The whole 'domestic issues shouldn't be women's problems' schtick...

[mareserinitatis]

I think I've finally gotten through a good chunk of this hullabaloo in the blogosphere about 'why are we treating family/work balance' like it's a woman's problem. (A good compilation of relevant posts can be found at Dr. Free-Ride's Blog.) The discussion evolved into 'why aren't men blogging about family/work' balance

Comments

[crayonbreakygal]

*love your icon*

I don't have the problem of the delegation of housework. That works fine. I have the problem of actually parenting the kids. Hubby does lots of work around the house, i.e., laundry, dishes, putting stuff away, etc. What he doesn't do a lot is actually spend time with the kids. He sometimes thinks that the housework is spending time with them. He doesn't know what they like, what they're doing in school, etc. You just don't ask them when you come in the door "How was your day?". As teenagers, they're not going to tell you. You have to "talk" to them. The boys and I have great discussions about everything. I've been the one to have the sex talk. He's never discussed it with them. Sometimes I'd rather him not do the housework and spend the time instead. I've had to push him to get involved. *sigh*

[mareserinitatis]

My first husband was like that: his idea of taking care of the older one was to lay him on the ground, hold a bottle in his mouth with one hand and read a book with the other. I tried to push him to hold the baby or do this or that, but then he turned around and called me demanding and pushy.

You can't win.

We have a long way to go yet.

[anonymous]

This is a huge issue that I never thought about until I had kids. I am not that good at doing housework, but I try to do my part and I put all the effort possible into equal parenting. My wife is an attorney who earns two to three times more than I do as an EE. We have a careful balance of passing our child back and forth without relying on babysitter for more than 20hrs/week.

My wife and I have seriously had people suggest my career as an EE is of paramount importance and her running her legal practice is questionable since it takes time away from our child. Along with the breastfeeding dogma, there's this whole push to keep women in the home. A lot of this is from other progressives here in Madison, WI. Yes, there are a lot of liberals who basically want women in the home. Before I had kids, I thought feminism was a mostly-dead issue that had been resolved in the 70s or something. Now I question if sexism might be worse now than in the past.
--CJ Gervasi

Re: We have a long way to go yet.

[mareserinitatis]

Hi, CJ.

Don't recall you commenting here before, so welcome!

This whole scenario is really a double-edged sword. I think most people still expect women to be responsible for the kids. While it's okay for men to do some things, I think people's expectations (in general, not true for everyone) is that there is something wrong with a man if he is spending TONS of time with the kids.

And it seems like everyone has their own standard for what is appropriate parenting, so even if you're doing it, you're probably not doing it right.

I think it's great you're managing to take care of your daughter so much and both maintain careers. Whatever you do, I think the important thing is that it works for everyone in your family.