#1 - The Larch

[marlon_iv]

By popular demand, here's what I'm doing in class.

First up is the Glosa - a poem constructed using 4 consecutive lines from *another* poem. The 'borrowed' lines appear at lines 10, 20, 30 and 40. They also share a rhyme with lines 6 and 9 in each stanza (line 10 being a borrowed line).

So, without further ado I present

Comments

[chutchings]

I need a little more time to process, but I do know I liked what I read.

Generally, I liked the pacing. The first stanza maybe the least, but I think that's me just falling in step with your gait so to speak. Loved the shorter, clipped feeling of the 3rd stanza, it carrys the emotions of the anger and frustration he's feeling well.

[pvenables]

Yeah, I like it. I think the rhythm is a bit disjointed but there are some really great phrases there and believable emotions on the part of the speaker.

Since this is an assignment and not your life, you might be disinclined to rework this until it shines (or are you?) but if I were to target anything it would be towards crafting the words so that they flow where you want the reader to feel harmony with the narrator, and break that rhythm when you want to introduce some dissonance.

Hope I'm giving good feedback and not unwanted feedback. :) Let me know and I'll STFU.

[marlon_iv]

No - thanks for the feedback! I think you make a good point, and I'll see what I can do. (And if I don't like any feedback, I'll just ignore it :-p)

[pvenables]

Good attitude! :)