The Last Doughnut Part 8
Title: The Last Doughnut
Author: Marsabi
Summary: When Damian disinherits Luke, can he survive in the “real” world?
Rating: PG-NC 17 (depends on chapter)
Warning: None
Previous chapter: http://marsabi.livejournal.com/21704.html
Part 8 Revelations
Luke opened one eye slowly and then the other, the light seemed burning . He shut his eyes quickly and moaned. Then he heard a murmur of voices and his name being called. He tried again, opening them as widely as he could. But they were just small, bruised slits.
“Hello there,” said a vaguely familiar voice, “Glad you finally woke up to join us. This one was fit to be tied.”
“It’s just he slept so long,” Lucinda huffed, tears in her eyes that she refused to let fall, “I was beginning to think you were incompetent.”
"Hardly,” John Dixon replied, “Just letting the boy regain some needed strength.” John smiled at Luke, “Normally, I’d be doing valve replacements or angioplasties around this time of the day, but the old gal here insisted I stay with you.”
“Am- am- I okay?” Luke’s voice sounded like a rasp. He frowned and then immediately winced with pain. His entire face hurt.
John nodded, “Basically , yes. You have cracked ribs, a mild concussion and a great deal of bruised and cut areas, but…”
“You were lucky, Darling,” Lucinda told him, sitting carefully down on Luke’s bed, trying not to touch his black and blue flesh, “The police came right away. Apparently, an older gentleman came back to the diner to ask you something and saw it through the window. “
Luke opened his mouth to ask for Reid, when his door swung open.
“There he is!” Vienna called out, forcing her voice to sound bright, appalled at the sight of Luke’s face, “Awake.”
She came in with Henry. They had muffins and a container of lemonade. Luke’s favorites.
“How ya doing, kid?” Henry asked.
”I’m sorry,” Luke answered, “the diner- it must be a mess.” He could remember things getting knocked down, smashed. “And now you’re short -staffed too.”
“Please, Luke, “ Vienna waved one manicured hand at him, “No worries.” A tear slid down her cheek, making her mascara run. She was relieved to see that Luke was still acting like Luke -sweet and earnest.
“We can mange without you for a few days, “ Henry smiled with a small trace of irony in his voice. “But we’ll miss you.”
“We’re the ones who are sorry,” Vienna added. “We never had any trouble at Al’s before and-“
“You really need better security,” Lucinda interrupted them with anger.
“Grandmother,“ Luke cut her off. “It’s not their fault.”
“You’re right,” Lucinda nodded, “It’s those barbarians’ fault. Monsters! Good thing they’re in custody . Margo had better not handle it wrong or else! ”
“Reid and Holden are down there now, making sure of that,” John said.
“Dad and Reid are at the police station?“ Luke asked.
“They were here by your side all night,” Lucinda assured him, “But they wanted to be certain these men got what’s coming to them!”
Luke sank back against his pillows, thinking all of this over. He should be crying. He should be frightened. He should be wanting to hide. But he felt none of those things. That Luke was gone, left on the floor of Al’s diner. All he felt was a desire to see those creeps brought to justice. All he wanted was to stop the endless cruelty that had caused his friend Armand’s suicide, the “de-gaying” camps, his beating. Luke inhaled sharply. He felt like his thoughts were racing, the way a child might race up an enormous hill. He was plummeting down the other side now, and there was fear in him, but also a sense of weird triumph. They had thrown the worst at him, and he was still here.
Just then, his door opened once more and Lily stepped inside, an enormously expensive floral arrangement in her hands.
“Luke,” she said quietly, ‘You’re awake.”
Luke stared at her.
“Well,“ Henry said, backing out of the room, “We’ll see you.”
“Yes,” Vienna air-kissed him . She gave a disapproving look to Lily, almost snorting at Lily’s conservative outfit. Then Vienna said pointedly to Luke, “We love you.”
“Let’s go, “ Henry said, “Before you start one of your legendary cat fights.” He made a gesture like a claw and then quickly pulled Vienna out of the room.
“Mother,” Lily asked Lucinda, “Can you excuse us?”
Lucinda hesitated, and then John firmly took her arm.
“I’ll be right outside,” she told Luke.
Mother and son looked at each other.
“I’m sorry,” Lily said finally, her eyes moist, “that this happened to you.”
Luke waited. Lily said nothing else. She didn’t say she was sorry for the awful things she had said. She didn’t say she was sorry for allowing Damian to disown him. She didn’t say she was sorry for all the rejection or for turning his siblings against him.
Luke closed his eyes shut. “Look, Mom,” he said in that raspy voice, “I know you care about me-“
“I do! Of course I do,” Lily spoke quickly, “ You’re my son.”
Luke opened his eyes. “But you still think who I am isn’t acceptable, right?”
Lily’s own eyes filled with tears, “Look at what just happened!” She said angrily. “ This is exactly why I can’t accept it! “ Lily paced the room in agitation. Then she went near his bed. “ Luke, Luke…don’t you see? It would be so much better and easier if you just...” She trailed off at his expression.
Luke shook his head, “Just be somebody different? “ Then he put one hand up to his bruised cheek. He took a breath. “I can’t do this right now with you,” he said. He looked at her. “I need to rest.”
Lily’s lips trembled, but she nodded. “I’m here for you, baby. “ She touched his hand gently. “Please think hard about coming back to us- to your family- to the way it used to be.”
Luke just shook his head again. She really didn’t get it.
He rolled away from his mother and faced the wall. Every part of his body hurt, and now his heart hurt too. He listened as Lily left the room and closed his door. Luke stared at the hospital wall.
Reid, Reid…I want you he closed his eyes, please get here soon
***
Outside of Luke’s room, Reid leaned against the wall and tried to stop the panic from gnawing at his guts again. Panic took over every time he returned to the hospital room. Holden tapped him on the shoulder in silent sympathy, and went in to check on Luke. They had spent the last hour making sure those scumbags were being prosecuted and not getting away with anything. Reid had sat in the station, forcing his hands tightly together, forcing his mouth to remain shut for once, as Tom Hughes helped them press charges. He’d wanted to slam those assholes against the nearest wall. He wanted to tell them that Luke was his; he was Luke’s. Then he’d wanted to slice open their empty brains with a chain saw.
Reid felt like this whole thing was almost an out of body experience. He had been stunned when he had seen Luke in the ER, and for a moment when he’d seen all that blood, and he’d thought he might have to operate on Luke’s skull, he had just stood there, frozen, numb. There had been blood in Luke’s hair and covering his whole face. His lips had been swollen, and a deep laceration had just missed taking out his eye. When the nurse had cleaned the blood away, relief had poured through Reid’s body at seeing only cuts and bruises. He had assumed much, much worse.
Still, the sight of Luke had made Reid have to clench his teeth together in order not to scream. Luke seemed so small on the stretcher, shrunken. He never wanted to see Luke that way again: so hurt, bruised, battered, and humiliated. How could he have left that diner? How could he have not seen those idiots watching Luke kiss him? He went over and over those moments at Al’s, even though he knew it was a useless exercise. Reid couldn’t help himself, couldn’t help berating himself for everything. Thinking of it now, Reid made a strangled, choking sound and gripped the wall.
Holden came out. “I told him we pressed charges and all of that,” he said, his face filled with sadness for his son. “I was about to tell him you were waiting to see him, but he fell asleep.”
“That’s okay,” Reid answered stiffly, “I’ll just go sit with him.”
He was partially glad that Luke was sleeping again. He had watched him sleep all last night. Reid had not slept at all. He felt unhinged. Maybe Luke would reject him now and maybe he deserved to be rejected. Maybe it would be better for Luke to just be done with him. Reid didn’t know what he’d say to Luke. His mind was a swirling, chaotic mess.
***
Luke was having a beautiful dream. He and Reid were having a picnic lunch by the Snyder pond. The sky was a deep blue, the sun was bright, and the water sparkled. He was so close to Reid that he could feel his body heat, and he could smell Reid’s skin. Reid kissed his hair. He laced his fingers gently with Luke’s own.
Luke’s eyes flew open.
Reid’s blue eyes stared back at him.
“You look awful,” Luke said, after a moment, taking in Reid’s stubble and the dark circles under his eyes.
“You’re not winning any beauty contests yourself,” Reid replied. “But don’t worry,” Reid continued, “the bruises will heal. You can still have a career as a male model.”
Luke laughed and then winced and held his side. “Don’t make jokes, “ he pleaded, groaning.
But Reid was no longer looking at him; he was watching Luke hold his hurt ribs. Luke noticed that his expression darkened with anger.
“It’s okay,” Luke said to him, trying to smile through his split lip. “It looks worse than it is. It doesn’t hurt so much.”
Reid swallowed and looked off in the distance. He felt raw and exposed.
“Reid?” Luke asked slowly, sensing an incredible tension emanating from him. “What’s wrong?”
“My fault,” Reid said harshly, still not looking at him.
“Your fault?” Luke asked in confusion.
“I pushed you. Always pushing you to hold my hand or to kiss me in public or -“
“Stop!” Luke tried to sit higher up in his bed, ignoring the sudden pain. “Don’t say that.”
Reid still was looking away from him. His face tight. He wasn’t crying, but that made it somehow worse. Luke could sense the terrible need in Reid, and he immediately responded to that need.
“Reid,” Luke said quietly, but firmly, “Bad things happen. People get hurt. It’s not always somebody’s fault. “ Luke gave a hard laugh, “Or it is somebody’s fault - ignorant jerks who -“
“And if you hadn’t come out and started being with me- “ Reid said brokenly.
Luke cut him off. “If I hadn’t come out, I’d be dying inside. Do you hear me, Reid? I was dying inside day by day. “ Luke leaned forward, his voice aching with emotion. “I was living lies. Hating myself. And then I met you,” Luke reached for his hand and squeezed it, “And you saved me.“
“But it got you hurt, I got you hurt -“ Reid voice was low and rough, he gripped at Luke’s hand and couldn’t go on.
“You didn’t hurt me.” Luke insisted, “ Bad, stupid guys did… Not you. Okay?”
Luke tried to turn Reid’s head to him, but Reid was being stubborn. The best Luke was able to do was have Reid rest his head on his shoulder. Luke could feel a telling wetness at his neck and finally understood that Reid was trying desperately not to allow him to see him cry.
Luke gently stroked Reid’s hair. He could feel a shudder go through Reid’s body and he knew Reid was fighting for control. The trembling ripped at Luke’s heart.
Luke struggled for the right words. He took a breath, “I know you think cause you’re older and more experienced than I am that you need to be the strong one, “ Luke whispered to him softly, “but you don’t. I’m okay. Really. And I’m right here.” Luke caressed him again. “Look at me,” he commanded Reid.
Reid finally turned and stared up at Luke, just looking at him. His eyes were bluer than Luke had ever seen them. They watched each other wordlessly.
Reid carefully started to put each of his hands against Luke’s cheeks and was about to hold his face between his fingers. But at the last moment, Reid hesitated, afraid his touch would hurt Luke. So he took Luke’s hand and placed it on his chest instead. Luke could feel the steady beat inside his body.
Reid finally met Luke’s eyes again. His own eyes were glistening with emotion. Slowly, Reid raised Luke’s hand from his chest and placed a small kiss on the inside of his palm.
“Luke,” Reid said simply, gazing at him intensely, “I love you.”
Author: Marsabi
Summary: When Damian disinherits Luke, can he survive in the “real” world?
Rating: PG-NC 17 (depends on chapter)
Warning: None
Previous chapter: http://marsabi.livejournal.com/21704.html
Part 8 Revelations
Luke opened one eye slowly and then the other, the light seemed burning . He shut his eyes quickly and moaned. Then he heard a murmur of voices and his name being called. He tried again, opening them as widely as he could. But they were just small, bruised slits.
“Hello there,” said a vaguely familiar voice, “Glad you finally woke up to join us. This one was fit to be tied.”
“It’s just he slept so long,” Lucinda huffed, tears in her eyes that she refused to let fall, “I was beginning to think you were incompetent.”
"Hardly,” John Dixon replied, “Just letting the boy regain some needed strength.” John smiled at Luke, “Normally, I’d be doing valve replacements or angioplasties around this time of the day, but the old gal here insisted I stay with you.”
“Am- am- I okay?” Luke’s voice sounded like a rasp. He frowned and then immediately winced with pain. His entire face hurt.
John nodded, “Basically , yes. You have cracked ribs, a mild concussion and a great deal of bruised and cut areas, but…”
“You were lucky, Darling,” Lucinda told him, sitting carefully down on Luke’s bed, trying not to touch his black and blue flesh, “The police came right away. Apparently, an older gentleman came back to the diner to ask you something and saw it through the window. “
Luke opened his mouth to ask for Reid, when his door swung open.
“There he is!” Vienna called out, forcing her voice to sound bright, appalled at the sight of Luke’s face, “Awake.”
She came in with Henry. They had muffins and a container of lemonade. Luke’s favorites.
“How ya doing, kid?” Henry asked.
”I’m sorry,” Luke answered, “the diner- it must be a mess.” He could remember things getting knocked down, smashed. “And now you’re short -staffed too.”
“Please, Luke, “ Vienna waved one manicured hand at him, “No worries.” A tear slid down her cheek, making her mascara run. She was relieved to see that Luke was still acting like Luke -sweet and earnest.
“We can mange without you for a few days, “ Henry smiled with a small trace of irony in his voice. “But we’ll miss you.”
“We’re the ones who are sorry,” Vienna added. “We never had any trouble at Al’s before and-“
“You really need better security,” Lucinda interrupted them with anger.
“Grandmother,“ Luke cut her off. “It’s not their fault.”
“You’re right,” Lucinda nodded, “It’s those barbarians’ fault. Monsters! Good thing they’re in custody . Margo had better not handle it wrong or else! ”
“Reid and Holden are down there now, making sure of that,” John said.
“Dad and Reid are at the police station?“ Luke asked.
“They were here by your side all night,” Lucinda assured him, “But they wanted to be certain these men got what’s coming to them!”
Luke sank back against his pillows, thinking all of this over. He should be crying. He should be frightened. He should be wanting to hide. But he felt none of those things. That Luke was gone, left on the floor of Al’s diner. All he felt was a desire to see those creeps brought to justice. All he wanted was to stop the endless cruelty that had caused his friend Armand’s suicide, the “de-gaying” camps, his beating. Luke inhaled sharply. He felt like his thoughts were racing, the way a child might race up an enormous hill. He was plummeting down the other side now, and there was fear in him, but also a sense of weird triumph. They had thrown the worst at him, and he was still here.
Just then, his door opened once more and Lily stepped inside, an enormously expensive floral arrangement in her hands.
“Luke,” she said quietly, ‘You’re awake.”
Luke stared at her.
“Well,“ Henry said, backing out of the room, “We’ll see you.”
“Yes,” Vienna air-kissed him . She gave a disapproving look to Lily, almost snorting at Lily’s conservative outfit. Then Vienna said pointedly to Luke, “We love you.”
“Let’s go, “ Henry said, “Before you start one of your legendary cat fights.” He made a gesture like a claw and then quickly pulled Vienna out of the room.
“Mother,” Lily asked Lucinda, “Can you excuse us?”
Lucinda hesitated, and then John firmly took her arm.
“I’ll be right outside,” she told Luke.
Mother and son looked at each other.
“I’m sorry,” Lily said finally, her eyes moist, “that this happened to you.”
Luke waited. Lily said nothing else. She didn’t say she was sorry for the awful things she had said. She didn’t say she was sorry for allowing Damian to disown him. She didn’t say she was sorry for all the rejection or for turning his siblings against him.
Luke closed his eyes shut. “Look, Mom,” he said in that raspy voice, “I know you care about me-“
“I do! Of course I do,” Lily spoke quickly, “ You’re my son.”
Luke opened his eyes. “But you still think who I am isn’t acceptable, right?”
Lily’s own eyes filled with tears, “Look at what just happened!” She said angrily. “ This is exactly why I can’t accept it! “ Lily paced the room in agitation. Then she went near his bed. “ Luke, Luke…don’t you see? It would be so much better and easier if you just...” She trailed off at his expression.
Luke shook his head, “Just be somebody different? “ Then he put one hand up to his bruised cheek. He took a breath. “I can’t do this right now with you,” he said. He looked at her. “I need to rest.”
Lily’s lips trembled, but she nodded. “I’m here for you, baby. “ She touched his hand gently. “Please think hard about coming back to us- to your family- to the way it used to be.”
Luke just shook his head again. She really didn’t get it.
He rolled away from his mother and faced the wall. Every part of his body hurt, and now his heart hurt too. He listened as Lily left the room and closed his door. Luke stared at the hospital wall.
Reid, Reid…I want you he closed his eyes, please get here soon
***
Outside of Luke’s room, Reid leaned against the wall and tried to stop the panic from gnawing at his guts again. Panic took over every time he returned to the hospital room. Holden tapped him on the shoulder in silent sympathy, and went in to check on Luke. They had spent the last hour making sure those scumbags were being prosecuted and not getting away with anything. Reid had sat in the station, forcing his hands tightly together, forcing his mouth to remain shut for once, as Tom Hughes helped them press charges. He’d wanted to slam those assholes against the nearest wall. He wanted to tell them that Luke was his; he was Luke’s. Then he’d wanted to slice open their empty brains with a chain saw.
Reid felt like this whole thing was almost an out of body experience. He had been stunned when he had seen Luke in the ER, and for a moment when he’d seen all that blood, and he’d thought he might have to operate on Luke’s skull, he had just stood there, frozen, numb. There had been blood in Luke’s hair and covering his whole face. His lips had been swollen, and a deep laceration had just missed taking out his eye. When the nurse had cleaned the blood away, relief had poured through Reid’s body at seeing only cuts and bruises. He had assumed much, much worse.
Still, the sight of Luke had made Reid have to clench his teeth together in order not to scream. Luke seemed so small on the stretcher, shrunken. He never wanted to see Luke that way again: so hurt, bruised, battered, and humiliated. How could he have left that diner? How could he have not seen those idiots watching Luke kiss him? He went over and over those moments at Al’s, even though he knew it was a useless exercise. Reid couldn’t help himself, couldn’t help berating himself for everything. Thinking of it now, Reid made a strangled, choking sound and gripped the wall.
Holden came out. “I told him we pressed charges and all of that,” he said, his face filled with sadness for his son. “I was about to tell him you were waiting to see him, but he fell asleep.”
“That’s okay,” Reid answered stiffly, “I’ll just go sit with him.”
He was partially glad that Luke was sleeping again. He had watched him sleep all last night. Reid had not slept at all. He felt unhinged. Maybe Luke would reject him now and maybe he deserved to be rejected. Maybe it would be better for Luke to just be done with him. Reid didn’t know what he’d say to Luke. His mind was a swirling, chaotic mess.
***
Luke was having a beautiful dream. He and Reid were having a picnic lunch by the Snyder pond. The sky was a deep blue, the sun was bright, and the water sparkled. He was so close to Reid that he could feel his body heat, and he could smell Reid’s skin. Reid kissed his hair. He laced his fingers gently with Luke’s own.
Luke’s eyes flew open.
Reid’s blue eyes stared back at him.
“You look awful,” Luke said, after a moment, taking in Reid’s stubble and the dark circles under his eyes.
“You’re not winning any beauty contests yourself,” Reid replied. “But don’t worry,” Reid continued, “the bruises will heal. You can still have a career as a male model.”
Luke laughed and then winced and held his side. “Don’t make jokes, “ he pleaded, groaning.
But Reid was no longer looking at him; he was watching Luke hold his hurt ribs. Luke noticed that his expression darkened with anger.
“It’s okay,” Luke said to him, trying to smile through his split lip. “It looks worse than it is. It doesn’t hurt so much.”
Reid swallowed and looked off in the distance. He felt raw and exposed.
“Reid?” Luke asked slowly, sensing an incredible tension emanating from him. “What’s wrong?”
“My fault,” Reid said harshly, still not looking at him.
“Your fault?” Luke asked in confusion.
“I pushed you. Always pushing you to hold my hand or to kiss me in public or -“
“Stop!” Luke tried to sit higher up in his bed, ignoring the sudden pain. “Don’t say that.”
Reid still was looking away from him. His face tight. He wasn’t crying, but that made it somehow worse. Luke could sense the terrible need in Reid, and he immediately responded to that need.
“Reid,” Luke said quietly, but firmly, “Bad things happen. People get hurt. It’s not always somebody’s fault. “ Luke gave a hard laugh, “Or it is somebody’s fault - ignorant jerks who -“
“And if you hadn’t come out and started being with me- “ Reid said brokenly.
Luke cut him off. “If I hadn’t come out, I’d be dying inside. Do you hear me, Reid? I was dying inside day by day. “ Luke leaned forward, his voice aching with emotion. “I was living lies. Hating myself. And then I met you,” Luke reached for his hand and squeezed it, “And you saved me.“
“But it got you hurt, I got you hurt -“ Reid voice was low and rough, he gripped at Luke’s hand and couldn’t go on.
“You didn’t hurt me.” Luke insisted, “ Bad, stupid guys did… Not you. Okay?”
Luke tried to turn Reid’s head to him, but Reid was being stubborn. The best Luke was able to do was have Reid rest his head on his shoulder. Luke could feel a telling wetness at his neck and finally understood that Reid was trying desperately not to allow him to see him cry.
Luke gently stroked Reid’s hair. He could feel a shudder go through Reid’s body and he knew Reid was fighting for control. The trembling ripped at Luke’s heart.
Luke struggled for the right words. He took a breath, “I know you think cause you’re older and more experienced than I am that you need to be the strong one, “ Luke whispered to him softly, “but you don’t. I’m okay. Really. And I’m right here.” Luke caressed him again. “Look at me,” he commanded Reid.
Reid finally turned and stared up at Luke, just looking at him. His eyes were bluer than Luke had ever seen them. They watched each other wordlessly.
Reid carefully started to put each of his hands against Luke’s cheeks and was about to hold his face between his fingers. But at the last moment, Reid hesitated, afraid his touch would hurt Luke. So he took Luke’s hand and placed it on his chest instead. Luke could feel the steady beat inside his body.
Reid finally met Luke’s eyes again. His own eyes were glistening with emotion. Slowly, Reid raised Luke’s hand from his chest and placed a small kiss on the inside of his palm.
“Luke,” Reid said simply, gazing at him intensely, “I love you.”