a month or so after Havelock graduated Wayne mentioned that funds were ridiculously low, and there was a definite question mark over the topic of 'housing'.
Contrary to popular belief, Havelock Vetinari does have a heart. This was why he, overcome with pity for the one who had helped him torch many an unsuspecting inanimate object, offered Wayne and his girlfriend a place to stay. Hours later Wayne had shown up on Havelock's doorstep with his girlfriend and all of their worldly possessions, contained in a steamer trunk. The servants had been delighted that there were more people living in the old Scoone Avenue house. Not that Master Havelock was unkind, oh no, but he never required much, vanished at odd times, and had a very unnerving way of showing up right next to you when you were sure you were alone. The current staff rumor was that Havelock's father was actually an Igor.
Over the months - three to be exact - Havelock got to know Wayne's girlfriend. Her name was Kristie, and though Havelock remained resolutely uninterested in her romantic advancements, he had to admit she was pretty. A tall brunette with a curving figure, she was certainly an eye-catcher. There were times Havelock was grateful she lived in the same house - most specifically when she was making her way down the hall from the bath, wrapped in a towel that always seemed to cover too much and not enough all at once. She looked good, no objections to that, but Havelock found her - to a point - irritating. She was smart enough to handle basic arithmetic and had a grasp of the Morporkian language, but the wonders of Stealth Chess would always tragically evade her. Havelock couldn't forgive her for that.
and
"Well, she's stomping on your manliness," Havelock said, on somewhat more solid footing here. Wayne was very proud of his manliness. Havelock just needed to exploit it. "She's controlling you, man. Using you like a carthorse. She sees keeping you as a means of getting money! If you tell her no more, she'll either leave you - solving the problem of having a controlling woman - or be astounded by your sheer power of Man and obey your every whim - ending the problem of shopping."
and
Weeks passed and the tension in the house was so thick Havelock could hardly breathe freely. Wayne and Kristie were not speaking, and Havelock had been elected Messenger Boy. While it wasn't like he was being inconvenienced, it was still annoying. He knocked on Kristie's door. In his hand he had an envelope with a bill in it; the total split exactly in two. He didn't know what it was for, and he didn't care. He had yet to charge them rent, though his sock drawer would occasionally turn up a conspicuous ten-dollar bill from time to time.
It's A Songfic Too